Why do people think they shouldn't have to pay to share?

I didn't "jump on you and your situation" gembear, in fact I think I was being pretty reasonable, from the information you gave in your initial post. I think your defensive attitude probably indicates that you know you're in the wrong. It's irrelevant how "cheap" the DIY is, it's still damned expensive having a horse.

By the way, yes, I do remember saving for my first house, and I'm well aware of how expensive it is. I couldn't afford to ride (let alone go out competing) either my own or someone else's horse. In fact, I didn't even ride for about 10 years as had no spare funds to. I think you'll get a shock if/when you do eventually purchase your own property, ad there are many other costs involved, you won't suddenly magically be much richer.
 
It's got nothing to do with you Gembear what the owner does or who rides.. And you do come across as a tad self centred. I think it's awful that the owner asked for a contribution and you said you couldn't yet still have your lessons etc. So the owner has to struggle on. Just because the yard is cheap doesn't mean it costs her nothing to keep the horse. I have my two at home, yet still spend £300 a month on average keeping them. To me, the fact that the owner is considering other sharers (despite grumbling about this one) says to me that if she could find someone else who would pay she would replace you.
 
Not your decision of the owner lets someone ride free and as to how expensive buying a house is, yes, I think most of us know all about this. If you're finding it a struggle, give up the horse, simple. I don't think it's fair to the owner regardless of how cheap her livery is for you to halve what you're paying because of other commitments. My livery is ok for the area, but I'm probably looking at £300 a month hence I'd be asking a decent amount for a sharer to get him out of the field, ride, return to field on a well schooled, safe horse.
 
Hmmm you have all made me think more about it to be honest from the other side. You all made valid points.

I guess with regards to the other sharer (although she isn't really as she hardly comes) it was another owner at the yard that mentioned to me in passing that if me and the owner are sharing the costs/work it is unfair that she doesn't pay anything. That's when i starting thinking about it - seeing as she owns a horse and thought that (if that makes sense). A few times in the winter she said she was coming and would muck out/do the chores etc then wouldn't turn up and text at the last minute saying she couldn't because of xyz and it seemed so unfair. Then everyone else would have to make their way down to do it. I know this happened because the owner told me but she is such a lovely lady she doesn't say anything. But you're right - its for her to sort out not me. I actually said to her next year I would be open to full loaning him, if she wanted that. That'll be if she gets another one though.

And i dont have regular lessons because I can't afford to. I have maybe two a month? That was before contributing. I'll do down to one a month now I pay more to her - which is totally fine. I wasn't complaining about paying more at all - like I said, I do believe I should now that i'm doing more with him. I've been to two competitions this year and I have one planned for September - thats it. It's not like we're competing every weekend. And being at the yard has taught me so much!

Obviously I was having my cake and eating it before! I just to joke about that all the time! But I love that horse to bits and I care for him like he's my own. If I see something he needs, i'll be down at the store to buy it - he never misses out. And his owner really appreciates that.

I didn't mean to sound like I was slagging her off, because I wasn't. She's amazing and I have a lot of time for her.
 
cinnamontoast said:
Not your decision of the owner lets someone ride free and as to how expensive buying a house is, yes, I think most of us know all about this. If you're finding it a struggle, give up the horse, simple. I don't think it's fair to the owner regardless of how cheap her livery is for you to halve what you're paying because of other commitments. My livery is ok for the area, but I'm probably looking at £300 a month hence I'd be asking a decent amount for a sharer to get him out of the field, ride, return to field on a well schooled, safe horse.
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Yes I could give up the horse but the owner doesn't want that as then no-one will ride him on a regular basis. That's why she is happy for me to pay £50 a month instead - but just for now. In the NY I said i'd be happy to pay £100 plus shoes.

I'd be interested to know other sharers point of view on this too?
 
gembear said:
Hmmm you have all made me think more about it to be honest from the other side. You all made valid points.

I guess with regards to the other sharer (although she isn't really as she hardly comes) it was another owner at the yard that mentioned to me in passing that if me and the owner are sharing the costs/work it is unfair that she doesn't pay anything. That's when i starting thinking about it - seeing as she owns a horse and thought that (if that makes sense). A few times in the winter she said she was coming and would muck out/do the chores etc then wouldn't turn up and text at the last minute saying she couldn't because of xyz and it seemed so unfair. Then everyone else would have to make their way down to do it. I know this happened because the owner told me but she is such a lovely lady she doesn't say anything. But you're right - its for her to sort out not me. I actually said to her next year I would be open to full loaning him, if she wanted that. That'll be if she gets another one though.
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I hardly think you are "sharing" the costs by contributing £50 a month - I pay more than that a month and I have all mine at home!

