Would you pick your OH over your horse?

No I wouldn't. But I wouldn't expect him to make me choose. I came with 4 cats, 3 horses, a GSD and a ferret.

My OH is allergic to my cats and I try my best to keep them off the bed and hoover the house constantly to keep the hair situation under control....

But get rid??...no way.

I think he secretly likes the dog but he can take or leave the cats and ferret and horses but that is fine, they are mine :)
 
To a point horses are a lifestyle choice more than a hobby - my year revolves around the seasons with the horses, which revolves around my social life which is centred around horses - hunt parties & balls, nights away camping at shows etc etc etc

I often think people who have unsympathetic/uninterested OHs just drive to the yard, have their allotted horsey time and then go home, and be unhorsey with their OH, and I wouldn't have horses if that was it.

I will admit that my OH also rides, but most of the time the management of them isn't within his domain, which is fine! But we both enjoy the lifestyle, and it wouldn't be fun if all that horsey time was spent without him!
 
Tbh lifestyle is an important part of a permanent relationship .
I would not have formed a permanent partnership with someone if it had meant a permanently horse free life.
I did live abroad for three years when OH's work took him abroad i rode though .
But held him to his promise to bring me home after that assignment .
 
saddlesore said:
I think it depends on your relationship tbh. I'd pick my OH every time, but then he'd never make me choose...
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I completely agree with Saddlesore.



Hated your horse? Berudgingly let's you you do your thing with them???

On that basis, this would not be a relationship I would be investing in.
 
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I should probably say that when OH and I got together the i didn't have the horses with me.they were a part of my life, but not a current feature. My old lady (she's a family pony) was looked after by my step mum, dad and half sister. When they moved to France it wasn't possible for them to take her and after 10 years of service to our family I made sure that she would be with me when they left. This happened a year into our relationship. Due to an ex girlfriend my OH's opinion on horses was negative from the start. But being a low maintenance happy hacker meant she didn't take up too much time. The longer I had her with me the more I became involved in the local horsey scene and before I knew it I'd bought a youngster to get back into competing in the future.
I do try and balance my time but I do feel guilty that tho didn't what he signed up to.
 
amymay said:
Signed up for what? You having an interest outside your relationship?
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Well done for deciphering that post Amymay. iPhones aren't made for HHO.
I don't feel bad for my love of horses, but I do feel bad for how it's escalated. Addictive game this horsey stuff!
 
PollyP99 said:
Its all about give and take, for me, as a golf widow, my Oh could not be happeir that I (unlike his friends wives) dont notice how long he is on the golf course. I do my thing he does his, my advice, get him a hobbie!
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Agree with this my OH is a fisherman and goes out all weekend and many a summers evening so we"re both happy.

Have you thought about getting a sharer to free up more of your time?
 
I agree with Saddlesore too. In fact one of the main thing I looked for in a man was that he accepted the massive part that horses play in my life. If someone had muttered about not liking horses because of an ex it would have been a bit of a red flag personally.

It sounds as though you're enjoying the relationship and would like to concentrate less on the horses and more on your relationship for now. That's great, good for you, whatever makes you happy. I would sell the youngster on (perhaps break it in first?) and just keep the oldie. The thing that you have to really think about is that in the future you are likely to want to pick it up again, or go down the horsey route with a daughter perhaps, and you are likely to meet the same resistance then too..

ps. You don't sign up to someone as they were, you sign up to someone full stop, life will evolve, you may spend more time on children, you may get ill, you may have to look after elderly parents - a good relationship will adapt an allow for these things..
 
Tess Love said:
Agree with this my OH is a fisherman and goes out all weekend and many a summers evening so we"re both happy.

Have you thought about getting a sharer to free up more of your time?
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I've thought about it. Youngsters not suitable for a sharer but I've thought about it for the happy hacker. I'm just waiting for the clocks to change as understandably it's hard to find a loan in the winter for a happy hacker when days are cold/wet and it's dark after school/work. But I will try again once the clocks go back (or forward? Whatever direction they're due to move!)
 
