Why do time wasters make a hard decision harder?

flaxen

flaxen

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I have had to put my beloved hombred 2yr old up for sale due to having a baby and husband not helping and also cant afford child care so am unable to go back to work so cant pay for them.

I have had 1 person ring from other end of the country wanting to pay for him monthly.

I have had 2 people arrange to view then not bother turning up with no explanation or the decentcy to return call.

Despite horses description Ive had someone wanting him for a complete novice.

Ive had someone else wanting to view him but they say they can only afford half of what hes priced at.

Ive been completly honest in his advert but all I seem to be getting is time wasters.

Its a hard and upsetting sale which I wouldnt be doing if baby didnt exist but the only choice I have as I cant afford to pay to have him broken, I dont get any time to spend with him except to muck out at 6am every morning before baby wakes up and have about 30 mins on an evening to bed down, get them in, change rugs and pick feet out as thats the longest she will sit in her pram for.
 
Why can't your husband have the baby while u do the horses?
tax credits pay for my child care, have u looked into that?
I would explain this to your husband and ask for help.
I use to park the car outside the stable with my child so I could multi task.
 
Have you considered sending him away to one of those youngstock yards - just to be turned away with a load of other babies? Don't believe they are very expensive at all. What about a loan? Some people just like to play with babies.

Best of luck though - hard decision
 
Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
 
Blimey Gingerwitch, that was to the point. I do tend to agree with you though. Circumstances often change for all of us but few tend to look ahead further than next week, and think what would
happen before they take on a horse.
 
I don't understand the need for that comment! Someone is looking for advice and support and people come out with things like that! If I had started the thread and got a comment like that I would be deeply hurt and upset by it!
 
Harsh but I agree with Gingerwitch to a degree. I would never have bred a foal only to have to give it up at 2. There are too many horses in the world as it is.
 
The day does not start at 6am, I was up and at the yard by 5am when i was nursing the big lad, and still doing last night checks at gone half 10, and i did this for months.

Have you seen the sad news posted recently on here, the poor young horses that really are "beloved" whose owners would have done anything for and have been lost due to some horrid quirk of nature - not because someone has not thought their action through,

I cant turn feelings on and off, depending on the size of my purse, or when the new shiney baby comes along - so i dont really care how harsh my post is - when folks stop breeding without thinking of the long term then we wont have as many ruined horses, or onces that are destined for slaughter.
 
I do tend to agree with Gingerwitch I'm afraid and personally I feel people (as in the couple) need to make these decisions before having babies. If you really want to keep your horse you find a way (in my mind) and I do wonder why on earth your husband can't help with the baby - he halped make it after all!! People have managed with young babies and horses for years and a 2 yo horse does not NEED excessive amounts of attention in reality, as long as it has food, water and all the neccesities are taken care of they do ok, you don't HAVE to break in a youngster at a particular age.

Do you not have any friends who could help you out? If I was in this position, I still would be asking why my husband couldn't help if he cared about how i felt about my horse?!!
 
If my husband was that much of an ass that he wouldn't help with HIS child then I'd leave him. My other half doesn't help with the horses unless he really has to, but does more than his fair share of looking after our son!
 
I think I would get shot of the husband and the baby, keep the 2 year old horse it would be more fulfilling than the other option no question!

Time wasters are everywhere in buying circles, it just a fact of life, it sounds to me as though you don't want to sell at all, therefore every buyer will have a fault, If I were you I would have a rethink about what to do, afterall that baby will be in playgroup/pre-school before you know it and you will have time on your hands, also let your husband know that its 2012 and not 1812 and that he has to help out with baby too!

Good Luck!
 
If you love your horse and want to keep it then look for grass livery. It will do a 2yr old no harm to live out with daily checks and minimal attention for a year. It will also be cheaper. Then you can save for a decent sales livery when the horse is three and more saleable.

I have to say you really should have given this some thought when you bred your foal, and before you took the decision to have a baby yourself. You also had plenty of time during your pregnancy to sort out how you would cope with a baby and a horse, for example making it clear that husband would need to help with either baby or horse.
 
Gingerwitch said:
Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
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Bit uncalled for. If people didn't sell their horses, how would you have got yours? Circumstances change and have you ever thought that (no offence OP) that the baby may not actually have been planned? With a baby to care for you simply CANNOT work 24 hours a day that is just silly, where would you find time for a horse while you were working? what enjoyment would be gained, you would end up resenting it.
It is also simply not feasible to disturb a young baby from it's sleep to go and do the horse. It is also none of our business why the father is unwilling to help out.
OP was just putting things in writing to hopefully feel better but in true HHO style the witches came out and jumped!!
Yes, you should think long and hard before breeding but sometimes you have to make the best of a bad situation and there are better ways of putting things than the way you wrote this comment. NASTY.
OP you have 2 options - try ringing local studs. Some take youngstock on grass livery so this will take the pressure off, you can either leave the horse there or sell from there. There will be someone who will turn out a good owner just takes time.
 
I had 3 horses on DIY livery when I fell pregnant, It was not planned, I was on the pill, just one of the tiny percentage who it failed for.

I went back to work part time and got tax credits to help pay for childcare. I was a single mum and my mum had the baby a couple of evenings a week. I also got him into the routine of sleeping while I mucked out.

It's hard, but it can be done.
 
