Would you pick your OH over your horse?

No, I live for my horses but I also wouldn't want to be in a position where it was 'me or them'. I've recently split with my partner, partly due to time issues. I will always prioritize my horse before anything or anyone. I'm grateful he was understanding of that as I couldn't have coped otherwise. That's me though, do what makes you happy.
 
Seems there are a few short sighted people on these threads I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot how it would feel. If you are with someone its a partnership its not a horse or my man situation you make both work, if your man suddenly took up a new hobby and you hardly saw them would you be happy.

You can have you cake and eat it too you just need to come to arrangements.

Well for me anyway esp when you met a lovely guy and you want to hang out with them.
 
Im not in a relationship, but I was in one for 3 years. My bf hated my horses and ultimately ended the relationship on the basis of me buying another horse :o . It was for the best, we were just very different people even though we didn't realise at the time. I would like a relationship where you can both be involved in each other's hobbies, I always invited him to come to the stables and just sit and chat if he wanted no horsey involvement, and i'd go and support all of his hobbies (and he had LOADS) but he refused to support mine. Good riddance ! I can spend more time with my horse now ;) but I am only 19 and only 18 when we split so it couldn't really be considered serious. I'd still never compromise my happiness and active horsey lifestyle to impress or keep someone else happy...
 
Well I've been married 14 years so oh comes first every time. If I had just a boyfriend though, I'd kick him Into touch and he could ****** off for not wanting to put my happiness, before his own.
 
You choose to be in a relationship just as you choose to have a horse, and both need effort and commitment. No, I wouldn't give up horses for a relationship - but nor would it be reasonable of me to expect a partner not to see me until 8pm every evening, never to have a lie in together, never have a lazy Saturday together, never have a whole day off doing something we love together. I don't think the OP does this, but I do think other horse people do - it's not surprising the relationships don't work!

Towards the end of my last relationship I realised I was spending more and more time with the horse and less and less time with my partner. If you're in a relationship with them I think you ought to want to actively choose to spend some time with them - not just always fit them in around the horse. That's not fair or healthy.
 
Copperpot said:
Exactly I see a partnership as not being told what you can and can't do. That's a dictatorship!
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This. I am single, but when I have been in a relationship, I always made it clear that my horses would always come first. I see it as they are allowed their hobbies so I am allowed mine. I prefer being single, at least for the moment though as I found being in a relationship and juggling it between work and my horses hard work and too much commitment tbh.
 
Been with the OH over 18 years and only had a horse for 7 or so, no contest. My heart would break if I had to give up my boy, but the OH comes first, absolutely, despite the crazy amount of time I sometimes spend with the horse :o
 
A little depends on how you keep them, OH's can in the main feed themselves (even if only to order dominos) get themselves dressed, open beer, flick heating on/ open a window to get temperature right.
Any animal comes first (a little) IMHO because they rely on us for food/ care so we have to go and see them even when it's inconvenient. There's a difference between OH being anoyed with an all day trip out to a show on his birthday and a 30 min visit to chuck some hay in
 
I have; faced with the accusation "you love that horse more than you love me" he got "love you, I don't even like you" and was swiftly hoofed out. I had my horse when I met so he know what he was in far.
 
maccachic said:
Seems there are a few short sighted people on these threads I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot how it would feel. If you are with someone its a partnership its not a horse or my man situation you make both work, if your man suddenly took up a new hobby and you hardly saw them would you be happy.

You can have you cake and eat it too you just need to come to arrangements.

Well for me anyway esp when you met a lovely guy and you want to hang out with them.
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^^ This, absolutely ^^

My BF has his hobbies - when I first met him he practically lived in his gym at home, he also plays squash and is a real computer game geek. I wouldn't dream of stopping him from doing those (and he doesn't do them as much now, despite me encouraging), but equally I would be pretty damn annoyed if he continually prioritised those over me and our relationship.

If you meet someone you really like/love then surely it is only natural to want to spend more time with them? And since there are only so many hours in the day, something else has to give. I definitely spend less time doing horsey stuff since I've been with my BF but that's my choice. If it is a good partnership then you shouldn't be in a situation where you have to choose, and all of those people saying "the horse was here before the man, and will be here long after" doesn't sound to me like you have much faith in your relationship. I adore my BF and I wouldn't sacrifice my relationship with him purely to keep my horse, but then again, he wouldn't make me.
 
