wwyd bitten of more than i can chew

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tb gal

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After 30 years + of horse ownership I carefully researched my next horse and then went and bought totally the wrong one I think. New horse is very beautiful, very kind and sweet but quite reactive as is only 2 so everything is new to her and I have found with age comes both experience and also knowledge that I am not as quick or able as I was.

In the space of under a month has already grown too big for me and is welded to the side of my semi retired pony so I cannot do anything with either as cant be in two places at once. I had happy dreams of doing lots of inhand work with her until 4 and showing but it is not going to happen.

My instinct is to sell asap but I dont want people to think there is anything wrong with new horse as the problem is me not the horse. I have lined up a young stock livery to run on and handle next year. This will cost me £4500 for 12 months, which is actually less than assisted livery which I now need for both if new horse stays. If I post on social media new horses breeder immediately starts DMing me saying I must keep, dont sell in case she gets in to wrong hands she regrets selling but doesn't want horse back. I feel such a fool and really awful as I dont want horse to end up in a bad place - hence young stock livery.
 
Well if the breeder is so keen to stop her getting into the wrong hands she should buy her back .
Move the mare on asap to right home of course .
You are not the first and you won’t be the last to realise age affects your physical ability to train young reactive horses just after you have bought one .
You need the right horse for you a horse that’s a pleasure .
Theres no reason why a young horse can’t find a good home you don’t need to hang on to the wrong horse for twenty years.
 
Your youngstock livery sounds expensive - is that the usual sort of price for a horse that only needs appropriate turnout and basic handling?
If you think you want to keep her I'd be looking for somewhere cheaper and then see what you have in a year's time

Sorry just read it again properly - if she's already too big yes sell now
 
Goldenstar said:
Well if the breeder is so keen to stop her getting into the wrong hands she should buy her back .
Move the mare on asap to right home of course .
You are not the first and you won’t be the last to realise age affects your physical ability to train young reactive horses just after you have bought one .
You need the right horse for you a horse that’s a pleasure .
Theres no reason why a young horse can’t find a good home you don’t need to hang on to the wrong horse for twenty years.
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Totally agree with this, you’ll spend half the cost of a good safe rideable horse on the young stock livery and still only have an unbroken 3 year old to deal with. I would firmly tell the breeder that you intend to sell her and that she’s welcome to buy back, but ignore any emotional blackmail.
 
I actually thought the youngstock livery sounded cheap!

I did a similar thing, bought a 2 year old (now 3) unseen, and struggled with his bolshy and reactive temperament. I actually got the great Joe Midgely to help and he has completely transformed our relationship. Horse is still a feisty little git but we both understand how the relationship works now and at least I feel safe working with him. In fact I really enjoy it.

Just adding another perspective. You must of course do whatever works best for you.
 
Sell, you have identified that she is too big and reactive for you and thats not something thats going to change. Postponing selling wont make the problem go away and you'll get more attached and spend more money. Just because she isn't right for you doesn't mean she won't be right for someone else.
If the breeder wants to buy her great but if she is making you feel bad, block.
 
Either sell or get someone to install the basics… it honestly takes a couple of hours for a horse to learn forward backwards and stop if trained correctly. I originally got a chap in to do this for me but after watching him 2 or 3 times it’s not difficult it just takes a lot of repetition and firm boundaries…

most 2 year olds that are going to be competition horses are reactive at this age it actually makes the basic training easier tbh.
 
I think you have to be realistic. If she is already too big at 2 for you she is only going to get bigger. Even if she was quiet and easy if she is too big already at 2 then she is not going to be suitable.

Yes the breeder will be disappointed that the home has not worked out but that should not be a reason to not to sell. Would the breeder be able to take her back and put her on youngstock livery to sell on for you.
 
Sounds like me 20 years ago when I bought an almost 2 year old completely blank canvas straight off the field. Yes they are reactive and can bond very quickly with another horse instead of you. I was at my wits end until I bought “From Birth to Backing” by Richard Maxwell. Within a few weeks I had a horse who was a dope on a rope and we’ve just celebrated 20 years together. Obviously it’s your decision, but I am so so glad I kept my baby. Picture from 20 years ago 🥰
 

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He also grew loads and I would never buy a 16.2hh horse, but as he’s grown with me, it doesn’t seem to matter. Yes I was bitten, stepped on, barged about, you name it, for those first six weeks. I couldn’t lead him, he hadn’t a clue.
 