Gingerwitch said:
Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
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very uncalled for. she obviously loves her horse- otherwise she would have sent it to the first buyer who turned up.
Maybe the pregnancy was unplanned? You do not know her life story.
She is putting the baby first- which IMO a baby should come before anything else

all the OP was asking for was a little bit of support, she is obviously upset by having to sell her horse in the first place- let alone people like you knocking her down and bullying.
 
Ginger witch that is totally uncalled for. You have no ideal of the op's circumstances. For all you know she could have a violent husband or PND.

Flaxen I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I still feel you need to tackle the bigger picture, which will be hard but better for you in the long run.
 
My baby was a complete surprise, I panicked but I manage. I go to the yard before OH goes to work (and before baby gets up) and if I need to go through the day she comes with me and either toddles around or eats raisins in her pram and then I go when OH is home if I want to work him or play etc. I went back to work when she was 3 months old - just part time so child care wasn't much of an issue but I earnt enough to pay for my horse and a bit towards the bills so I didn't feel bad for OH paying for everything. If you go to work and do 16 hrs you get tax credits and help with childcare which may help you keep your horse?
 
I suspect that you may be better getting rid of the husband and keeping the horse.
If he wont help with the child now he never will so you might as well get used to managing by yourself. Ask local farmers, some of them will let you turn a youngster away for a year or two for not a lot of money.
 
Why cant you take the baby with you to the yard?

I had horses during and after pregnancy, and just take them to the yard with me.

Why wont your husband help? He needs a boot up the Wazoo to be honest.
 
maisie06 said:
Bit uncalled for. If people didn't sell their horses, how would you have got yours? Circumstances change and have you ever thought that (no offence OP) that the baby may not actually have been planned? With a baby to care for you simply CANNOT work 24 hours a day that is just silly, where would you find time for a horse while you were working? what enjoyment would be gained, you would end up resenting it.
It is also simply not feasible to disturb a young baby from it's sleep to go and do the horse. It is also none of our business why the father is unwilling to help out.
OP was just putting things in writing to hopefully feel better but in true HHO style the witches came out and jumped!!
Yes, you should think long and hard before breeding but sometimes you have to make the best of a bad situation and there are better ways of putting things than the way you wrote this comment. NASTY.
OP you have 2 options - try ringing local studs. Some take youngstock on grass livery so this will take the pressure off, you can either leave the horse there or sell from there. There will be someone who will turn out a good owner just takes time.
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Agree with this, I think some of the reply's have been a little uncalled for. I have a daughter who wasn't planned & had to give up work when I had her (for reasons I can't go into), but I have been lucky enough to have supportive family & OH which has allowed me to keep my horses, but not everyone is this lucky. As others have said have a look into grass livery as that will take some strain off you.

OP I hope it all works out for you & you can find a solution for you & your horse :)
 
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Alot of posts condemning OP, but as we dont all know her situation it does seem a little harsh. How do we know her OH doesnt work really long shifts & it totally knackered when hes home, having a baby is taxing on both parents & its a total shock to the system & also very life changing. Personally if i was in OP's shoes i would find grass livery & turn it out so its less work, making a rash decision under stress of a new baby is not good & you can almost guarantee that you will regret it later down the line. Let your life settle down, get used to the routine with a baby & then make a clear decision without anything else influencing you. You will find a few months down the line life will get easier :)
 
Poor OP. A brief search of previous posts will reveal what an impossible situation the poor woman is in. Some nasty thoughtless posts on here. I would be thoroughly ashamed if I'd ripped into her without first making sure I knew the facts.
 
amymay said:
Tell your OH to get his priorities in order.

And agree about grass livery. Perfect solution.
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iirc the horse is at her OHs farm anyway and there are turnout limits.

I do think many posts have been quite harsh, hopefully the OP has created a nice well handled 2 year old for someone else to take on.
 
OP, I am really sorry but if I were you (having read one of your previous posts), I would put the 2 year old on grass livery - he really will be fine living out with other youngsters, even if you send him to a stud where they do all the daily checks etc and you see him when you can. I would then take the chance to leave that uncaring louse of a husband you have and move back with my parents, or other family member whilst I got housing sorted out. Men don't tend to change wholeheartedly overnight so I am assuming he was fairly self-centred and a lazy arse prior to becoming a father but I would not wish to be with anyone who thought it was a chore to take care of their own children. Being tired is no excuse, I know a policeman friend who does long 12 hour shifts but when he walks in the door to his children he is ready to play/cook etc, whatever is needed, in order to be their dad.

Solve one problem at a time, get horse safely settled, then work on your own future. He won't improve in time I fear....
 
Some people need to realise there are more to life than horses. Don't be so quick to judge, it's quite obvious this is a difficult situation for OP to be in.

All these people that put their horses at a higher priority than anything else had better be prepared for a lonely life.....
 
So sorry you are having a long drawn out, upsetting sale! The people who make an appointment and never turn up are the worst!

Realistically we're coming up to winter and it's going to be tough to sell any horse, is it worth re-thinking the asking price for a quick sale?
 
Auslander said:
Poor OP. A brief search of previous posts will reveal what an impossible situation the poor woman is in. Some nasty thoughtless posts on here. I would be thoroughly ashamed if I'd ripped into her without first making sure I knew the facts.
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Well said, there are a few who should hang their heads! Must be great to be so sorted that nothing would ever shake their worlds.
OP, I have seen previous posts from you, and I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. I agree that grass livery may be the best thing at the moment. It would give you some breathing space and maybe give you a chance to figure out your way forward. Ignore the awful comments from some here, uncalled for, and totally unfair.
 
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