Why do people have to be so unfriendly?

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ever_hopeful

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I moved yards today and feel really miserable tonight.
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It's been quite bad enough that I've had to move from a lovely yard, where I was really settled and happy, to the only other yard near here - which is a big and busy livery yard. I've been having palpitations and sleepless nights all this week as I've been really nervous about moving. I've never been a livery on a big yard before, but was really lucky to get a place there as they are always pretty full.

Anyway, on arrival at the new yard today my husband cheerily said "Hello" to the first women livery we met, just as we stepped out of our towing vehicle. He got no reply; just a frosty stare before she looked away without answering. Thinking she must not have heard him, he repeated his "Hello". This time he received a definite look, was starred right through, before she turned away without cracking her face and marched off. My OH (being my OH) said loudly, "Oh charming!" and then to me, loudly enough for said woman to hear, "I can see you're not going to last very long here with ignorant people like that here!"

Oh great...... what a wonderful start. Had been dreading moving, and now my worst fears are being realised. My husband now hates the place and muttered darkly under his breath the whole drive home and is giving me grief for moving the horse there. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" he keeps shouting at me
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God, I feel depressed. Dreading going up there tomorrow morning....

(And if the woman reads this and recognises herself - thanks very for the warm welcome.)

Why do some people have to be so darned unfriendly? Surely a "Hello" back was not too much to ask???
 
NOt sure why you had to move from the nice yard, but don't take this woman as an example of the other liveries. If the yard is big then there will be people there who you will get on with. Perhaps this woman has a silly grudge because you took a stable she wanted or something like that - not down to you but to the YO.

Next time you go there, try to chat to someone else - or if you want, just keep yourself to yourself and get on with looking after and enjoying your horse.
 
try not to worry too much - although i know where you are coming from! I moved from a smallish bitchy yard onto a huge and very busy yard. I was shI**ing myself! Within the first couple of days I had had a disagreement with a very loud woman who i think considered herself at the top of the hierachy tree there. I was so upset - thought i jumped frm the frying pan into the fire. BUT it has truely been the best move I have ever made. Some people just stared at me in and unfreindly way but others were lovley - the nasty ones moved on and i am now very high up the hierachy ladder! Due to what happened to me i ALWAYS make a point of saying hello to new people and asking about them and their horses. Its a great yard and very freindly, although there are still some odd balls/unfreindly people there - they are the ones on the outside.
Just sleep on it (if you can) tomorrows another day - go up the yard with a big freindly smile on your face, say 'hello' to everyone you see. I bet by this time next month you'll be loving it there - good luck xxx
 
Sorry but I have to laugh at boxers' comment - when I moved yards I was given one of the bigger stables (having the biggest horse on the yard) and one of the existing liveries held a grudge for six months because of it!
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Try not to worry too much - even this woman might not be all that bad, maybe she was having a particularly bad day. The upside to a big yard is that there are bound to be some people you get on well with, and its easier to avoid the ones you don't.
 
Totally agree chuck and to be honest I would have said exactly what your husband did to the woman or even worse.
I really cannot stand ignorant, up yer arse horsey people. Obviously they have no manners or were not taught them at school or when reared!
Really what effort does it take to say hello.
I really hope that this rude individual was a one off and that you meet some charming people.
I have been on yards with ignorant people before and after a few efforts of trying to get at least a hello out of them I gave up. Either said something to them or completely blanked them when being face to face would have led to a conversation.
It may just be that this woman is a miserable sod as I have found some owners to be just like that and it makes me want to scream why the fck have you got the horses if they make you so miserable and oh it is such a waste of effort and so not enjoyable being around the horses. Why then do these people have horses? Personally I find that my outside worries lessen or disappear when I am around my horses. I certainly don't consider it to be a chore to be around them and actually find it nice to have a banter with people. But there are some people who really give the impression that they would be happier if not around the horses, tip, sell them then or give them to someone who will appreciate them! Sorry mini rant over. Just can't abide poker face people who should be feeling lucky and privileged to own them when there are countless people who are not so lucky to have that opportunity.
But ignorant people god I hate them.
Sorry to open a can of worms but there is also a slim chance that this person could be an indicative of the general attitude of many on the yard. You may have been perceived as "oh another livery on the yard, how many more, kind of attitude?"
Perhaps there have been a few grievances on the yard and that other people who have come on and caused trouble and then left and that any newcomers are treated with disdain.
I truly hope that is not the case.
Don't feel bad by what your husband has said.
My partner has not been behind me in all my yard moves this year either. But in time he has seen that I moved for the right reasons and have now found the perfect yard which I would not have done were it not for how this year has planned out.
Did you move yards for the right reasons, sorry not trying to pry?
Caz
 
