Will I ever find one?

S

sianmturner

Active Member
Joined
5 May 2015
Messages
33
Location
North East
Visit site
Hi everyone,
I was really excited when I first decided I was going to look for a horse. Due to my job (a full time teacher), and discussions with others, I decided that a part-loan or share would be the best option for me. I had a confidence knock about 10 years ago and I'd been back in the saddle for a few months when I started looking. I've never loaned before so it was exciting and nerve racking!

My first experience didn't go great. I chose a horse over half an hours drive away who I had been to see a few times. He seemed nice and I felt his owner seemed down to earth so I asked if she was happy for me to loan given that he'd be my first loan etc. She said yes and we went ahead. For one week. Then, after a week she decided she didn't want someone who hadn't had a horse before in case he got ill and I didn't notice. I can understand the concern I suppose but I can't deny I was upset as I had been very open and honest from the start.

This knocked my confidence with new loaners as I'm a very honest person but I'd just seen my honesty blow up in my face. So I tried an advert - I was completely honest again and I got a few replies. One from a lovely girl about 20 minutes away from me. I went to see her horse and loved him instantly! She too was very down to earth and did everything she could to build my confidence in myself. I felt a bit nervous on him as he could do little bucks going into canter, something I hadn't experienced before and also could be a little spooky at times. However, I told myself I'd be fine and I'd learn to deal with this and it was all a learning curve. Once I started to have lessons on him, though, the instructor told me of her concerns; he could be spooky and she was worried I'd bitten off more than I could chew, particularly because winter would mean he would need to be ridden on fairly busy roads on an evening due to the location of the farm. I begged her and asked if there was anything I could do because I felt I'd developed a good relationship with the horse and also really liked his owner, who was supportive and friendly and someone I could genuinely get on with. But my instructor said I'd be best to let he know before we get into the winter months as, if I really like her, I'm going to end up dropping her in it if I realised I couldn't cope. I didn't want to do that, so I cried my heart out and told her I could no longer loan him.

A few weeks on and I'm back to the drawing board. The experience with my previous loan horse taught me what I am and aren't OK with and I know I've come on with my riding though in some ways my confidence has fallen even further - I stopped cantering after a month or so because I was tensing waiting for a buck which was making him nervous and he was throwing his head and pulling up. I've decided I made the mistake of thinking too far ahead and looking for something that I had the potential to 'go far' with. Instead of looking for something in the here and now.

The only problem I'm finding is that the horses available for part-loan/share in my area, despite having many farms and lots of country side, is pretty much none (to give you a clue: Preloved have about 10 within a 10 mile radius and many of those are small ponies!). Another problem I have is that I'm 5"9 and, although I wouldn't say I was massive, I'm not a lightweight rider. This is really limiting my choice.

I know it's early days yet but I'm beginning to feel very down about the whole situation. I have considered forgetting the whole sharing idea and looking into buying but I'm afraid of taking on the financially responsibility alone. I'm really in a pickle as I feel like I don't want to end it with me having to give up a horse because of my confidence and then never getting another one, I'm determined to keep moving forward and find something more suitable to me.

Had anyone got any ideas? Words of wisdom? Or just general reassurance?
x
 
Last edited:
I think it a shame that your instructor was so negative and instead of helping increase your confidence has actually made you more unsure of your ability, the horse and it;s situation may not have been ideal but it sounds as if the owner was great and may have been better teaching you than the instructor, she may have been able to offer a solution if you had discussed it rather than giving up but probably too late now, as a teacher yourself you know how important it is to look for solutions rather than take the easy option or give up just because someone feels you may not cope.

I think you probably need to go and have a few lessons in a good RS before looking again for a share, get your confidence built up and cantering again then take your time when you look next time, find a more positive person to teach you otherwise you may find her negativity pulls you down even further each time.
 
Thanks bepositive. I probably should have said more about this; my instructor is actually a friend from work - she's a qualified instructor and has been great. Throughout the summer, she worked really hard with me to help me build up my confidence and when I told her I was afraid she told me there was no reason to be and I just need to be more assertive. But, I told her how worried I was about the road and, on the final lesson she came to teach me he was spooking at everything. She said she felt I was doing my confidence more damage by trying to stick this out. x
 
How much riding have you done recently? Are you actually confident cantering in the first place? Like, could you canter without stirrups? I don't know whether to think your instructor was looking out for you because they know you are not secure in the saddle or were being really unsupportive and making you nervous without cause... It does matter which because if it's the former, perhaps you should continue having lessons in a good RS for a while before trying to find a share. If it's the latter, persist - you aren't too tall for a fairly small pony. My partner rides and jumps horses 13.2hh with no problem and he's taller than you. Your weight may be more of a concern from what you've said but hard to say without knowing how much you weigh :p I'd look for a safe, cobby type to hack on in your shoes and not worry too much about how tall it is. That will build both your confidence and riding ability. Then you can go back to options like this last horse you were sharing that was a tiny bit more challenging.
 
Thanks Barnacle. Yes, I was confident with canter. And I was riding out hacking with my friend on her horses (I was riding her cob) and taking the lead in canter across open fields etc. I've actually asked her if we can try and do a bit more of this over the next few weeks as this might help to get me back into it. I had been having 2 private lessons a week for a few months to bring my riding back up. Previous to that I had riding lessons for 10 years and was fine jumping etc. It was the fact I was having riding lessons that I believe is what finished me off the first time - I couldn't get back on after I fell due to knocking myself unconscious and because I had no tie to any horse, I never went back to ride when I had recovered. I'd never really known about sharing at the time or that may have been a better option for me. I have felt, with my confidence, that I am much better grooming, caring for and riding the same horse and I found that this relationship did better my confidence with the horse.

I don't even know my own weight - I probably should but it's a ignorance is bliss thing! But I wear a size 16 if that's any indication. I actually tried a 14.1 pony the other day. He's fairly well built - but closer to a section D type build rather than a gypsy cob type build - and very calm - he needs bringing back into work but this hasn't made him spooky or silly - just lazy which I thought was OK because I felt we'd be able to work up to canter etc together. Not sure what you think on that one. I must admit, my concern was that he was small. Annoyingly, I have very short legs and a long body, so I sit up high on anything!
xxxx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top