Wrong horse but finding it hard to move on?

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oldie48

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Five years ago I bought a dressage schoolmaster but although there was a lot to like about him and he taught me a great deal, the bottom line was he didn't enjoy schooling and competing and I did. However, I plodded on with him, constantly reminding myself of his good points and trying to give him as much variety in his work as I could but we were mismatched and we were both getting older. I just couldn't bring myself to admit that he wasn't the dream horse I thought I'd bought. Recently I was told of a horse that might suit me, went to see him and although he didn't tick all the boxes once I sat on him I knew he was the right horse for me, so I bought him. I intended to keep my other horse as a hack but increasingly found it difficult to give him enough work to keep his weight and fitness under control and reluctantly decided to see if I could sell him.

Well, four months on my old horse has settled well into a new home where the emphasis is on hacking, which he loves. his new owner loves him and is regaining her confidence as he's such a safe horse to hack. I've got to know the new horse and absolutely adore him, we've started to bond in a way that I just didn't with my other horse and I now really look forward to every minute with him. I'm intending to get out competing with him very soon.

My reason for posting this is I'm sure there are lots of people out there in a similar situation, hanging on to horses who might be happier in another home and not able either to fulfill their own ambitions because they've got the wrong horse. If any of this rings bells with you, I just want you to know that it's not a "cop out" to move a horse on provided you do all you can to find them a more suitable home and are honest about why you are selling.
 
I think many people find themselves in a similar position, it`s good to hear it worked out well for you :)
 
Oldie48- I have been in your situation. Took me along time to admit defeat with a horse which was fabulous, but just not the all rounder I wanted! I think it is pretty common!

ETA- Glad to hear your new horse is working well and that old horse has found a nice home!
 
I feel like this. My daughter has lost interest in her horse and ive come out of retirement, so to speak, to ride him. I'm an experienced rider but as a mum of 3 children, have wobbles with confidence sometimes. I'd love to get back into jumping again especially xc but I don't think I have the guts. I don't trust him. He's incredibly sharp and forward going. I hack out and we have good and bad days. You see, I would never have bought a horse like him for myself and have sort of got him dumped onto me. However, I adore him and cried buckets last year when he nearly died. I feel stuck with what to do.
 
Thanks for sharing OP, and I'm so pleased that it has all worked out for you and the stress was worth it in the end. This is something that not many people talk about and so it's great that you're speaking with so much confidence; it isn't exactly taboo but goes against the idea that we're all meant to be really happy with our horses and never consider buying another. Sometimes I feel like that and I'm at the stage where things are improving, then there's a setback, then things improve again. I'm not at the point of selling and I'm not saying that I'll do that, but nevertheless I really like your post and the way you have written about your decision.
 
exracehorse said:
I feel like this. My daughter has lost interest in her horse and ive come out of retirement, so to speak, to ride him. I'm an experienced rider but as a mum of 3 children, have wobbles with confidence sometimes. I'd love to get back into jumping again especially xc but I don't think I have the guts. I don't trust him. He's incredibly sharp and forward going. I hack out and we have good and bad days. You see, I would never have bought a horse like him for myself and have sort of got him dumped onto me. However, I adore him and cried buckets last year when he nearly died. I feel stuck with what to do.
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We had a similar situation in that my daughter's pony was really a bit too much for her/she was too novice for him and we made the tough decision to sell him. I cried pretty much uncontrollably when the new owners collected him but he is extremely happy in his new home, ridden daily and loving it - it was exactly the right decision for our pony even though I still miss him and his pony kisses!
 
Really good post. I agree there are lots of people out there who are hanging onto unsuitable horses. I decided to sell my last horse after a year & lots of people were shocked . She was great ,well behaved, safe and basically everything I wanted but we just didn't click. I rode her because I had to not because I wanted to. I sold her to a lovely girl who adores her & I now have my dream horse & my mojo back. Our hobby is too expensive to not enjoy it. If you aren't happy move on .
 
I am going to add to the above from the owner perspective. I had looked for an all rounder, I have an all rounder but I have come to hate jumping, not because of my horse, I just don't enjoy it, I enjoy schooling, dressage, hacking and so does he. I decided to stop pushing myself to jump and I have never been happier!

Hilariously I am taking the advice I gave someone else last year which is to do what you want and if the horse can do it great, it won't miss doing other things and if the horse can't do it, maybe it is time to part ways.

What a great post!
 
I did exactly the same , wasted 2 years and buckets of cash on a horse that was just not for me

A few nasty injures and I finally seen the light

That horse is in a lovely he now and gets on good with new owners and I have my ultimate dream horse

I would never waste so much time again , 6 months tops and I'd call it quits if a encounter another horse in the future I don't gel with.

You live you learn
 
Great post OP. It can feel as though you are doing something to be ashamed of when you sell a horse and replace him.... but your post reminds us that it is a valid choice that can be best for horse and owner. Good luck with your partnership :)
 
exracehorse said:
I feel like this. My daughter has lost interest in her horse and ive come out of retirement, so to speak, to ride him. I'm an experienced rider but as a mum of 3 children, have wobbles with confidence sometimes. I'd love to get back into jumping again especially xc but I don't think I have the guts. I don't trust him. He's incredibly sharp and forward going. I hack out and we have good and bad days. You see, I would never have bought a horse like him for myself and have sort of got him dumped onto me. However, I adore him and cried buckets last year when he nearly died. I feel stuck with what to do.
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This is what happenend exactly with me even down to 3 kids ... I sold and she is out competing and doing so well with her younger rider I turned her around but she was never the right horse for me.On down side my new horse has been constantly lame and Ive promised my o/h that I wont have another :( back to vets again next week
 
Brilliant post OP, I've been through similar situation in the past, pony and I just never clicked, gave him 4 years and did loads with him, (I was very young at the time and mum wouldn't listen when I tried to explain it wasn't working) but once he was sold to a good home I was so much happier, while I had him I felt guilty if I didn't ride but never enjoyed riding him. Horses cost a lot of time and money and unless it's your career it is meant to be a pleasure sport, so no point wasting your energies on something that isn't working
 
I found myself in a similar situation with my horse. A super horse but many querks which caused me to lose my confidence - put him out on loan to a lovely lady as a short term hacking companion for her and her daughter. Said daughter had lost confidence with her boy but on my old lad her confidence has come on and they've asked to buy him. I've now taken a back seat for now and have a super little Shetland on loan for my daughter to learn on and learn the basics of horse care - and will be looking for a less sharp pony for me too. In no rush at the moment as enjoying teaching my little lady to ride this very special diamond of a wee ponio :)
 
I have been feeling this way about my mare for a while and was at the point of discussing loaning her out to someone, but the person didn't push for it and the horse has suddenly and miraculously started working with me again, so if the loaner does contact me again she's out of luck I'm afraid :-)

Glad you are happy with your decision, it's hard to admit that maybe they would be happier with someone else, but easier when you have another horse to focus on and realise is the right one.

I haven't tried to hack my mare alone recently so that may be the point I go back to plan A :-(
 
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