Why do some many people lack confidence while riding??

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thatsmygirl

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Following a few threads on here recently I'm interested as to how many people seem to ride who has no confidence/ lost confidence etc. I seem to be lucky that iv got confidence and seem to keep it even after quite a few nasty falls and it doesn't put me off. I get nervous before I get on a certain horse if I know it's behaviour is bad but once in the saddle just get on with the job in hand.
So I just wondered how are you losing your confidence? Falls, wrong partnership with a horse and what makes you stick with it even though it makes you feel like it does? Apart from a love off the horse.
I think this could be really interesting and hats off to you all for keeping at it, proves you may lack confidence but you have the bottle to keep on fighting:)
 
My confidence suffererd after a nasty fall that resulted in a spinal injury. The RDA were a big help in me getting my confidence back. I helped them (tacking up, leading etc...)and eventually rode with them. I now have my own horses again and I am full of confidence with them but I still have a little *eek* feeling when I get on a new horse for the first time.
 
I went from representing South Africa internationally at polocrosse, and eventing and hunting etc. to being so frightened that I would stand on the mounting block throwing up with fear.

I have had my fair share of hefty accidents, but with all of them I have had to get straight back on, apart from the big one with Cadbury. I think that's the reason that I lost the plot when we had our accident - I couldn't get back on, and never even got to see him again, and to this day I know that his death was my fault.

I've conquered my fears now, and am happy to sit on anything again, but I have to deal with the effects of my accident every day, and do occasionally have a bit of a melt down if I get a flashback. It's been confirmed recently that I've been battling with Post Traumatic Stress since the accident, and thinking that I was just being a numpty idiot, so having help with that has made a massive difference, and I haven't had a flashback for a record time of about a month!!

I carried on riding, and forced myself through the terror, because my life isn't right without horses in it. I was more frightened of a life without horses than a life battling my fear of them.
 
Starzaan, that's awful. Haven't seen your previous posts w descriptions of the accident with Cadbury but it sounds really horrid. you poor thing.

I think that riding is a fantastic sport but when it goes wrong, it can go very, very wrong, resulting in crippling injuries or even death. (can you say that about tennis?!)

I reckon therefore that when you suffer a bad fall and minor or major injury, all this is brought up, whether you are thinking about it consciously or not, and that dents your confidence.

And like Starzaan says, many of us just cannot face a life without horses and so force ourselves to face the risks and our confidence issues and try as hard as we can to just get on with it.
 
Faracat and Starzaan your post are inspirational and compared to your incredibly frightening experiences the reasons for my lack of confidence seem rather pathetic.

I will think of you later on this afternoon when I ride and try to be a more positive rider.
 
I've been riding since I was 5 (now 40!) and had ponies and horse of my own. I've never been that gung ho sort of rider that would get on anything, jump anything etc. I have hunted, ODE'd and backed a fair few when I was younger and I have had several big confidence bashes throughout my riding life.

however, I love riding, I love hacking and schooling so have to get on with it. I have had TFT in the past which really helped.
 
In my case I think it's PTSD from witnessing a nonhorsey accident.

Generally speaking, I wonder if we're also less confident because nowadays horsemanship involves hyper-awareness of the horse's comfort and mood. Maybe we're worrying about whether we're missing a sign from the horse, or if we're doing something to cause it pain or problems etc. Could just be me, but from reading old manuals and getting up to date here, I think we're very sensitive by comparison with riders a couple of decades ago.
 
I think a variety of things leads to a loss of confidence... long breaks - due to unforseen circumstances (years in some case), wrong partnerships coupled with bad falls - and for me it was most definately a combination of the above. Confidence for me was more lost in my ability, rather than developing a fear of riding - I found myself questioning my ability, and choices that I'd made, but supportive friends/family and access to some super fun and safe horses has definately helped me overcome this! :)
 
Hi all,
Starzaan -I think no matter how horrendous your accident was which if I am to read between the lines correctly, may have resulted in a fatal accident to Cadbury, the best thing to do is to write down exactly how you felt at the time and feel now, put it in an envelope and burn the envelope to lay the demons to rest. Always look back on the fun positives not the nasty negatives.
As a youngster you do tend to get back on straight away, but I think as an adult maybe it is not so much of a confidence thing but in the back of your mind is the 'if I hurt myself how will I earn money/look after my horse etc' whereas when we were younger it was school the next day with the crutches as Ma could drive you!
I damaged one of my horses on the XC and he lost his confidence and we never got it back, so he turned to dressage, so it is not always us humans who worry.
All I can say is well done to you all, and just when that naughty scary thought is about to pop up, look between your horses ears and say 'How lucky am I to up here doing this'
Good luck and best wishes to all.
 
