Why is the horse world so bitchy?

[horsesatemymoney]

No, it's not in everyone's nature to want to better others. Many people are kind, supportive and enjoy others' successes.

I'm rather glad you and your sister aren't on my yard. Laughing together behind peoples' backs? Not nice at all. I have much more interesting things to talk about with my own sister than other peoples' business.

This^ IMO, the people who are nice to your face and then bitch behind your back are actually the worse! Just ignore people who do thigs which you do't like, unless it's a welfare issue then take appropriate action.

 

[Marydoll]

This^ IMO, the people who are nice to your face and then bitch behind your back are actually the worse! Just ignore people who do thigs which you do't like, unless it's a welfare issue then take appropriate action.

Ah yes the good old frenemy, more faces than the town clock and usually only friendly when they need something from you.

 

[Fluffy bunny]

Ah yes the good old frenemy, more faces than the town clock and usually only friendly when they need something from you.

This is soooo true!

Thank you for all responses, I posted this late last night when I was in the doldrums! I know there are nice people out there and am now lucky to be on a lovely quiet yard. It just makes me sad that you can't take some people at face value

 

[horsesatemymoney]

Ah yes the good old frenemy, more faces than the town clock and usually only friendly when they need something from you.

That made me laugh! So true!

 

[PandorasJar]

I find the horsey world seems to fit into two camps. Horsey people and people with horses.

People with horses want to spend time with their horses, whether it be from cuddling a field ornament to competing. Any comments will come from a real base of concern/curiosity (and I love the fact people around me question things I do as we get a discussion on why we do these things, rather than why one way is gospel). They genuinely love the horse or the sport or both.

Horsey people have a horse for status and would be equally happy with a very fast car, as long as it was too dangerous for anyone else to drive and came with a clique of people who would comment on how amazing their car was and how no one else could drive their own cars properly, even though their own fancy car is more often sat in the garage than taken out and admired from the coffee room

I think on forums it is worse as it's very easy to misread a comments tone or meaning or to respond on the facts given and not a whole story. There are also cases that I'd mention I'd never do something and someone will interpret as they shouldn't... normally it's simply an opinion and in real life would prompt a discussion rather than an argument. There are also a lot of extreme cases all bundled into one on here, recently there have been a few people who (based on their threads) I don't see a happy ending for them or their horse, on a forum it's easy for several people to jump in, in reality people would probably rather keep out of watching it.

 

[PandorasJar]

Joys of keepin horses in a private field

^^ Amazing how much easier ours are now back with us and no liveries! Would never go the yard route again.

 

[indie999]

I agree with some comments on here. But I think it is less snobby than years ago in the horse world. But I have come to the conclusion that a lot (& yes I mean a lot) think they are good horse people and the worse are those that claim they are ANIMAL LOVERs(cats, dogs etc). I do think it is more a predominant woman thing bitch....ess. If I was on a yard and got fed up with this kind of nastiness I would not be bullied would say my piece and find somewhere a lot friendlier without telling a sausage.If there are males on a yard you will observe how woman behave in front of them. I now prefer private arrangements where I get left alone, I have horse people of all types around me and can pick for advice and that suits me fine.If I needed help would get a trusty RI in etc But just ignore the nasty itchy ....ones its probably mare hormones. Wonder if thats why I prefer a gelding.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

I agree with the posters who say being by yourself is the best!

I share with one other person for my guy and the other on is on loan from someone with her own land so no bitchy people to annoy us

I kept my horses on a farm for 5 years and it was sheer bliss nobody interfering or annoyin me.

The horsey world is bitchy as there are just folk that couldnt be happy for others if their life depended on it and are only about themslves.

 

[Fluffy bunny]

Pandorasjar that is very valid point about the different types, not generalising, but I often find true horsey people just get on and do it, instead of having to have an audience.
My motto is 'those who shout the loudest, have the least to say', it is often the quiet people who know what they are doing and just go about it quietly lol.

Also I am only talking about real life, funnily enough I don't have a problem with bitching on the Internet because I can just ignore it

 

[Lolo]

So no one here has ever turned to someone else and said "I can't believe they do xyz", or spent ten minutes letting off steam about someone who's been rude to you? I genuinely don't believe that.

Here's the thing. I am nice to pretty much everyone I know because it is not worth the hassle to be anything else. I will never badmouth anyone in front of someone who would let them know. If someone asks for help and I can offer it, I'll give it straight up and try and continue to help whenever I can.

