WWYD coming back on a promise

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leggs

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Sorry this is gonna be long…
I have a situation I have gotten myself into and I want to get out of (for which I may be a horrible person)
Around this time last year I got in contact again with someone who I paid to feed my horses during the daytime while I was at work. I paid her in advance 200—euro’s at the time and through circumstanes or whatever, she used my money to relocate to another part of the country. She did pay me back a couple of months later.

Fastforward 3yrs and I got in contact again (or she did rather) at this time she had to let go of her 2 horses )and I had lost 3 of my own) so I guess we had a bond. She lived a long way away and I told her if she lived closeby she could put a horse in my stable for free (only food) as she is 100 disabled to work, it would be comforting to know someone is here during the day. I make long hours.
Finding a place to live and your broke and have 40.000euros debt is not easy. And me being a sucker to help people bought a chalet where she now lives (she loves it there) she pays me rent. But….she is an emotional vampire, Always on the negative and drawing me into her silly drama’s over nothing, everything is always about her- and when you offer solutions to her problems they just get ignored. I work 40-60hrs and am a very private person, live alone very comfortably, no money issues etc.

The bathroom of the chalet was rotten so I hired a contractor to redo the complete bathroom (4000euro) and new heating 2000euro. She has a job that I got her, and she has now saved up enough to buy a older horse (1000euro) Just before Xmas I found out I had forestage of cervical cancer and was operated on. At the time the contractor was still working on the bathroom but refused to finish and claimed his money because he couldn’t deal with her personality ! to my horror she had told him where I live and he came haunting me at nighttime (I get up at 4.30am and not too fond of people knocking on the door at 22.00hrs) I talked him into finishing the job and paid him. But I really resent her for it. Days before my surgery my head was all over the place when you realise you are not immortal. I held off all communication and offers from her to help with the horses. Couldn’t and still can’t bear to even see her. Carrying on with the drama not even asking how I was feeling (I have to have complete womanparts out this summer)

I don’t want this obnoxious person in my stable every day. With the money she’now got, she thinks she can buy a horse (what about saddle, rugs, vetting) once the horse is in my stable and it has colic or something, she won’t be able to pay the vet. And I will not let a horse suffer, so guess who is gonna pay.?
I know I got myself into this mess….any thoughts ?
 
Tell her that you arent well so you cant take on any more horses at the minute. Then stand your ground because she will try very hard to manipulate you into letting her keep the horse there.
 
You know you are ill and you need as stressfree time as possible .
Be brave and tell her she needs to go ( if legally you can ) and then deploy a family member or close friend to sort it after that .
You have made a big mistake you need to extricate yourself as quickly as possible .
 
Your circumstances ie your health have changed and you are no longer able to take another horse at your property. All your focus is to take care of yourself and your recovery. Give notice to leave the chalet and sell it. If this isn't possible put it with a letting agent. I'm sure it's easier said than done and I wish you well.
 
I know that for my own sake and health I have to block her from stabling a horse here. But I have a hard time with it because I made a promise. I'm never that person that comes back on them. I'm in a fortunate position to do this- just not a good enough judge of character i guess. I was there today to check if there were any problems with the work the contractor done- she never even asked how I was feeling (i still have pain) but did ask if we could have a talk about stabling because she was seeing so may adds of cheap horses....pissed me off again, But i was not feeling up to a confrontation and chickened out.
 
You made these offers presumably when you were well, with no operations or health issues to worry about. You now need to focus on yourself and use all your energy to take care of yourself

Can you not get a letting agent to take control of the chalet or just sell it and give her notice

No point her thinking of buying a horse as your health situation has altered since previously discussing this with her and it certainly won't help your recovery with added worries.

Not easy for you but I hope you have someone nearby to help with all this
 
Don't worry about the promise! To do so is to let an emotionally manipulative person with no morals take advantage of your morality and good nature! Just forget you made it, you made it on completely different terms with a person you thought was different. Give her notice and either sell or re-rent the property and cut all ties. Going no contact may be the only way to get rid and ensure you don't get manipulated again.

Your health and your wellbeing is your top priority. And that is 100% ok.
 
Be honest with her and tell her NOW that she can't keep a horse at your yard. Blame it on your health problems, if you need to, but tell her now. Otherwise she will buy a horse and then it will get a lot more complicated! You need people around you who care and support you, not manipulate and drain you!

Good luck, and I hope you are fighting fit again soon!
 
mmm....curveball. She asked me to put her saddle that she had from her former horse in a room where she could get it so she could clean it (had it in the house cos my tackroom is not locked) she does have a key of the gate. She picked it up today while I was at work. But she also removed the10 other boxes of stuff that she had at my place. Good riddance cos now I can actually get at my own stuff :-)

I have to think about how to get her out of the Chalet...and when. If I kick her out straight away I will lose a lot of money because of the renovations. If she stays in there for another 4 months I will have my money back when I sell. She has to pay me 500euro per month so that's a hard one.