Gypley said:
Well done for deciphering that post Amymay. iPhones aren't made for HHO.
I don't feel bad for my love of horses, but I do feel bad for how it's escalated. Addictive game this horsey stuff!
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But, people and relationships both change. You are doing something you love and your OH should support that, and accept things can change. You can't promise to be the same forever. Your job might change and mean longer hours - would he complain about that? I think mine secretly quite likes the horses as it means he gets to spend all weekend when I'm doing horsey stuff, sat in front of the TV in his pants playing on his PS4 without me telling him to get dressed, do something constructive, wash up etc ;)

Does your OH have any hobbies of his own?
 
If my OH ever complains about the amount of time I spend with the horses (very rare occurance and normally when I'm hours later than I said I'd be or late for going out somewhere) he just gets told they were here a long time before him and will be around a long time after him.

I'd give them up like a shot if he realy needed me to - if he was ill or something like that - but not just because he resented them.

If you give them up, what will he want you to give up next? It's not the path to happiness unless it's really what you want too.
 
Its got to be about compromise, I have been with OH 11 years he was totally non horsey! When we initially lived together my horse went out on loan, partying and saving for house became more important. After about 18 months I really started to missing it and occasional rides with friends just wasn't doing it, when horse came back off loan due to loaner's health problems, he suggested I keep him! We had brought house by then and although we struggled we managed!
About 6 months after that my yard got closed down due to selling and I started renting about 15 acres of grazing as worked out cheap compared to livery and meant could have few liveries of my own to off set my horsey costs. My horse was on his own as my livery only wanted her horses together and he hated it! My OH who knew nothing about horses at this point came home 1 day with a 6 month old donkey colt! He really surprised me and learnt to look after his donkey all on his own. He very quickly after this he started riding my horse and loved it! Within 6 weeks of 1st ride, he brought me another horse and took over my boy as he was approaching retirement. New horse meant could compete again so we brought a lorry which he drives for me. I then started buying and selling projects and at 1 point got up to 13 equines plus 8 livery horses.
OH lost his job 2 years ago and struggled to find work, I cut down very quickly and we now have 1 riding horse each, plus my mares foal and 2 donkeys as companions. (I also have 3 out on long term loan)plus we have 4 livery horses which almost pay the cost of mine, I moved yards to cut rent costs as well.
OH is exceptionally supportive but he is only a fair weather rider, he hates getting wet and cold. He also hates it taking up all our time and will moan a lot if he feels they are taking over. We are both Tae Kwon do instructors too (which is his 1st love) so I have to ensure TKD comes 1st some of time to keep the peace. I also ensure we do not spent whole weekends doing horses things, if I do a show on Saturday for example, I get up Sunday early and get horses done so we can do whatever he wants on that day. I have also set rota at the yard where I do liveries horses a couple days a week in return for them doing mine so I get every Monday and Friday off plus 1 Saturday and 1 Sunday a month. We have also introduced rules like I don't talk about them after half 7 in the evening as they become very consuming otherwise. OH occasionally mentions how much better life would be without horses but he knows how much they mean to me so they are empty comments really. OH also does them on his own every Wednesday as he doesn't work Wednesday and its means we get to spend family evening in with his son.
 
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On the other hand, OH has a job that requires a lot of work, he often works 7 days a week and if we go away he is usually glued to the phone, he knows I won't stress about him working at weekends because I have my horse so can amuse myself! I cannot abide people who are clingy or lack independence.
 
Gypley said:
I've thought about it. Youngsters not suitable for a sharer but I've thought about it for the happy hacker. I'm just waiting for the clocks to change as understandably it's hard to find a loan in the winter for a happy hacker when days are cold/wet and it's dark after school/work. But I will try again once the clocks go back (or forward? Whatever direction they're due to move!)
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Well very good luck you sound a lovely person trying your best to make the right decisions, as lucky as I am to have a fair amount of free time I couldn't commit full time to a horse my children ultimately come first and take a huge amount of my time but that's why I had them.
 
Dizzle said:
I would choose OH but he also wouldn't make me choose, that's why I love him!
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Yep, I like this one!
My BF isn't in to horses at all, but he runs a nightclub so works all bank holidays, weekends, enjoys golf, plenty that I have to put up with - he knows how much Louis means to me, probably doesn't understand it or get spending the money but he wouldn't make me choose....he even gave me money once when I thought I was going to lose one of my loan horses due to money - love him!
I think it is very important to give your relatipnship a full chance though - I make a conscious effort to do things together, get out and about when we can and not just talk horse all the time :)
 
I think it depends on the situation.

