Will the bad luck ever end?

[kchgax]

Hey everyone. Long-time lurker but I don't often post, so thought I'd break that habit! I've not got many horsey-friends left (most have given up to have children, their life has just gone in a different direction etc.) so find it difficult to talk to people - or find friends for that matter - who can relate.

I don't want this to be a pity party, but I've had a real tough 8 months - and I'm struggling to maintain any sense of calm and not feel overwhelmed by anxiety, constantly panicking as to what's going to go wrong next. Here's a summary:

• 13th October: Advised to PTS or, at best, field retire one of my horses by a referral lameness vet.
• 14th October: 12 hours after the above, our dog has an accident on a walk (chasing a squirrel...!) and completely ruptures her cruciate ligament.
• 21st October: Dog has TPLO surgery and requires 12 weeks of intensive care.
• 15th January: One of my other horses damages his eye somehow in the field and develops a corneal ulcer. Three visits to the yard a day and a lot of wrestling getting drops in a 16.3HH ID's eye!
• 12th February: Another one of my horses damages his eye, in a completely different field with different herd mates, thankfully no ulcer this time, but an emergency vet visit nonetheless.
• 4th March: Horse from the 13th of October is PTS after a chronic abscess (which we believe may've been a broken side bone) fails to heal after almost two months of treatment, as the hoof capsule was detaching. On top of his other issues he'd had enough, so I had to make the call. One of the hardest things I've ever done as his spirit was there, but his body had given up.
• 23rd June: My youngest horse (3YO) is PTS due to colic despite the best efforts of us and the attending vet. We couldn't get him up despite trying for almost 2 hours the last time he went down (almost crushing my partner) so surgery wasn't an option, even though we'd have referred him.

It almost feels like I'm living in some form of parallel universe at this point. Thankfully I have unwavering support from my partner who I couldn't have coped without, but it's really taken it's toll on us - especially combined with what was the longest and wettest winter in history. We take meticulous care of the horses and our dog - we're animal people through-and-through, they receive the absolute best of everything. We maintain the yard immaculately to reduce the risk of injury as much as we can (without wrapping them in bubble wrap!). Over the past 6 months my bill each month has been around £2,000+. Don't get me wrong, I'd pay anything to have the two back that we've lost, but it's a lot to deal with when combined with the emotional trauma. It feels like I'm throwing my everything at something that's just trying to chew me up and spit me back out.

I'm trying to carry on, as I know how privileged I am to be able to have them in the first place. But last night we took my oldest gelding out, he was so well behaved but on the return home a car I recognised from an incident a few years ago (our driveway is on a reduced speed limit section of a national, he came around the corner so fast as we were pulling out of he driveway that he almost hit us) was tailgating us and trying to overtake, but there wasn't enough room. By the time we pulled into our driveway he hung on his horn for what felt like an eternity. My gelding wasn't bothered but it really upset me as I'm now panicking that this person knows where the horses are kept. What if he comes back to harm them? I realise I'm probably being neurotic suggesting it, but this is really where my anxiety and paranoia has brought me to.

I think I just need some solidarity. To realise we all go through tough times with our animals, and I'm not on my own. I'm driving to the yard with palpitations each day at this point as to what scenario I'm going to be faced with. I've had horses for 23 years and I've never known anything even remotely like this. I've had a lot of ups and downs, but this is just constant. Giving them up isn't an option, but I'm at a bit of a loose end at the moment trying to process everything whilst maintaining any form of sanity!

 

[skint1]

I am so sorry, it sounds like you're really going through it and I can in my own small way, relate to what you are saying, sometimes it's just hard. I am really sorry that you had such an awful experience with the driver and your gelding, I suspect that would have finished me right off, I hope you are both ok. The guy sounds like a thoughtless prick who thinks he owns the road-and if you have any of his details you should report him for dangerous driving.

 

[Xmasha]

Youve certainly had more than your fair share of bad luck. But you sound like an amazing owner. Ive had a pretty poor run too, where its made me question why i do it.

But then something small happens to make you smile, and you start to feel a little better. One of my foals this morning was bouncing all around the stable, saw me, give me a little nicker and came straight over for a scratch.
Brighter days will follow, sending hugs and empathy on the vets bills

 

[Alibear]

Oooph, that is a lot. All I can offer is that you are not alone. I think the majority of horse owners end up going through patches like this, and there's not really anything you can do about it. You just keep trying and hope like hell that things start to improve.