Equally, I don't bitch on here. About yards, about instructors, about colleagues/ friends... A lot of you do. About the 'snobs' on nice horses, or the people who go out and do stuff differently to you. You all judge and scorn and feel happy because you're not bitching. You're helping, and venting, and whatever. I feel that chatting to my sister about all the crap that goes down and laughing about it and sending people up makes it far less likely I'll turn around and say it to their face

And you know what? I can't think of one person who doesn't do it. Not one horsey person I know who doesn't gossip and giggle. I partake knowing that things will be said about me behind my back. We often laugh at what could be being said about us (oh so many things...). Maybe I'm just not that naive- I've grown up competing and have yet to meet someone who doesn't spread gossip about...

 

[StormyMoments]

because everyone has to be one better - better rider, nicer horse, better knowledge, always right....

i havent found it hugely bitchy but it is bitchy because everyone has to be one better... the bitchiest people are the most insecure and need the reasurance of having the better of everything... or atleast convincing themselves of that anyway

 

[Shantara]

So no one here has ever turned to someone else and said "I can't believe they do xyz", or spent ten minutes letting off steam about someone who's been rude to you? I genuinely don't believe that.

Here's the thing. I am nice to pretty much everyone I know because it is not worth the hassle to be anything else. I will never badmouth anyone in front of someone who would let them know. If someone asks for help and I can offer it, I'll give it straight up and try and continue to help whenever I can.

Equally, I don't bitch on here. About yards, about instructors, about colleagues/ friends... A lot of you do. About the 'snobs' on nice horses, or the people who go out and do stuff differently to you. You all judge and scorn and feel happy because you're not bitching. You're helping, and venting, and whatever. I feel that chatting to my sister about all the crap that goes down and laughing about it and sending people up makes it far less likely I'll turn around and say it to their face

And you know what? I can't think of one person who doesn't do it. Not one horsey person I know who doesn't gossip and giggle. I partake knowing that things will be said about me behind my back. We often laugh at what could be being said about us (oh so many things...). Maybe I'm just not that naive- I've grown up competing and have yet to meet someone who doesn't spread gossip about...

Very true! I will admit I bitch about a few people, but no one at my yard, I like them all too much
I think the only time I have recently, was when another girl rode Neddy and put his rug on badly (so it was dangerous) and his headcollar was twisted. YO texted me and asked me if I had left him in that mess and I told her I didn't, I wasn't even there! YO must have spoken to her because it never happened again.

I have a friend and we always, without fail talk about our other friend, but then, I know the two of them talk about me!

I don't feel I'm ever nasty or untrue and I would say it to their face and wouldn't deny it if they asked.
All groups are nasty though, my friend is on a site for rabbits and my goodness, they're just as bad as us!

 

[Equilibrium Ireland]

Really a rabbit group? Do rabbit people moan about restricted grazing, hutch size, diets, bare bunnies or booted bunnies?

Inquiring minds want to know. I'm really having a lazy Sunday!

Terri

 

[Achinghips]

Beacause most women generally don't like women, but enjoy drama.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

Honestly, if that's what I thought of my fellow liveries, I'd move yards or question my own reasoning. See my comment above.

See my sad day post for reasoning. Fiona its all explained there

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Thing is though when is it bitching and when is it discussion?

Ive talked about what Ive seen others doing, not out of nastiness but out of curiosity due to what I have seen at shows/on forums/on youtube etc Dont have all the answers

Also discussing what your seeing and notn understanding is that bitching also? Heard people doing that, what some people class as ringside judging as well is that bitching all the time? Ive seen blatantly lame horses at shows and commented on it to who ever I have been with or even just noted it in my head is that bitching? Your still talking about someone else and their horse but is it really bitching? I wouldnt have said so, being malicious and sagging off others, thats bitching to me but talking about someones methods without being derogatory that to me isnt.

Im not denying I have done it BUT the joys of being on your own is that you dont have anyone to talk to and cant get dragged into others having a go

 

[Achinghips]

Researchers from the University of Oklahoma found that negative attitudes about others can promote friendships among strangers. Gossip or bonding against a “common enemy” establishes boundaries and builds self-esteem – and fans of horses are perfect examples of this! Gossip can be healthy because it pulls you together.
Mild, shared negative attitudes toward others can create and/or amplify interpersonal intimacy.”

 

[Shantara]

Really a rabbit group? Do rabbit people moan about restricted grazing, hutch size, diets, bare bunnies or booted bunnies?

Inquiring minds want to know. I'm really having a lazy Sunday!

Terri

Oh yes! They get really bad. So does a Lion King group I used to go on. Good lord, if anyone mentioned "Kopa" it was as bad as mentioning "Mr. P".