I find confidence deteriorates when you have dependants. It's not so much loss of confidence and more realising if things go wrong people will miss you. You realise you are not immortal...
 
I think the reason im nervous is being I put myself down a lot. I've been riding 2 1/2 years, and never fallen off. And despite this, Im still nervous. Im not the best rider, now am I the worst. Some parts of riding I excel in, others I don't. But despite this, Im very nervous when challenged by a napping horse. However, recently I have overcome this, and not backed down when needing to get a horse to work properly.
 
I'm probably the only one like this, but i've never had a serious fall resulting in a hospital stay but have very little confidence in riding although i've been sitting on horses since i was 6 months old. I think my 'fear' is more because of the accidents i've seen, when i was very little about 6 i saw a horse rear up and fall on the riding and paralysing her (horrible at that age or any) and my sister is a very 'gun ho' rider and has had her share of hospital stays from a very naughty pony, hardest one to see was as she was getting on he reared rolled on her and kicked her in the mouth, resulting in stitches, lost teeth, she continued to ride him for another 2 years (super confident). And most recently my dad snapped both his leg bones at the ankle joint, nearly snapping his foot off! As we were at home current groom and myself had to bandage the leg, bone sticking out and everything and get him to the hospital (thank god for tail bandages and wheelbarrows), the thing that really shock me up about this was it was my horse, and it wasn't really even a fall, he was coming off and to save his head kind of jumped of, not landing hard or anything.
But if i'm on the horse experiencing the problem i deal with it fine, it's getting the courage to get back on that horse or one that is known to misbehave
I know lengthy but hope that gives you an idea of confidence losing
 
I was over horsed on a 16hh warmblood, he jumped anything and everything but he was quirky as anything I lost my nerve a bit on him but wasn't to bad but we decided to sell him.

Whilst looking for a new horse we went to a dealer in exmoor to see a 15hh ISH. I got on him and we took 5 steps and he bolted, jumped a 6ft bank and we were then on open moorland! I managed to get him to do circle and we did about 50 circles before he came to a trot and then I jumped off him as fast as I could!

This frightened me so much I was frozen with fear on him I couldn't even try to stop and refused to ever get on another horse again! My instructor got me to sit on her 12hh welshy which teaches kids to ride and I felt happy on him, the I started having lunge lessons on my instrcutors eventer and eventually I started riding him off the lunge.

I still get scared in open spaces on Koko but in an arena or small field I'm happy but I did a xc the other week on Koko and this was a huge achivement for me. When I don't feel in control mymind keeps going back to that horse bolting with me and I freeze. Its taken a long time to get over it but I'm glad I didn't give up.
 
Starzaan said:
Maletto said:
Starzaan, that's awful. Haven't seen your previous posts w descriptions of the accident with Cadbury but it sounds really horrid. you poor thing.
Thank you, it was rather horried. But he died doing what he loved so I suppose it's better than having an accident in the field...

Link if you're interested.

http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?p=8790048#post8790048
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Oh my word!! Reading that has made ME nervous!! That sounds terrible! Huge well done for getting over it all - that takes some balls!
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I think that people lose their confidence for a myriad of reasons, from being involved in or witnessing accidents, which lets face it can happen to anyone, no matter how good a rider, with many people riding or attempting to ride horses which they are just not suited too.

If someone has been around horses from being a child, this should give them the confidence and experience many coming to riding at a later age may lack.

A friend of mine is a saddle maker and fitter, and I regularly see people bringing their horse to be fitted with a saddle. It seems to be very frequent that a horse and rider/owner arrive at the yard in a new 4x4 and trailer and a real quality horse steps out of the trailer.

When the new saddle is fitted and the rider asked to try it out, the fun starts.

Apart from having difficulty getting on, many people look uncomfortable, nervous or even down right scared, as the well fed object of their affection skitters and prances around the yard.

Many people arrive there whose expertise and experience is obvious, but, the majority are well over horsed.