 

[Trouper]

Sometimes these things just come, as The Bard puts it, - "not as single spies but in battalions" - it can feel just overwhelming. Hang on in there - you are doing all you can and life does eventually turn that corner. As for the driver - agree report him. Whether he knows where you are or not, once the record is placed he will repeat at his peril.

And keep posting on here - there is no better support!!!

 

[NR88]

Report that driver to the police. Do you have cameras? Perhaps neighbours do.

People like that do not tend to have isolated issues. They may already be known to the police.

 

[cauda equina]

I am so sorry for your losses

I was just about to suggest a hat cam as my local police won't act without evidence

Stay safe, and I hope better times are on the way

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Definitely report the driver to the police!

As for the rest, all you can do is keep on keeping on, unless you decide to give up horses altogether. It does seem as though if we have one incident of bad luck, we get a run of it. I had to have 3 consecutive young horses pts fir completely different reasons, all emergencies. I know someone who lost 8 in the space of 2 years. But then you can go for years without even a minor illness. You must be due for some improvement soon.

 

[nutjob]

I can only offer you sympathy and solidarity. It's especially heart wrenching when you lose a youngster. Hope things improve for you.

 

[BBP]

That is an awful lot to go through. I had a bit of a rough year myself with losing 2 horses (the absolute centres of our world), my yard cat, my old house cat, and having 3 different horses with blackthorn infections all at the same time, of which 2 were touch and go. It does get to be a lot. But I think that if you surround yourself with anything that is flesh and blood, there will be sadness and loss. I think the resilience to cope with it depends on whether your brain is living in fight or flight mode or is managing well with all of life’s other little things.

I am currently going through an online rider confidence course to try to better understand my brain and reframe my thoughts. I’m not a nervous rider in that I’m fine with the riding itself but I am a catastrophiser, planning for the 20 different things that could go wrong that I see as outside my control - drivers, loose dogs, hot air balloons…my brain can think of hundreds of calamities. The course is helping me to understand the way the brain functions to become more positive going forwards. I think about all the joyful times I had with my horse (despite a very challenging life with him) and I would choose to do it all over again despite how hard it has been.

 

[kchgax]

Wow, I'm so touched by so many thoughtful replies in such a short time period. I'll reply to everyone individually but it really does mean so much! The solidarity is truly felt

Youve certainly had more than your fair share of bad luck. But you sound like an amazing owner. Ive had a pretty poor run too, where its made me question why i do it.

But then something small happens to make you smile, and you start to feel a little better. One of my foals this morning was bouncing all around the stable, saw me, give me a little nicker and came straight over for a scratch.
Brighter days will follow, sending hugs and empathy on the vets bills

My horses are my absolute world, so the comment around me being an amazing owner has actually made me well up. Thank you @Asha. I really do pour my heart and soul into them.

Apologies, I should've made it clear my gelding was in the trailer on our way back from our local country park when the incident happened last night. I won't ride out from the yard directly with it being a national as although it's two lanes, it's very tight and winding - and there's plenty more idiots about such as the one I mentioned!

I'm not getting the impression anyone seems concerned he may come back to harm the horses though, which is giving me some comfort that it's a scenario my anxiety-ridden brain has thought up!

 

[Polos Mum]

All pets are tough as they eventually leave us.
It's really hard when you've had a run of bad luck - it always seems to happen to the people who care the most. Those that manage with baggy barbed wire and do a 3 hour gallop about once a week only and never bother with worming etc. always seem to have horses that go on forever.

You're doing the best you can and it sounds like way above and beyond many.

I'm sure the idiot on his horn hasn't given the incident a second thought - those types never do !
If it makes you feel better you can still report it to the police as anti social/ threatening - just so they have it on record. If he has a history they might follow it up.

 

[Peglo]

So sorry for your losses and all your stress and anxiety. It is no wonder you’re feeling at tipping point.

You sound truly devoted to your animals and have a lovely partner for support. While things are feeling overwhelming I would slow things down and focus on doing things that make you happy.
I’m sure I speak for many folk here that we all reach a point where we don’t know how we’ll cope but we do.

