Why are some people just so horrible?

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Mistywoo

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Friend (A) keeps her horse at home and her arena is very close to the boundary line with neighbour (B), and it was before installed she brought the property. Neighbour (B) has put in arena on the same boundary in exactly the same position as A, so they are basically adjacent and separated by a few foot each side of the boundary line. B got new horse and even she admits she's over horsed herself. A has made an effort and kept out her B's way when she's riding to minimise distractions and possible spooking of B's horse as B has been thrown off a few times with big spooks. A has just brought a very recently backed horse and is riding him away nicely, or trying to. Every single time A rides B does something to cause a problem. So far it's been her children hanging of the boundary line screaming and throwing sand, strimming with a big petrol strimmer on the boundary line. Driving the tractor up and down, getting the digger out and driving around the arena in it. They even went out and put up a tent on one occasion in their arena on the side closest to the boundary. They wait until A starts riding, then they go out the second they get wind she'll be using her arena. This isn't A choosing to ride whilst B is already in the throws of maintenance. Something has been said by another neighbour which intimates that B is deliberately trying to cause trouble with this. Obviously A's horse being young, newly backed, in a new home with a new owner and in a new arena is struggling somewhat with the circus performances going on next door and A is having to ride covertly when she see's them go out for now.

A is saying there is nothing she can do as it's their land and they can do what they choose with it, which is technically correct. But why do people have to be so deliberately nasty and actively try and cause an accident? What is there to be gained out of it? I have no idea what to offer A other than sympathy!
 
Yes, sounds very annoying and obnoxious on the part of B. TBH though, A will probably be grateful for the all the commotion before too long because the horse will be used something other that a perfectly calm environment when working :)
 
Because there are some nasty jealous people out there who have nothing better to do or achieve with their lives and see fit to upset people who are achieving things successfully.

Im not sure if this is of any use to her or whether she could finance it but could she build a solid fence onto the arena fence on her side so the view into next door is blocked, large fence panels/ or double wind break material might help, if her horse cant see the m*rons next door he will be able to concentrate and will also become spook proof to noises that they make.
 
I'll never understand people like this (B). The only thing I can think of is for A to tell their mutual neighbour (C?) that she's very grateful to B for spook proofing her new young horse, and hope it gets passed on!
 
It's awful when people are so nasty and jealous
Ii too would try and get a thank you message to her see if that makes any difference
 
Ok ask neighbours round couple of bottles of wine and get on. sometimes we all neeed to think lets just get on and wine always helps. lifes short letss all enjoy :)
 
Great training opportunity for A :D

She will have one bomb proof horsie when it's all over and B will still be getting chucked off
 
^^ Exactly, I'd be thanking them profusely for the training as soon as they start behaving like utter twonks but personally, I'd wet myself if they were doing this, my creature is quite spooky and would spook like a demon :( Why are they doing this, particularly when your mate has been nice when idiot neighbour has been riding?
 
People are odd.

I hope your friend A isn't getting too disheartened by it - in the long run, they are doing her a massive favour, although it may be hard for her to think of that now.
 
NativePonyLover said:
People are odd.

I hope your friend A isn't getting too disheartened by it - in the long run, they are doing her a massive favour, although it may be hard for her to think of that now.
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Odd and down right nasty, in the long run A will have the last laugh.
Don't think you can do anything with people like that except go round them as much as you can.
Sympathy is all you can offer OP.
 
Some people are just strange! I don't understand folks like that at all but I would say it's the green eyed monster :rolleyes:
Your poor friend sounds like she's having a time of it right now but tell her to keep her head up and think as others have said about how bombproof the new horse will be soon with all the neighbours shennanigans. In the long run they'll only be more jealous when her horse turns into a fantastic spook proof wonder horse ;)

Also like the idea of thanking them for all the bombproofing help, nothing more satisfying smiling and waving pleasantly at someone who for no apparent reason doesn't like you and goes out of their way to make things difficult for you ;)
 
Thanks for the sympathies and suggestions. I think the idea of saying thanks for the spook-proofing is a great idea and will pass that on. I suspect if they think they are helping it will quickly stop. We did discuss some sort of visual barrier, like a high fence or hedge/trees. The concern is that sometimes horses find it more stressful to be able to hear something different but to not be able to see what it is? A is worried about spending loads of money to only make things worse for the horse. Horse is doing better with the distractions than A is as she's struggling to relax and focus which is having more of an impact on him that B is, he's a very genuine chap. She's having lessons in my arena now as we are only around the corner so she can guarantee peace and get something out of her lesson. She's also coming over today and we are going to do some spook busting sessions with various items to help with both their concentration.
 