Your attitude is another reason I wouldn't ever have a sharer - I couldn't imagine how cross I would be if someone told me who could and couldn't ride my own horse.
 
RunToEarth said:
I hardly think you are "sharing" the costs by contributing £50 a month - I pay more than that a month and I have all mine at home!

Your attitude is another reason I wouldn't ever have a sharer - I couldn't imagine how cross I would be if someone told me who could and couldn't ride my own horse.
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I wasn't saying I was going to storm over to the owner and demand to know why "***" wasn't paying anything and riding. In a way I was asking for peoples opinions on whether I should speak to her about it? And obviously that would be done in a nice way. I didn't word it correctly at first.

But from everyones reactions so far, I've learned that I should keep my mouth shut.
So that's what i'll do.
 
I had a sharer for most of the time I owned my horse. I couldn't have afforded it other wise. Yes they paid a proportion of the bills, but they also got to do as they pleased for their days. They effectively got to have a horse for half a week(in fact they usually had 4 days) and not have to buy it and they could walk away at a months notice. The weren't expected to pay any vets bills, or to buy any tack - some did but that was then theirs, they took it after.

My friends could ride the horse, on MY days. They could let their friends have a jolly on THEIR days (provided I thought it safe for that person to do so).

I think it depends on what you want - if you want the horse to be worked when you cant then its them doing you a favour. IF they want a horse but not all the time or cant afford to buy one and you need the help, then you are helping each other and you can argue why should they get something for nothing?

When I was younger I used to get a horse to ride, but only after hard graft!
 
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I own three horses, would love to sell one but find it so hard to decide which of my 'babies' to go I'm still hanging on.
Few months ago I advertised for a sharer for my big mare... But no one wanted to pay? I didn't need her ridden, they'd be riding because they wanted too...
I was asking ten pound a week, which only just covers her shoes.... But they had to care for her on their days...
Gave up after many timewasters, and feel a little disheartened by the whole sharing thing.
 
Broke_But_Happy said:
Good on you Gembear for taking those comments on board gracefully. Good luck with your house purchase :)
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Yes, I thought that too.

to the last poster, I got a bit fed up with it all too, then our young sharer came on the scene so I have two nice, decent sharers that are lovely, pull their weight if need be and are generally just part of the team.
 
Gembear, I'm in a similar situation as you were in the first year of sharing, owner doesn't ask me for a contribution but in return she's offering me a well trained schoolmaster. She travels to shows although competing is not my cup of tea really. I divide my time between riding Del Boy and I'm also heavily involved with my local riding for the disabled where I do carriage driving so hacking or a basic school session is all I do at the moment. I've only known her a month but as time goes on I'll offer to pay for stuff here and there.
You're not a sharer from hell, I understand the costs of getting a house. Are you stopping the competing for now whilst you move into the house? That might make paying the £50 easier.
 
Wiz201 said:
Gembear, I'm in a similar situation as you were in the first year of sharing, owner doesn't ask me for a contribution but in return she's offering me a well trained schoolmaster. She travels to shows although competing is not my cup of tea really. I divide my time between riding Del Boy and I'm also heavily involved with my local riding for the disabled where I do carriage driving so hacking or a basic school session is all I do at the moment. I've only known her a month but as time goes on I'll offer to pay for stuff here and there.
You're not a sharer from hell, I understand the costs of getting a house. Are you stopping the competing for now whilst you move into the house? That might make paying the £50 easier.
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That's what I did previously, paid for things here and there. The owner at the start of the share said she wasn't interested in money as she just needed someone to keep him going. I think she's ridden him about 5 times in the 14 months I've been there, although I always encourage her to ride him more but I understand why she doesn't want to.

Yes I've now cut down riding lessons, to one a month. I didn't have any last month. I've got a show in September planned but I might scrap that . I doubt I'll do anything else this year but that's also due to time, not just money. I often work weekends.

I think some owners don't realise that not all sharers are just interested in riding. I love my share as if he was my own, and I spoil him whenever I can. I get involved with him as much as possible. I would be heartbroken if it ever ended, but that's the risk sharers take. It's just unfortunate with timing that I can't get more financially involved.
 
From when I was 13 to 17 I 'shared' so to speak, a number of horses from the same woman. I would go up Tuesdays & Thursday after school, and both ends of the day on Sunday. I would muck out, water, hay, feed and poo pick for all 3-5 horses there were as well as turning out and bringing in etc. I got to ride one pony when I first started on my days on my own as she was safe, and would go up at other times to ride anything else I was allowed. As the years went on and horse came and went I joined pony club and competed etc. I always had one that was 'mine' to really focus on and as heartbreaking as it was that some would come and go quickly, it was the best way to grow up without my own, as I saw them as mine and really got great experiences from it.

