Why are people so unkind?

Birker2020

Birker2020

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Why are some people so judgemental and unkind with what they say? My horse has mild bone spavin which has been treated at a cost of over £3K in total. I love my horse to bits, he is my entire life, I go without a lot so that I can look after him and treat him as well as I can always buying him treats and bits and bobs out of my birthday and xmas money, etc. He is kept at a lovely livery yard and has the very best of what I can afford to give him. I have owned him for nearly seven years now and we have built up a good partnership built of mutual trust and respect. I have conquered my confidence issues with him and he has been a loyal and trusting friend to me and we have done a lot together, unaffilated dressage to elementary, jumping to 1.05m, fun rides, le trec, one, two and three day events.

With his spavin he has found some surfaces slightly uncomfortable especially in the summer with the harder ground. The vet suggested that I give him bute when I felt I needed it for him which I do nearly every time I compete unaffiliated jumping, we are talking about one or two sachets which is the equivalent of a couple of aspirin. The vet is happy for me to buy it from him for this purpose. It certainly isn't to mask any lameness, as he is not lame just a little stiff at times when coming out of the stable after a night in, etc. My friend is a veterinary physio and she says he is not lame either and is happy to ride him herself, something she presumably wouldn't do if he was lame or miserable!

Tonight someone at the yard (obviously having a bad day) pointed out that I am a 'rosette hunter' and don't put the welfare of my horse above winning rosettes. I was totally gob smacked at her statement, it was a mean thing to say and it has left me really upset especially as she reckons that she loved her previous horse (who she lost a few months ago) more than I loved the four horses I lost (none of which were my fault I'd like to add).

Bailey and I compete virtually every weekend. Sometimes its unaffiliated dressage novice and elementary and sometimes its jumping. Sometimes its fun rides which he absolutely adores. My horses loves his jumping and leaps onto the trailer eagerly anticipating where we will end up and what we will be doing when we get there. His ears are pricked forward when he is jumping a show jumping track and he would jump all day if I let him!

When I pointed out that my horse was was nearly 14 and that half the horses in the country are given bute to make them more comfortable she clearly didn't believe me. Surely if it makes my horse comfortable it is not doing any harm? I would never ride if he was lame, i just wouldn't do it. I am always the first to call a vet if i think there is a problem with my horse, I have his saddle reflocked, his teeth rasped, make sure he is wormed, get the chiro if his back is sore, buy him an expensive bit because the EDT recommends it, etc, etc. I never scrimp on his comfort.

I love competing so much and do it for fun, not to gather a range of rosettes. Various other allegations were made against me, all unfounded. Why are some people so nasty???
 
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perhaps they are jealous that you're out having fun every weekend?
ignore them and carry on - if your vet is happy with him competing and your horse is happy then your well within your rights to do so
 
blood_magik said:
perhaps they are jealous that you're out having fun every weekend?
ignore them and carry on - if your vet is happy with him competing and your horse is happy then your well within your rights to do so
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Thank you BM, yes you could be right it might be jealousy. :( Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to afford to go out every weekend and do something, I know, but I don't know what new clothes or meals out or holidays are. And I live at home with my parents too - not that I mind.:)
 
As a grown adult I am sure you have been stabbed in the back several times. This is no different. Just smile sweetly and ignore. Who cares who loves whose horse more as long as the horse is healthy and has a high quality of life. If it does then you are doing a good job and just need to continue as you are.
 
Agree with all the others - jealous, jealous, jealous. Hurtful as it is, know that as long as YOU know you're doing the best by your horse (which you clearly are and then some!) they can all go hang. Hugs xxx
 
I am 100% with you on this one. If your horse is happiest being active - then keep him active and enjoy every minute It sounds as if you have had various professional's opinions who have encouraged you to do so. Take their word for it and not the snidey girl from the stable next door!

