Why are people so bitchy? It's such hard work!!

J

jumpthemoon

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Someone at the yard has fallen out with me (I don't really know why - something to do with me giving someone a lift to a party when the person had said they would go with this girl who's fallen out with me - I didn't know anything about it).

So far I've been blanked completely while said person has very loud conversations with people in the vicinity, last night she left the yard and turned all the lights off while my horse was tied up on the yard and I still had to come back round with my barrow.

Then this morning, to top it all off, she always feeds the whole yard at about 6am, but I got there at 7.30 to find my horses feed alone on the floor of the feedroom! How petty can you get, really?
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I'm not really that bothered as I ride in the mornings and never wanted her to feed him anyway - when I asked her not to originally she refused and said she had to feed him otherwise he would 'have the stables down' (I think she's forgotten about that). I just can't believe how childish people can be!! Sorry - rant over lol!
 
My advice would be either live with her behaviour, or try to talk to her, calmly and rationally to find out why she is upset, and to find a solution.
When you do ask her what is wrong, let her tell you fully, whether you agree or disagree. Then acknowledge what she has said by paraphrasing it. Only then can you state your position, and come to a solution.
Good luck.
S
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Ignore you - fine. But be a b*tch at the expense of the horse???? Now that is just plain nasty.

I'd be having a little word........
 
How petty! Hoenstly, I think people lead such empty lives that they have to create a big fuss over such small things....

Who bloody cares if you gave someone a lift to a party?! If anything they should be a little miffed that the person you gave a lift to let them down, I dont see what its to do with you, although to be honest in the grand scheme of things what does it matter anyway?

I wish I only had to worry about someone letting me down to go to a party!!!!

And how dare she turn the light out when your horse is on the yard. My two would have gone spastic and then in turn I would have hit the roof (and quite rightly so!).

As for not feeding yours but everyone elses, how lucky you are that your horse did not get in a state and injure himself or colic through it.

That girl sounds like she needs pulling in line by your YO!
 
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Ignore you - fine. But be a b*tch at the expense of the horse???? Now that is just plain nasty.

I'd be having a little word........

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And saying what?
'Feed my horse, damn you!'
I don't think that'll help!
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S
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I would take her to one side, away from everyone else and just ask what is wrong, not nasty, just nice and calm, at the end of the day you are on a yard with her and ideally you would like to enjoy going to that yard and not have to worry what she has or hasn't done next. Sounds like she is being petty, so don't lower yourself to her level.. Good luck..
 
I'm in a bit of a dilemma as to what to do really, as when she does talk to me it's usually more of a 'bark' and she's very rude - as if I'm some kind of skivvy
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So it's actually quite nice her not speaking to me and very peaceful
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As for the not feeding my horse in the morning, again - I'm quite happy about that as sometimes she doesn't feed until 7 and I ride at 7.30 - even though she knows this she still puts his feed in then tells me I can't ride becasue he's been fed.

I'm just gobsmacked at how horrible she's being - she really is making a serious effort to be bitchy and nasty! The girl I gave a lift to is also in her bad books - she did that thing where you bump into someone with your shoulder (like in the playground) to her the other day!

Also, the two girls that talked to us on the night of the party are being ignored as well.

Oh...and if anyone was thinking she's about 16yrs old and just immature.....she's 37...!
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And saying what?
'Feed my horse, damn you!'
I don't think that'll help!
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S
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Essentially Shills, yes. I can't bear that type of behaviour. Your suggestion is far more adult than mine. However, turning the light off like that when the horse was tied up and out of site of the owner was just plain dangerous (would she have paid the vet fee if there had been a whoopsie?) and to not feed it as usual is just spiteful. And that is what I'd be telling her.

I kept my previous horse on a very big livery yard. We didn't all like each other - some never spoke to each other - but no one would ever had behaved as the girl in the OP's post.
 
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I would take her to one side, away from everyone else and just ask what is wrong, not nasty, just nice and calm, at the end of the day you are on a yard with her and ideally

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I did think about this because it's not a nice atmosphere - but I'm slightly concerned that she'll fly off the handle and I wouldn't put it past her to try and start a fight! My plan was just to carry on as before and wait til she calms down and starts speaking again!
 
AmyMay - exactly! Luckily my horse is pretty laid back and wasn't fussed about being left in the dark - I think he just thought he had been abandoned as when I went round the corner he looked at me as if to ask what was going on!

If people don't like each other, fine - don't speak - but to take it out on the horse is just wrong, imo.
 
I would be as nice as pie to her, Petty childish behaviour should be killed with kindness, some people are too unreasonable to have 'grown up' discussions and judging by her behaviour she sounds like one of them.

Other you could lower yourself to her level and get there at the crack of dawn feed all the horses exept hers and see how she likes it, although i would not recommend that as it makes you as bad as her.
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I don't get why a horse would do anything funny because its in the dark, I wasn't aware theye were scared of the dark???

