Why can't adults take things on face value??

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Spotsrock

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Went for a hack with YO at weekend. She's lovely, just bought 1st horse after a 20+ year break so wanted to take it to show her workmates which meant we had to go through the edge of town.

1st person wanting to stroke was a little boy about 7. Stroked Y/O horse then ran at mine. B hates being touched, especially by strangers and will just stand there being tense and miserable. I asked little chap not to touch her, corrected his mother that no, this horse doesn't bite, she will just be very unhappy if you touch her. He waved instead!!

2nd person, adult (older) bloke. I explained she hates being touched, Y/O explained it's because she's white and her skin is sensitive (yes, but she is very private and hates it no matter how gentle). He tries anyway. B very tense and suspicious. I repeat request not to touch. He tries again. I move B away upsetting Y/O horse a little.

3rd person stops us in street to stroke Y/O horse (who is LOVING all the attention) and reminice on his hunting days. Again, I ask him not to stroke B as she hates being touched. She is tap dancing and desperate to get off, he is looking less than firm on his feet but tries anyway. I repeat please don't fuss her she hates physical contact and would be really unhappy. He tells me she'll have to get used to it at some point!

B is 11 this year, has a successful (low level) jumping career and I am hoping will go quite far with my neighbour's junior next year, she does not need to get used to anything!!! I was polite but really!!! Children always seem to get it and adults never do.

We once had a chap ask my sis if his little kid could stroke her tb (4 y/o backed 2 months) she said yes and within 5 seconds had the child, hatless on the saddle in front of her, no option but to grab hold as it was just dumped up there. Horse behaved thankfully but can you imagine if not!!

Ok rant over!! congrats if you got this far I'll just put kettle on!!

Have you had similar? What am I doing wrong? Should I lie and say she bites?? Seems mean to slander my pony
 
Oh dear - I should lie and say she bites! I had same problem with my 10hh very cute falabella x driving pony - he hates people and unfortunately people make a beeline for him if everytime we were out as he is just so small and cute and touchable, but it's his worst nightmare and I was always having to fend people off.

Actually it was this pony that a kindly meaning (???) neighbour fed a barrowload of grass cuttings to even AFTER i had warned NEVER to give pony grass cuttings. I was nearly in tears when I realised what they had done saying to his wife 'why would you try to kill the pony after you had been told and warned the dangers>??' Their reply was 'well he looked so hungry' grrrrr!
People eh????
 
Thins brought back memories!

I used to SJ a 13.2hh welshx pony, very pretty & white. She loathed children as she had been abused by a previous child rider with a whip if she didn't come 1st in every class (& I mean really abused). As a result I took her on, being an adult we got on great. Kid came near her she'd bite them or try to kick them in the head.

Out exercising her, the kids would always ask to 'pat the pony', to which I would say no thank you & trot off. One day the parent with them started to get very narky as I was about to move off, to which I turned round & told them the abuse the pony had suffered at the hands of children, how she now hated them to the point where she would attack them out of fear & so did she really want her children to approach & 'pat the pony'? The answer was a no, & she explained (nicely, not having a go) to the children why they needed to keep their distance. A fabulous adult who appreciated that I was keeping their children safe & showing understanding of my pony's needs by not putting under stress. Like with yours, they waved, said hello when I saw them after that, but were always good as gold when we passed.

It is annoying to have to explain things. It's not a ruddy public petting zoo where they have the right to touch any animal that takes their fancy. If you say no, the horse is your property (so to speak) & responsibility, so they should respect your request without the need to have to explain yourself. It's not unreasonable, you know it would cause your horse stress. You know your horse, they don't.

Don't have a problem with my current riding horse. Very pretty white grey arab, but if people start to go into 'petting mode' & coming across, I just ask her for a few spins & high jinks (which she is more than happy to do, mummy usually says no to them so it's play time), then they back off without me saying anything. Happy for verbal compliments, which I always thank them for, but she is very touchy & if they patted the wrong place (like her chest), they'd be told off by gnashing teeth. She wont bite me, but not so sure about strangers.....
 
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I often ask myself the same question when out riding!! Mind you, the majority of the people I come across are happy to understand if there's a problem with them saying hello (my mare can get a little bad tempered with strangers at times!) but some people out there just don't seem to get simple requests - and should your mare have enough and have a bite (although it sounds unlikely, you never know), you can guarantee that said moron would have no hesitation in putting the blame squarely on you and your horse, despite having been politely asked not to touch!!!

