PaddyMonty
Well-Known Member
Good readers of HHO, let me tell you a tale and take heed of my warning.
My tale starts some weeks ago. A poor horseless person missing his equine fix.
Wimbles of this parish kindly invites me to join her dressage team when they are competing near me.
Now I'm an idiot but not completely insane (now revised) so felt having at least one sit on the mount I would be borrowing a good idea. Wimbles lives many days trek from my humble abode (2 hours up motorway) so when she announced she was at Onley for horseball, just 30 minutes from me it was decided that would be the opportunity to be introduced to my noble steed. Little did I realise her cunning plan.
The day arrives and off I toddle to Onley in all innocence only to be sucked in to this insane sport called Horseball. Hooked I was and invited to join the team. Now this should have at least raised a slight alarm in my tiny brain, 'How come they need me on the team?' but no, this thought never entered my head (I blame my age).
So last night I toddle off to Nottingham for my first session training with the team. It's cold, it's wet but my spirits were high. I'm on a team
Multiple horses caught, tacked up and riders mounted. Much practice passing the ball whilst controlling pace and line. Then we moved on to practice the line out. Did I mention Horseball is basically Rugby on horseback?
Wimbles is throwing in, I'm supposed to be catching then executing this fancy play designed to confuse the opposing team. All is going swimmingly, well as good as can be expected given my rookie status. Then I mess up the catch, hook a finger nail under the strap and off goes the ball with my fingernail. Cue lots of blood (mine) and swearing (me) but I'm supposed to be tough so carry on we must whilst my precious fluid of life drips on the horse, the ball and my expensive breeches.
So there you have it
But wait, there's more!
Part of the requirement to play horseball is the ability to collect the ball from the ground whilst mounted. The feat is executed by basically falling off one side whilst trapping your opposite side foot in the stirrup. Cant see any problem with that idea, can you?
Team trainer patiently explains to me the process (did I mention I'm getting on a bit so needs small slow words?) "Hook your left foot in to stirrup and lift the leg as far as it will go. Now keeping your right knee forward, bend it all the way down whilst letting your body collapse off the horse. With your head hanging down somewhere under the horses belly, reach down with arm and scoop up the ball. Then just get yourself back in the saddle" Sounds simple huh?
Did I mention Wimbles doesn't have polo ponies? No? Thought not. She has ex racehorses, the smallest of which is 16.3hh.
Trainer also mentioned that most players have a favoured side for this feat of daring do.
Un-daunted about throwing myself off from a great height I give it a go. More by luck than judgement I manage it first time. Whoop Whoop. Lets do it again. Second attempt just as my finger tips (one without a nail) skim the ball I feel / hear a crack in my right knee followed by a not insignificant amount of pain. Back up right it's obvious that further attempts just wont be happening.
You'd figure most sensible people would leave it at that wouldn't you? I did mention at the start I am probably insane and have a small brain. Well my small brain replayed that bit of info that suggested I might have a preference for doing the feat from the left rather than the right as obviously my body is just not honed to perfection on the right.
Yep, I tried it to the left, Yep my fingers brushed the ball, yep my left knee went crack.
Now I'm sitting in my office, two very swollen (and painful) knees and only 9 finger nails. Unable to walk let alone ride the horse I have now acquired for BD,BE,BS. Owner is not going to be happy.
So be warned my friends, if a fair maiden from Nottingham invites you for a gentle ride on one of her horses don't walk away.......RUN!
Will I be continuing with this mad sport I hear you ask?
HELL YEAH!
My tale starts some weeks ago. A poor horseless person missing his equine fix.
Wimbles of this parish kindly invites me to join her dressage team when they are competing near me.
Now I'm an idiot but not completely insane (now revised) so felt having at least one sit on the mount I would be borrowing a good idea. Wimbles lives many days trek from my humble abode (2 hours up motorway) so when she announced she was at Onley for horseball, just 30 minutes from me it was decided that would be the opportunity to be introduced to my noble steed. Little did I realise her cunning plan.
The day arrives and off I toddle to Onley in all innocence only to be sucked in to this insane sport called Horseball. Hooked I was and invited to join the team. Now this should have at least raised a slight alarm in my tiny brain, 'How come they need me on the team?' but no, this thought never entered my head (I blame my age).
So last night I toddle off to Nottingham for my first session training with the team. It's cold, it's wet but my spirits were high. I'm on a team
Multiple horses caught, tacked up and riders mounted. Much practice passing the ball whilst controlling pace and line. Then we moved on to practice the line out. Did I mention Horseball is basically Rugby on horseback?
Wimbles is throwing in, I'm supposed to be catching then executing this fancy play designed to confuse the opposing team. All is going swimmingly, well as good as can be expected given my rookie status. Then I mess up the catch, hook a finger nail under the strap and off goes the ball with my fingernail. Cue lots of blood (mine) and swearing (me) but I'm supposed to be tough so carry on we must whilst my precious fluid of life drips on the horse, the ball and my expensive breeches.
So there you have it
But wait, there's more!
Part of the requirement to play horseball is the ability to collect the ball from the ground whilst mounted. The feat is executed by basically falling off one side whilst trapping your opposite side foot in the stirrup. Cant see any problem with that idea, can you?
Team trainer patiently explains to me the process (did I mention I'm getting on a bit so needs small slow words?) "Hook your left foot in to stirrup and lift the leg as far as it will go. Now keeping your right knee forward, bend it all the way down whilst letting your body collapse off the horse. With your head hanging down somewhere under the horses belly, reach down with arm and scoop up the ball. Then just get yourself back in the saddle" Sounds simple huh?
Did I mention Wimbles doesn't have polo ponies? No? Thought not. She has ex racehorses, the smallest of which is 16.3hh.
Trainer also mentioned that most players have a favoured side for this feat of daring do.
Un-daunted about throwing myself off from a great height I give it a go. More by luck than judgement I manage it first time. Whoop Whoop. Lets do it again. Second attempt just as my finger tips (one without a nail) skim the ball I feel / hear a crack in my right knee followed by a not insignificant amount of pain. Back up right it's obvious that further attempts just wont be happening.
You'd figure most sensible people would leave it at that wouldn't you? I did mention at the start I am probably insane and have a small brain. Well my small brain replayed that bit of info that suggested I might have a preference for doing the feat from the left rather than the right as obviously my body is just not honed to perfection on the right.
Yep, I tried it to the left, Yep my fingers brushed the ball, yep my left knee went crack.
Now I'm sitting in my office, two very swollen (and painful) knees and only 9 finger nails. Unable to walk let alone ride the horse I have now acquired for BD,BE,BS. Owner is not going to be happy.
So be warned my friends, if a fair maiden from Nottingham invites you for a gentle ride on one of her horses don't walk away.......RUN!
Will I be continuing with this mad sport I hear you ask?
HELL YEAH!
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