Why does everyone give up?

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M'n'M

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This may be a pity party so feel free to slip away!

I've been having some problems with my horse Molly for the past few weeks and everyone is giving up on us! My mom is basically telling me to sell her because I can't do it, my trainer said if I can't fix her I'm gonna have to sell her. I mean, really? We've only been having this problem for a couple weeks. Yeah,it's bad. But why can't they have some faith? I'm working off my board and training throughhard physical labor. I'm doing everything I can and it's jsut gonna take a while. I'm so tired of every single person telling me I can't do anything and I can't handle my horse.

Me and Molly have come so far in the past four years that there is no way I can sell her. She's gotten me through depression, loss, a new school, and been my best friend. If for some reason I can't fix her I'd rather keep her as a pasture pet. But I'm not selling her because no one else would be kind to her.

Why can't anyone understand this? I'm only 18 for cryin' out loud! I've got some learning to do and then I can fix her!

Tell me some success stories or something, I need to hear it, as everyone around me is bringing me down. :(

Cookies for anyone who reads this loooong complaint :o
 
You've had her 4 years but the problems have only been for the last few weeks? Have you had her back, teeth and tack checked? What is it exactly that she's doing?
 
Why not try explaining her issues and seeing if there are any HHOers that have experience of it that can offer help. This forum is full of horsey genius.
 
I have a little success, in just 9months my horse is like a totally different horse

Dont get me wrong she can be the devil child when she wants but i think a friend saying 'what have you bought that for' made me want to prove a point and give me the boot i needed :)

You know what she 'can' be like, so there is definatly a reason why she isn't that at the moment :rolleyes:
 
Hi, You are not giving up, you just need help, so you ask someone better qualified to help you thats all. It staggers me the amount of people that give you well meaning advice when you don't need it and when you hit a problem, they stand there with their mouths open. All you have to do is prove them wrong....:)
 
Maybe you just need to ask people who are willing to help and listen.

On the other hand have people given you advice and you've not taken it or had the time, money etc to do what is needed?

If that's not the issue then don't give up, believe in your self, your horse and tackle the problem in stages with people who are experienced in what ever it is your dealing with.

Sometimes people including your parents maybe think they are helping by telling you to sell her, that's perhaps their way of careing and wanting what's best, specially at 18 when you maybe doing ecams
 
Stupid phone, sorry was saying doing exams or seeking work, going to uni etc so its less stress on you?

Have you explained to them how much it means to you to keep her and work through the issues?
 
Thanks so much for the encouragement! You al have made me feel much better.

You've had her 4 years but the problems have only been for the last few weeks? Have you had her back, teeth and tack checked? What is it exactly that she's doing?
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Nah, she came with a bag of problems. But I have fixed almost all of them to hwere she is basically a safe horse. She barely ever rears anymore, she is gentle and willing. She only has a trailer issue that we recently solved but for some reason we've taken a step back again.

The problem is that I've tried every trainer I can afford and even the good ones end up beating her because she's the type who knows how to get under your skin.

I'm going to keep at it and thank you all so much!

P.S - she just got a vet check and her teeth done, so she's all healthy, no worries :)
 
You can't beat a stubbon or scared horse into a trailer, if these are the sort of people who give up on a horse then try beating her in because they loose their patience 'their way' isn't working and turn round to you and advise you to sell up then their really not all that their cracked up to be are they?
 
I second the fact that if they try to beat a horse into a trailer they are far from a good trainer!

It sounds like groundwork is an issue, so I'd suggest a Monty Roberts Recommended Associate, they are usually pretty good with loading issues.
 
MnM I have a very similar problem and if I was 18 and my mum saw me getting barged around/trodden on she would probably saying the same!! The key to this issue is gaining respect and control on the ground before attempting to load. I would recommend watching how Clinton Anderson works with horses. I have had someone out this weekend to show me the sending exercises/backing up etc with total control. My horse and I are much much happier already. Even this morning (only 2 days after the session with Phil) my horse is focussing more on me and the questions that I am asking than gawking around the place and throwing his weight around. Be patient and firm, and reassure your Mum that you are on top of things and that you cannot give up on your horse. Good Luck
 
If it is a trailer issue then you want an NH/IH horseman instructor. Trailer issues are relatively easy to fix, though may take some time and effort. I had the worst horse in the world for trailer loading, what I have learnt from him (and some brilliant instructors) has made me confident enough to deal with most trailer issues.

But do you need to use a trailer at the moment, can you ride locally, hack and enjoy your horse until you have the time and resources to deal with this. Look at your options. I understand that you do not want to sell him, there will be alternatives, just have a cool head. If your instructor is advising you to sell, they probably just do not know what to offer next.
 
M'n'M said:
my trainer said if I can't fix her I'm gonna have to sell her.
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You need a different trainer. One that fixes the problem, sets the horse up so that you can do it too and then supports you while you fill in the gaps.

If it is any consolation I have a horse that every time I mention his name I get "I think you should have him put down". It gets very tedious.
 
My mare had serious trailer issues when I first got her, it used to take me ages and ages and ages to get her in, trying everything from feed to bribery to trying to "out sit" her (never ever beating her though, which i'm sure would make it worse !) sometimes we used to get her on then i'd end up riding home from shows because she wouldn't go back on full stop.

One day we were having one of our many many practice sessions at home and a old traveller type came onto the yard trying to sell something, he started chatting to me and suggested dropping the front ramp, gods honest truth the mare walked straight on, so she got praise and titbit, took her off and back round and straight on, I have literally never had a problem since, just simply leave front ramp open until she's in then shut front and back up and away we go, of course this is no help if trailer doesn't have a front ramp.

Good luck and stick with her but be kind, but firm with her, it will pay off. ;)
 
Yep been here - 'sell it, its dangerous'. 'why don;t you just sell it and get one that does everything' OH even offered me a big budget to buy said horse that does 'everything'!!

In the last few weeks we've been doing liberty work and the pleasure I get from him choosing to stay with me and follow subtle requests is priceless, as is seeing my 9yo son turn out, bring in, rug and groom the same horse that 4 years ago couldn't be lead 10m without rearing.

Keep at it, you'll get there and sometimes its easier to work without a trainer if all they bring you is negative vibes, Experts are all well and good but sometimes all you need to do is listen to your horse and your instinct. :)
 
As many have said, change instructor, that's no way to go about working with a horse to solve any issue.

I have one that has had me on spinal boards but I refused to stop with him and through working with an instructor that has a lot of Natural Horsemanship in her repetoire, without it being the only way to do things, he has improved immensely.

Fingers crossed you find someone who will actually help you, not make the problem worse
 
Honey08 said:
Lol. Part full of genius, part full of....non genius!
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Hey, no one says that you have to religiously follow the advice, but someone may give you an inspiration for a way forward .... in the past when I have posted I have had replies that don't fit - but some that give me a new direction to look to - the knack is using the information intelligently??

Question though, if everyone is saying sell, do they think someone else can help the horse, and if so how (or do they think it is dangerous and just want to dump in on someone else??).
 
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