It does seem a shame to lie and say that she bites, but if you find that people like that are a regular occurrence, perhaps it would be better to be safe then sorry?
 
Foxy1 i was thinking the same thing!!

I ALWAYS try to make time to stop and chat to people if they show an interest in the horses i am riding, even if the horse is not brilliantly behaved i will let them know not to touch but let people look and ask questions.

Horse riders do have a bad reputation and by being aloof and not giving people the time of day you are only making that situation worse.

On the other hand, i know how frustrating it can be when people completely ignore your requests to leave the pony\horse alone, especially if something went wrong the responsibility would lie with the owner.

I have a mare that can be a bit "special", one of the "games" we used to play was "kissy nose" where she would stick her head over the stable door with her ears flat back and i would give her kisses on the nose while she made crap faces. I trusted 100% that she would not bite me but was 100% sure she would bite someone else, another livery on the yard thought it was funny to do it to her, i told her countless times to not do it and one day lo and behold my mare nipped her. She went to hit the horse and i told her the consequences of this in no uncertain terms, she was one of those know it all riders who think they have a special way with horses.

Completely agree with OP though, adults are far more likely to ignore than kids!
 
foxy1 said:
I wonder why horsey people are always thought of as stuck up snobs?
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These people stopped us for a chat. I chatted, politly and nicely, nothing stuck up or snobby about it just a very private little horse. I don't cuddle strangers children during a chat!
 
I woud always stop when we were out with my horse and small pony, and when I got the welsh idiot we would stop but say yes you can pat the brown one but don;t go near the black one. They were invariably kids and always took notice.

Once a car pulled over all of a sudden and a woman got her small child (toddler) out and asked if he could touch the pony - she wanted to see if he was allergic!
 
I have to say that this has never happened to me (if anyone did try to pat my horse he'd either lick them to death or rip out every one of their pockets in a quest for treats). But one does have to wonder why people accept dog owners telling them not to touch the dog, but seem to think it is ok to override a rider telling them not to touch their horse.

I would ditto the above - next time someone comes up to try to stroke your horse, chuckle and say 'blimey, either you're very brave or you've just decided you don't need your hand anymore!'
I would suspect that the offending item will be withdrawn very smartly.
 
foxy1 said:
I wonder why horsey people are always thought of as stuck up snobs?
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Oh, I'm a firm believer in when at all possible, stopping with my horse for people (adult or child) that want to say hello. We do get such a bad press for being stuck up and snobby, and I do my best to help people realise that we aren't actually like that. Same goes for my road manners, I make sure that they are exemplary so that people don't complain - god knows there are far too many riders that don't bother to signal a turn or say thank you, but instead just mooch along paying no attention to other road users.

But circumstances don't always allow for me to say hello - if my mare is being stroppy, the last thing I need is for her to take it out on some pedestrian, and if a horse is very shy of strangers then that rider is well within their rights to explain and ask that the horse isn't touched.
 
Adults always think they know best and therefore will question. We always used to have problems with people and our dog who hated strangers and was really nervous.

Some woman asked if her son could stroke our dog and when my mum said no as he is frightened of people the woman said we shouldn't have him out then! Again, its not a petting zoo! When a little girl asked my mum if she could stroke and my mum said no because he doesn't like strangers, the little girl looked all offended and said "I'm not a stranger". I suppose to a child, a stranger is just someone THEY don't know that may offer you sweets
 
It's probably that thing where at some conscious or subconscious level they imagine that they are a horse-whisperer / riding ace, when nothing could be further from the truth. Sigh... There appears to be a lot of it about!
 
I dont have a problem with people asking if they can stroke the horse....and depending on which horse I am on I'm more than happy to oblige.....I will point out however that the arab is young and although very friendly is a bit nervy, and that the highland is likely to grab hold of zipper-tags and undo clothing ( oo-er)......

...however, daughters first pony was a very cute shettie- she really was a kid magnet at shows and whatever and luckily very good with kids ( unusual for a shitland, I know)....but honestly- sometimes you would turn around and find some daft parent had dumped a small child/toddler- and yes even a baby on her back- for a photo opportunity!!! Now, had they asked I would probably have said yes, because I trusted that pony 100%....but they didn't know that she was a) broken and happy to be sat on or b) a total git that would chuck the kid off......astounding.
 
