Why are some people so judgey?

Stiff Knees

Stiff Knees

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Is that even a word...judgey? Anyway, today on Jake's early morning constitutional, we passed a lady who stopped me to inform me that I should take him to a vet because he looked like he was in a lot of pain. To explain, Jake has arthritis in his left shoulder and elbow and is under monthly vet supervision for this, he has mechanical lameness that will not improve regardless of how much pain relief we give him. He is happy, bright, eating well, engaged and an absolute marvel for an almost 13 year old. When I explained that his lameness was mechanical and that the joint won't allow him to walk without a limp the lady told me that was rubbish. I tried to explain further, very calmly, but she walked away from me tutting and shaking her head. It is clear that Jake is well cared for, loved, glossy coated, clean, well fed, but not fat, happy, waggy and interested in his daily walks, but she still thought it was ok to judge me as an owner. It upset me but now I'm angry. I am very aware of his pain signals and his meds are regularly reviewed to ensure his troublesome corner does not get the better of him, and that his other arthritic joints are well supported. I hope to bump into her again so I can give her a piece of my mind!
 
Argh! I hate people like that. Sorry I can't give you any input as to what to do. No matter how I train I get unsolicited advice. I've just started telling people "Thanks for your opinion" and walk off.
 
Dobiegirl said:
What you should have said was perhaps you would like to have a word with my vets as Im sure they would value your imput.
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Oh I wish I had! I was off work yesterday to take Jake to his vet review and I mentioned the incident to the Vet, she said I should have just told the lady to call her to discuss his case as she seemed to be such an expert.
 
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I think, in her defence, I often see elderly dogs being walked who can barely shuffle along the pavement and I think it looks terrible. I have never said anything to the owners as I am a wuss!
As long as you are happy that he is pain free then just dismiss her comments, but maybe acknowledge that if she points out to someone, one day, that their dog is in pain and it makes them think she may help.
 
Clodagh said:
I think, in her defence, I often see elderly dogs being walked who can barely shuffle along the pavement and I think it looks terrible. I have never said anything to the owners as I am a wuss!
As long as you are happy that he is pain free then just dismiss her comments, but maybe acknowledge that if she points out to someone, one day, that their dog is in pain and it makes them think she may help.
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I agree. And I think many of us probably fall in to this camp. I see a dog regularly who up until six months ago was just an ‘ordinary’ fit dog (BC) running and chasing his ball. The poor guy has spondylitis in his spine, and his back end is horrendous - but his zest for life is still undeniable, even if his back end is all over the place. It’s really hard to watch him struggling (but I use that term sort of loosely because I’m not sure he thinks he’s struggling, iykwim). But I know how much support, both medical and personal he gets. If I didn’t I think I’d be judgey too. I think it’s human nature to be honest.

The women in your case though was out of line in terms of her interaction with you SK.
 
Some people just can't mind their own business, OP.

But at least you have some ideas about how to handle any similar incidents. In fact, I'd be tempted to go for a walk at the same time in the same place next week and tell her that you spoke to your vet, who would love her input.
 
What Clodagh said - you very clearly love and care for your dog and have a good handle on his condition and what he is capable of. For every owner like you, there's one that drags their ancient 50kg labrador for a pained shuffle twice a day.

I've been writing on this subject this week, how "oh, he/she's starting to show his age a bit" just isn't good enough and how dogs will be in significant pain long before they show overt lameness, vocalisation etc. I direct a lot of people to https://caninearthritis.co.uk/. Absolutely none of which applies to you SK, just for the sake of posterity should anyone be using this thread as a resource. :)
 
Thanks everyone. It was the manner in which she spoke to me that was upsetting, rather than the sentiment. She wasn't interested in me telling her about his condition, she just assumed that I was talking "rubbish". I think also, it touched a nerve because we had to admit defeat with our beloved Spot's arthritis and had her pts back in May. We did everything we could, and I mean everything, but still couldn't take her pain away and had to make the worst decision to pts. The lady's comments were particularly hurtful because I adored Spot, just as I adore Jake and I would never let them suffer. Jake is a very healthy weight, he doesn't get dragged around, I'm well aware of his limitations and worship the ground he walks on, and with the amazing vet team at our local practice we have been managing his arthritis very successfully since he damaged his elbow and shoulder some 11 years ago, so when some random makes a judgement based entirely on one meeting it is hurtful. If she had approached me and engaged in polite conversation I would have told her all about him, and she could then have judged me as she saw fit but she didn't give me the chance.
 
blackcob said:
For every owner like you, there's one that drags their ancient 50kg labrador for a pained shuffle twice a day.
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This.

