Why are people so mean?

T

thehorsediva

Well-Known Member
Joined
29 October 2009
Messages
176
Visit site
Found out today that a friends instructor has been saying some really mean things about me/ my horse/ my instructor to all the girls on my yard. So upsetting but I am not surprised as she was rather rude blanking me. I dont understand why people have to be so horrible when I literally have nothing to do with them. Makes me feel like I dont even want to be with my horse when she is there and upset. I dont even want to cause a scene and tell her not to be so rude (well I do but that is not my nature!) I just want to be left to do my own thing without her talking about our progress. It has been hard enough to start getting my confidence back without this kind of talk. Hoping for some non bitchy words of encouragement!
 
If it's fact and it was me, then I would confront her personally and let her know how unprofessional she is being and find out what her issue is.
 
A good friend had a very similar situation the other day so i'll copy what I sent to her as it seems quite appropriate?
i've 100% been there, last summer I was so close to selling molly i'd written her advert and everything when person after person kept telling me how much i'd ruined her and she'd been much better off with someone else and it REALLY got me down, i'd put off riding her incase she didn't go nicely to avoid feeling like i had ruined her then one day I realised I was letting the haters win, I was letting them make me feel bad when i had done nothing wrong. It made me more determined then ever to keep riding and turn the situation around, and i'm the one laughing now , doing everything they said i would never achieve! So don't give up, I know how difficult it is to keep going when everyone around you is telling you to stop but do it for you, if people want to support you great, if they don't they aren't worth your time and definitely not worth your tears.
Head up hun!
 
This is the one thing I hate about the horsey world :( I try and focus on the only important question: is my horse happy? if so, the rest of the world can sod off frankly.
Hugs op x
 
Two phrases of varying politeness that you can use with this woman.

If you hear her say something then you can use..

"Did you mean that to sound as rude as it did?!" Usually, the person in question gets rather flustered at being caught out with what they have said, continues to be polite and explain what they meant/try to back out of what they said.

OR

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd have kicked your kennel" Usually leaves people stood there, mouth open and too embarrassed to continue!

I have used both on various occasions, and the latter is my favourite!

Please don't let this woman put you off or make you feel inferior. You don't have her as an instructor for a reason and she probably knows this. Ignore her, tell your friends at the yard how you feel and maybe one of them will also remind her to not be so rude.

Chin up and keep going :)
 
Firstly that is really unprofessional of her and secondly don't listen. People who say bad things about people for no good reason are really not worth your time or energy and they clearly have some issues with their own self confidence if they feel the need to put others down.

Don't let it knock your confidence and keep enjoying your horse :)
 
ah thank you, these posts are so nice- I am welling up! But exactly what I needed to hear to keep me going. I know what goes around comes around and all that but when you first hear it it still hurts :-( I am pretty sure that her issue is due to another instructor being on "her patch" so to speak. Now I just feel uncomfortable to be there on the days when she may potentially turn up. Perhaps I shall just speak to the yard owner (who she teaches) and say that it is a shame she has to be so rude and i'd appreciate if I could be warned if she is coming so I can stay out of her way. Of course everyone else is perfectly entitled to have her if they wish but I would rather stay out of a difficult situation. Not ideal but I love my yard so no way I want to leave it :-(
 
Chin up. Very unprofessional and down right nasty. Trust me more of us will have been in your shoes than you think.
It will be down to jealousy usually is.
Just smile and repeat after me
"If your going to be two faced dahling at least make one of them pretty"
 
Jealousy! Unfortunately that's what most horsey (well actually not just horsey- everything!) related nastiness comes down too. Ignore them and enjoy the pony :)
 
RiderLizzie said:
"If I wanted your opinion, I'd have kicked your kennel" Usually leaves people stood there, mouth open and too embarrassed to continue!

I have used both on various occasions, and the latter is my favourite!
Click to expand...

That is going to be my new favourite quote and has made my day as quite fitting in my life right now! ;)

I've used the first one also before.

I'm never a conflict person out of choice and generally ignore the most I can, but, at the end of the day you shouldn't have to just 'put up with it'. It's downright rude and people need to mind their own business.

I'd be inclined to ask how many customers has she lost previously due to this, might get her thinking.
 
“I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.”

― Coco Chanel

Just remembered one of my favourite quotes-think I need to put it into action in this situation!! If that doesnt work I will definately be using some of your suggestions :-)

Its good to see that I am not the only one who thinks it is unprofessional. Trouble is my friends at the yard are very loyal to her and would never confront her. If I hear her talking I will have to say something but. I would never be so rude as she is and dont want to stoop to her low level through some b*tchfest!

Thank you for all your kind encouragement x
 
Your friends at the yard should say something frankly also. I wouldn't pin this all on her if it was me [though most of it, as the source]. If my instructor started slating anyone, let alone a 'friend', I would air my distaste on the subject pronto.
 
Pinkvboots said:
Agree jealousy next time she is on your yard walk past and :D and say hi how are you. Throws them everytime.
Click to expand...

Yep be ultra friendly and polite :) The worst thing about horses is the few absolute nutters that they attract!

I've only been back in the horsey world 18-24 months... I have seen a LOT of bitchiness, jealousy and intentional ignorance in that short time :(

Your horse your rules :)
 
OP, I actually feel sorry for your friend.

She is blatantly wasting her money on an instructor who is too self absorbed and bitchy to be professional and focus on passing her skills and knowledge onto others.

