Why is my dog turning on my parents?

[ForeverBroke_]

Hi all,

I have a nearly 1.5yr old Border Collie (male) who is as bonkers as you would expect but is generally a complete and utter sop. Very tactile, insists on being stroked/patted etc and is generally very pleased to be around people / almost a bit needy if anything. We've had him since he was 8 weeks old.

My parents (who I live with) are both in their 60s/70s. My dad walks him in the morning, and then I do in the evening (1hr each time) and he gets a fairly intense fetch game each day in the early afternoon also as he absolutely loves it and I think it fulfills his need to have a bit of a 'job.' He's very intelligent and also pretty obedient too.

The only issue we are increasingly getting is that he will turn on my mother. She is very passive, and doesn't really have all that much to do with him apart form the usual pet interactions around the house. She has early on-set dementia also..As said, he has increasingly started to turn on her. He will snarl, growl / raise his hackles and snap / bite her. I've unfortunately never been present to see it, but my sister has and she said that my mum was just sat on the sofa and he was sat with her all daft/affectionate and then turned on her in a split second. She is absolutely bottom of the pecking order in his eyes, but I just can't wrap my head around why he's doing it when she isn't provoking him.

Please could I have some insight, as my poor mum is becoming terrified of him, and given her condition it's quite tricky to explain to her how to potentially behave around him especially in those instances.

Thanks again x

 

[SOS]

Collies are bred to herd. They are highly intelligent and (seperately) very active. He gets moderate activity, not heavy, so the active side is fairly well covered. It sounds like his intelligence side isn’t. You need to learn how to exercise his mind, but I’d get a positive reinforcement dog trainer to help you with this and in the meantime keep him well away from your mum.

I’m sorry your mum is ill but it’s not safe for someone who is unsure of their actions to be interacting with a dog that’s highly intelligent and has shown aggression. Your dog is treating her like a herd animal, collies have it ingrained to learn body language and react off it. If the subject doesn’t respond then they tell them to respond, through growling, snapping and nipping. We have told them to do this for hundreds of years and bred them to pick up on body language better and better. It’s likely the dog is becoming frustrated at not receiving a normal response and will escalate its behaviour.

Please seek help on avoiding the aggressive behaviour and exercising his mind. Be very cautious of forum advise on aggressive dogs.

 

[SusieT]

He needs to be separate from your mum, by a baby gate or crate or similar. Particulalry as she hasn't got the mental faculties to change the situation.
My guess is she is missing cues that he is unhappy but you need to separate him from the situation. Is he neutered?

 

[ForeverBroke_]

Collies are bred to herd. They are highly intelligent and (seperately) very active. He gets moderate activity, not heavy, so the active side is fairly well covered. It sounds like his intelligence side isn’t. You need to learn how to exercise his mind, but I’d get a positive reinforcement dog trainer to help you with this and in the meantime keep him well away from your mum.

I’m sorry your mum is ill but it’s not safe for someone who is unsure of their actions to be interacting with a dog that’s highly intelligent and has shown aggression. Your dog is treating her like a herd animal, collies have it ingrained to learn body language and react off it. If the subject doesn’t respond then they tell them to respond, through growling, snapping and nipping. We have told them to do this for hundreds of years and bred them to pick up on body language better and better. It’s likely the dog is becoming frustrated at not receiving a normal response and will escalate its behaviour.

Please seek help on avoiding the aggressive behaviour and exercising his mind. Be very cautious of forum advise on aggressive dogs.

Thanks so much for this. You've kind of hit the nail on the head with my concerns regarding my mum. I feel like he doesn't have a clue whether he's coming or going possibly and just reacts on that basis. I really appreciate your advice, thank you.

 

[ForeverBroke_]

He needs to be separate from your mum, by a baby gate or crate or similar. Particulalry as she hasn't got the mental faculties to change the situation.
My guess is she is missing cues that he is unhappy but you need to separate him from the situation. Is he neutered?

No, not neutered yet. I was wondering whether it would make a difference but have heard such mixed opinions on neutering I was unsure on what was best to do.

 

[AmyMay]

No, not neutered yet. I was wondering whether it would make a difference but have heard such mixed opinions on neutering I was unsure on what was best to do.

