Why do some people talk to their horses like they are pieces of

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thatsmygirl

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This is really getting to me, a girl up our yard talks to her horses as if they are pieces of crap. All I hear is things like " why dig your bed up you ******ing d**khead" and " if you ******ing roll and get muddy you ******ing ******* you have to expect it" while brushing across his eyes very hard with a stiff brush then having a go at him while he sticks his head in the air. Her tone of voice says it all and they must know she's being horrid by her tone used against them. They are all headshy and iv fallen out with her a few times now when I turned up at the yard and she was whipping her horses legs because he was tripping and not picking his feet up, he fell down in the end. We had a big row and I told her that her horses would be better off dead then living with her and that I will at some point record her on my phone and look towards getting her done. The other day she was chucking water at one because it was kicking the door but the water went past my foals box and she shot backwards and again I had a go. I'm so angry at the way she treats them and can hardly look at her she's a vile person but to anybody outside the yard, well they are shocked if you tell them half off the stories, although a couple of people have now seen it out on the roads, her whipping the horse and pulling back hard in his mouth at the same time because he trips a lot and she gets angry, she is a awful rider with no confidence not that that's anything to do with it really. Iv looked at moving but I love the yard and its a bargain plus my horses are v settled ( 1 half blind and couldn't move him) its a small yard and yo is a old man with no real interest, just likes to see horses about and tells us to get on with things. I know if we all fall out we would all be told to go as he's always said he needs no trouble. How do I approach this? The other girls on the yard ( 5 of us in total) know and have seen it all and are disgusted but talk to her and ride with her etc like nothing is going on, its like they have accepted her behaviour but I can't look at her without feeling bloody angry. I just don't know what to do as she honestly thinks she does nothing wrong. When I told her that her horse would be better of dead then living with her she didn't really react, I would be livid if somebody said that to me. Feeling angry and sad for the horses at the same time :(
 
Ring one of the Welfare Charities, they are good at educating owners. You may find though that you have to move yards because, as you have commented on this girl's behaviour, she may well work out that you are the one who rang. I have found that Redwings are excellent in this kind of situation.
 
Honestly I'm sat here eating dinner and I could cry I'm sick of seeing or hearing abuse most nights and don't know the best way of dealing with it, I want help, why would you call your horses every swear word under the sun in a nasty tone which they can pick up on. They must be very damaged emotionally.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
Ring one of the Welfare Charities, they are good at educating owners. You may find though that you have to move yards because, as you have commented on this girl's behaviour, she may well work out that you are the one who rang. I have found that Redwings are excellent in this kind of situation.
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The thing is though one of my horses is half blind with eyes failing but he knows where he is and is fine but if I moved him I'm not sure he would cope with it and with his age.
 
you could ring the rspca (for what it's worth) and tell them you have seen her hitting abusing the animals etc. Or ring one of the other welfare places.

It sounds like it's making you ill as it would me.
 
How old is this 'girl'? Just out of interest. If she is quite young what about speaking to her parents? They may not be aware of what's going on. I hate the thought if this kind of abuse happening and it is difficult to get something done about it sadly. I feel your frustration but other than what others have suggested, this is the only other thing I can suggest.
 
This sounds terrible and I feel very sorry for her horses. Sounds as if you're the only one on the yard who is willing to stand up to her and not turn a blind eye. If she was only vocally mean to them, I would have said 'stick and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me,' but it sounds as if she's physically almost abusing them, and that's plain and simple cruel. Since the yard owner isn't involved in the running of the yard, could all of you as liveries set a date and have a yard meeting and talk about this? I don't think this can be seen as being nasty towards this girl or bullying her. It's more so you can state exactly the facts, what you and others have seen her do to her horses, and discussing that it's upsetting for the rest of you to witness these things and that you simply can't ignore her behaviour any more. If it was me in sharing a yard with this person, I would agree with wills_91 that I'd rather move yards than be any part of it. Yes your partially sighted horse will take longer to adjust to a new yard, but it can be done.
 