I have had to suddenly retire my very active mare due to injury and I can't tell you how upsetting that is to not only me but I am not sure my mare will cope with standing around a field 24/7 with nothing to do. Mental stimulation is just as important.
 
Because sadly you are involved in a discipline which includes many women!They are bitches by nature and are not happy unless bitching about somebody,especially in the horse world...FACT!!Yes on here there are many,many lovely ladies :D I have been on a fab yard for 4 yrs now and thought bitching didnt exist,hmmmm,how wrong,and a long story!Rise above their bitching,you are doing the best by your horse,and if the vet agrees wtf do they know :) x
 
It seems that for whatever reason people who own horses are especially opinionated (in my experience..) and have no reservations about expressing them like that person on your yard. So long as you are confident in what you are doing and have recieved the backing of your vet, you need not let their opinion affect you. It sounds like you and your horse have a special bond and you try really hard to do right by him. It can be such a worry keeping horses and trying to do the best for them and recieving such criticism is really unfortunate. Perhaps that person was just having a bad day and chose to vent their frustrations on you...either way it does not seem to be a reflection on the way you keep your horse so try to let it wash over you:)
 
Well I am a person of advancing years who still likes to try and remain active and without a bit of daily bute I would be thoroughly miserable.Good luck to you and your horse.Its al ljealousy.
 
I know its hard, but rise above and ignore. You are doing your best for your horse and if he wasn't happy doing it, he'd let you know.
The woman must be unhappy and miserable wanting to drag someone else down. Don't let her win. Go off this weekend with a smile on your face and show her a better way to live. My bet is, she wishes she was you.
 
People in the horsey world always have far to much to say about other people and their horses.
Your vet is the expert so if they are happy with what you are doing then that is all that matters.
 
If your vet is happy for you to ride then you are doing nothing wrong. I do agree with you that many horses need a bute or two to keep them comfortable and they can keep on having active and happy lives.

However, and I don't mean this harshly, competing on bute is against the rules. You are extremely unlikely to get caught, and I have no idea how many other people might be doing the same thing, but I wouldn't do it.
 
Booboos said:
If your vet is happy for you to ride then you are doing nothing wrong. I do agree with you that many horses need a bute or two to keep them comfortable and they can keep on having active and happy lives.

However, and I don't mean this harshly, competing on bute is against the rules. You are extremely unlikely to get caught, and I have no idea how many other people might be doing the same thing, but I wouldn't do it.
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Agree with Booboos and whilst in your case I would agree it is keeping him happy and active it is against the rules. - but that is another debate. Jsut be careful if you are competing locally that these people don't get really nasty and report you.
 
Some people are just so ignorant. I wouldn't listen to a word they say. It sounds like you and your horse enjoy what you do.

Since returning to horse's and riding, it's been a real shock to see all these people who supposedly love there horses and wrapp them up in cotton wool.
The amount of stoney faced women I see out hacking and on my own yard. If it wasn't so depressing it would make me smile.
It's almost like they do it to have another outlet to moan and bitch about or even so they can stress... 'To rug or not to rug' is the big debate at the moment.

Sorry I got on my soapbox

Horse's are fun playful animals... You have a good relationship with your horse and mindful of his needs. I hope you have a good summer getting out and about :)
 
My 17 year old dog is on so many pills, potions and supplements I swear a chemist would be jealous of my supply cupboard...so if you are wrong to give your horse a mild pain relief then I'm wrong to continue my dogs quality of life and I should allow him to be PTS.

Anything that can improve quality of life I'm all for, obviously common sense denotes when something needs to be stopped but in your case I very much doubt the odd bute if going to effect your horse but I do suspect you stopping all his activities most certainly would. Quality over quanity in my book any day!
 
I can't remember the name the of it, there was an article about in horse magazine.... of a competition legal bute alternative?
I am not sure how good being on bute long term is for your horse, though it sounds happy and healthy.
Livery yards must be one the bitchiest places on earth (well some of them anyways!).
 