I never paid a penny!
 
gembear said:
That's what I did previously, paid for things here and there. The owner at the start of the share said she wasn't interested in money as she just needed someone to keep him going. I think she's ridden him about 5 times in the 14 months I've been there, although I always encourage her to ride him more but I understand why she doesn't want to.

Yes I've now cut down riding lessons, to one a month. I didn't have any last month. I've got a show in September planned but I might scrap that . I doubt I'll do anything else this year but that's also due to time, not just money. I often work weekends.

I think some owners don't realise that not all sharers are just interested in riding. I love my share as if he was my own, and I spoil him whenever I can. I get involved with him as much as possible. I would be heartbroken if it ever ended, but that's the risk sharers take. It's just unfortunate with timing that I can't get more financially involved.
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yeah I might ask if I can practice long reining with him too as its good to see how a horse goes on the ground sometimes. Its not all about riding for me.
 
Dog Lover Needed - sadly, due to work commitments I no longer have the time for my dog so looking for a possible share. Needs walking three days a week with the occasional groom. Poo picking of garden included & feeding required. Only asking £10 per week. Bargain.
 
blazingsaddles said:
Dog Lover Needed - sadly, due to work commitments I no longer have the time for my dog so looking for a possible share. Needs walking three days a week with the occasional groom. Poo picking of garden included & feeding required. Only asking £10 per week. Bargain.
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Love it!

Just one comment 're. posts on here, some have commented on the price of sharing compared to lessons at a riding school and yes, if you are just going on cost per ride it is cheaper but at a riding school you are paying for qualified TUITION (if it is a decent school) whereas many sharers hack out unsupervised and it is easy to develop bad riding habits without realising so you still need to have regular lessons.
 
LessThanPerfect said:
Love it!

Just one comment 're. posts on here, some have commented on the price of sharing compared to lessons at a riding school and yes, if you are just going on cost per ride it is cheaper but at a riding school you are paying for qualified TUITION (if it is a decent school) whereas many sharers hack out unsupervised and it is easy to develop bad riding habits without realising so you still need to have regular lessons.
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I mentioned that. A local riding school round here will charge you £40 for an hours hack. No tuition involved. The lessons would cost between £44 and £70.

If you pay £100 pcm for 2 or 3 days for a share, you are left with plenty from your riding school budget to pay for an instructor to come out and instruct on one of these days which a lot of sharers I know do.

They get one to one tuition sometime on a nicer horse than many of the riding school ones who can be a bit jaded and know all the tricks.
 
LessThanPerfect said:
Love it!

Just one comment 're. posts on here, some have commented on the price of sharing compared to lessons at a riding school and yes, if you are just going on cost per ride it is cheaper but at a riding school you are paying for qualified TUITION (if it is a decent school) whereas many sharers hack out unsupervised and it is easy to develop bad riding habits without realising so you still need to have regular lessons.
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I agree. These owners that believe they're doing non horse owners a favour by 'offering' their horse for sharing but at a cost. It's a ruddy cheek.
 
blazingsaddles said:
Dog Lover Needed - sadly, due to work commitments I no longer have the time for my dog so looking for a possible share. Needs walking three days a week with the occasional groom. Poo picking of garden included & feeding required. Only asking £10 per week. Bargain.
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There is a website called something like Share My Doggy. And lots of my cabin crew friends have sharers for their dogs when they go away!
 
LessThanPerfect said:
Love it!



Just one comment 're. posts on here, some have commented on the price of sharing compared to lessons at a riding school and yes, if you are just going on cost per ride it is cheaper but at a riding school you are paying for qualified TUITION (if it is a decent school) whereas many sharers hack out unsupervised and it is easy to develop bad riding habits without realising so you still need to have regular lessons.
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Honey08 said:
There is a website called something like Share My Doggy. And lots of my cabin crew friends have sharers for their dogs when they go away!
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Well, I've said it before & I'll say it again, you can't cure stupid!
 
LessThanPerfect said:
Love it!

Just one comment 're. posts on here, some have commented on the price of sharing compared to lessons at a riding school and yes, if you are just going on cost per ride it is cheaper but at a riding school you are paying for qualified TUITION (if it is a decent school) whereas many sharers hack out unsupervised and it is easy to develop bad riding habits without realising so you still need to have regular lessons.
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I know, I do get confused by that argument.

I stopped using riding schools because I wanted a closer bond with one horse and I wasn't getting anything from them anymore and needed more of a challenge - HOWEVER I still need to have riding lessons, otherwise I may as well stop riding. At the end of the day, it's doing him a favour as well as me - if i'm improving by being taught how to ride him more effectively.

So with that in mind, I can't just completely stop having lessons.
 
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