Worried i am not learning quick enough

[Louise_Pink]

Hi, just joined today. I have been learning to ride for 10 months, group lessons once a week and 2 x private lessons a month - very expensive. Im 30 and decided to take up the hobby as i suffer from depression and want something to focus on. However i am so paranoid i am not good enough, in group lessons i freeze if we do one at a time exercises and the group watch - i cant do it. The group that learn after our group arrive 15mins before the end of our lesson, i just panic i believe they are watching me and judging me sometimes ive cried going home because i worry. I cannot get my trot diagonals, i still cant even canter a 20min circle with control (had a big fall last week). Several times i have thought just to give up - but i really want to do this when i am around horses i feel happy. It took me alot of lessons to learn to drive and didnt pass until 5th test as i was so unco-ordinated/nervous.

Any tips please ? how long will it take for everything to slip into place ?

I have even started to worry my instructor is sick of me, i feel like apologising to him for having to have me in his lessons. I am not shy, i am a loud bubbly person on the outside so i dont know how he would feel if i told him just how nervous i am when people watch.

 

[hnmisty]

Do you have this problem in all your lessons or just the group ones? If just group, then why not stop having them and get more private lessons instead?

And don't worry, everyone learns at a different rate

(My sister passed her driving test 5th time. My neighbour took it 9 times!)

Ps- welcome!

 

[JVB]

As hard as it sounds try not to worry, everyone learns at different speeds and in different ways, try to understand how you learn and use this knowledge to help yourself. I very much doubt your instructor is sick of you, if they ever do or say anything to make you feel that way then there is no excuse and they are a bad instructor. Learning should be fun and it is the instructors job to make you feel at ease. When you feel nervous in lessons do you say anything or show it? Or just keep it all held inside?

Looking at the 2 challenges you've mentioned, diagonals and canter circles, both are relatively easy concepts... if explained correctly, how have you had them explained to you and what is your understanding of them? If you break them down then look at how you learn there will be a way to make them easier for you.

I'm training to be an instructor and teach several who lack confidence so if you want to PM me for any specific questions I'm happy to try an find a way to explain things which might help

 

[Louise_Pink]

I get it in all lessons, if i am in a private lesson and someone walks in to the school and has a look i get myself in a mess, i am generally a very low confidence worrier!! sometimes i feel like saying please go away and leave me with the horse on my own to learn (not sensible i know). My instructor says my problem is i am trying to hard and putting too much thought into everything i do, but i dont know how to stop that. I really dont want to give up, i want to be good at this!! i cannot get trot diagonals, ive had private lessons/lunge lesson/watched numerous utube videos and i get on the horse and i just cant feel when i am in the wrong diaganol. i get very angry with myself i dont want to be so useless!

 

[skint1]

I hope I don't get shot at dawn for saying this but I reckon a possible idea is to maybe try to find someone who has a nice trusty novice friendly horse that would not mind it if you hacked out with them. I think that might introduce a bi of fun and take some of the pressure off. You could still have your lessons of course but having a different view might help.

 

[JVB]

Ok, so quick tip with diagonals, trying to feel them at the beginning is incredible hard, just look down at the outside shoulder, if you sit as it comes back then you're on the right one, if you rise as it comes back then you're on the wrong one. If you're on the wrong one then sit for two and start rising again. Feel will come in time so don't put pressure on yourself to get there quick.

One exercise I use with beginners is to have them counting strides, learn the footfall patterns of each pace. I explain that in walk and canter as each inside front leg comes back then count one stride. For trot, every time you sit in one stride.

 

[9tails]

Hello! Trot diagonals can be a pain, my own horse ALWAYS throws me onto the wrong diagonal on the right rein and it doesn't feel weird at all. A quick glance down to see which shoulder is going forward as I'm rising (should be the outside one incidentally) and I just sit for two when I'm wrong.

With canter, try to get a nice bouncy almost collected trot before you ask for canter, you can't collect and have control if you're already strung out when you hit canter.

I was learning at a riding school for 5 years then bought my own. I'm still learning to ride but am a bit better now. Keep up with the private lessons if you feel you get more out of them, I always had group lessons and was probably the worst in the group but I just loved it.

 

[tiga71]

I am hopeless with diagonals as my horse throws me onto the wrong one and it doesn't feel that different.

We all learn at different paces and, tbh, no one will be taking that much notice of what you are doing except your instructor. The other people will be thinking about what they are doing so try to put it out of your mind.

Why not swap a few lessons for going out on a hack, either at your RS or somewhere else? Don't worry about your diagonals or cantering a 20 m circle and just enjoy the ride. Hacking is also a good chance to practice a few things that your instructor has taught you without the pressure - you can just experiment a bit on a hack and see what works.