It won’t make a blind bit of difference in this situation.

I’m sorry to say it, but I’d be thinking very seriously about rehoming him.

 

[SAujla]

https://apdt.co.uk/

If you need to find a positive reinforcement trainer in your area

 

[twiggy2]

Neutering is not going to change his behaviour towards your mum.
Is he a very confident dog (most collies aren't), castration a dog that is not brimming with confidence often makes the situation worse and removing his testicles is not magically going to mean your dog and your mum can understand each others body language.
It does sound like miss communication and or that your mum makes the dog feel nervous, does your mum have 'vacant' momentsetc?
I agree keep the dog seperate from your mum before its a serious bite she receives and seek help to engage and work your dogs brain, to be honest I believe most dogs (especially herding breeds) probably find chasing a ball stressful, every fibre of their being is bred to bring it back and it just gets thrown again.
Scent work, searching, working for food, calm stationary work all work the dogs brain and create calm, ball chasing doesn't.
Pm if I can help further.

 

[CorvusCorax]

Dogs can sense when humans are ill/'different' and the changes in your Mum's behaviour/movement/reactions will probably be unsettling/scary for him.
My own dogs in the past have had extreme reactions to people who were drunk, for example.
I'd either rehome him or put in place a system where they have no contact. Interactions will be extremely stressful for them both and if you can't be there all the time and your dad and sister don't understand what's happening, it's not safe.

 

[ForeverBroke_]

Rehoming him is something very much ' in the hat' so to speak, as much as it would devastate me. I am also allowed dogs at work with me, so bringing him with me is a possible second option I'm just not sure how he would cope. If it did work, it would mean he was with me all day until I hopefully move away later this year and he can come with me.

 

[ForeverBroke_]

Neutering is not going to change his behaviour towards your mum.
Is he a very confident dog (most collies aren't), castration a dog that is not brimming with confidence often makes the situation worse and removing his testicles is not magically going to mean your dog and your mum can understand each others body language.
It does sound like miss communication and or that your mum makes the dog feel nervous, does your mum have 'vacant' momentsetc?
I agree keep the dog seperate from your mum before its a serious bite she receives and seek help to engage and work your dogs brain, to be honest I believe most dogs (especially herding breeds) probably find chasing a ball stressful, every fibre of their being is bred to bring it back and it just gets thrown again.
Scent work, searching, working for food, calm stationary work all work the dogs brain and create calm, ball chasing doesn't.
Pm if I can help further.

I hadn't thought of the stress it might be causing him to bring it back and then have it thrown again, that makes perfect sense. I'll get looking into the other forms of exercise you've mentioned. Thanks so much.

 

[Red-1]

I'm afraid that in this situation I too would re-home the dog. Your mum has a right to feel safe at home. If she has dementia, even a baby gate or similar would only be a short term solution. I have been/am going down the dementia road with a parent, it is hard enough without a snappy dog.

I believe there is a collie specialist rescue who would understand the dog and be able to safely train and re-home.

 

[ForeverBroke_]

I'm afraid that in this situation I too would re-home the dog. Your mum has a right to feel safe at home. If she has dementia, even a baby gate or similar would only be a short term solution. I have been/am going down the dementia road with a parent, it is hard enough without a snappy dog.

I believe there is a collie specialist rescue who would understand the dog and be able to safely train and re-home.

Thank you, yes I believe that I am familiar with them (they're in my back pocket if all else fails and I'm confident they would do an amazing job by him).

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

If you can take the dog to work, I would do that tomorrow, see how he copes, if he is ok and you will definitely be moving home soon, you will probably be able to keep mum and dog safe by judicious use of baby gates/crate. There is also an organisation which arranges fostering of dogs caught up in domestic violence situations, the dog goes back to the family when the victims are re-housed. I can't remember their name but it might be worth contacting them to ask if they could organise a foster placement for him, until you are in a position to move house.

 

[SusieT]

I'd neuter him as the next step - surgically preferably or chemically (wears off in time) if you are truely worried about effects- testosterone can badly affect adolescent males and the removal of it can really help - in my experience. I still would keep them separate. I'd also consult a behaviourist.

 

[AmyMay]

What part of the country are you OP?