I hope so much you get a break and can enjoy all the lovely things in your life but don’t feel you always have to be grateful. You’ve been through a really tough time and it’s ok to feel upset about it.

 

[kchgax]

I am so sorry, it sounds like you're really going through it and I can in my own small way, relate to what you are saying, sometimes it's just hard. I am really sorry that you had such an awful experience with the driver and your gelding, I suspect that would have finished me right off, I hope you are both ok. The guy sounds like a thoughtless prick who thinks he owns the road-and if you have any of his details you should report him for dangerous driving.

Report that driver to the police. Do you have cameras? Perhaps neighbours do.

People like that do not tend to have isolated issues. They may already be known to the police.

I am so sorry for your losses

I was just about to suggest a hat cam as my local police won't act without evidence

Stay safe, and I hope better times are on the way

My horse was completely unbothered. Apologies for the confusion, I should've clarified he was in the trailer (see my later post) so I wasn't onboard thankfully, just on our way back from what was a lovely ride. I'll keep an eye out for him from now on. We've got cameras but the road runs parellel to the gate so difficult to make out a registration. No doubt he'd do the exact same if you were actually riding on the road, too. His reaction was entirely unnecessary and tipped me over the edge when I was already teetering over it - I can never comprehend why people have to be so awful at times, we only held him up for a minute or two!

 

[kchgax]

Oooph, that is a lot. All I can offer is that you are not alone. I think the majority of horse owners end up going through patches like this, and there's not really anything you can do about it. You just keep trying and hope like hell that things start to improve.

Sometimes these things just come, as The Bard puts it, - "not as single spies but in battalions" - it can feel just overwhelming. Hang on in there - you are doing all you can and life does eventually turn that corner. As for the driver - agree report him. Whether he knows where you are or not, once the record is placed he will repeat at his peril.

And keep posting on here - there is no better support!!!

Definitely report the driver to the police!

As for the rest, all you can do is keep on keeping on, unless you decide to give up horses altogether. It does seem as though if we have one incident of bad luck, we get a run of it. I had to have 3 consecutive young horses pts fir completely different reasons, all emergencies. I know someone who lost 8 in the space of 2 years. But then you can go for years without even a minor illness. You must be due for some improvement soon.

I can only offer you sympathy and solidarity. It's especially heart wrenching when you lose a youngster. Hope things improve for you.

Thanks so much for your encouraging words. As you all mention I've just got to keep hanging on. It certainly feels overwhelming at the minute but I'm so hopeful things will change for the better soon. I just need a bit of respite and I'm sure my partner does, too. Bless him - he is so engrained with the horses that it's almost his hobby (or lifestyle if we're being honest!) now, too. He doesn't miss a thing, even farrier visits.

So sorry to hear about your losses, @Pearlsasinger. When they're so young it's so, so much harder in my experience. I can really feel your pain. And 8 in the space of 2 years is just unbelievably heartbreaking, too.

 

[kchgax]

That is an awful lot to go through. I had a bit of a rough year myself with losing 2 horses (the absolute centres of our world), my yard cat, my old house cat, and having 3 different horses with blackthorn infections all at the same time, of which 2 were touch and go. It does get to be a lot. But I think that if you surround yourself with anything that is flesh and blood, there will be sadness and loss. I think the resilience to cope with it depends on whether your brain is living in fight or flight mode or is managing well with all of life’s other little things.

I am currently going through an online rider confidence course to try to better understand my brain and reframe my thoughts. I’m not a nervous rider in that I’m fine with the riding itself but I am a catastrophiser, planning for the 20 different things that could go wrong that I see as outside my control - drivers, loose dogs, hot air balloons…my brain can think of hundreds of calamities. The course is helping me to understand the way the brain functions to become more positive going forwards. I think about all the joyful times I had with my horse (despite a very challenging life with him) and I would choose to do it all over again despite how hard it has been.

All pets are tough as they eventually leave us.
It's really hard when you've had a run of bad luck - it always seems to happen to the people who care the most. Those that manage with baggy barbed wire and do a 3 hour gallop about once a week only and never bother with worming etc. always seem to have horses that go on forever.

You're doing the best you can and it sounds like way above and beyond many.