She's 35 yrs old and lives on her own, to anybody normal you would say she eats, sleeps and breaths horses and they are her life but nobody sees what we see. I always know if something has happened while I'm not there as u see all the white scuff marks around the yard and if I ask what's happened here all I get is " oh **** was being a **** today" and I know he's had a beating.
I have put ads about to find a private yard but its not easy finding stables for 6 horses sadly.
 
npage123 said:
This sounds terrible and I feel very sorry for her horses. Sounds as if you're the only one on the yard who is willing to stand up to her and not turn a blind eye. If she was only vocally mean to them, I would have said 'stick and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me,' but it sounds as if she's physically almost abusing them, and that's plain and simple cruel. Since the yard owner isn't involved in the running of the yard, could all of you as liveries set a date and have a yard meeting and talk about this? I don't think this can be seen as being nasty towards this girl or bullying her. It's more so you can state exactly the facts, what you and others have seen her do to her horses, and discussing that it's upsetting for the rest of you to witness these things and that you simply can't ignore her behaviour any more. If it was me in sharing a yard with this person, I would agree with wills_91 that I'd rather move yards than be any part of it. Yes your partially sighted horse will take longer to adjust to a new yard, but it can be done.
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Thanks for your reply, I know I need to do something but don't know the best way so any advise etc is great so I can digest it all and work out the best way forward to deal with this. I'm not very good at confronting people and hate arguments but iv just lost it on a few occasions now. I turn up all happy and looking forward to working with mine and end up getting more and more angry as time goes by.
 
I would go mad, can't believe the others on the yard are prepared to accept her behaviour. I would record her on your phone and show her perhaps she doesn't realise how aggressive she is. Poor animal, it is surprising how many horsey people think they have to bully their horses to get the results they want. She may meet one one day that realises how big and strong it is and give her a real fright when it retaliates. Lets hope so anyway.
 
Crugeran Celt said:
I would go mad, can't believe the others on the yard are prepared to accept her behaviour. I would record her on your phone and show her perhaps she doesn't realise how aggressive she is. Poor animal, it is surprising how many horsey people think they have to bully their horses to get the results they want. She may meet one one day that realises how big and strong it is and give her a real fright when it retaliates. Lets hope so anyway.
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I have hoped for that day but the best that's happened was one of them ran stright through her in the field so she got an animal communicator to talk to him to find out why he done it. All I can say is if she was any good he would of told a shocking story to her. She spends all her money on them and don't lack farrier/vet care etc
 
thatsmygirl said:
I have hoped for that day but the best that's happened was one of them ran stright through her in the field so she got an animal communicator to talk to him to find out why he done it. All I can say is if she was any good he would of told a shocking story to her. She spends all her money on them and don't lack farrier/vet care etc
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And yet my first thought when I read about the tripping horse was 'navicular!'
 
We have a couple of shouters at our yard. In my opinion it's not a form of communication horses understand so why do it??

Makes me sad and cross at the same time.
 
Crugeran Celt said:
I would go mad, can't believe the others on the yard are prepared to accept her behaviour. I would record her on your phone and show her perhaps she doesn't realise how aggressive she is. Poor animal, it is surprising how many horsey people think they have to bully their horses to get the results they want. She may meet one one day that realises how big and strong it is and give her a real fright when it retaliates. Lets hope so anyway.
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Pearlsasinger said:
And yet my first thought when I read about the tripping horse was 'navicular!'
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It could well be, vet care as in vacs up to date, if ones ill the vet will be called etc but with the tripping the horse isn't lame so she won't listen about his feet. They are awful upright boxy feet and he takes very short toe first strides but as far as she's concerned he's fine he's just a lazy git who needs to learn to pick his feet up. Thing is if he trips walking in from the field he jumps about with his head in the air shaking it about with his eyes closed, so sad that he knows what's coming. I'm off to bed now but I'm not sleeping and this is really eating me up. I just don't want my horses to pick up on the fact I'm getting tense and angry cause they are sensitive animals and do know and I hate feeling so angry everyday and its getting to the point that I'm even starting to resent the other girls as I feel that they are accepting this behaviour. Sorry about my spelling I'm tired but no good at spelling anyway so that's no excuse really |o|
 
She is a bully who is scared of them and thinks in her stupid misguided way that it looks big to be this way with them. She is doing it to boost her pathetic ego. Poor poor horses. I have seen people like this and they all fit into this kind of category. Nasty.
 