And no, don't really have anyone who can help with this, I moved here to be closer to my parents who are nearly 70, my (good) friends live a lot further away i'm afraid.
 
leggs said:
I have to think about how to get her out of the Chalet...and when. If I kick her out straight away I will lose a lot of money because of the renovations. If she stays in there for another 4 months I will have my money back when I sell. She has to pay me 500euro per month so that's a hard one.
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To be honest I think it would be worth the loss of money to be rid of the hassle.
 
Surely the renovations will add to the sale value now, though? But as above i'd also lose the money for a quick resolution.
 
Gloi said:
To be honest I think it would be worth the loss of money to be rid of the hassle.
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I completely agree ^^^ what price sanity and peace......4 extra months of someone sucking the life blood out of you when she feels like it would sway my decision - can you not rent out the chalet on a purely short term business basis to someone else to recoup some of your expenses due to renovations..........

As she seems to have taken all her boxes you were looking after maybe she will just throw in another curve ball and vacate the chalet

Hopefully this living nightmare will be over for you soon and you can then concentrate on yourself

Hope this may just bring a smile but I had a friend once who I swear if I had ever invited for a weekend would of arrived in a removal van, she actually spent 3 days at my house following just coming for supper :)
Maybe some of us have a beacon on our head........
 
Why don't you first write down your intentions, helps to make a plan of action
Health being N0 1,
Finding it draining to support her when you now have problems yourself
You want your privacy back,
Then tell her that she has 2 months to find alternative accomodation but at the end of the 2 months she has to move as you have other plans for the chalet (that doesn't include her). Get some money back for 2mths....if you can stand it
Tell her it is non negotiable and would appreciate her co-operation
You enjoyed her friendship but it is now time for her to move on and allow you to carry out your new plans.

Sounds like she has a parasitic type personality and a negative draining emotional state. Personally I think you need her to go asap......as having a dark cloud over you must be awful especially when you are unwell. I had a hysterectomy a good number of years ago and underestimated the effects, was as helpless as a kitten and an emotional wreck. So......you certainly do not want someone like her around you.
 
Apart from the toxic drama queen, it's worrying that you're having treatment for cancer when you say you don't have any close friends or family around. Have you got arrangements in place for after you've had your operation?
And yes, you do need to get rid of the toxic drama queen. Maybe tell her that because of your ill health, you're not taking in any horses and selling the chalet?
 
TheOldTrout said:
Apart from the toxic drama queen, it's worrying that you're having treatment for cancer when you say you don't have any close friends or family around. Have you got arrangements in place for after you've had your operation?
And yes, you do need to get rid of the toxic drama queen. Maybe tell her that because of your ill health, you're not taking in any horses and selling the chalet?
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^^^^^^ seconded. Put your brave pants on and do it quickly. What was is in the past, your circumstances have changed so you now need to look to your future WITHOUT toxic drama queen.
 
leggs said:
mmm....curveball. She asked me to put her saddle that she had from her former horse in a room where she could get it so she could clean it (had it in the house cos my tackroom is not locked) she does have a key of the gate. She picked it up today while I was at work. But she also removed the10 other boxes of stuff that she had at my place. Good riddance cos now I can actually get at my own stuff :-)

I have to think about how to get her out of the Chalet...and when. If I kick her out straight away I will lose a lot of money because of the renovations. If she stays in there for another 4 months I will have my money back when I sell. She has to pay me 500euro per month so that's a hard one.

And no, don't really have anyone who can help with this, I moved here to be closer to my parents who are nearly 70, my (good) friends live a lot further away i'm afraid.
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I don't understand this post, except that thankfully she has moved her boxes.
Why will you lose money if you ask her to leave now? You don't have to sell the chalet just because you tell her that you are going to do so. Anything might happen to stop a sale in the interim.
And, unless your parents are ill themselves, let them help you after the op. Late sixties is NOT old. There are plenty of people of a similar age on here with dogs and horses that they do themselves. I bet your parents would be upset if they couldn't look after you when you are ill.
 
Thank you all, feel really supported !
My parents (and horsey neighbors) will certainly support me after the surgery this summer, no worries there, just don't want them to get involved with dramaqueen because at the moment they're moving into another house, don'want to overload them. But they support me in everything.

And thankfully i have forestage cancer, not fullblown, and most probably they have nicked it with the surgery in december. As a precautionary measure (and for my peace of mind) I will have a hysterectomy and overies taken out in june, which is a fairly heavy surgery, 6wks of not being allowed to do anything except being a couch potato :-) The december surgery did not go smooth as the anasthetic did not work and I presume that is why i'm still not painfree, actually the pain is increasing. I have a second opinion next week in a specialised hospital (no way i'm going back to the hospital that did the surgery !!!)

Brave pants go on this weekend- i will call her and tell her to move out

Thanks again for all your support !
 
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