Why do some people talk to their horses like they are pieces of

wench said:
Only scanned through the first post... I gather she's hitting her horse. That asides if I want to call my horse every swear word under the sun, that's my perogative. It's a horse and doesn't know what swear words mean!
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Yes but usually when a derogatory word is used it comes with a derogatory tone and if that is all the horse hears from its owner it doesn't bode well for a good relationship between them. I can't remember the last time I had to shout at or physically push any of mine and they make me smile every day not make me angry. If your horse is making you so angry that you feel the urge to hit out and shout it's time to part ways I thknk.
 
wench said:
Only scanned through the first post... I gather she's hitting her horse. That asides if I want to call my horse every swear word under the sun, that's my perogative. It's a horse and doesn't know what swear words mean!
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When you swear at your horse, what emotions are you feeling in that moment? I personally think this matters, though I am sure others will disagree.
 
This verbal outrage isn't being recognised with just words though; as the OP outlines it also comes with what sounds like excessive whipping of the horse. Thus the horse is going to associate that tone and verbal sound as coming with physical harm. It's going to have an effect.

This isn't just the quick shout of exasperation; this sounds like a more focused form of bullying; or at least serious lack of understanding of suitable training and interaction methods.

Now there are always two sides to every story; but from what we've been told this sounds like its moved from typical one-off exasperation into a form of habbit and more abuse.
 
Arzada said:
I agree. It can't be an 'I love and appreciate you' emotion.
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It can be sometimes. I'm pretty sure that share horse has been called a "d1ckhead" by both me and his owner when he's done something extremely daft but we both do mean it in an affectionate way and it's usually accompanied by laughter at whatever mess he's managed to create. It's just a swearier version of "oh you daft sod" or similar - suppose it depends on how much you swear normally as to whether you think this is a big deal or not. It doesn't have to be said aggressively just cos it's a swearword.

Obviously not excusing what's happened in the OP's example though because that does sound very aggressive, both in tone and action.
 
Quite frankly she doesn't deserve to have horses. There are so many good people who would love them and look after them, to read of something like this going on makes me feel more than a little sick and extremely angry.

Well done you OP for standing up to her, doing so is not an easy thing to do and that is probably why the other people on the yard haven't. I'd strongly suggest you have a chat with one of the welfare charities, they are trained in how to deal with people like this and even if they don't step in themselves, they may be able to help you work out how to approach the problem so that there is no come back on you or your horse. Perhaps they could arrange to 'drop in' to the yard as 'they were passing' at an appropriate time and catch her in the act. They may also want a word with the YO as he/she could be said to be condoning this mistreatment by not saying anything themselves, after all they have a duty to the horses stabled with them just as much as they do the people who own them.
 
Tnavas said:
What a horrible person she is. Have you actually asked her why she talks to them in that tone?

Something that you could mention to her is that horses that trip constantly often have a neck problem and a visit from a chiro might help a great deal.

She Sou da as if she is an angry person, I wonder what her life is like.
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Could be. Could also be a sign of other issues.

I do feel sorry for the poor horse who is trying it's best and so to be beaten for tripping is sad.
 
Have nothing to offer as way of a solution but am sorry for the OP having to deal with this. Some people think they have to dominate their horses. She sounds like that.
 
I would try and gather up some evidence by writing everything down that you see and i would try and film her on your phone or something and show it to the rspca or whw, it's her who should be leaving and having her horses taken off her really, poor things
 
What a terribly sad situation. I found the bit about the horse tripping and then flinching in anticipation particularly upsetting. I would tend to agree with the people who advise gathering evidence. I think you'll be opening yourself up for being a target for her aggression if you try to talk to her about it. I'd write everything down, and film whatever you can. It may be that if she finds out you are doing that, she'll go ballistic, but she can't stop you - and it may give her pause for thought. It depends how brave you feel. I think I'd try to involve someone else at the yard as well. They sound like a spineless lot, but maybe if you can show them some evidence and tell them how it's making you feel. Are they scared of her?

I don't think I could find it in my heart in your situation to do the "take her out for a drink/talk" approach - you are not a trained counciller, and you are angry and emotionally invested (and she knows it) - not the right person to discuss what are probably deep and complex issues for her. I think she'd see any approach as an attack, and be immediately defensive and angry, and you'd end up feeling even worse.
 
I do hope she doesn't take it out on her poor horses even more in anger when she finds out what you have done - just a thought :-)

Going to give mine extra cuddles today and remind him how lucky he is !
 