I take ibruprofen and use heat for my back which allows me to get on with life, go the gym, horse ride etc. If someone stopped me being able to use heat and light pain killers and therefore took my hobbies away, THAT would be much worse for my welfare. This person is clearly ignorant and besides, her opinion doesn’t matter. You love your horse, you communicate well with your vet and know your limits. You have nothing to be sorry for.

I think everyone thinks they love their horse more than anyone else does theirs. Same going for them being ‘pretty’. It’s okay to think you’ve got the most loving, gorgeous creature on earth. It’s not okay to say that anyone else feeling the same as you do is wrong. We have an ex-yard girl who does this and twists the knife all the time. She’s only 10, and her mother encourages her. I dread to see the adult she becomes.

Enjoy your horse. Don't worry about what jealous eejits think 80)
 
Because some people feel it's there right to comment on other peoples situations!!!!! it's sounds to me as though someone is very jealous! take no notice you know your horse not her and you've done everything to make sure he's comfortable, tell her to mind her own business and get on with her own horse!!
 
I think the woman making hurtful comments to the op is herself hurting after the loss of her horse a few months ago. Grief affects us in different ways and this woman is having a tough time of it. So' op, I'm sure she might like a sitdown and coffee with you so she can let it out.
 
I agree with the others probably jealousy combined with ignorance. What a nasty thing to say. No one can say you dont care for your horse, you sound like me-a true horse person and I would be gutted to have anyone say that to me too. Remember A-holes like that arent worth your time- The fact that these comments actually upset you shows how untrue they are. Your have dont the responsible thing and sought vetrinary advice. If the person in question ever says anything again, ask them why they feel you should take their advice over a qualified vets. I'd like to hear how they would talk their way out of it. Good luck with your comepeting, your horse is obviously thriving and I am sure you will know if ever he isnt and take action. The horse in your sig is gorgeous, im assuming thats him/her? If so it certainly doesnt look like you dont take care of it!
 
As the other have said, am sure you know this deep down, the nasty jealousy streak ha reared it's ugly head! Keep on doing what you are doing ands rise above spiteful people who are just rotten people, at the end of the day if your vet is happy then who are we to argue with the experts
 
Thank you to all of you who have replied to my post. I am really grateful. I was very upset last night, and although there weren't many people about the only person who bothered to talk to me about it and ask if I was okay was the new girl who I will always be eternally grateful too. I feel totally gutted that people actually think that about me, and I am left wondering if she is not the only one. I felt so upset I was actually sobbing and had to go and sit down by my shavings to try to pull myself together before I could even think about driving home. I even had a cigarette despite giving up 18 months ago and I am now craving another one which I am going to nip in the bud before I start up again.

I can't wait to see my lovely horse tonight and ride him and will ignore the spiteful immature girl who is so obviously jealous.
 
applecart14 said:
Thank you to all of you who have replied to my post. I am really grateful. I was very upset last night, and although there weren't many people about the only person who bothered to talk to me about it and ask if I was okay was the new girl who I will always be eternally grateful too. I feel totally gutted that people actually think that about me, and I am left wondering if she is not the only one. I felt so upset I was actually sobbing and had to go and sit down by my shavings to try to pull myself together before I could even think about driving home. I even had a cigarette despite giving up 18 months ago and I am now craving another one which I am going to nip in the bud before I start up again.

I can't wait to see my lovely horse tonight and ride him and will ignore the spiteful immature girl who is so obviously jealous.
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aww what a shame :( you sound like such a nice ,caring person and you really dont deserve to be treated like that. Perhaps the girl doesnt realise how upset she made you? Maybe you could try saying 'you really upset me with your comment' and see what she says . If she is in any way a decent person she will be guilted into apologising and if not then it says an awful lot more about her than it does about you;)
 
this is the nasty side of livery yards...some people make their own crappy lives feel better by making other people unhappy... try not to let it get to you.... but...do echo booboos- are you sure its legal to compete on bute (i did read something a while back about changing the rules on this but can't remember what was said)?? my horse has an abcess and is supposed to be eventing a week on sat- however, the bute won't have cleared his system by next sat and so have withdrawn him. i know that the chances of getting tested are slim but knowing my luck i'd get caught! :rolleyes:
 