Heaven forfend that we see what appears to be a dog in pain and say and do nothing, because it’s none of our business. I did comment on an older greyhound recently who was hobbling along behind his owners, who were cycling on on a track well ahead of him. He was doing his best to keep up, but couldn't. I caught up with them and asked them if they knew their dog was struggling. Yes, they did, and were heading back to their car, albeit they stayed about 100 yards ahead of the dog.
 
Tiddlypom said:
This.

Heaven forfend that we see what appears to be a dog in pain and say and do nothing, because it’s none of our business. I did comment on an older greyhound recently who was hobbling along behind his owners, who were cycling on on a track well ahead of him. He was doing his best to keep up, but couldn't. I caught up with them and asked them if they knew their dog was struggling. Yes, they did, and were heading back to their car, albeit they stayed about 100 yards ahead of the dog.
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I would never do this, Jake has limitations and we respect those and enforce them because sometimes he has other ideas but we know he'll suffer for it the next day. He means the world to us and we would never leave him behind. When his time comes, and we know, given his age, this will be sooner rather than later, the decision will be based entirely on his welfare, selflessly as with Spot. I could not live with myself otherwise.
 
Tiddlypom said:
This.

Heaven forfend that we see what appears to be a dog in pain and say and do nothing, because it’s none of our business. I did comment on an older greyhound recently who was hobbling along behind his owners, who were cycling on on a track well ahead of him. He was doing his best to keep up, but couldn't. I caught up with them and asked them if they knew their dog was struggling. Yes, they did, and were heading back to their car, albeit they stayed about 100 yards ahead of the dog.
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Bastards, I’d have wanted to take the dog away from them ? There is NO excuse ???
 
You had an interaction with a self-important idiot. You know you're doing a good job for your animal so the best bet is to acknowledge it's upset you, think about why its really bothering you, deal with that if you can-ranting on here helps!...then let it go. You can only change your reaction not the world around you or other people....unfortunately, people can be awful idiots.

As a general rule though an outstandingly high amount of people do NOT treat their dog's chronic pain conditions...even when its recommended. So many owners act like I'm just upselling then when I try to suggest that they should help their elderly dog with some pain relief even as the bones grate on palpation and the legs are near matchsticks from muscle loss....because they are "fine" at home....or when I point out the teeth rotting in the mouth are likely painful as well as smelly-they are still eating therefore they are "fine".
Animals don't act like humans when they are sore and people are very very poor and seeing signs of pain in animals....especially with chronic issues like osteoarthritis...or dental disease.

Hell I've had multiple people tell me that their walking on 3 legs dog "isnt painful" including the ones with palpable fractures...because they aren't crying. Dogs and even more so cats! are amazing and very much get on with life where they can. Mechanical lameness is quite rare-though there are obvious exceptions like your boy! Animals will almost always choose to use all their legs if they can.

Lower your expectations of the public and humans and life become easier.
 
I've been stopped a couple of times with Willow but I don't mind - I see it as an opportunity to show the person / people her 'problem' that makes her do an ouchy limp from time to time. I also seize the opportunity, if they hang around long enough, to have a rant about people buying dogs that are totally unsuitable for them, letting them get obese and sticking them in a crate for 22 hours a day :)

Willow has a deformed foot, which was chewed as a puppy. She doesn't have a proper flat tough pad. On grass or smooth concrete / tarmac, you would never know she has an issue but gravel can cause an ouchy moment. My vet likens it to us with bare feet.

Don't let them get to you. You know you're doing the right thing by your dog. There's plenty out there that don't :(
 
There is a dog who is walked occasionally where I walk mine. It is clearly an elderly dog but almost looks deformed it’s joints are so bad. It’s legs look a bowed and it walks very slowly and wobbly. It looks like some sort of lab cross. The owner is a very old man who looks and walks in a very similar way. I do feel sad when I see the dog, but it looks well fed etc, just old. It’s just sad to see it limping along. It may well not be in any pain, possibly a mechanical issue, but it certainly doesn’t look comfortable.
 