UPDATE
It came to a head this morning, I was in the stable next to her and she started swearing and I could hear the horse groaning as he was tensing up but unsure what she was doing to him. I just saw red as its been bottling up for so long now and just asked her why she's treating her horses like ****? Her reply was I'm not. So I explained that she's always talking to them in a aggressive tone while swearing and treating them harshly and sometimes beating them and that's why I don't speak or ride with her anymore as last time she beat the **** out the horse while on our ride and her reply was " that's why I don't take a whip with me anymore" so she knows what she's doing. At this point she burst out crying saying she's tired and loves her horses to bit so I said show it to them because all they get is aggression and no love at all and I explained I'm even looking at stables to move away just to get away from her abuse as I leave the yard every evening upset by what I have to put up with. She said she wouldn't want me to leave because of her, so I said u have to change your ways but think it will be hard as its gone on so long its ingrained into her. I did also say that if she feels her treatment is exceptable then carry on but I will be filming and recording and see what WHW says which made her drop her mouth. I feel so much better for getting it all out, I didnt shout and scream I went to her stable and spoke to her like a normal conversation but she was v easily upset by it but showed no aggregation towards me. I'm hoping it will make her think as surely its going to play on her mind for a while but I honestly think deep down she has problems and needs help.
 
i actually feel a bit sorry for her. good on you for calling it out though but she doesn't sound very happy herself.
 
thatsmygirl said:
The thing is though one of my horses is half blind with eyes failing but he knows where he is and is fine but if I moved him I'm not sure he would cope with it and with his age.
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It is a choice. Worry about your own horses or worry about hers. It is hard on livery yards with horrid people. I survive by keeping to myself, worry about my own horses and come at times that avoid people I do not want to meet. Luckily the yard I am on at the moment has none of these kind of people it is very refreshing.

I just read your update. Sounds like it might have had an impact on her. Hope she changes her ways now. She sounds like someone who does not know how to treat a horse properly and puts human emotions on them which they cannot understand for example they are not naughty children rolling deliberately to annoy her. If you want to be friendly could you buy her a decent horse care book, one with advice about horse behaviour and handling in it? She did not flip out at you which if she was really horrid she probably would have so maybe she would appreciate some help?
 
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Well done you for acting in a calm and controlled manner and not letting rip which is what a lot of us would have done. Let's hope it's struck a chord with her. But do ensure you follow up your threat - she has been warned . Let us know how it goes.
 
The Fuzzy Furry said:
Well done OP on taking that (scarey) 1st step in confronting her. Perhaps you might have just started to make her think about how others see her?
If you want any help (have missed this thread till today, but now read it from the start) drop me a PM x
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Thanks very much :) it's such as horrid suituation and I hate it, its my pleasure dealing with my horses and every day I end up leaving with very high emotions because of this suituation which must stop
 
Well done! I hope I have the strength to do what you did this morning if I came across anything like this. She obviously knows that her actions are inexcusable but your fellow liveries have essentially given her permission to continue by ignoring the abuse. The fact her jaw dropped when you told her you would film her should hopefully give her pause before she lashes out. We should all strive to behave in a manner that wouldn't give anyone reason to feel uncomfortable with our actions.
 
Well done OP for remaining calm, when you had so much bottled up. I hate bottling things - I'm known for speaking my mind, and it's not always popular or easy, but it does stop things building up and it generally makes ME feel better in that whatever the outcome, I've done what I think I should.

You have a channel of communication now, and it strikes me that she might see you as a lifeline, if she actually takes time to reflect on what's been going on. You may already have done some real good here. Be strong! x
 
Well done OP, I do feel very sorry for the other lady involved as she obviously has a lot going on - it sounds like she's not aware of exactly how bad this has become and she needs a wake up call and a shoulder to cry on at the same time.
it sounds like she has other issues, and is getting frustrated and taking it out on her horses.

It does sound like she may need professional help, however your interest is the welfare of the horses - would you have time to help her out when she's at the yard or even offer help if you notice she begins to get aggressive/frustrated at her horses? or any where she could go to take a 5 minute break if she gets frustrated to calm down?

you did the best thing by confronting her - but for there to be any change I think this lady will need some support, and imo she definitely needs professional help as her reaction suggests deep underlying issues.
 
Sags_Deer said:
No wonder she is single. She I clearly a hormonal crazy lady who is screwed up. But by heck if I saw someone doing that to a horse I know what I'd like to do back. 😡😡
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It's a very hard situation and if I went in and battered her its not going to improve anything. Iv had days when I could off but hopefully talking to her will help her see her way. With any luck
 
You never know what she is going through. It doesn't excuse her behaviour, that goes without saying but maybe now you have spoken to her she will look to you for help.

For those who say they'd beat HER up to be honest answering violence with violence is rarely the answer anyway is it? OP is trying to educate her out of her ways not convince her that is the way rational people deal with their issues.
 
Think I would be finding a quiet moment when no one is around and take a whip across the back of legs to see how she finds that...no witnesses obviously!
 
Well done thatsmygirl - it was incredibly brave of you to confront her and also I really admire your self-control not to have shouted and sworn at her like she does her horses.

I really hope there is a way forward for you here that means you can enjoy the time you spend with your horses again. x x
 
Well done - now you've opened the door to communication with her, ask her what it is that made her want to have horses in the first place....she needs to be reminded of all the wonderful things about them. It sounds like hers are particularly tolerant and patient and loving...not all of them would put up with being treated like that.
 
It does sound as if she recognises what she is doing. It's a great first step in dealing with what is troubling her. The fact she was opening up is fantastic.

I think your gentle friendly approach will yield more than being aggressive and threatening ever would, as then you would be no better than she is.

I hope she continues to open up and let this anger out, it sounds as if you are willing to be a helping hand which is lovely!!

You're a truly caring person thatsmygirl! Hats off!!keep doing what you're doing...
 
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