I think in most cases its boils down to jealously. A has new horse which is going well and they are enjoying themselves, B has a horse she cant handle is and is more than likely scared of.

I agree with the hedge idea maybe not being the best, my horse is better if he can see the "thing" making the noise.

its a really tough situation, I think the idea of getting the message to them that you "like" them despooking is a good idea as might get them to stop!

I really feel for Friend A, tricky situation.
 
If it isn't possible for your friend to have it out with her then in an awful situation one has to try to take the long view.

What A is trying to do is just get the youngster established enough to cope with the additional demands of strimmers etc. Going to her friend's arena is actually very good for the youngster and an excellent plan. If she keeps this up by the end of the summer she will be doing just great :). Neighbour B can go and do one :) as A's plan for her horse has not been derailed.

So on to Plan B - I would mark neighbour B's name down in my Secret Book of Revenge (under under T for Turd obviously) - :eek: and then go round and offer to help with her horse :) or ask if she wants to swap arenas to give the horses something different to do or share instructors. A would be doing it for her gain really. Most hideous behaviour is fear driven and all about the person doing it really. If you can snuff that out you can win.

So on to Plan C - erect on of those bird scarers that are like a windmill and put it in the middle of A's arena. Not many people can stay on a horse with one of those going :D - sunbathe topless when her husband is trying to garden :eek: and get a trampoline in the arena (again topless is excellent).

Obviously Plan A and B are the best but Plan C sounds like a whole load of fun.
 
Could A turn out the three year old in the school for a little while each day so it all becomes uninteresting .
I understand why this has got to A because it's just so nasty.
 
Oh and OP while it would be best if A does not bitch to all and sundry about what a cow B is I dont it would do any harm for you to decide that it's a story that needs sharing with every horsey person locally you meet.
 
Definitely think thanking them or saying how pleased she is that they have so much work going on as its doing a great job of making her horse used to things. also I would be a bit less careful about not doing things because B is riding as in I would not deliberately do anything that may upset the horse but I would not rearrange my work plans if B is riding if that makes sense? do love "plan C" from rebelrebel though :D
 
RebelRebel said:
If it isn't possible for your friend to have it out with her then in an awful situation one has to try to take the long view.

What A is trying to do is just get the youngster established enough to cope with the additional demands of strimmers etc. Going to her friend's arena is actually very good for the youngster and an excellent plan. If she keeps this up by the end of the summer she will be doing just great :). Neighbour B can go and do one :) as A's plan for her horse has not been derailed.

So on to Plan B - I would mark neighbour B's name down in my Secret Book of Revenge (under under T for Turd obviously) - :eek: and then go round and offer to help with her horse :) or ask if she wants to swap arenas to give the horses something different to do or share instructors. A would be doing it for her gain really. Most hideous behaviour is fear driven and all about the person doing it really. If you can snuff that out you can win.

So on to Plan C - erect on of those bird scarers that are like a windmill and put it in the middle of A's arena. Not many people can stay on a horse with one of those going :D - sunbathe topless when her husband is trying to garden :eek: and get a trampoline in the arena (again topless is excellent).

Obviously Plan A and B are the best but Plan C sounds like a whole load of fun.
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I almost fell off my chair :D Loving plan C! We have talked about repaying the favour but A is far too nice to actually risk causing an accident, however enjoyable discussing it is proving in the current circumstances! B did try and force her instructor onto A but B's instructor is one of those stand-in-the-middle-screaming types. You know the type whom actively gets her clients strapping their horses down and beating them into submission whether they require persuading to do something or not. It's no wonder B's horse is stressed and launching her at every opportunity! B won't take a jot of advice off of A. She's one of those sweet-as-pie people the whole time she's getting her own way and everything which is happening is her idea, so I think instructor swapping is out. She can have her lessons in safety here, and we are going to see how we get on with the spook busting today and form a plan going forward on that front. Hopefully that with putting about that B is doing A a favour with the spook busting and A will be back in her own arena in no time!
 