Usually it's about breeding. My friend's rabbit came to her preggers and they lynched her for breeding. She now has 12 fully grown bunnies and one 'giant'! They all get the best of care though.
But yes, it's about anything really, feed, hutch size, toys, breeding, breeds, showing etc...

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

I have generally found people to be friendly, esp on this forum (so far so good lol). I have asked for help a couple of times and had what In feel is genuine help and constructive critisism. I dont keep mine on a yard, I have 2 privately rented fields and mine live out 24/7. I would love to livery but I simply cant afford it
People have opinions on EVERYTHING....I personally think it depends on the type of person you yourself are as to how you take it.

 

[WelshD]

The rabbit people can be really bad especially about hutch sizes, some have 8x8 sheds for their rabbits complete with different levels and toys plus an underground or overground tunnel to an outside enclosure - I kid you not - anything else is seen as cruel and 'a prison' in their eyes

I show chickens and have come up against a number of blo*dy minded people but in the main chicken showing is a nice sociable world compared to some hobbies

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

Honestly, if that's what I thought of my fellow liveries, I'd move yards or question my own reasoning. .

Honestly, your comment is posted without knowing the reasons if you knew the facts then you would be enlightened.

I don't need to question my reasoning.

I KNOW the facts involved in why I used the words above ,I used them and they were related to *OUR* on going situation based on OUR experiences over the last 6 months.


MY liveries and I have had it up to ^here with all the hassle back stabbing - vindictive- spiteful etc comments as you will see in the sad day post ( if you bother to read it) I have to lock my gates now in case next door come in and nose when no one is around.

The said yard cannot just get on with their yard
their horses
their problems. They have to wreck ours.

 

[FionaM12]

I've grown up competing and have yet to meet someone who doesn't spread gossip about...

Maybe it's a competing thing then?

 

[Achinghips]

Must say though, there is a difference depending on the type of horse. I don't see it in the heavy horse world at all either in driving, working or ridden

 

[Lolo]

Maybe it's a competing thing then?

I would go with that. We really dislike showing as it takes bitchy to a whole new level. Al beat someone at a big show on her first attempt, after everyone (including us!) thought they'd come in dead last as they had none of the right gear and Reg looks like an eventer, not a show pony!

Fast forward a week, and we heard two girls gossiping about how Al rides a lame horse and butes him to make him sound... There's a big difference between my sister and I giggling about someone's ridiculous 'for sale' video (the horse clearly carts her across a field, and you can just see them going into a hedge before it cuts off) and spreading untrue rumours about the welfare of a horse.

 

[Welsh]

I 'returned' after a 20 year break. Back then everyone rode together there were no 'cliques' horsey people stuck together.
Now if you haven't got the 'right' saddlecloth/browband/socks you don't fit in and you are sneered at, it has really surprised me to be honest. It's all changed, and not for the better.

 

[Pale Rider]

Brilliant thread, some real 'strange' stuff.

 

[lula]

And you know what? I can't think of one person who doesn't do it. Not one horsey person I know who doesn't gossip and giggle. I partake knowing that things will be said about me behind my back. We often laugh at what could be being said about us (oh so many things...). Maybe I'm just not that naive- I've grown up competing and have yet to meet someone who doesn't spread gossip about...

i dont agree
id actually be pretty mortified if i found out people were talking and laughing about me behind my back and i dont expect it and nor do i do it to others.

i dont think that makes me naive, i actually think that makes me a grown up.

 

[indie999]

Researchers from the University of Oklahoma found that negative attitudes about others can promote friendships among strangers. Gossip or bonding against a “common enemy” establishes boundaries and builds self-esteem – and fans of horses are perfect examples of this! Gossip can be healthy because it pulls you together.
Mild, shared negative attitudes toward others can create and/or amplify interpersonal intimacy.”

I call it jumping on the bandwagon, it happens a lot people feel empowered to belong to a group...even if a group of horsey Bitches.It also means that the focus is moved off them and onto someone else. So it means power in numbers even if its not right and the group is wrong in their view. Gosh did they do research on this. They could have spoken to me and I could have saved them lots of money. Researching the obvious. Only in good old USA. But they are right.

 

[lula]

I call it jumping on the bandwagon, it happens a lot people feel empowered to belong to a group...even if a group of horsey Bitches.It also means that the focus is moved off them and onto someone else. So it means power in numbers even if its not right and the group is wrong in their view. Gosh did they do research on this. They could have spoken to me and I could have saved them lots of money. Researching the obvious. Only in good old USA. But they are right.

HEH

probably cost a lot of money that research too!

 

[tallyho!]

So what is the opposite of a bitchy horse owner?