I would choose my OH but he would never make me choose between him and the horse. I had horses way before my OH came along so he has always known that they are a BIG part of my life and that they do generally take priority. I'm lucky that my OH has his own hobbies so I don't feel as guilty when I spend all day up the yard or at a show.
He isn't keen on the horse, but it's more the fact he's frightened of them rather than he doesn't like me having one. We also both have our own money. We put 'x' amount of money in our joint account each month to cover our bills and whatever else we both earn is ours to do with as we please.
As said above, we both make a conscious effort to spend quality time together. Even if it's just cooking a nice meal and snuggling up on the sofa to watch a good film.
 
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I always had horses or worked with them and then had a short gap which was when I met my OH so he didn't take me and the horses as a done deal.
Then I got a youngster to bring on and he did start to moan a lot about the time it took up. I also got resentful because he would ask me to stop in and then not want to do anything and all the while I was thinking I could have been with my horse!
However my tactic was to do the housework loudly (think hoovering under his feet while he was watching tv and asking him to collect his washing up etc) and eventually he was desperate to get me out of the house.
Twenty-five years on and he now gets worried if I haven't disappeared at the crack of dawn or if I haven't ridden for a few days for some reason.
He's still not interested in horses, although he always asks how mine is, and wouldn't know how to put a headcollar on. However, he has his own hobbies and I make allowances for them the same way he does for me. I also try to ensure we have at least half-a-day quality time available, even if we don't always use it.
We have had to work together to make it work but he would never ask me to choose and, I am fairly confident, would sell the house if necessary so I could keep my boy.
 
what hobby does your OH have? my OH is not interested in the horses, but knows how important they are to me. it also helps that i do not have shared finances with him- we spit rent and bills down the middle, he does not have to pay anything towards the horses. he is very busy running his new business and that takes up loads of his time, so he is never home to actually be able to complain i'm always out at the horses! we both have hobbies.
it is important to spend time together, and we do try, but also to spend time apart.
it sounds like the biggest issue is money? if i did not have horses (and a dog and cat!) i would have hundreds a month that could be spent on weekends away or dinners out- but we are happy sometimes cooking special dinner to eat at home for example. but are there any ways you could cut costs to save money for things you can do as a couple?
you may be right that he is the one for you, i know far too little about your relationship! but i did have an ex who i thought was the one- who quietly hated me having the horses, funnily enough it did not work out and so glad i realized.
my OH has even said that when we have kids it will be fine as he will look after baby while i do the horses in the morning (all hypothetical but nice that he has though about it) although he has also said we wont pay for them, but would pay for the dog and cat if i stopped work for a baby... working on that, as part time jobs paying enough for childcare and horses are not very easy to find i think.
 
NO. My previous relationship ended because i would not move away from the yard i rent for my horses.
My current relationship is on the rocks because i spend ALL my free time with the horses.
I have no social life because of my horses.
I DON'T CARE! MY HORSE'S KEEP ME SANE!!
A man can be replaced. Horses are way more loyal anyway! :D
 
Im not in a relationship but I would not give them up for a guy.....simply because they are my sanity.

If he knew you had horses when you got together then surely he should respect that they are your hobbie, I have a friend whos oh doenst like the horses, they have arguments but he wouldn't dream of making her choose because he knows how much they are apart of her life.

he has his hobbie, she has hers.
 
No matter how much you love and adore someone they should never expect you to change for them - that's totally unfair and will only end in resentment. Your horses are part of your life and your OH should respect that. My OH is not horsey, but has made a valiant effort to be understanding. It was my dreaded mother-in-law who I had problems with. What did I need two horses for? And how will we pay for a holiday? And that's very time consuming isn't it? I said the horses came first. They're going nowhere. End of discussion. I don't allow the horses to be held against me, they may be expensive but they're a passion and I can't imagine my life without them. I simply don't allow myself to be drawn into any kind of conflict over it as I feel it's irrelevant to any argument - we're able to afford them, they make me happy, I can't have children so they fill what would otherwise be a massive void in my life in terms of nurturing - so there's no need to bring up the issue. I really feel for you OP. It's so easy to feel guilty about the amount of time and money horses cost us, but I don't think it's right for you to have to give up something that you love because your OH has a problem with it.
 