I agree if B thinks she is doing A favour I am sure it will stop.

Rebel Rebel plan C is brilliant well done!

One of the reasons why I live in a house without neighbours it is heaven:D
 
I would either go with plan C, naked trampolining, which I think is a cracking idea or I'd book a week off and take the horse out for a quick walk in-hand around the school at least once an hour every day for the whole week with perhaps some tarpaulins down and road cones and the such like, a number of plastic bags tied along the boundary side of the arena etc.... and if questioned by neighbours say that you are doing bombproofing training with your horse and tell them how much they are helping you out by getting the horse more comfortable working with noise and distractions. Of course because you are doing an intensive course you won't be removing all of those distractions so neighbour will have the same probelms as your friend whenever they try and ride and if you go out there every hour they'll soon tire of having to completely disrupt their own lives to cause your friend trouble!
 
Really feel for A..agree with RebelRebel too. HAving similar issues with neighbours at home..non horse related (tho triggered by my having horses) it is very soul destroying & makes life unbearable so this leaves me with grinding teeth reading there are more evil neighbours out there..so had great idea..have an HHO party!Invite all in your area from here. buffet (bring whatever) in school so minimal outlay. plan a would be to just have a really nice time to forget it all even for a day/eve before taking up RR's suggestions-plan B, invite neighbour & make sure while she mixes, every HHO member goes on about how awful the neighbour is and how pathetic. May or may not work..but you know what they say conquor in numbers! if it makes her feel bad/wake up to how she is behaving, it may hit enough of a nerve to stop her?risky tho as could back fire. I do think the fence(6 ft) with concrete posts-we have on on our school boundary line (5 mters from school fence) which is vertical very thick lapped timber(not shiplap) but has been up for years thru all sorts of high winds & is fantastic..you could plant hedges too but these will take years to be trully effective. I wish you the best of luck..now go get that bird scarer!
 
It sounds like she's just jealous and annoying. It reminds me of a nuisance case when I was doing law where therewas a music teacher as a neighbour and the other neighbour got annoyed so started making their own 'music' over the top. Really badly explained but it was so petty and stupid it was hilarious.

I'm sure it is all good desensitization. Maybe if A wants to ride without the diggers etc she should just ride at the same time as B. If B is already overhorsed I doubt she'd let her children do the same to her! She doesn't really have any right to tell A to stop riding at the same time as her.
 
Ok obviously this person is a PITA but I'm afraid your friend has no choice but to deal with the situation. As far as youngsters, even newly backed, life must proceed. We do starting and so horses are in a new home. I never think of that as an excuse. We just establish a routine. My arena is kind of in the middle of three fields/turnout areas. Always horses close by. Plus sometimes kids and dogs. As a matter of fact if things are too quiet I try and create noisy situations while groundwork is going on. I'm even happier if the horses start kicking off. They have to learn no matter what's going on they must pay attention to what's being asked of them. Lawn mowers and strimmers are an added bonus.

So basically what I'm saying is this is a great opportunity for your friend. No need for excuses. If she's not keen on riding then she can long line and lunge until horse gets the point. Keeping things quiet and on an even keel for youngsters really isn't the best idea anyway. I realise most people are wanting quiet and peace to concentrate on aids and such but I prefer those things in addition to a horse that can concentrate on me no matter what goes on. So chaos early on is better. And what better way to show a misreable person they've lost than to have a youngster that doesn't bat an eyelid to her attempts to destruct. Especially when she can't ride one side of hers.

Also if your friend thinks neighbor is deliberately trying to sabatoge and hurt her or animal, set up a camera. Let her know. Other than that she just has to get on with it.

Terri
 
I'd strike up a casual conversation and then ask her how her horse is doing. Then casually state yours is well on its way to being bomb proof thanks to her. Sure she will soon stop if she thinks its benefitting you in any way
 
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