Maybe she just has issues herself. People often take it out on loved ones, pets, animals anything when they are feeling angry inside. It's no excuse obviously but perhaps she can't see what she is doing.

Ask her why she's so angry all the time? Say that you notice that the horses make her angry and you are concerned for her. See what she says.

If she takes it out on you then she clearly does have issues and probably needs someone to talk to and she doesn't know that yet... people who have emotional issues find it hard to deal with their own emotions and it projects outwards into their daily lives. It's very common, it's just that in this instance she has animals she can abuse. Do hope she doesn't have any children!!!

Anyway, I hope you can find a good way of dealing with this... maybe you are the person to help her deal with her behaviour.
 
tallyho! said:
Maybe she just has issues herself. People often take it out on loved ones, pets, animals anything when they are feeling angry inside. It's no excuse obviously but perhaps she can't see what she is doing.

Ask her why she's so angry all the time? Say that you notice that the horses make her angry and you are concerned for her. See what she says.

If she takes it out on you then she clearly does have issues and probably needs someone to talk to and she doesn't know that yet... people who have emotional issues find it hard to deal with their own emotions and it projects outwards into their daily lives. It's very common, it's just that in this instance she has animals she can abuse. Do hope she doesn't have any children!!!

Anyway, I hope you can find a good way of dealing with this... maybe you are the person to help her deal with her behaviour.
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Thanks that's made me think. I will try that over the next couple of days and see what she says. That's a good way of bringing it up. I do think however I will get told to piss off but I can try.

No she has no children just her horses who she classes as her family but I would like to think family wouldn't get treated that way
 
tallyho! said:
Maybe she just has issues herself. People often take it out on loved ones, pets, animals anything when they are feeling angry inside. It's no excuse obviously but perhaps she can't see what she is doing.

Ask her why she's so angry all the time? Say that you notice that the horses make her angry and you are concerned for her. See what she says.

If she takes it out on you then she clearly does have issues and probably needs someone to talk to and she doesn't know that yet... people who have emotional issues find it hard to deal with their own emotions and it projects outwards into their daily lives. It's very common, it's just that in this instance she has animals she can abuse. Do hope she doesn't have any children!!!

Anyway, I hope you can find a good way of dealing with this... maybe you are the person to help her deal with her behaviour.
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Yes, agree with this. She is in a real mess and possibly has many other issues that you, and maybe even she, is unaware of. I would guess she is actually quite scared of her horses and this is her way of dealing with her fear.. she imagines that by being loud and bossy they will 'know their place'

I feel sorry for you, I once had to share a yard with someone similar, I once saw her kick her horse in the belly because he was resting a hind leg whilst tied up, she screamed at him 'Stand on all four legs what God gave you, you stupid creature' As if he had any idea! I also feel sad for this woman, she can't have a very happy life to behave this way and now she is also missing out on the amazing relationship you can have with a horse, if you are quiet and consistent and understand them.
 
I absolutely hate hearing people calling their horses things like 'knobber' and 'd1ckhead'. Not of course that that's a welfare issue, but it just shows what sort of a disrespectful person they really are IMO. Plus it sounds chavvy.

With regard the physical abuse, I would definitely report her.
 