Aru said:
You had an interaction with a self-important idiot. You know you're doing a good job for your animal so the best bet is to acknowledge it's upset you, think about why its really bothering you, deal with that if you can-ranting on here helps!...then let it go. You can only change your reaction not the world around you or other people....unfortunately, people can be awful idiots.

As a general rule though an outstandingly high amount of people do NOT treat their dog's chronic pain conditions...even when its recommended. So many owners act like I'm just upselling then when I try to suggest that they should help their elderly dog with some pain relief even as the bones grate on palpation and the legs are near matchsticks from muscle loss....because they are "fine" at home....or when I point out the teeth rotting in the mouth are likely painful as well as smelly-they are still eating therefore they are "fine".
Animals don't act like humans when they are sore and people are very very poor and seeing signs of pain in animals....especially with chronic issues like osteoarthritis...or dental disease.

Hell I've had multiple people tell me that their walking on 3 legs dog "isnt painful" including the ones with palpable fractures...because they aren't crying. Dogs and even more so cats! are amazing and very much get on with life where they can. Mechanical lameness is quite rare-though there are obvious exceptions like your boy! Animals will almost always choose to use all their legs if they can.

Lower your expectations of the public and humans and life become easier.
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I think we should have a thread "Would you know if your dog was in pain?".
 
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Yeah I don't mind pottering within reason but there is a guy who walks his extremely lame elderly labrador all over bloody town, it is obese and panting and can barely walk and weakly wags its tail as it struggles to keep up with him, it just shows you how their drive to be with people overrides their pain :(

I was horrified at that viral video doing the rounds the other week of a 'dog's last walk to the vet' - WTF is wrong with people....
 
I get this an awful lot with mine.

I have one 11 year old Great Dane Doberman cross, and a 9 year old Portuguese Podengo.

The old boy has had a busy life, and is really slowing down. The dog who used to ride out with me six times a day is now very picky about his walks. I limit him as he can get carried away, but he still so loves going out. We now go on shorter walks in more popular places as his favourite thing is getting to meet other dogs. He tells me when he doesn’t want to walk and is very definite about it, and so I listen to him. Sometimes he’s a little stiff and slow, and his back end can get wobbly when he’s tired as a result of a fairly major injury eight years ago. People often stop me and I’m more than happy to talk through his care and the looong list of painkillers he is on. He hasn’t got long left, but he’s a happy old boy and I know him well enough to know when he’s struggling.

The one I have real problems with is the Podengo. He had an accident three years ago and had to have arthridesis (sp?) surgery on his left foreleg. He will always be mechanically lame as his no longer has a functioning joint below that shoulder. He flings his leg out to the side as he moves. He is pain free, save for the odd niggle caused by his body compensating for the new movement, but both are seen fortnightly by a veterinary physio, and he goes for monthly check ups to ensure the leg is holding up. People are often incredibly rude and don’t want to hear the explanation, but to be honest I would rather they worried and mentioned it than didn’t. Hopefully their worry won’t always be misplaced, and may help a dog who is genuinely struggling one day.
 
I didn't realise that mechanical lameness was quite rare. He was diagnosed after an MRI scan. I'm defending myself again now, it's really important to me that you all know how important he is to our family and how hard we try to keep him well and happy. His problem was as a result of a fall from height when he was 7 months old, just an accident, where the joint was damaged. He has arthritis in other joints but I am satisfied that his pain is well controlled. If that changed tomorrow then he'd be at the vets tomorrow, not the day after. His pain signals are very subtle, a lick of the lips, very occasionally a lick of the front legs, but never a whimper. I don't base his pain score on whether he is eating because he's a Labrador and he'd have to be at deaths door to refuse food, but even then there'd likely be room for a gravy bone! I have already had the discussion with our vet, asking her to be brutally honest with me at all times. I want to know everything that is going on, she knows not to sugar coat anything and we have a good enough relationship for me to know that she will honour this agreement. A good vet is worth their weight in gold, and I trust her implicitly.
 
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