My husband is very supportive of me and does not begrudge a second of the time that I spend at the yard. That said, I do not spend every waking minute at the stables and love spending time with him as well.

He would never say 'me or the horse' so I would never have to choose between the two. He has his own interests and hobbies which I fully support as well.

I have had a partner in the past who was jealous and resented the time I spent at the yard. When I met him I had a horse. Horse had to be PTS a few years later and I had a spell of 5 months without my own, though I was working with horses then. When I got my horse now, he hated her and was very jealous. I think I much preferred her company to his and spent most of my time at the stables to get away from him if I'm honest. We only lasted until the 3 months after I bought her! We had plenty of other issues but his resentment played a big factor in me leaving him.
 
I agree with those that say you have to consider how you would feel if you were abandoned for his hobby but unless it was the care of another sentient being, the point doesn't really compare if sport or cars are the alternative as they can be picked up and put down in anytime. Only comparable hobby to me would be things like racing pigeons, greyhound owning/training etc which because I know the animals need specialist care and cannnot just be left for another time. Horses are like this they have physical needs that cannot be ignored the compromise is that as long as the horses needs are fulfilled then time should be made for others. So maybe some of the non essential activities can be compromised on the essential one for the animals welfare must be fulfilled and both partners need to be up front with that.
It isn't the thought of putting an animal ahead of a partner it is the dreadful idea that anyone would ask you to.
 
Don't need to write a long post. My other half would be out the door without me having a second thought and I'd slam the door behind him
 
As im on the otherside I can give you my story.

Me and my OH were living together, I wasn't allowed to pay bills incase I "stole" the house from in if/when we split up so I bought all the food and we went out to dinner once a month.
We had a dog at home and I had my horse, he worked shifts as a police officer so I spent time at the yard mostly when he was working so that I could be around for him when he wasn't at work. He was fairly useful with my horse, and could go get her in and would even muck out- not an issue at all.

HOWEVER on my birthday dinner out, I raised the idea that my mare was 15 coming 16 and I really thought that as I couldn't afford to save for her replacement/my next horse that I should breed from her the following year so that I could have the horse that I wanted and without a major outlay in monies in one go. This was met with utter refusal that I could have two horses, and did I expect him to pay, I pointed out that at no point did he pay for my horse and that I spent MY own money as I wanted. As he couldn't see reason I sort of lost it (yes in the posh restaurant opps) and said (a bit loud) "would you rather I wait for her to die so that its more convenient for you?"
Unfortunately this appeared to be his thinking and that this would be my last horse and that then I would "settle down to a family".
We had already planned out the wedding and how and when we were going to do it..........

4 weeks later I had moved out and have never seen him since. That was 4 years ago now, and im just about ready to start dating again.

Slightly different circumstances, but I now have a super 3yo from my mare to back this summer, and other than the fact im single im pretty happy that I made the right call. Ive had my horse 14 years, she has seen a lot of OH in my life and she is still there not them.

So no never, and I wont invite anyone into my life now that cant/wont accept this is what I do.
 
I spend plenty of time with my OH. Luckily he has his own interests and doesn't need me to spend every hour with him to prove I love him. He's happy I have a hobby and takes an interest in the horses.

He's a grown man, who can feed and occupy himself whilst I'm doing something I enjoy. Likewise when he's out all night playing a gig, I am capable of taking care of myself.

I just find the concept of being "allowed" to so something, like a child asking for permission a bit bizarre in an adult relationship.
 
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Theocat said:
You choose to be in a relationship just as you choose to have a horse, and both need effort and commitment. No, I wouldn't give up horses for a relationship - but nor would it be reasonable of me to expect a partner not to see me until 8pm every evening, never to have a lie in together, never have a lazy Saturday together, never have a whole day off doing something we love together. I don't think the OP does this, but I do think other horse people do - it's not surprising the relationships don't work!

Towards the end of my last relationship I realised I was spending more and more time with the horse and less and less time with my partner. If you're in a relationship with them I think you ought to want to actively choose to spend some time with them - not just always fit them in around the horse. That's not fair or healthy.
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Ditto, this.