Mind you, I've never really watched mine after I switch the lights off, maybe he stands there all night terrified because of the dark and doesn't move a muscle, don't know what happens to all his hay in that case - must be some big rats around!

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Just talk to her and see what she says, ask her what is wrong.

So much can be cleared up so quickly just by talking, it may be difficult or feel a bit awkward but I'm sure you'd both feel so much better afterwards.

Yes its childish behaviour on her part, but people deal with things in different ways...mabe its her way who knows.

Dont make issue about it and start bringin up what she's been doing, as you'll only cause a reason to argue.

Just be upfornt and applogise for anyting that may of offended her and I'm sure after a few nights sleeping onit all she'll relaise she's been a bit silly and things will go back t normal.

Perhaps she felt hurt or left out etc when what ever happend with the lift to the party and needs to feel part of group or friends, who knows.

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I don't get why a horse would do anything funny because its in the dark, I wasn't aware theye were scared of the dark???

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My horse wasn't bothered - I was just annoyed that she turned the lights off when I blatantly hadn't finished! I still had to sweep up, take my barrow round and get my straw/haylage and fetch my horse. I thought it was childish more than anything.

It seems as though she is going to great lengths to let me know she is 'not my friend'. I'm kind of wondering what will happen next!
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I don't get why a horse would do anything funny because its in the dark, I wasn't aware theye were scared of the dark???

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Of course horses aren't scared of the dark. It's the implication behind the action. That is what's nasty.
 
Personally I would say
"Thank you for not feeding my boy - I really appreciate it as I've to ride first thing and it's so much easier for me"
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That way you note that she's not done it and that it doesn't bother you (if it really doesn't) and then the ball's in her court - Ignore the "blanking" by her and talk to everyone else as normal - it'll soon blow over - I HATE yard politics it's a nightmare and I do feel for you!
Kate x
 
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Personally I would say
"Thank you for not feeding my boy - I really appreciate it as I've to ride first thing and it's so much easier for me"
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Haha! She'd be livid! I can just see it! Only thing is she might then start feeding him again and doing it even later - i was planning on just not leaving my feedbowl out an dgiving it to him myself from now on - maybe I'll say that.

Just so long as she doesn't start making a feed up for him herself!
 
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Personally I would say
"Thank you for not feeding my boy - I really appreciate it as I've to ride first thing and it's so much easier for me"
smile.gif



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Haha! She'd be livid! I can just see it! Only thing is she might then start feeding him again and doing it even later - i was planning on just not leaving my feedbowl out an dgiving it to him myself from now on - maybe I'll say that.

Just so long as she doesn't start making a feed up for him herself!

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Now, be clever and cover all eventualities...whether she feeds or not.
Put a feed full of nothing (chaff, graze on or whatever) out - then if she feeds, you can still ride him: either way you can give him his proper feed after you've ridden.
That way she can't justify making him a different feed up.
S
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Personally I would say
"Thank you for not feeding my boy - I really appreciate it as I've to ride first thing and it's so much easier for me"
smile.gif



[/ QUOTE ]

Haha! She'd be livid! I can just see it! Only thing is she might then start feeding him again and doing it even later - i was planning on just not leaving my feedbowl out an dgiving it to him myself from now on - maybe I'll say that.

Just so long as she doesn't start making a feed up for him herself!

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Now, be clever and cover all eventualities...whether she feeds or not.
Put a feed full of nothing (chaff, graze on or whatever) out - then if she feeds, you can still ride him: either way you can give him his proper feed after you've ridden.
That way she can't justify making him a different feed up.
S
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Genius!
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Kate x
 
God how childish some people can be, fancy taking her problem out on the horse, its not their fault if their owner is not liked by someone else. I think she is being very childish and your best bet is too ignore her and don't lower yourself to her level. Just carry on doing what your doing and ignore her, if she speaks to you answer politely she will soon get fed up with it. I have liveries on my yard I don't particularly like but would never not feed their horses or not bring them in just because I don't like the owner.
 
i agree why is there alot of bitchyness in livery yards, i think she's probly jealous of people liking you more than her or if you are a better rider etc.
 
this sounds just like the big livery yard I used to be on. However the instigator/person behind all the childish behaviour used to be the YO's wife so there was no escape from it. And in the end, leaving that place was one of the best thiongs I ever done as I was getting to the point where I didn't want to spend time with my horse because the was such an atmosphere about the place.
 
I would be fuming at not feeding my horse and would approach the yard manager to have a word!

It's one thing ignoring you but not feeding your horse when all the others are being fed it's just down right rude and totally unfair on the horse. It may be better for you not to have him fed, but I think the principle of this would really get my goat!

How dare she be so pathetic as to affect your horse!!!
(can you tell this is a raw subject with me!!!) :-0

Someone at my yard did this to me after calling my horse a pikey horse and then fed all but my horses. They left the next week!!!
 
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