I'm sure the idiot on his horn hasn't given the incident a second thought - those types never do !
If it makes you feel better you can still report it to the police as anti social/ threatening - just so they have it on record. If he has a history they might follow it up.

So sorry for your losses and all your stress and anxiety. It is no wonder you’re feeling at tipping point.

You sound truly devoted to your animals and have a lovely partner for support. While things are feeling overwhelming I would slow things down and focus on doing things that make you happy.
I’m sure I speak for many folk here that we all reach a point where we don’t know how we’ll cope but we do.

I hope so much you get a break and can enjoy all the lovely things in your life but don’t feel you always have to be grateful. You’ve been through a really tough time and it’s ok to feel upset about it.

I'm so sorry for your losses @BBP. I totally agree, I've been living in flight or fight mode since this all started. I've had to learn to just get on with it and cherish the good times even when other things may be going on and the situation isn't perfect. Your confidence course sounds interesting. Do you feel it's worth doing? I'd definitely be interested in something like that.

Also totally agree with you @Polos Mum that it seems those who don't give two hoots about their horses seem to have the most luck. We've spent a fortune re-fencing and making upgrades since we took the yard on, I think I should actually have a share in Mud Control mats at this point too but they still seem to find a way to hurt themselves or have some form of ailment! Thanks for your comment on the scenario last night too. I'm sure you're right, he probably moved on to the next point of frustration and was road-raging at someone else further down the road.

Thank you for your comment on being grateful @Peglo. I try to always be positive and thankful for what I have but you're right, sometimes you can feel angry and upset and it's certainly justified at the moment. Part of the grieving process, I guess!

 

[Lucky Snowball]

I’m so sorry to hear what an awful time you’re having. Things will get better even though it probably doesn’t feel like it right now. I understand how it feels when your friends all give up for whatever reason. At least your partner is supporting. Take care.

 

[LEC]

Horses are like sheep. They just want to die but prefer to do it in far more expensive ways.
I think sometimes you just get a bad run. I think this is the first month I haven’t had a vets bill for over 12 months. I have decided to cut down on numbers to ease it all more.

 

[MidChristmasCrisis]

The tide always turns, hang on in there and try not to overthink or over control things.

 

[Burnerbee]

It sounds like you might be suffering from anxiety. Anxiety is not (as perhaps I once thought) what you feel when the bus is late - it’s much deeper than that and is profoundly unsettling. I’ve suffered it over the years - sometimes it goes quiet and then, woomph, it pops up - typically when family or animals die, it rears up. I highly recommend you seek out a counsellor (a BACP registered one).

 

[cariadbach10]

I had a period like this. It was truly awful. In the end I began to just ‘expect’ everything to go wrong and so it was a pleasant surprise when it didn’t. I also developed a rather dark humour about it as a coping mechanism- when the next disaster came along I would just sigh and say ‘of COURSE.’

It did come to an end. As will your streak of bad luck. It’s rubbish when you’re in it though. X

 

[kchgax]

I’m so sorry to hear what an awful time you’re having. Things will get better even though it probably doesn’t feel like it right now. I understand how it feels when your friends all give up for whatever reason. At least your partner is supporting. Take care.

Horses are like sheep. They just want to die but prefer to do it in far more expensive ways.
I think sometimes you just get a bad run. I think this is the first month I haven’t had a vets bill for over 12 months. I have decided to cut down on numbers to ease it all more.

The tide always turns, hang on in there and try not to overthink or over control things.

It sounds like you might be suffering from anxiety. Anxiety is not (as perhaps I once thought) what you feel when the bus is late - it’s much deeper than that and is profoundly unsettling. I’ve suffered it over the years - sometimes it goes quiet and then, woomph, it pops up - typically when family or animals die, it rears up. I highly recommend you seek out a counsellor (a BACP registered one).

I had a period like this. It was truly awful. In the end I began to just ‘expect’ everything to go wrong and so it was a pleasant surprise when it didn’t. I also developed a rather dark humour about it as a coping mechanism- when the next disaster came along I would just sigh and say ‘of COURSE.’