It is so scary moving yards. When i moved, i was a nervous wreck, what if they didn't like me, didn't like my horses, were nasty, evil, cliquey etc. anyway, 3 years on, some of my best friends are my fellow liveries. It is the nicest friendliest yard you could hope for.
We all help each other out, although this year, they have helped me far far more than i could ever help them.
I love my yard and my friends there. Give it a bit of time and just be yourself. You will soon settle in with your horse and live happy ever after.
Don't judge them all by the one rude woman, she may just be really shy (giving her the benefit of the doubt here).
 
Sadly I had to move because the private home where I've been keeping my horse for the past 4 years wanted my stable back, as they are buying another horse for the family. I've had 2 months notice but there aren't many options local to me (and especially not at this time of year). Was hoping to find another very small yard but despite advertising and calling around for weeks now, haven't been able to find anything.

Funny what you say about the woman perhaps having some grudge - that was exactly what I was saying to my OH on the drive home. Know it isn't an excuse for her being rude, but said to him, perhaps we've stepped on someone's toes by arriving. OH took dim view of me being so understanding and just grunted, adding ominously, "Costs nowt to be polite. Spect she's the ringleader up there and 'in' with all the others. You won't stand a chance up there now. You'd better keep on looking for somewhere to keep the horse. Mark my words."

Oh charming! I just keep on feeling better and better.

And you're quite right. I AM only there to keep my horse... and not to win a polularity contest, but it's embarrassing and humiliating to be dissed so openly by the very first person I met. I am not a very confident person at the best of times and now any I had has been well and truly squashed between unfriendly livery and OH's comments.
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It's all such a contrast; I've been back up at my old yard this afternoon, mucking out my stable and collecting my bits and peices, and it's SO different. Quiet, with pleasant owners who even mucked in to help me shift my horrendously deep shavings bed.
 
unfortunately there as a fair few of them out there
treat her the way she has treated you, blank the ignorant cow back, i am sure there will be other very nice people, dont let sour faced cows get you down
 
Always makes me wonder how such people 'get on' in life with such an unfriendly way about them. You'd think they'd be jobless, partnerless and miserable. But few are. I just do not understand it - there's no justice in this world!
 
Your OH isn't helping.
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Easier said than done but perhaps point out that you're there now, you have to give it a chance, and you're prepared to make the best of it.

Eh, it's one woman. A cranky one, to be sure, but maybe she's shy, or had an absolutely **** day, or was worrying about something. No excuse, sure, but these things happen. Try not to take it personally until you actually know it's personal. She doesn't even know you so it simply CAN'T be about "you".

Moving is very hard. Give yourself time to settle in an try to keep a positive outlook. One friend of mine is very shy and didn't talk to anyone for months when she moved yards. I found out from another boarder that they all thought she felt superior because she had a lovely horse and did well competitively, when she was thinking they all "hated" her for the same reason. I told her and she was mortified, which could have made it all worse but I just told her to go in the next day with a big smile and a cup of coffee for the girl mucking out and explain if she got the chance. All good.

You're not going to love everyone there but if you just keep on keeping on you'll make friends. Just remember, they're in the same boat and however hard it might be to keep putting yourself out there it will make it easier in the long run.

