Will people judge me :-(

[Oldernewbie]

Just having a really down day today.
I’ve had such a difficult time in the last few years, first bought a horse which on paper should have been ideal, tried and vetted but ended up being totally over horsed. Horse now on what is basically a permanent loan in regular work ridden by a much stronger more competent rider and now doing well.
Then got another horse. Sold as, and was, a perfect first horse however after only having horse a few months she sustained a serious injury. Just found out rehab efforts have failed ?
Its still my dream to own, ride and progress in my own horse but feeling like people will judge me as the person who keeps cocking up ?.
Just not sure what to do.

 

[Red-1]

I'm afraid your experience isn't unusual.

I would pick yourself up, dust down and decide if you still want one. If you do, go get one. Who cares what other people think? Just do whatever will make you happy.

 

[jules9203]

Oh no. So many of us have had experiences like this. Might be for the same or different reasons but believe me you are not the first to have 2 horses not work out. If you still want to continue then do! The horsey world can seem really opinionated but it can also be really supportive. Horses aren't machines and neither are we. Things go wrong, which cause such sadness and frustration, however, life can change and suddenly you'll be feeling on a high again. XX

 

[Abi90]

In life someone will always judge you for what you do, with horses someone will almost always disapprove BUT it doesn’t matter. Do what you want, as long as you seek advice and try the best for your horses it’s none of anyone else’s business

 

[ycbm]

They might judge you. Post on the forum and you will get support from most. Post on the "Safe Place" thread and you will get nothing but support.

I lost 3 horses in 3 years once, took some serious stick because of it too. Lots of us have been where you are right now.
.

 

[oldie48]

I agree with Red-1 but I absolutely understand why you feel so upset. I lost, what I thought would be my last horse, to colic and sadly the horse I bought after him sustained an injury and it's looking increasingly likely that it's going to be career ending. At nearly 73 I don't think I should buy another horse but equally I am not ready to hang up my boots. Hopefully you have more time on your side than I do but ultimately once I'm sure in my own mind, I'll do what I want to do regardless of what others think. You should do the same. In the meantime I'm hacking out a friend's lovely mare and I've booked a lesson on a school master. I'm hoping that when I've given myself time to process things I'll know what I want to do. Take care, horses can break your heart but equally they can save you, trouble is, you can't always choose!

 

[catembi]

I totally understand where you are coming from. My recent horse history is (6 different horses) 1. kissing spines, ulcers, then 2. shiver & too spooky for me to stay on (I had an accident picking out her back feet & was off work for 2 weeks with concussion), 3. PSSM, 4. PSSM, 5. PSSM & 6. have just bought a 4 yo project who's a real mess because he looked sad & neglected & I felt sorry for him. I have stopped posting on here about horse related woes because some of the unkindness has not been helpful.

I am autistic, and as well as making me socially inept, it also helps me to notice little things and spot patterns, so I have often spotted at an early stage that something isn't right rather than battling blindly onwards. I am also logical & methodical, & will keep picking away until I have got to the bottom of it.

Be confident that it's NOT your fault, that you DO know what you're doing and that it ISN'T 'bad luck' - it's how it goes with horses. I am increasingly astonished that anyone can keep anything consistently problem-free (physical & psychological) and in work. If you want another one - get another one. I now have 6...! (Not all the above 6, although some of them are.) And still nothing to ride.

 

[shortstuff99]

Horses are heartbreakers and seemingly extremely fragile. I lost my old mare last year, followed by my youngster nearly dying after running through a fence. My new horse nearly dying from gastrosplenic entrapment, and my other mare puncturing her foot! I wondered what I had done!

They give amazing highs though and i wouldn't be without them. They have all recovered and doing well currently (touches wood!!!)

 

[blitznbobs]

one thing is for sure, if you are involved with animals things will go wrong. Horses break all the time… if you have recognised your horse is broken you’ll get a thumbs up from me…

the amount of horses sales adverts I see with a clearly lame horse in the video makes me understand how much people don’t notice about their own beasties.

 

[Zuzan]

If this is worth anything at all.. In 2005 I bought a 2yo .. the first horse I actually bought / owned .. we're still going strong .. but I still wouldn't judge you. So much can go wrong with either human and or horse it just seems daft to judge anyone who ends up being a serial horse owner.. I think sometimes it's easy to under estimate the risks and difficulties in horse ownership.

 

[Leam_Carrie]

Sad to hear your horse won’t recover. And you did the right thing with horse number one, you found it a suitable home.

If you can afford another (and face it after the tough time you’ve had) then go for it. Owning horses is an emotional roller coaster.

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

I’m glad Catembi posted, she’s inspiring because she hasn’t given up and has had serious bad luck with hers.

Keep on with the dream, get another, life is too short not to pursue a dream.