Generally speaking, two or three nights a week are 'my' horse time - so I fully expect to ride & exercise & have my 'down time' with my horse. The other two, I still do my horse - but I'll either ride in the morning or not ride & just put him to bed, so we can do 'couple' things like dinner together or go for a drink of just cuddle up on the sofa.

At weekends, I roughly do it so that one day, my OH & I do couple-y things. Be that, just a lazy day together or a day out or spend time with our friends & families.

Obviously, I still do my horse on those days (or pay for YM to turn out or being in & finish off), but I don't ride & just limit it to a good groom & turning out or putting to bed.

I'm lucky, that my OH has a demanding, busy job & other interests - so we can appreciate that we can't spend 24/7 together not does he expect dinner on the table at 6.30 every night. But, equally I'd be peeved if I never saw him because of work or gym or socialising with friends, so I fully understand that he'd be peeved if he never saw me because of my horse.

We just roughly talk about our plans for the week & fit time in together - sometimes he misses a gym session or after work drinks, sometimes I don't ride. Equally, I accept that if something comes up at work - our cosy plans might get way laid, just as if I had a horse related emergency, my horse would come first.
 
Gypley said:
I know a lot of people's immediate reaction to this question would be a resounding NO, and being that I don't want to disclose everything that's going on in my life on here, I know it's difficult to say not knowing my situation.

But loosely speaking, you adore your OH despite the fact he's always hated your horses. He begrudgingly lets you do your thing with them, even though he'd like to spend more time at home with you.

Your not married, although some day you would like to be and see yourself as being with this person for the rest of your life. The horses tie up a lot of your money and at times it restricts what you and OH can and can't do. You know that he hates this and can often be the cause of arguments.

Horse wise you have an old lady and a youngster your planning to back in the spring, which is ultimately going to take up even more time. You love the pair of them to bits but for some reason your hearts not in it like it used to be.

Would you give up your horses for him ?
Have you been in a similar situation?
Did you regret the decision you made ?
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ha! sounds like me and my OH!

He has just walked out on me and the kids because of my horses. I work on a livery yard and he hates it despite me getting paid the same as if i worked anywhere else. He goes out of his way to make it awkward for me to do the horses, he doesnt have to pay for them or see them nor does he or anyone else do without because of them.

I go down once per day on my days off for approx 1hr whilst he is still in bed early in the morning. WE have family days out where all he does is snipe at me.

Horses ALWAYS get brought up in the arguments. Aswell as him saying he resents me, am a **** parent and am selfish.....and yes of course he is the perfect parent.

Sorry to vent and hijack your thread OP just had a real ****** day - found out my mare needs surgery and things are a whole lot worse than i thought and my OH blew off at me and has now vanished and taken his belongings - needed to vent, will go and climb back under my blanket of self pity now
 
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cob&onion said:
ha! sounds like me and my OH!

He has just walked out on me and the kids because of my horses. I work on a livery yard and he hates it despite me getting paid the same as if i worked anywhere else. He goes out of his way to make it awkward for me to do the horses, he doesnt have to pay for them or see them nor does he or anyone else do without because of them.

I go down once per day on my days off for approx 1hr whilst he is still in bed early in the morning. WE have family days out where all he does is snipe at me.

Horses ALWAYS get brought up in the arguments. Aswell as him saying he resents me, am a **** parent and am selfish.....and yes of course he is the perfect parent.

Sorry to vent and hijack your thread OP just had a real ****** day - found out my mare needs surgery and things are a whole lot worse than i thought and my OH blew off at me and has now vanished and taken his belongings - needed to vent, will go and climb back under my blanket of self pity now
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Just wanted to send hugs - sounds like you are having a s*** time. Hope all works out best for you XX
 
My OH comes first. He is my companion for the rest of my life. He is my absolute world and I love him more than anything.

I have effectively given up my horses for him. We moved to a different city for his job and I couldn't take them with me. I miss them every day but I absolutely don't regret my decision. My OH is going from strength to strength in his career and it's fantastic to be able to see him succeed.

I put him first, he puts me first. I make the decisions that will help our relationship grow, no matter how difficult.

He has never asked me to choose but, then again, he would never need to. He will always come first and I would consider it a failure on my part if he didn't feel that way. I certainly wouldn't be happy to be in a relationship where I felt like I came second.
 
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