Good luck.
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out and out rudeness is so unnecessary and very ignorant. Maybe though, try to keep an open mind and go tomorrow feeling brave and positive!
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It could just be (probably unlikely I know) that she has suffered a loss, albeit human or animal and was more upset than snotty...I hope you get on well tomorrow and if not, there are more yards.
I am more and more glad I do not use a livery yard, just being around negative or rude people affects me, so to pay to have it happen is really too much. Good luck
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Yes. I know you are all quite right in what you are saying!

I know I am being too sensitive. I am already worked up and anxious about the move and that minor incident was just the icing on the cake, I suppose.

Onwards and upwards from tomorrow!

I'll post and let you all know how I get on over the weekend (when, I suppose, I am most likely to meet more of the other liveries who might otherwise be at work when I go up during the week.)

**** Tries to feel brave ****
 
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It may just be that this woman is a miserable sod as I have found some owners to be just like that and it makes me want to scream why the fck have you got the horses if they make you so miserable and oh it is such a waste of effort and so not enjoyable being around the horses. Why then do these people have horses? Personally I find that my outside worries lessen or disappear when I am around my horses. I certainly don't consider it to be a chore to be around them and actually find it nice to have a banter with people. But there are some people who really give the impression that they would be happier if not around the horses, tip, sell them then or give them to someone who will appreciate them! Sorry mini rant over. Just can't abide poker face people who should be feeling lucky and privileged to own them when there are countless people who are not so lucky to have that opportunity.

Caz

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YES!!! My thoughts exactly!!!! I don't understand what this attitude is that some horse people have. Trouble is, this is the impression that the non horse public think we all are like! Maybe these miseries should get off horses and get onto some medz.
 
Poor you, it's nerve wracking enough having to move yards let alone having such a horrid welcome but I'm sure it will be fine and this person is probably is the yard weirdo or something, how rude can some people be ?? Give it a bit of time and I bet you'll end up making lots of new horsey pals to play with ! X
 
Try not to label the new woman quite yet - for all you know she's had a rotten week, may be having trouble at home etc. I know it was unkind but don't think its about YOU - it might not be!
K
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Chin up OP, sounds like anywhere (barr having your own yard) would be hard to live up to where you've had to move from. In my vast experience of livery yards (about 14 in the last 20 years) there is always one miserable so-and-so so fingers crossed you've had the misfortune of meeting her first! Give it the benefit of the doubt and see how you settle in. Worst case scenario is that you find somewhere else next year but at least you're not homeless in the meantime!
 
I don't think you were being over sensitive, I think I would have reacted the same way. It is not nice to be ignored, especially when you have tried to be friendly.

I just had a thought though, maybe she had just been given notice to leave
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I have just moved yards in the last month and I have had the same sort of experience. The new yard has 50 horses and it's hard to keep up with all the faces that are coming and going. I can't remember half the time if I've already met some of the people I encounter daily! But there are one or two that don't smile or make any sort of acknowledgement as we pass by each other; there are others who can only say good morning and aren't prepared to say anything else, the conversation stops there; and then there are those that won't shut up!

I know I'm being friendly and courteous towards everyone, but we're all different and I can't change the way others behave whether I like it or not. Don't stress over it, just accept people for what they are. You'll soon find out who is worth talking to and who isn't.
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I moved yards a month ago and exactly the same thing has happened to me - owner of next door horse has the frostiest face ever, answers are monosyllabic (if any) and she's just plain rude. However, next door horse otherside has the friendliest, sweetest owner ever. So I ignore Frosty, and rideout with friendly. Ignore her.
 
Not trying to make excuses for being plain rude but could it be, like others have said, she was just having a bad day?

When we visit our yard where we DIY at in the morning we are far from what you might call friendly. We arrive at 7.40am and by 8am we are walking to the car after turning out 2 horses, mucking out 2 stables fully, making up haynets x4 and dinners x2 plus sweeping the yard.

It's not that we arent freindly it's just that time is so short even stoping for a very quick chat takes too long!
 
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