Why is the horse world so bitchy?

I try to keep out of it and just enjoy my horse. But it never ceases to amaze me how so many horsey people seem to think everyone needs their opinion and do not have the ability to mind their own business. You wouldn't comment to some randomer about what car they are driving, how they walk their dog or the like. It's very rude and arrogant.
 
We have a person at the yard who is judgemental, self righteous, barely responds to a greeting and then on another day will condescend to greet you. Demanding single access and no sharing of facilities on the yard. The rest of us are really nice devoted horse lovers, but this person makes it quite unbearable
 
Its like that everywhere. Its not just the horse world. I work in a big organisation and men are the worst. Yes I work in IT and they are horrible. Best mates one second and as soon as they have walked out or the room blah blah blah. Plus when your a woman new to the industry and dont understand how to interact with them they will let rip. The industry is so competitive, much like the horse world.
 
tristar said:
a horse owner who is immersed in their own dream and striving to get where they want to be with their horses, no time for negativity, standing around yapping, and no interest in stupidity,
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This, and I find if you are on your own path, and enjoy your own company, and have confidence in your own route, others stay fairly superficially involved.
 
Zombie thread I think the problem with the horse world people forcing there opinions onto others. A lot of people won’t agree to disagree with each other . It unfortunately ends in a fight .
 
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Lolo said:
I will freely admit my sister and I 'bitch' about people to each other. Quite often. It's a good way to let off steam without anyone knowing (we have very similar opinions!). And saves us saying it to the person's face! !
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I think we all have the potential to do that, and I think we have all criticised people in the past, but I wouldn't call it bitching about someone, that is a word I would describe for someone to take nastiness to the next level.
 
Its not just the horse-world but the world over and every industry.

I realised men were just as bad when i worked on building sites....gossiping, bitching about other workers.

Bitchiness is like an inflated inferiority complex.....’put someone down to make you feel better’ syndrome....and if they can get others to agree with their bitchy assumptions about another, there’s a feeling of superiority and confirming they’re right.

Its an archaic form of survival - be mean to survive, rather than the attitude of ‘live and let live’...we’re all different, lets embrace that and enjoy it.
 
Lolo said:
It's in people's nature to want to better others- survival of the fittest and all that. Add a hugely expensive and time-consuming to the mix and it's a miracle there aren't more full on fights!

I will freely admit my sister and I 'bitch' about people to each other. Quite often. It's a good way to let off steam without anyone knowing (we have very similar opinions!). And saves us saying it to the person's face! Why do we do it? Usually, the person does stuff we find wrong, offensive or just plain laughable. But to anyone' face we would never be rude or anything like that... Or take the bitching outside of just us two. So does that make us the biggest bitches of all, or actually quite nice, lol?!
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I would far far rather have something said to my face than behind my back. I am glad you and your sister aren't on my yard - you would be kicked off instantly.
If you cant say anything nice, dont say anything. Most certainly dont say stuff behind peoples backs. That is the height of rudeness.
 
I'm pretty sure most of it is a jealousy thing. Or a dominant personality that you choose not to listen to or have a different opinion to.

A memorable comment from the yard bully I had the delight in crossing paths with 'Welsh cobs don't get ulcers'

They don't like to admit when their knowledge is lacking in something. Us normal people happily learn from each other and each others experiences, but a bully see's a lack of knowledge as a weakness to either be hidden (if its theirs) or used as a weapon (if its someone else's).
 
stormox said:
I would far far rather have something said to my face than behind my back. I am glad you and your sister aren't on my yard - you would be kicked off instantly.
If you cant say anything nice, dont say anything. Most certainly dont say stuff behind peoples backs. That is the height of rudeness.
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Zombie thread, comment you're replying to was made eight years ago.

Obviously still a hot topic though.

I
 
mule said:
I'm sorry to say it but imo it's because it's dominated by women ?
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Would have to disagree with this.
it might be dominated by women, but that’s not the reasons for the bitchy nature.
I work in a place where it’s 95% men and the childish bitchy behaviour all the way up to management level is astounding! And I went to an all girls school! I’ve been on nice yards and not nice yards, and I thinK it depends on the sort of people you have, and what the yard management is tolerant of.
 
ApolloStorm said:
Would have to disagree with this.
it might be dominated by women, but that’s not the reasons for the bitchy nature.
I work in a place where it’s 95% men and the childish bitchy behaviour all the way up to management level is astounding! And I went to an all girls school! I’ve been on nice yards and not nice yards, and I thinK it depends on the sort of people you have, and what the yard management is tolerant of.
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Interesting about the men, I've never found that but then I don't work in a male dominated environment. Good to know they're bitchy too ?
 