When you chat to some of these folk, you find that they are quite new to horses or are coming back after years off. The choice of horse has been made rather like buying a flash car, rather than the purpose for which they want the horse.

People have arrived with ex race horses and looked totally non plussed as their mount disappears into the distance as its feet touch grass, whilst they haul ineffectually at the reins.

Other horses arrive with the strongest of bits, and every conceivable piece of equipment known to man in an effort to contain a majestic warmblood, whose obviously sick and tired of being ridden constantly on the bit.

When you ask about groundwork and preparation, lungeing is the answer, lungeing and more lungeing.

Many people lose or lack confidence because they are not really suited to their horse and the horse is not suited to them.
 
I have to say that my extremely outrageous imagination has a lot to do with my fear. I think everything and anything is gonna go wrong when most of the time things go very right, but I cannot help myself feeling this way. I have tried positive thinking and the only positive thing that comes out of it is that Im positive somethings gonna go wrong. Its an absolute nightmare. People who have no fear are so lucky Im 50 years old and my husband keeps telling me if I dont do it now it will be too late and I totally agree with him. Ive gotta find the courage from somewhere !!:(
 
my fear came from being galloped off with with a horse twice on one hack, than my own mare galloped off with me, twice. i know now it wasnt her fault, she was in pain from unseen navicular, but it wrecked my confidence. i have to battle my demons, but with misty, i have got so much better
 
Think it all comes down to personality type and who you are.
Some people will have horrendous falls and can't wait to be back in the saddle, I've never *touches wood* had a 'serious' fall.
My horse is really excitable and throws in huge bucks and bronchos when jumping (back etc all checked and fine, he actually squeals!) and although I rarely come off to them he scares the s*** outta me!
But I'm a naturally nervous and cautious person :o

Starzaan - phenomenal!! I think that defines insanity but very inspiring!!
 
Maletto said:
Starzaan, that's awful. Haven't seen your previous posts w descriptions of the accident with Cadbury but it sounds really horrid. you poor thing.

I think that riding is a fantastic sport but when it goes wrong, it can go very, very wrong, resulting in crippling injuries or even death. (can you say that about tennis?!)

I reckon therefore that when you suffer a bad fall and minor or major injury, all this is brought up, whether you are thinking about it consciously or not, and that dents your confidence.

And like Starzaan says, many of us just cannot face a life without horses and so force ourselves to face the risks and our confidence issues and try as hard as we can to just get on with it.
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Second that - so many of us struggling on coz we can't bear not to!! Very well put, and Starzaan so sorry for your loss (whatever happened obviously hugely traumatic). Hugs to you
 
Although I have gained some confidence back and feel ready to bring another horse on I feel I will never have my original confidence back again.

I think some of it is that it is some times hard for both ourselves and other people to remember that horses are animals and things can go wrong. When I was young I was on more than one more occasion was bolted home with, bolted accross fields with, dumped and horse went home but now that would severly dent me, big time!! And I think thats my biggest fears now and im only 21, still young!!!!
 
Starzaan, so sorry for your loss.

I have never had a horrendous fall, touch wood, except when a horse reared over backwards on the road with me. No lasting ill effects.

However I am really worried about hacking out. My boy is very good with all traffic, it's the traffic I don't trust. They don't slow down and whizz past at up to 50 miles an hour on country lanes! I've never been the bravest rider but I have a real fear of my boy being taken out by a vehicle.

Jane
 
Oh Starzaan how very sad and horrifying, but you musn't blame yourself, it was an awful accident, so sorry for you and your gorgeous boy
 
Starzaan so sorry for your loss xx

My confidence issues are down to a back injury and riding before i was ready, then my realisation of consequences and what could happen, if something does happen. Stupid really have no problems on my horse who can be a complete muppet but i know him inside out, the scenario is completely different if i get on anything else where i dont know what their reactions will be to different situations and it makes me feel very vulnerable. But i am working on it very hard.
 