It did come to an end. As will your streak of bad luck. It’s rubbish when you’re in it though. X

Thank you all for your comments I'm definitely guilty of not only trying to over-control things but over-thinking, too. And you are right @Burnerbee. I suffer from anxiety and it presents itself exactly as you describe.

...And the bad run continues! Bloody brilliant. My main man Ted, who I've owned for almost 9 years - and who hasn't had a day lame in his life I should add - is lame. He took a few ouchy steps over a rocky bit of path on Saturday out on a hack. I trotted him up when I got back to the trailer and he was fine, and then lunged him when we got home and again he looked fabulous, so I assumed he'd walked it off. However he's now gone lame, assuming a stone bruise has developed (or at least hoping) but the vet is out on Friday anyway for jabs so he's going to take a look.

I have literally never seen him take a lame step and I am so diligent/anal about lameness, so it really caught me off guard. I could tell as soon as he walked over to me last night that something was "off". He is very stoical but wanted me to know something was wrong! Thankfully he isn't hopping lame but nonetheless I'm worried about him.

Had another one do this back in March (something I forgot to add to my first post!) which then developed into an abscess, so hopefully the same doesn't happen again.

I've had enough now. Can't take much more! I pour my heart and soul into them, so it's starting to feel like a real slap in the face. I must've been a right b*tch in a past life or something

 

[Ratface]

Poor you. I'm given to overthinking and catastrophising, so I have some idea about what you're currently going through.
Faced with difficulties such as you are currently working through, I look at aspects of the situation that I can (1) control (2) change and (3) avoid. Then make a realilistic action plan with what is available. Put time scales on the actions. Make plans for what to do if they don't work. Be specific.
I hope that the idiot driver frightens himself soon and backs off the deranged behaviour.

 

[cariadbach10]

Thank you all for your comments I'm definitely guilty of not only trying to over-control things but over-thinking, too. And you are right @Burnerbee. I suffer from anxiety and it presents itself exactly as you describe.

...And the bad run continues! Bloody brilliant. My main man Ted, who I've owned for almost 9 years - and who hasn't had a day lame in his life I should add - is lame. He took a few ouchy steps over a rocky bit of path on Saturday out on a hack. I trotted him up when I got back to the trailer and he was fine, and then lunged him when we got home and again he looked fabulous, so I assumed he'd walked it off. However he's now gone lame, assuming a stone bruise has developed (or at least hoping) but the vet is out on Friday anyway for jabs so he's going to take a look.

I have literally never seen him take a lame step and I am so diligent/anal about lameness, so it really caught me off guard. I could tell as soon as he walked over to me last night that something was "off". He is very stoical but wanted me to know something was wrong! Thankfully he isn't hopping lame but nonetheless I'm worried about him.

Had another one do this back in March (something I forgot to add to my first post!) which then developed into an abscess, so hopefully the same doesn't happen again.

I've had enough now. Can't take much more! I pour my heart and soul into them, so it's starting to feel like a real slap in the face. I must've been a right b*tch in a past life or something

Oh for Gawd’s sake! Just shrug and say ‘of course’ three times . Then laugh, shake your head and have an M&S Mojito in a can. I normally find things feel a lot less rubbish after that.

 

[suestowford]

I was talking with our farrier recently about the effects of the prolonged wet weather and he said he'd never seen so many horses lame as this year. He saw six with abscesses in one day. One of the ponies here had a deep-seated abscess and he's never had an abscess before. I can't remember him ever being really lame in over 20 years, until last winter.
I hope Ted is on the mend soon x

 

[kchgax]

Really appreciate everyone’s words of support.

Vet has been today and Ted has tweaked a hind suspensory. He is only 1/10 lame but very positive to flexion for the first stride or two. 4 weeks small paddock rest as a starting point and then we’ll scan it to see what we’re working with.

My vet is positive he’ll come sound but it’s how we manage him to stop it recurring and the work he’ll be up to in the future, as he’s 15 now and 17.2HH so no spring chicken as far as his joints and ligaments are concerned.

Can’t believe it, just when I thought things couldn’t get much worse I’ve owned him since he was 6 and he’s never had a lame day, which somehow makes it feel so much worse.

I’m lucky to have other horses but he’s my main man so that’s our summer ruined. However, I certainly won’t be rushing bringing him back, so it’s likely he’ll have the rest of this year off now. Love him so much