Horses bring out the best and the worst in people. I know of some truly wonderful people who if it hadn't been for horses, I wouldn't have met. However, I have come across some thoroughly vile people too. In normal life you would give them a wide berth but all shoved together on one yard you can't avoid them. I honestly don't know how people can sleep at night when they spend all their energy on destroying other people. I've been the victim of yard bullies a number of times as by nature, I'm non confrontational and subservient. They always pick on the weak ones! I've been in tears so many times and terrified to go to see my own horse. It ruins your life. I have quite a nice horse, a small lorry, a very supportive husband and have had some success in the dressage arena (albeit with a lot of hard work) so I think jealousy has a large part to play in people's nasty attitudes. I just wish such people weren't wired this way as it really does ruin lives.
Oh and as a side note, Facebook hasn't helped. Or rather it HAS helped the bullies as they can now make their sly cryptic comments publicly, that only the victim understands (to everyone else it's a harmless comment) :-(
 
Lolo said:
So no one here has ever turned to someone else and said "I can't believe they do xyz", or spent ten minutes letting off steam about someone who's been rude to you? I genuinely don't believe that.

Here's the thing. I am nice to pretty much everyone I know because it is not worth the hassle to be anything else. I will never badmouth anyone in front of someone who would let them know. If someone asks for help and I can offer it, I'll give it straight up and try and continue to help whenever I can.

Equally, I don't bitch on here. About yards, about instructors, about colleagues/ friends... A lot of you do. About the 'snobs' on nice horses, or the people who go out and do stuff differently to you. You all judge and scorn and feel happy because you're not bitching. You're helping, and venting, and whatever. I feel that chatting to my sister about all the crap that goes down and laughing about it and sending people up makes it far less likely I'll turn around and say it to their face :D

And you know what? I can't think of one person who doesn't do it. Not one horsey person I know who doesn't gossip and giggle. I partake knowing that things will be said about me behind my back. We often laugh at what could be being said about us (oh so many things...). Maybe I'm just not that naive- I've grown up competing and have yet to meet someone who doesn't spread gossip about...
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You're absolutely right, it's human nature to have a grumble about someone. We all do it. But quite another to deliberately and maliciously set about upsetting someone. I was very cleverly bullied out of a yard so that said bully could move her friend in. Some people are so calculating and cunning and will stop at nothing to get what they want.
 
ApolloStorm said:
Would have to disagree with this.
it might be dominated by women, but that’s not the reasons for the bitchy nature.
I work in a place where it’s 95% men and the childish bitchy behaviour all the way up to management level is astounding! And I went to an all girls school! I’ve been on nice yards and not nice yards, and I thinK it depends on the sort of people you have, and what the yard management is tolerant of.
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Yep. I thought I'd seen bitching and gossiping plenty on horse yards, until I started working in predominantly male businesses. Wow can they take it to a whole new level.

I do think it's a single sex thing though. Where there is a fair mix of men and women it doesn't seem to happen in the same way.
 
I work as a nurse in prisons and the male officers are absolutely the worst for gossiping and back biting. Talk about Chinese whispers!! The yard I'm on is pretty calm most of the time - my only gripes are with people that leave their horses for a long time without any food or with scarcely any bedding but I turn my two fatsos out without rugs which some folk seem to think is a welfare issue.
 
Women are by far the most aggressive of the sexes. Men know the damage they can cause each other and are wary. Women provoke mento combat , and also when it suits them confront men aggressively but with the tacit knowlege, you wouldnt hit a woman. Personaly I am all for equality and have on occasions explained to a woman that i would hit her as hard as I would hit a man.
 
Bob notacob said:
Women are by far the most aggressive of the sexes. Men know the damage they can cause each other and are wary. Women provoke mento combat , and also when it suits them confront men aggressively but with the tacit knowlege, you wouldnt hit a woman. Personaly I am all for equality and have on occasions explained to a woman that i would hit her as hard as I would hit a man.
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That's not really true at all, women can behave in the exact same way as men but will be seen as aggressive while men will be seen as passionate. It is unconscious bias that women must behave in an always nice way, it's not even true that women are more bitchy.

Do you really go around telling people you're going to hit them? Do you tell men that you're going to hit then if they annoy you too?
 
Bob notacob said:
Women are by far the most aggressive of the sexes. Men know the damage they can cause each other and are wary. Women provoke mento combat , and also when it suits them confront men aggressively but with the tacit knowlege, you wouldnt hit a woman. Personaly I am all for equality and have on occasions explained to a woman that i would hit her as hard as I would hit a man.
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Sorry I work in a male dominated environment where only 10% of the work force are female. Most of my friends are male. They are as bad at women for bitching and moaning about each other and backstabbing.

Also, I wouldn’t say it’s particularly healthy to be threatening to hit anyone. Male or female
 
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