Starzaan that is terrible, so sorry you lost your horse but you must be incredibly brave!
Makes my little broken arm seem like nothing.
I lost all my confidence when I bought my first horse and he turned out to be too spooky and naughty for me, and he knew I was terrified and he played on my fears. I had some painful falls off him and everybody told me to get rid. However I was too bloody minded to give up as when he went well he was fabulous. SO I struggled for 2 years.
I had previously been someone who would ride anything, do xc etc. He just scared the living poo out of me and my imagination created all kinds of scenarios. I found I started getting scared doing other things that I enjoyed like sailing, surfing. I was so down about it. I think fear gets into your head and you start getting paranoid.
ANyway said horse chucked me off for the umpteenth time and bust my arm so I was sure that it was time to call it quits. I had to move yards so my friend could help and she persuaded me to get back on and hack out with her, so I was quaking with fear and nearly crying but as soon as I got back on my naughty horse I realised how much I loved riding and how silly I had been all that time being scared.
That accident was a year ago and I have most definitely got my mojo back, my demons are dead and my horse and I have just had the most fantastic summer.

If I had given up after my fall I would now look upon it regretfully, as a failure. So I reckon because people know their lack of confidence is generally in their imagination, they don't give up something they love because of it, that would mean they had failed.
 
noblesteed said:
Starzaan that is terrible, so sorry you lost your horse but you must be incredibly brave!
Makes my little broken arm seem like nothing.
I lost all my confidence when I bought my first horse and he turned out to be too spooky and naughty for me, and he knew I was terrified and he played on my fears. I had some painful falls off him and everybody told me to get rid. However I was too bloody minded to give up as when he went well he was fabulous. SO I struggled for 2 years.
I had previously been someone who would ride anything, do xc etc. He just scared the living poo out of me and my imagination created all kinds of scenarios. I found I started getting scared doing other things that I enjoyed like sailing, surfing. I was so down about it. I think fear gets into your head and you start getting paranoid.
ANyway said horse chucked me off for the umpteenth time and bust my arm so I was sure that it was time to call it quits. I had to move yards so my friend could help and she persuaded me to get back on and hack out with her, so I was quaking with fear and nearly crying but as soon as I got back on my naughty horse I realised how much I loved riding and how silly I had been all that time being scared.
That accident was a year ago and I have most definitely got my mojo back, my demons are dead and my horse and I have just had the most fantastic summer.

If I had given up after my fall I would now look upon it regretfully, as a failure. So I reckon because people know their lack of confidence is generally in their imagination, they don't give up something they love because of it, that would mean they had failed.
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Noblesteed that is sooooo inspiring, thank you! I am battling my demons and umming and ahhing about buying new horse (last one dumped me - had issues and returned to dealer) and you have made me realise it can be overcome and I have to follow my instincts and heart and carry on following the dream!
 
I've lost my confidence a bit in my pony - after a few nasty falls in the last year, both jumping and hacking. We've just gone right back down to 2ft jumps again and haven't been back out on the roads since he span and bolted last time we did. We are hacking round the farm at the moment - trying to get him to chill out.

Luckily its just a confidence thing with him, rather that with riding in general. Yesterday I hacked a horse I have only been riding a few weeks to a jumping clinic, over an hour away. We did an hours jumping - working up to 3ft grids which was fine then hacked home again.

For me finding a very safe horse to ride / jump has been really important - as I probably would have given it up for good if I'd just jumped my pony.
 
Oh gosh Starzaan **Does a welly dance of tribute to Starzaans big brass ones**

For me I lost my confidence from something really small, but it just made me feel that I couldn't control a horse because I didn't understand why it had happened. I got it back by A. having my personal worst nightmare happen - a bolt across open country - and surviving and B. learning what had caused the problem and what I could do to prevent a recurrence.

:)
 
Starzaan that really is a heart wrenching story :(

I had a bad fall riding round a particular track on our farm - something spooked Kelly, she reared up, I came off the side of her and knocked myself out (had a hat on). Came round pretty soon, saw her tangled up in barbed wire she managed to get free and run and all I could do was scramble up and ring the YO to catch her. I was covered in blood, I'd broken a bone in my foot, twisted my knee, redislocated my shoulder from a previous injury and I could barely get back to Kelly (YO had got her). She was lame, all her legs were cut up and she was sweaty and hysterical and I felt so terrible I was in such a mess for her, not for myself. Someone sat me on a bale of hay in the stable and cleaned me up and someone else helped to clean Kelly up and wash out all her cuts and calm her down. Luckily she was none the worse, just a bit stiff for a few days but I've never been back that way since and I'm not sure I ever will alone again, but I always make sure I take my phone now!!
K x

ETA - got to admit, YO made me laugh when she told me that we'd managed to release all the sheep and they now had to go and round them all up and repair the fence!! :rolleyes::o:o:o
 
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