 

[atropa]

Don't give up.
I've owned three horses in my life, bought within 3 years of each other.
1. Within 6 months of buying - colic, then laminitis, regular further bouts of colic, diagnosis of navicular and PSD
2. Melanoma, unlevel pelvis, arthritis of the spine.
3. EMS.

I still have and love them all, but if I had the funds to try a 4th time for the perfect healthy horse I would go for it.

 

[Lurfy]

OP I would say your first horse that is now loaned out is kind of a success. It's having a useful ridden life with a rider who can manage the challenges. Plenty of us have had to move horses on that turned out to be too much horse for them, myself included. Is it possible to sell this horse to current rider?

 

[eahotson]

I agree with Red-1 but I absolutely understand why you feel so upset. I lost, what I thought would be my last horse, to colic and sadly the horse I bought after him sustained an injury and it's looking increasingly likely that it's going to be career ending. At nearly 73 I don't think I should buy another horse but equally I am not ready to hang up my boots. Hopefully you have more time on your side than I do but ultimately once I'm sure in my own mind, I'll do what I want to do regardless of what others think. You should do the same. In the meantime I'm hacking out a friend's lovely mare and I've booked a lesson on a school master. I'm hoping that when I've given myself time to process things I'll know what I want to do. Take care, horses can break your heart but equally they can save you, trouble is, you can't always choose!

Nice woman in my face book page has just posted a photo of her father riding his new horse.He is 94.We are still babies!

 

[MidChristmasCrisis]

I can’t add much that hasn’t already been said..except you aren’t on your own.

 

[throwawayaccount]

didn't want to read and run- just wanted to say, what other people think doesn't matter. you've done the best you can do. unfortunately horses will be horses and you'll go down expecting to ride and find them lame, for example. they are expensive and full of heartbreak but there must be something for us to keep going back to them. you aren't necessarily screwing up, horses and keeping them generally is simply unpredictable

chin up x

 

[Trouper]

Dear OP - of course you will be "judged" - it is just what happens in the horse world about everything from the colour of the headcollar you choose to - well, just about everything. However, it is NOT always meant in a nasty way - and certainly not on this forum as a general rule. And there are some very experienced people on here whose opinion I would value more than many others I might consult in the "real" world.

Stuff just happens with horses - I will add to the list by including my two, lost within 18 months of each other. No, I have not beaten myself up about it because I know I did everything I could for them before having to say goodbye. But you took the even braver decision to let your horse go to someone more suitable and I would have found that extremely difficult. So please don't give up and for your next one () come back here and pick the brains of those who can spot a good one at 3 miles (that is not me!!)

Oh dear - I wish I had not read all the posts on here. I am talking about you, @oldie48 and @eahotson . I had decided that at 74 I was too old to take on another - now tapping my fingers and straying to the adverts...............

 

[eahotson]

Go for it.

 

[southerncomfort]

In life someone will always judge you for what you do, with horses someone will almost always disapprove BUT it doesn’t matter. Do what you want, as long as you seek advice and try the best for your horses it’s none of anyone else’s business

This is true.

I was judged by a couple of friends for getting an unbacked youngster. Then I was judged again for not using the instructor they use.

Well me and my pony are having an absolute blast and I'm so happy right now. If I'd listened to those people I'd have missed out on so much.

So my advice would be, never let other's opinions stop you from doing what makes you happy.

You've been unlucky but you were sensible enough to know that your first horse was too much for you and found him a good home. And injured horses are just plain bad luck I'm afraid.

No harm in starting to scan the sale ads...

?

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I know someone who lost 8 horses in 8 yrs, all to different causes and pure bad luck. I am pleased to say that she has more horses now.

 

[southerncomfort]

I agree with Red-1 but I absolutely understand why you feel so upset. I lost, what I thought would be my last horse, to colic and sadly the horse I bought after him sustained an injury and it's looking increasingly likely that it's going to be career ending. At nearly 73 I don't think I should buy another horse but equally I am not ready to hang up my boots. Hopefully you have more time on your side than I do but ultimately once I'm sure in my own mind, I'll do what I want to do regardless of what others think. You should do the same. In the meantime I'm hacking out a friend's lovely mare and I've booked a lesson on a school master. I'm hoping that when I've given myself time to process things I'll know what I want to do. Take care, horses can break your heart but equally they can save you, trouble is, you can't always choose!

Really sorry that it looks like Rose won't recover O48. That's rough. ☹

 

[Annagain]

You admitted you made a mistake with your first horse (so many people are too stubborn to do this) and took steps to make sure you are both happy. You've done all you can to care for your next horse and rehab her and it's simply bad luck that it hasn't worked. Everything I've read only leads me to judge you in a positive light. On the plus side, your second horse has shown you what you need / like so you know what to look for this time. Third time lucky!

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Feel free to read back through all of my posts/threads, I'm an A class expert in cocking up ?? Unlike normal people, I seem to be unable to learn from my mistakes either ????
Don't be hard on yourself and most of all Don't worry about everyone else.