Because my old boy is smaller than my friends big horses people always approach him, he is usually fine but very noise sensitive so i explain as long as they are quiet they can stroke him, my mare is such a menace no one tries to touch her, Kay has big problems as because buzz is an 'unusual' colour everyone wants to say hello to him but he wont stand still for longer than 30 seconds and he hates strangers/children.
 
one of my gang is a bit of a nibbler - isnt a problem for me - i just always position myself away from his mouth. he doesnt bite but pulls clothes about and searches for sweets. BUT other liveries will come to his stable to talk to me - of course he is straight at them! nibbling, pulling at zips ect. I say - be careful he doesnt get you, hoping they will bu**er off! but still they stand there! one even went to smack him - but one look from me and she backed off!!!!
I want to scream GET AWAY FROM HIS STABLE - ITS HIS AREA!!!! at them!
 
Am I the only one who thinks horses should tolerate being stroked? What happens if the horse decides he doesn't want to be ridden?
 
I'm quite happy for people to come and stroke my mare and I love having a chat with people when we're out riding. The only time I'm likely to say no is if kids come over to stroke her wearing flip flops, because I'm terrified of her accidentally breaking some toes!
 
horsegirl said:
Am I the only one who thinks horses should tolerate being stroked? What happens if the horse decides he doesn't want to be ridden?
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Being ridden is her job and she's very good at it. She quite enjoys being stroked in the privacy of our yard by me or one of her other 2 legged friends. If she wouldn't be ridden, what would her job be? Then she would have to be taught to tolerate being ridden obviously. I do not own her for other people to stroke her.

B didn't see anyone she didn't know or any other horses (at all, as in lived alone with 2 adult humans) from age 6m to 2 years and it has left her a bit private. She's a brave little thing and took to being ridden and competing like a duck to water but never got over her suspicion of 'strangers', horses or people, she doesn't like them to touch her.

I'd never force the issue as it's like a fear, she stands there shivering and white eyed with her nostrils scrunched. Has NEVER bitten but you can see how unhappy and worried she is. It is not necessary for her to deal with it. As she isn't aggressive she is ok with a new vet in an emergency and I always have the same vet for routine stuff anyway. She's ok to be held by strangers, it's literally just touching. At shows on the rare occassions I have needed help holding her while I walk the course, people are ok about holding her reins but not stroking her.
 
I think sometimes we forget that some people rarely come into contact with a horse so of course they are going to be interested. Why do we get up at the crack of dawn come wind, rain or shine, go to work only to empty our bank accounts straight into the coffers of the vet, farrier,feed merchant. We do it because we are drawn to horses and love to be around them. Is it so strange that other folk should be interested too.

I always make a point of speaking to people and answering the inane questions, such a 'Is that little one the big ones baby or 'she's a big girl!'. Hope they are talking about horse and not me!

That said if you tell someone not to touch, they should respect it.
 
I would much rather they came to touch the horses when we are out riding, than when they are in the field. The way people treat horses in fields as if they are in a 'petting zoo' , including feeding them goodness what, really does drive me nuts! :eek: We have actually made use of the people wanting to stop and chat/stroke the horses, to teach new additions that we do indeed stand still and 'coffee house' when we are out, if we decide to. :)
 
I always make sure to say morning etc, thank drivers, dog walkers who put dogs on leads etc when out as I don't want to add to the 'snotty horse rider' image!

If someone were to ask to stroke my mare I would be fine with it, but we have had kids come flying up towards her knees on their tricycle/scooter while squeeling to stroke her - that isn't ok as it scares her and I feel so nervous of her spooking and rushing off over them! OH mare is a stressy sort so if people ask to stroke her or come running up to her OH asks them nicely to stop - god he gets some evil looks! He only says it to avoid them having a horse planted on them when she jumps and spooks or buggers off into the distance!

OH and I were chatting to a couple and their grand kids and the grandad asked if the child could stroke, I said that was fine as mare is a chilled sort, so grandad showed kid to stroke her shoulder, then he put his hand on my thigh and said 'can I have a stroke too' ARGGHHHHHHH! I was so totally shocked I couldn't say anything and OH and I just walked on. I couldn't believe what a grubber he was!!
 