I only tend to swear at them if they've just trod on my foot, bitten me or (on rare occasions) kicked me, or done something bonkers when I'm riding and nearly given me a heart attack. I work with showjumpers, so it happens more than I'd like :p. I often call them "morons" but it's generally an affectionate term because goodness knows they do some stupid things, but I do love them anyway! For instance, I had one day where one gelding jumped out of the field and in the ensuing excitement, one horse in a neighbouring field pulled one shoe off, and his companion pulled TWO off. For that they became collectively known as "the morons" and the name kind of stuck :p
 
I can't stand abuse of any kind so I'm afraid I would have to say something. Like others have said maybe her own life isn't that great, e.g no boyfriend etc so she takes it out on those poor defenceless creatures. Why don't you try another tact and instead of having a go as such, suggest you go out for a drink and tell her your concerns and try to find out what is behind her behaviour. You never know maybe she might open up to you.

If however she is defensive I would record what you see she is doing ( think you will need proof as it doesn't sound like the others will stick up for you ) and report her to the welfare authority. She cannot be allowed to get away with it.
 
We are creatures of habit and much of how we behave is often partly defined by what is tolerated. As such if she's behaved this way (for whatever reasons or demons in her past); chances are the ignorance/ignoring by others coupled with her long term progressive acts like this has reinforced this behaviour in her mind.


As such it can be very had to change the attitude of someone like this. She's done it for what sounds like a long while. So you've a lot of engrained behaviour she's used to doing that you've got to change. That is doubly hard because she's a mature adult not a child; furthermore she sounds very independent (at least financially/socially so). As such trying to get her to listen to you and make her chance will be a huge up-hill battle.
Even if you can get her to admit that her behaviour is poor/bad you've still got to break the behavioural habits.

I'm not saying its impossible, just that you'd likely have to invest a lot of time into it - along with the emotional baggage that will go with it.


She will be defensive, if she's logical then she's already justified her behaviour to herself and her years of experience will bolster her self of self understanding. So yes she will likely not go down without a battle of wills. A highly experienced and notable individual might have an easier time -- ergo someone "trained" and "experienced" who she'd have some reason to look up to; they might be able to get a quicker response - as at present she might see you as just another rider like her or; more likely; one with less skill/understanding/experience than herself (and its VERY hard to teach even the willing if they don't respect the teacher).




If you've got time and inclination you might get some luck confronting her; otherwise I would look to documenting her behaviour. At the very least you can consider presenting it to the YO as unsuitable behaviour with the message (not threat) that if it continues you will have to report it. The YO might then step in to either correct behaviour or (more likely) ask her to leave.

If nothing happens then report her to one of the several groups already mentioned.




She's likely a sad case; if horses are her life then chances are she's had and got her own demons. Sadly as much as we can sympathise with that its no excuse nor justification (though it is a reason) for her treatment of her horses. It sounds like some action is needed otherwise those horses are just going to live a life of suffering.



As a thought - although its risky - but sometimes people being "shown" their behaviour can force them to come to realise that they are actually doing things that they'd, in a more calm logical moment, find horrific. Sadly that also comes with the risk that as soon as you show the typical person the "evidence" that you've been "spying on them" they can throw up a huge hostile wall. Though one could tackle that by going sideways "I'm producing a video guide on horse training from everyone on the yard" or such (though such ideas can, whilst nice in theory, be impractical in reality).
 
What a horrible person she is. Have you actually asked her why she talks to them in that tone?

Something that you could mention to her is that horses that trip constantly often have a neck problem and a visit from a chiro might help a great deal.

She Sou da as if she is an angry person, I wonder what her life is like.
 
Thanks so much for your ideas, I have read every reply and taken it all in. Travas I am going to ask her the next time I'm around and she does it why she seems so angry with them and go from there based on what she replys. I will update you all on how it goes but I'm not sure I could go as far as taking her out to talk, it has got to the stage I can barely look at her but that's not to say I won't try and help her if I can which if it helps the horses job done :)
 
Micky said:
Do something to help the horses...it could play on your conscious for a very long time otherwise
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I am, hence this thread to see what ideas people have and if anything comes up which would be a better way to deal with things then I would do it, so its all in the pipeline don't worry. I will report back what's happening as things go on.
 
Only scanned through the first post... I gather she's hitting her horse. That asides if I want to call my horse every swear word under the sun, that's my perogative. It's a horse and doesn't know what swear words mean!
 
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