Not really entitled to comment probably as currently single, but if I had the horse first then no I wouldn't give it up for him, they were there before him and are part of who I am/ what makes me happy. I also doubt it would stop me getting a new one unless finances were an issue, I'd expect him to allow me things that make me happy. E.g. if he liked gaming I wouldn't expect him to get rid of his games console unless he was glued to it of course!

I would however still make time to do things with just him, I'd like it if he came and saw the horses with me especially in the summer as its part of what I enjoy, but if he played football/ rugby etc I'd also take time to go and watch him/ take interest in it.

If he's moaning about the costs, I can understand if he is paying for it all but if you are financially stable and contributeto hhouse costs etc then I don't really see his problem.

Maybe this is why I'm probably going to end up a crazy cat lady!

However your not enjoying horses- are you perhaps wanting to stop and using his dislike of them to try and confirm giving up is the best thing?

You also need your separate interests to enjoy as well as together.
 
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Gypley said:
I know a lot of people's immediate reaction to this question would be a resounding NO, and being that I don't want to disclose everything that's going on in my life on here, I know it's difficult to say not knowing my situation.

But loosely speaking, you adore your OH despite the fact he's always hated your horses. He begrudgingly lets you do your thing with them, even though he'd like to spend more time at home with you.

Your not married, although some day you would like to be and see yourself as being with this person for the rest of your life. The horses tie up a lot of your money and at times it restricts what you and OH can and can't do. You know that he hates this and can often be the cause of arguments.

Horse wise you have an old lady and a youngster your planning to back in the spring, which is ultimately going to take up even more time. You love the pair of them to bits but for some reason your hearts not in it like it used to be.

Would you give up your horses for him ?
Have you been in a similar situation?
Did you regret the decision you made ?
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Absolutely not.

If you get rid of the horse for him, next it'll be your friends he hates then your family.
Compromise of course, so that your horses aren't taking ALL your time and money. But from the post it sounds like he wants them gone altogether, and thats really not on.
 
No, not if he asked, or even hinted that he wanted them gone.

I sold my boy 6 years ago as oh correctly predicted his work going into administration so left and set up with a mate, on their own. We were also getting married and planning a family. I didn't want to have my horse but not compete, so for financial reasons I sold him to a wonderful home. This was entirely my decision and my oh was almost more upset than me the day he left. He felt he should've been able to provide for me. He works really hard with the idea that one day we will get another!!

Well he's done so well and supports me to work part time while bringing up our daughter, having a share horse while saving for my own. The cost he does struggle with, but he knows we will be broke but happy!!! He's offered our savings to buy my own, but the time isn't quite tight yet (daughter still slightly young IMO) and I'm happy to save.

However it had entered my mind that I sold my boy 'for him' and regret it (when angry / tired / arguing) but this isn't true he never asked me to and it was entirely my idea. It was the right idea and things have worked out well.

My point is even when my selling horse was actually for me and was what I wanted at the time (oh was keen to rent a field etc, but selling him helped pay for our wedding and I never wanted to mix babies and horses) i still had times when i blamed him for my decision and resented him.

So if there is any thought that you are selling a horse or giving up for your oh in any way, it will probably end up driving a wedge between you.

If its genuinely what YOU want for your life, then its ok. You can always get back into horses, like I am now.
 
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Thank you so much for all your lovely replies.
It really helps hearing so many opinions and applying them to my situation. Whilst I'm still not sure what to do, I pulled up to the yard this evening and my boy was waiting in the field smiling as I pulled up. (Although he'd probably just smelt my mares wee or somthing equally as gross as oppose to being genuinely happy to see his mum pull up) but it put the biggest smile on my face after such a crap day.
No matter how much I love my OH, he fills a completly different space in my heart, there's a bit that is reserved for a bay pony of a lifetime and another for a coloured pain in the bum.

Have I just answered my own question ?
 
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