Yes I hear what you say about bute but I was told 18 months ago that he'd need to be on one or two bute and day for life and I haven't had to do that, and can get away with giving him one or two before we compete. How much better is that for him I would ask??? And if I were to give him a liquid non bute equivalent exactly how quick would I get through that as presumably I couldn't give it him on a 'as and when' basis' it would have to be on a daily basis to ensure it was in his sytem at the time of the event as it would take so much longer to work. So it would end up costing me about another £20+ pounds a month, something I cannot afford to do. So the other alternative would be to retire him, or continue to jump him and ignore the fact that he might not be comfortable all the time.

I know which I'd prefer to do and I know if you could 'ask' a horse like Bailey who adores his jumping, which one he'd prefer to do too.

The rules need changing. At the end of the day two bute are not going to mask a lame horse. They are not going to make it jump higher, or make it go faster. It will make it more comfortable.

As Sunday proved, I actually forgot to give him the bute when I went jumping and he was fine, so maybe I will try next time and see how he goes and just save it for the fun rides and one day events.
 
applecart14 said:
Yes I hear what you say about bute but I was told 18 months ago that he'd need to be on one or two bute and day for life and I haven't had to do that, and can get away with giving him one or two before we compete. How much better is that for him I would ask??? And if I were to give him a liquid non bute equivalent exactly how quick would I get through that as presumably I couldn't give it him on a 'as and when' basis' it would have to be on a daily basis to ensure it was in his sytem at the time of the event as it would take so much longer to work. So it would end up costing me about another £20+ pounds a month, something I cannot afford to do. So the other alternative would be to retire him, or continue to jump him and ignore the fact that he might not be comfortable all the time.

I know which I'd prefer to do and I know if you could 'ask' a horse like Bailey who adores his jumping, which one he'd prefer to do too.

The rules need changing. At the end of the day two bute are not going to mask a lame horse. They are not going to make it jump higher, or make it go faster. It will make it more comfortable.

As Sunday proved, I actually forgot to give him the bute when I went jumping and he was fine, so maybe I will try next time and see how he goes and just save it for the fun rides and one day events.
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The BS rules about no bute actually only came in on the 1st April this year. So this is actually a new rule.

BD has had the rule for quite a while. I have no idea about BE.

Try not to let people upset you. I always say to myself that I don't go up the yard to make friends (although I do have a coupld of great friends up there), but it is still hard when people are out of order.
 
applecart14 said:
Yes I hear what you say about bute but I was told 18 months ago that he'd need to be on one or two bute and day for life and I haven't had to do that, and can get away with giving him one or two before we compete. How much better is that for him I would ask??? And if I were to give him a liquid non bute equivalent exactly how quick would I get through that as presumably I couldn't give it him on a 'as and when' basis' it would have to be on a daily basis to ensure it was in his sytem at the time of the event as it would take so much longer to work. So it would end up costing me about another £20+ pounds a month, something I cannot afford to do. So the other alternative would be to retire him, or continue to jump him and ignore the fact that he might not be comfortable all the time.

I know which I'd prefer to do and I know if you could 'ask' a horse like Bailey who adores his jumping, which one he'd prefer to do too.

The rules need changing. At the end of the day two bute are not going to mask a lame horse. They are not going to make it jump higher, or make it go faster. It will make it more comfortable.

As Sunday proved, I actually forgot to give him the bute when I went jumping and he was fine, so maybe I will try next time and see how he goes and just save it for the fun rides and one day events.
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i actually agree with you but if you get dope tested you'll get banned- thats all i'm saying! you'll prob be ok at unafil but have had friends tested at BE and RC stuff...
 
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