YorksG said:
We have actually made use of the people wanting to stop and chat/stroke the horses, to teach new additions that we do indeed stand still and 'coffee house' when we are out, if we decide to. :)
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Me too. Young arab is now happy to be surrounded by small children, pushchairs, bicycles......he surprised me by being so amiable about the whole thing. My horses live next to my house and so I ride where I live...I don't want to be known as the mad cranky horse woman- I would much rather be on friendly terms with everyone...its a chance to educate people about horses too......that they can get scared by small children belting up to them on bikes and waving stuff for instance.

I once was leading my previous horse over a motorway bridge and a gang of teenage lads were coming towards me on their bikes. Horse was doing his 'poo-ing myself' dance so I asked them to please give me a minute to get out of their way- which they duly did. One of the lads was really scared- he thought my horse was going to attack him:D. So I explained that he was in fact frightened, and told them the kinds of things that scared horses......at which point they apologised ( they hadn't actually been doing anything wrong, bless 'em) and said thanks- we know for next time.
 
Hacks with Lottie quite often ended up with children swinging from her tail and cuddling her legs, especially if we went to the pub for lunch!! She'd stand there with the happiest look on her face in her own personal child filled heaven. She's 15hh but should have been 12.2.

We always said to the kiddies, 'because you asked so nicely you can come and cuddle her' or 'ponies are like dogs, some aren't nice to children so you should always ask the person with the pony before you touch' to try and keep them from launching at other peoples ponies!!
 
God, I have to put more leg on to make my horse pass walkers, he thinks anyone on the ground wants to stop and speak to him Ditto Flickr above, mine would likely mob them for anything they have. :rolleyes: He always thinks cars that stop with their windows open are doing it for him as my dad will feed him polos from the car :D

There is actually nothing he likes better than having a pat and being the centre of attention - one of the reasons I'm hoping he'll enjoy being centre of attention for a little while at my wedding (well, obviously bridezilla will be centre of attention the rest of the day ;) )

Then we as kids used to take our own ponies to do pony rides on - would you trust a 8-11 year old running pony rides?! :eek:

Maybe I just have attention seeking horses, anyones I have had, aside from other behavioural issues, have always liked stopping for a chat and a pat. :)
 
cai said:
Being ridden is her job and she's very good at it. She quite enjoys being stroked in the privacy of our yard by me or one of her other 2 legged friends. If she wouldn't be ridden, what would her job be? Then she would have to be taught to tolerate being ridden obviously. I do not own her for other people to stroke her.

B didn't see anyone she didn't know or any other horses (at all, as in lived alone with 2 adult humans) from age 6m to 2 years and it has left her a bit private. She's a brave little thing and took to being ridden and competing like a duck to water but never got over her suspicion of 'strangers', horses or people, she doesn't like them to touch her.

I'd never force the issue as it's like a fear, she stands there shivering and white eyed with her nostrils scrunched. Has NEVER bitten but you can see how unhappy and worried she is. It is not necessary for her to deal with it. As she isn't aggressive she is ok with a new vet in an emergency and I always have the same vet for routine stuff anyway. She's ok to be held by strangers, it's literally just touching. At shows on the rare occassions I have needed help holding her while I walk the course, people are ok about holding her reins but not stroking her.
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Surely it would be good for her to get over her fear? It seems to be causing her some distress and worry.
 
That's the point, it needn't if people would just do as asked, I would get arrested if I just started hugging their kids, people would be very annoyed if I just marched up to their dogs and stroked them (and I would probably get bitten eventually). She doesn't need to get over it, it's a rare ocurrance obviously or I would not have been so surprised!

I've had her nearly 9 years and this incident was sufficient of a surprise for me to share so clearly in those 9 years it has not been much of an issue. And if I wanted to 'fix it' how irresponsible would I be to use inexperienced unsuspecting people in the street to desensitise her?
 
Our first horse had a fan club made up entirelu of elderly ladies, it did make rides round the village a slow process :D One lady in particular used to keep treats in her handbag for him and one day fed him a good half of a date cake that her sister in law had made for her :D The horse would not pass a member of his fan club without stopping for a chat. He had been a Landau horse in Blackpool, so was very used to being the centre of attention. The Current Appy likes nothing better than to stick her nose into pushchairs and make small children giggle
 
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