Will have to sell my horse - Major life changes

I am almost in exactly the same position as you except I have 2 young children. I can totally understand the brother and sister relationship you have and how strained it is to live with a person you don't want to be with any longer. I was married for 16 years and gradually things just got worse, we drifted apart he was totally absorbed with his job and didn't seem to have time for the family, and eventually he had an affair, which he lied about.

I am now on my own with the children, I don't have any family to help me out. I work part time/temp so I can do the school runs and be off during the holidays, having to pay for childcare for 2 x kids would cost more than I could earn full time so I would be worse off believe it or not. Although I do get maintenance it's not a huge amount.

BUT somehow, and don't ask me how, I have managed to keep my horse. I have him on DIY (so yes I have a car) I help out a couple of other liveries when I can and they help me back in return, this not only saves us all money but when I have a sick child or have to do an after school club run or am at work I don't have to pay for extra livery. I also help the YO with turn out or catch in when I can so if I need that service she will do it free for me.

My horse doesn't have the latest rugs, top of the range tack (although it's pretty nice!) I don't have transport so can't get out and compete. I have to monitor feed and bedding till it's almost finished before I can get some more and can't buy in bulk, which would be cheaper in the long run I know, but getting a couple of bits now and again means I can budget better. I am lucky as my horse is a good doer and has fantastic feet so I save money on not having to get expensive feeds/supplements and he can get away with just front shoes and being shod every 8 weeks (all discussed with my farrier in case someone wants to shoot me down for trying to save money at the expense of my horse!) He is totally happy and has the most shiny coat and is in tip top condition, so much so that everyone thinks I spray him with coat shine each day!

He is wormed, vaccinated and has his teeth done and I just have to budget for that in advance. I get stuff off ebay and try to save money wherever I can, I am not snobbish about getting second hand stuff. I made my own fly spray last summer and that saved a fortune!

My horse has been the main reason I have got through the last 2 years. He is the most fantastic, handsome, good natured (most of the time!) incredible horse I have ever known and to sell him would break my heart.

Being able to go to the yard, get some fresh air and spend time with him makes all the Cr*p seem bearable. I have made some really good friends at the yard and it's been like a therapy to me. Ok I haven't had a holiday for 2 years, I don't have new clothes, thankfully my next door neighbour is a hairdresser so does my hair for a bottle of wine etc etc. so I save where I can.

My 'husband' hated me having a horse although he was the one who encourage me to get him(!) The best bit though is now I can come home, dump my boots on the doorstep without him moaning about the smell, put numnahs in the washing machine and bits in the dishwasher and on the weekends he has the kids I can spend as long as I want at the stables without him calling me to ask how long I am going to be when I have only been there 1 hour!!

So there is light at the end of the tunnel, as others have said on here, look into other options like moving to a cheaper yard, another sharer or 2, loaning etc. It does seem like you are in a black hole and can't get out and life has just come to an end. I know my situation will get worse before it gets better as we are not divorced yet but you really have to take one day at a time and you may be surprised at what you can achieve. I have certainly become stronger and more confident these last 2 years. OK I do have my down days and burst into tears and think I can't cope but hey who doesn't? I envy the posters on here who have long and happy relationships. I hope that one day I will find someone else and can carry on with my life for now I am in a bit of a limbo situation, let's just hope whoever I meet won't mind smelly boots!!
 
Very well written Jen1, think you really show there is life at the end of the tunnel! I forgot the advantages of being able to wash horsey things in the washing machine and slobbing round the house in your smelly horsey clothes. I took cleaning jobs, not very exciting but flexible, and actually quite well paid, so that I could take children with me in holidays etc, and could be flexible for things like farrier visits.
Good luck in the future.
 
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Most DIY yards do assisted livery - so they will bring the horse in or put it out for you if necessary.

She has a sharer who presumably contributes financially and physically.

A car costs pennies.

As a woman with kids separated from her husband she may well ultimately be better off financially than she was before - with all the state handouts she could get, plus the maintenance her husband will have to pay for her, and quite probably the mortgage too.

Just a bit sick of reading these types of posts to be honest.

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Well, thanks for that. I really dont need those kind of comments, and if you're sick of reading "these kind of posts" then don't read them, let alone reply to them.

I posted on here because although I am a newbie, I thought that I would get some encouragement and advice, which I have from nearly everyone, and thanks to them for that.

so,I'll answer your questions one by one, shall I?

Yes, I do have a sharer, who pays me £100 per month which goes towards the £600 per month that it costs to keep my horse on full livery. She has no reason therefore to contribute physically.

Cars might costs pennies to you, but we are a one car family - my husband will keep it, which will mean that I will have to finance the purchase of another, plus the cost of tax, insurance, mot, petrol...... shall I go on???

Finally, as a woman with a "KID" separated from her husband, I would not expect the state to keep me - I do have a decent job of my own, thankyou very much - I do not intend to sit on my backside and claim benefits just because I am going to be separated.

and I will definitely NOT be better off alone.

I sincerely hope you never find yourself in my situation, but if you did, I would also sincerely hope that if you posted for some help on a public forum you wouldn't receive too many comments like yours. It must be lovely to live in your ivory tower, untouched by misery.
 
Fruddy - we don't all think the same way as AmyMay about your situation...

As far as Banjo's livery goes, that's a hell of a bill to pay every month.

Before you do anything hasty re selling or loaning him, why not contact all the farms/yards in the local area, within bus routes or cycle distance (if you can bike it!) to see if anyone will take on Banjo with assisted DIY livery?

It might not even be the yard owner that offers the service but there's often DIY clients that would be happy to do your pony for you for some cash in hand. If your sharer would be happy to carry on sharing and paying towards the costs, could you not consider something like this?

Obviously if Banjo has 'special needs' then he might be more difficult for the average person to cope with or be prepared to cope with, but if he's quite easy then I'm sure there's someone out there that could help.

Advertising locally may work, but if I were you, while I have access to the car I'd drive around the countryside knocking on doors (with ponies in the field) and feel the water with people.

If Banjo means a lot to you, you can't see him go as that would make the whole marriage split up so much worse, but if you've given it your best shot in finding something for him now, then whatever the outcome it won't feel so bad.

Good luck
x
 
keep in touch on here and let us know how you get on, don't get too fed up with negative replies, I have had a few when I have posted stuff/questions on here, it's just part of being on a forum where there are lots of different people with lots of different opinions, after all if we were all the same the world would be a boring place!
Also, and tell me about it I know, you will be ultra sensitive at the moment.

Just take heart from all the POSITIVE suggestions on here.

I don't live off the state and am proud of that too. If you really want to keep your horse and he is a big part of your life then fight for him, maybe look at finding alternatives as a bit of a project, you may surprise yourself as to what you can achieve!! GOOD LUCK!
 
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