Just have fun and enjoy.

 

[timetoride]

Good advice already but just too add- do not apologise for not knowing stuff you are just learning to do! And don't worry 'how he would feel if you tell him' just tell him everything you have told us. You are paying your instructor- remember he is working for you not the other way round I'm pretty sure he will be understanding but if he is not find someone who is. Riding is so much about confidence, so the more you enjoy yourself the quicker you will learn- so go have fun!!

 

[chestnut cob]

Don't stress about trying to feel trot diagonals! I always look down to check - had horses for years, I do absolutely everything with them (hack, hunt, ODE, SJ, DR). I still always have to have a little glance down even in a DR test. It's not the end of the world. Oddly, I can tell when I'm on the wrong canter lead by feel but not trot diagonal immediately. I'd have to trot a few strides to feel it as odd, whereas I can tell immediately with canter but I'm rubbish at telling the latter by looking down. Go figure

I agree with what everyone else has said, try not to worry. Everyone gets stressed sometimes but remember it is supposed to be fun. Does your RS take out hacks? I would book to go on one of those. Or even maybe find somewhere to go pony trekking. Take the focus away from the school and just enjoy being on a horse. The others won't be saying anything about you, they will be concentrating about themselves.

 

[Louise_Pink]

Thank you all for your kind advice. I'm going to speak to the instructor this week and tell him. I hope to be part of the horsey world one day, even bought myself the horses for dummies book ha x

 

[Tallulabelle]

Good luck speaking to your instructor, you sound like you are doing really well with your riding and you really care about it which is something you can't learn. Let us know what your instructor says x

 

[RainbowDash]

HI OP,

First of all. Well done for taking the plunge and getting in the saddle . Learning to ride is not easy IMHO esp. as we get older and have more worries.

In my experience (I keep my boy at a riding school and am often the one watching a lesson and chatting over a cuppa with a few people I know) those watching are not watching you - they are listening to the instructor, picking up tips for their own lesson/or riding, catching up with their friend/s, trying to calm their own nerves before their lesson, laughing at a post on social sites, commenting on how well the rider is getting on or just watching the horse/pony and maybe commenting to a friend about the lesson they had on that same horse/pony last week.

Have a chat with your instructor, let them know how you feel - It can be a difficult thing to do initially but once you've spoken to them then that weight will be lifted. Good luck and keep us posted xxx

I went back into riding after 19 years having been diagnosed with severe depression (being around horses again is my therapy) - best thing I ever did - I took private lessons with three different instructors and it took a while to click again. Took the lessons at the same school I keep my own pony now .

 

[Leaveittothediva]

Hello There, Don't be giving yourself such a hard time. Horseriding is bloody difficult. You will have lessons where everything will be a chore and then one day you will be trotting around and you will be on the right diagnol because you have not been stressing about it. Get out of the arena as fast as you can and have a blast around a stubble field on some solid sound horse. Circles can wait, they drive you round the twist. Sure we're all mad to have this for a hobby. My OH says that anyone who goes out in the pouring rain to ride around in circles and figures of 8 and then be worried about getting them right (that's me by the way) is certifiable. Good look to you. May the horse be with you.

 

[FestiveFuzz]

Just a thought but if you're instructor is making you feel like they are sick of you perhaps it might be worth trying a different instructor/riding school as no instructor should make you feel that way.

As for worrying about others, the rest of the group will probably be so focused on what they're doing that they're unlikely to be judging how you ride.

 

[Goldenstar]

I will divide my answer into two halfs .
Firstly the being watched issue , many people dislike being watched it not a you problem it's a human problem you need to be very very strict with your self one thing all good riders share is the ability to focus ,when you are having a lesson strive to be so focused on what you the horse and the trainer are doing so nothing esle exists during that time.
It takes time to develop this skill but once you get it it's a big help and when I am in top form and I can get off my horse at the end of a session and see people I have not even seen coming into the school it's like being in a bubble in the moment it's a lovely feeling once you ' get ' how to get yourself there.
The diagonals break the issue into pieces firstly you need to know when your sitting so say to yourself in your head down or sit or anything you choose every time your seat is in the saddle, this will also help you to develop a sense of rhytmn .
Then to see which diagonal you are on cast your eye down onto the out side shoulder and see if your sit that you saying in your head matches the outside shoulder coming back in time you will develop the skill of one tiny quick galance will be enough .
In time you will be able to say to your self sit sit less and less and get quicker and quicker as you learn the feel .
Then it will be time to develop the feel for feeling without looking but the above is how I would help get to that point if I was helping you.
It takes a lot of time to learn on the schedule you have but you get there you will never have learnt to ride once you start it's a lifelong process of striving to improve once you achieve one thing there's another and another .
Finally I will recommend a book it's looking at development from the competition angle but the message can be applied to anything it's called that winning feeling and it s by Jane Savioe.
Good Luck don't get bogged down train yourself to enjoy the process .