1) Well done for recognising the situation - as above, you are most definitely not the first, so don't beat yourself up

2) The breeder sold her to you. If she doesn't want to buy her back, and at a fair price, she has NO say in what you do with her now

3) You could try to get some help - Joe Midgley etc, IMO only go down that route if you can still remember why you bought her in the first place, and she still makes your heart sing

4) Otherwise, sell asap and buy the horse that suits you, instead of throwing more time, as well as money, on the wrong horse - not a good situation for either of you.
 
cauda equina said:
It's great that your horse came good for you Bellalily (lovely horse btw) but I'm guessing that the OP is rather older than you were then
Age does cruel things to your confidence and resilience that you don't anticipate when you are a youngster yourself
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I’m no spring chicken and I wasn’t then. I’ve always been nervous round anything horse size.
 
I would pay someone to do some basic training with her. Any horse of any size is too big to pull around on a rope by strength, size matters a lot less than manners.
When that's done you can decide if you want to sell or not. If you still want to sell she will be more saleable & you can be more fussy about who buys her.
 
I had a 2 year old and realised the same, I didn’t have the same confidence and time I once had and she was too much so I sold her. Offered her to the breeder first who politely declined, so I sold her on. There’s no shame in admitting the horse you thought would be right for you, in fact isn’t.

I would just make sure you’re 100% about the home she goes to, then use the money you have to buy something more suitable. That’s exactly what I did and 2 years on I am much happier and do not regret my decision.
 
I have bought the wrong horse for the job several times Tatts was a perfect example I bought him to do driving trials he was not the horse for that job .
I had him for years doing all sorts of bits and pieces until it was time for him to go the big pasture in the sky .
No one should saddle themselves to a horse that’s unsuitable it’s my experience that the safest course once you are older is to buy a horse that’s broadly doing what the job you want it for .Even if that horse is young and green, a horse that’s ridden is much easier to assess for suitability for the job .
 
You could get someone in show you both learn that might help you.

If you really don't want to carry on then yes sell her and block the breeder nothing to do with them x
 
Would the breeder help find a new owner? There's one local to here helping sell a 3yo that she originally bred and sold on. People's circumstances change and I think that's all you need to say in an advert.
 
tb gal said:
After 30 years + of horse ownership I carefully researched my next horse and then went and bought totally the wrong one I think. New horse is very beautiful, very kind and sweet but quite reactive as is only 2 so everything is new to her and I have found with age comes both experience and also knowledge that I am not as quick or able as I was.

In the space of under a month has already grown too big for me and is welded to the side of my semi retired pony so I cannot do anything with either as cant be in two places at once. I had happy dreams of doing lots of inhand work with her until 4 and showing but it is not going to happen.

My instinct is to sell asap but I dont want people to think there is anything wrong with new horse as the problem is me not the horse. I have lined up a young stock livery to run on and handle next year. This will cost me £4500 for 12 months, which is actually less than assisted livery which I now need for both if new horse stays. If I post on social media new horses breeder immediately starts DMing me saying I must keep, dont sell in case she gets in to wrong hands she regrets selling but doesn't want horse back. I feel such a fool and really awful as I dont want horse to end up in a bad place - hence young stock livery.
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If she’s already too big for you, then you’ll have to sell at some point and you’ll be £4.5k down at that point without realistically having added £4.5k of value to her price.

Is the horse an in demand type? Sound? Vice free? Is there any reason to suspect she wouldn’t find a good home?

A lot of people, me included, would be very happy to have a nice 2yo to put their own stamp on.

It doesn’t sound like the breeder is being terribly fair for making you feel guilty, if they can’t help with rehoming the horse.
 
I was in a similar situation many years ago and I remember actually messaging a very respected breeder on here (who has sadly passed away). I said I was apprehensive about contacting the breeder of a young horse I just couldn't gell with and made the decision to sell her.
She said if it was her, she would want me to contact her as she likes to know where her stock go and end up in happy homes and would help in anyway possible.
I followed her advice and had nothing to worry about - my horse's breeder was very supportive and helped me find a better match for her homebred.

That's how it should be.

In your situation, OP, I would do the same as I did, unless you have the grit to carry on and get a bit of help to get the youngster where it needs to be.
Wish you all the best!
 
In my opinion most long term horse owners have had at least one who was just not the right horse for them, I certainly have, so don't blame yourself. The breeder is being most unfair, she is saying that it is ok for her to sell horses but not for you to do the same. Spending the 4.5k is not going to result in a suitable horse being returned to you, you will just have an unsuitable 3 year old instead of an unsuitable 2 year old. My advice would be to sell the horse without delay, if you ask a sensible price you should be able to pick a good home, and if the breeder is so concerned then she is welcome to make you an offer. Horse ownership should be fun, and having the wrong horse is no fun at all. Good luck, and seriously do not allow anyone to make you feel any guilt about finding a nice new home for the horse where she will be a better fit.
 
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