 

[skinnydipper]

I'd neuter him as the next step - surgically preferably or chemically (wears off in time) if you are truely worried about effects- testosterone can badly affect adolescent males and the removal of it can really help - in my experience. I still would keep them separate. I'd also consult a behaviourist.

I am curious to know why you are suggesting castration as a solution.

 

[Clodagh]

If you can take the dog to work, I would do that tomorrow, see how he copes, if he is ok and you will definitely be moving home soon, you will probably be able to keep mum and dog safe by judicious use of baby gates/crate. There is also an organisation which arranges fostering of dogs caught up in domestic violence situations, the dog goes back to the family when the victims are re-housed. I can't remember their name but it might be worth contacting them to ask if they could organise a foster placement for him, until you are in a position to move house.

It is the dog committing the violence .

 

[AmyMay]

It is the dog committing the violence .

Deleted as I misread it

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

It is the dog committing the violence .

Yes I know that, except that isn't really the case. I was trying to think of somewhere that would foster the dog on a temporary basis, rather than as many welfare organisations do, and insist that the dog is rehomed on a permanent basis.

 

[Clodagh]

I got that’s really, I was being flippant.
I’m not sure if any charity would foster a known biter though.

 

[Supertrooper]

Dogs can sense when humans are ill/'different' and the changes in your Mum's behaviour/movement/reactions will probably be unsettling/scary for him.
My own dogs in the past have had extreme reactions to people who were drunk, for example.
I'd either rehome him or put in place a system where they have no contact. Interactions will be extremely stressful for them both and if you can't be there all the time and your dad and sister don't understand what's happening, it's not safe.

I’ve known a dog recently totally change behaviour wise due to one owner developing dementia. A collie also.

Sadly the lady had to go into a home and dog calmed down almost straight away

 

[{97702}]

Dogs know about dementia, in the same way that they know when one of their own pack is failing and developing dementia. I've seen it happen a couple of times with my dogs and it isn't nice.

I love my dogs more than anything but I would 100% be re-homing this collie as sadly I don't think you can guarantee that all your family will be 100% vigilant 100% of the time to protect your mum - that isn't intended to be disrespectful to them in any way, but we are all human and accidents do happen. In this particular case the consequences of such an accident would be unbearable.

Either that or I would be moving out and finding a house of my own immediately.

 

[Goldenstar]

You must stop contact between the Dog and your Mum now .
Then it’s rehome or you moving out with the dog .
This won’t get better .
Tough situation .

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I got that’s really, I was being flippant.
I’m not sure if any charity would foster a known biter though.

My understanding is that the dog hasn't bitten *yet*.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

I have known people who have crates in their car and take their dog to work with them. When weather is suitable dog stays in the car. Only possible of course if your place of work has its own parking, ours did. I would be trying the taking to work route first and/or looking into doggy daycare. Since you are already going to be moving out it is a case of managing the situation till you do. You definitely cannot go on as you are, too risky to your mum.

 

[Goldenstar]

Doggy day care is a good idea it would get out of the problem short term .

 

[ForeverBroke_]

Thanks for all your replies. I'm in the South East (Kent) Amymay.

Pooch has come to the office today. Had a good run this morning and I'll take him out at lunch for another hour. At the moment he's quite happy greeting everyone and playing with his toys, so hopefully he will be quiet until my lunch break where I can take him for another burn out. Hopefully he'll snooze all afternoon.

I was due to move out before lock-down, but everything with my house got put on hold and its just taking time to get rolling again, so it is 'in motion,' but I am just concerned on how to manage the situation between now and then. Hopefully this routine will work! It's so sad, as he's a lovely boy and Mum actually really loves him too - which is why it's so upsetting when he does get defensive/aggressive. He's not bitten yet, but obviously I need to avoid that at all costs regardless.

 

[Clodagh]

As said, he has increasingly started to turn on her. He will snarl, growl / raise his hackles and snap / bite her. x

I’m glad he hasn’t actually bitten her, but you did say that he had.
I hope he can settle happily at work with you.

 

[ForeverBroke_]

I’m glad he hasn’t actually bitten her, but you did say that he had.
I hope he can settle happily at work with you.

It's more a nip I guess, he hasn't ever broken the skin - but it's as close as I'd like to get.