 

[joosie]

Ummm. I've been riding for over 10 years but only starting learning to ride "properly" more recently, and have made more progress in the last 2 years then I did in the first 8!

There are NO time limits on "learning to ride", because we never stop learning! Some people progress faster than others and that's the same for pretty much everything in life Saying "you should be able to do XYZ by the time you've been riding for 10 months" is absolutely pointless IMO. It's dependent on so many things... your age, your physical fitness, your confidence, how often you ride, the horses you ride, the quality of instruction... I could go on, but you get the idea! In any case I would rather be able to do a small number of things correctly, than a lot of things badly!

Just take your time and have fun, progress will be made in its own time!

 

[benji123]

Hello I just joined today too, but I really sympathise and just had to reply to your post. I think you are being way too hard on yourself, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to learn to ride as an adult! I've ridden for 15 years and still feel I can't ride a 20m canter circle properly!

Most of us will be nervous riding in one situation or another. Is there a horse at the school you particularly 'click' with? Some horses can make you feel like the best rider in the world (regardless of whether you are or not!), others can make you feel terrible, so ask your instructor if you can request the one you feel most comfortable with.

Something I do if I'm having a confidence crisis is go back to something I know I can do - so maybe you could ride in a lower level lesson? It will give you more confidence knowing you are the most capable in the lesson - although it is worth saying that in group lessons the other riders certainly won't be looking at you and will be focusing on themselves just as you are!

Sorry for huuuge post but 10 months is nothing in the scale of learning to ride! It takes years and years to develop a good seat. There is a diffference between going fast around in a loop and executing a proper canter circle but you only realise this the longer you ride and the more you learn. What you think the others in your lesson can 'do', they most certainly won't be doing properly!

And in those scary moments, which we all have, just remember - sit up and breathe!

 

[Louise_Pink]

I must say it is lovely to see how many positive and nice people are on this site, thank you all for your advise which i can assure you i have taken in. First of all my lesson this week, i went an hour early and watched the lesson before mines which is teenagers who own their own horses i sat and spoke to afew ladys i always see around the yard. I must admit when i go to the yard i feel like the uncool kid trying to hang out with the cool kids, i dont know the horse lingo yet. Anyways i spoke to these ladies and they were lovely, one told me she didnt learn until she was 50. I signed up to start my horse ownership course next month so hopefully that will help me gain more knowledge too : )

 

[MissTyc]

I teach novice adults sometimes - the ones who progress the quickest are the ones who can find a friendly schoolmaster type horse to ride or even share and then have a weekly private lesson with me. Ideally, they would also ride another time in the week, on their own or with the horse's owner, to run through concepts and get a feel for things without cc.

 

[Louise_Pink]

Sorry what is a schoolmaster horse ? and what does without CC mean ?

 

[ArabianBeauty]

A schoolmaster is usually an older horse who has been there and done it. They are not like most riding school horses, a bit more advanced but not too advanced or sharp. I think loaning a horse that is a bit more advanced than a typical riding school horse would improve your riding and private lessons help more than a group lesson. Does cc mean constructive criticism ? I'm not sure on that either

 

[maggiestar]

There's been some fab advice here so just wanted to add that I admire you hugely for sticking with it, even though, as someone said earlier, horse riding is bloody difficult! I'm also one of those who watches lessons - it's just to pick up on new tips and learn from other riders and instructors. Nothing for you to worry about because, let's face it, most of us are too absorbed in our own riding to judge others.
Try to go 'into the zone' when riding so it's just you, your horse and your instructor. Forget anyone else who may be in the school. ( Obviously be aware of other riders!) I used to be quite an anxious person but taught myself to smile and laugh at myself when riding as it really helped me to relax. If you make a mistake, try to laugh and learn.
I wish you all the best and hope you enjoy many happy years with horses, who in my opinion are the best and most honest counsellors in the world!

 

[IAmCrazyForHorses]

Don't worry I've felt like that before. I've been riding for three years and it literally took me about one year to learn to canter. If I make a mess up when I have to do stuff by myself in group lessons I feel stupid like I can't ride. I've sometimes felt like I'm not meant to do this sport.
Do you ride English? Maybe you could try western, or even something like polo? (I'm doing a polo lesson for my birthday) Different styles of riding may be easier for you. Don't give up!