If I were you, I would ask myself why, if this 'instructor' is so 'worried' about your terrible riding and lack of skill, they aren't approaching you to offer you their valuable instruction and experienced knowledge...After all, they could make some money from it, couldn't they?
 
Moomin1 said:
OP, I actually feel sorry for your friend.

She is blatantly wasting her money on an instructor who is too self absorbed and bitchy to be professional and focus on passing her skills and knowledge onto others.

If I were you, I would ask myself why, if this 'instructor' is so 'worried' about your terrible riding and lack of skill, they aren't approaching you to offer you their valuable instruction and experienced knowledge...After all, they could make some money from it, couldn't they?
Click to expand...

^ This.

Try not to take her to heart. I know it's hard, but she has the problem, not you.


The best way to stick two fingers up at people like this, is to ignore them (or just be polite) and enjoy your horse.


Keep on working with the instructor that you like. :)
 
well, shes going the wrong way to get business ! Shes just showing herself up it might just be the way she works -telling her clients their horses are great blah blah because they are having lessons and paying....maybe shes jealous you are doing fine without her i had a livery yard owner twenty year ago like that he dealed in horses as well, needless to say everyone on yard did change horses at least once with him .. that horse is no good for you now... you are better need something better...he was a ex showjumper with the patter lol i did move..you might be able to have a word with livery yard owner in confidence ?
 
Where I live, the horse industry is so small that people who do this very quickly ruin their reputation and end up with no clients. You learn very quickly to keep your catty comments to yourself (at least when you are not in the privacy of your own home).
At the end of the day all that matters is this…. Are you happy with your instructor? Are you happy with your horse? If yes, than who cares what some jealous troll thinks.
If it was me in that position, I would confront her and ask what her problem is and then I would inform her that I am not paying for her opinion and actually, I am not paying her at all so I don’t have to listen to it. And if she can’t say something nice, maybe she shouldn’t be saying anything at all.
If it continues, maybe take an iPod to your yard and just wander around in blissful ignorance. If you see her smile sweetly and say hi… it will get under her skin more than being nasty to her. At least your conscience will be clear and you will have been the bigger person and not stooped to her level.
 
The answer to you're question is because many people are mean. This is why livery is sometimes difficult. It's not always jealousy,some people are inherently misreable. You mentioned talking to your YO who gets taught by said bad mouth. Before you do that make sure you have some fact and can deal with any consequences. While yes it is the right thing to do, YO may choose to stick up for instructor. Not fair but could happen.

And also I want you to remember that I think most of us go through confidence issues from time to time. Or a feeling of I'm crap. I didn't in my 20's when I knew it all. (legend in my own mind). So you can't let people take you down. It makes you to self aware. Before you know it you question everything you do. Let me let you in on a secret, I have a lot of days I feel like you. I just learn to hide it. Saw a good quote today. For a conductor to lead his orchestra, he must turn his back on the people. Turn your back, grab mane, and kick on.

Terri
 
Some people can be so nasty.
I don't know why.
Live and let live I say.

Unless of all someone is being cruel then things need to said and done.

Just ignore them.
You have done nothing wrong so should feel bad or uncomfortable.
 
There is the old saying 'Those who can 'do', those who can't criticise '. It's very easy to bring people down, perhaps she resents the fact you don't use her as an instructor. Small minded people have the biggest mouths.
 
twobearsarthur said:
Just smile and repeat after me
"If your going to be two faced dahling at least make one of them pretty"
Click to expand...

this made me laugh! :D:D:D:D:D:D

RiderLizzie said:
"If I wanted your opinion, I'd have kicked your kennel" Usually leaves people stood there, mouth open and too embarrassed to continue!
Click to expand...

As did this :D:D:D:D:D


OP, she is the one with the issue - maybe your horse is a bizzilion times better than anything she has and she is insanely jealous :eek::p:D Whatever the reason she is the one with the issue, don't let her stop you enjoying your horse because then she has won. Don't hide from her or anything, be as polite as you possibly can because that doesn't half make this sort of person squirm. If she got nasty to your face then become even more polite - they don't know how to handle someone who won't bi*ch back at them and will usually make them leave you alone because they're not getting a rise so it's no fun.
 
RiderLizzie said:
Two phrases of varying politeness that you can use with this woman.

If you hear her say something then you can use..

"Did you mean that to sound as rude as it did?!" Usually, the person in question gets rather flustered at being caught out with what they have said, continues to be polite and explain what they meant/try to back out of what they said.

OR

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd have kicked your kennel" Usually leaves people stood there, mouth open and too embarrassed to continue!

I have used both on various occasions, and the latter is my favourite!

Please don't let this woman put you off or make you feel inferior. You don't have her as an instructor for a reason and she probably knows this. Ignore her, tell your friends at the yard how you feel and maybe one of them will also remind her to not be so rude.

Chin up and keep going :)
Click to expand...

Ha ha love both of those. Agree it is very unprofessional. My thoughts are if these arent people you care about or respect then it doesnt reallyt matter what they think or are saying
 
rofl love the quotes to use on her.. quite bitchy as you are paying her.. may like to point that out to her after you kick her kennel ;) Comes with the horsey world though just trot by her with a big grin.. 'smile and wave boys smile and wave' :cool:
 
It could be the friend who told you this is just saying it to try and put you down without being the bad guy...
 
I think in all the horsey world there are people like this, they like to put other people down.

Rise above it, you're better than them. Hold your head up high!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top