wwyd? hacking nightmare :(

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Rosiejazzandpia

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Once again its another long post from me but could do with your opinions on my current situation.
Theres this young girl at my yard who is nearly 13. She loans one of the YOs ponies, a 14.1 Fjord.
I usually hack out with an older friend who loans my horses stable companion and the other month young girl with Fjord had nobody to ride with. Asked her if she wanted to join me for a short hack as didnt like to just ride of and leave her alone at the yard. Anyway, girl has been riding since she was 10 so not long at all IMO. She is a very poor rider and really doe not have much control over pony as rides with an armchair seat, reins too long and feet to far into her stirrups. Didnt mind just going for a plod round the woods for half an hour. (dont mean to sound patronising btw, we were all beginners once and Im fully aware that Im not an Olympic rider)
However now her mother is now forcing this child upon me and my two riding buddies whenever we are at the yard ready to go out. She just pops up and asks if her daughter can join which puts me in an akward situation where mother makes it near impossible for me to say no.
Let girl comr riding with us on Sunday and terrified me. She was out of control most of the time. She kept letting her horse bash into my horses bum to stop, or just let pony barge past at one point spooking my horse and then hurting my knee pretty badly. We had to ride down a small road to get onto the other woodland trails but she could not keep pony in line and ended up in middle of road dispite me and a friend saying that she needed to shorten reins etc. Also, having her meant that it became a right kerfuffle trying to trot or canter as she kept letting pony overtake and barge despite me asking her politely to keep pony away as my horse can be a mardy mare and sometimes kicks. On top of that she has feet too far in stirrups and im terrified that if she falls her legs will get caught and damage will occur.
I dont want to sound mean or patronising as girl is bubbly and friendly but is just not a stong enough rider to the loint where I do not want to ride because I feel responsible for her and im only 17. I am mature but hardly a responsible person like a parent. I dont know of i should say something but i know that this cant carry on :(

Thanks to anybody that managed to read this far and sorry winge on. And sorry about spellings.
X
 
What a difficult situation, what does your friend think. I am afraid you are going to have to ask to speak to the mum privately and quietly and explain your position. I wish you all the luck in the world
 
Horsesatemychristmasmoney- have tried this but now mother has started phoning YO to check when I am up at yard :( mother is well intentioned as just wants her daughter to hack with somebody but its getting to a point where daughters imcompetence is putting her and me at risk x
 
You sound very articulate, so I'd just explain all that to the mother. Sounds like she needs more lessons before she's hacking
 
been in this position over the last year - and now I have simply said "NO". It is the only way, and you could tell the mother that this girl needs lessons for her own safety. While you ride out with her, she is risking yours.

the only way ( I have found to my cost) is to be honest.

edit - tell your YO you do not feel happy riding with this girl too. You HAVE to be firm NOW.
 
Carthorse- friend shares views but doesnt want to upset anybody. Hard when there is a young and enthusiastic child envolved :\ dont want to put her off. Thank you though, I guess Im going to have to pluck up the courage :\
 
Sorry but I think you need to be honest and say to either the girl or her mother that you are concerned for her safety whilst hacking out and aren't happy to take her out with you just yet. I'd also suggest she has some lessons with the pony to help her work out the best way of controlling him. It won't be nice to do but for the safety of all concerned something needs to be said.
 
Can you speak to the yard owner or mum about how you feel about being responsible for her? Maybe suggest girl has lessons once a week, & once a week she can hack with you provided mum comes on a bike (assuming she doesn't ride herself) & in the future she can hack with you more when she's had some lessons. I was going to say just give her some help & tips & let her come with you half the time, but at 17 yourself I don't think that's fair on you.
 
Fjords are not always great horses for someone who can't ride - I have one, and would not let anyone hack him who was not a competent rider! Mine can be completely out of control at times, even with competent riders on him. I would have a word with her mum, explain that she is in danger when she goes out because of her riding - explain about being in the middle of the road out of control, and also about her poor position and control.

Best of luck xx
 
I'd be talking to the YO to explain your concerns as they own the pony - maybe emphasise your concerns about the rider and pony's welfare as the rider doesn't have full control....alternatively you need to be fairly brutal! Good luck !!
 
I'm a mum of a 17 yr old and would not want her taking a 13 yr old for a hack who was not a good rider. Maybe ask your mum to have a word with her mum saying she's not happy with you taking on the responsibility . Or say you are going on a fast hack today but a slower one in a couple of days that she could join you on
 
its a toughie... becuase personally im too wimpy to say anything

i would make it clear to the mother that you are not responsible for her, she is welcome to come but if anything happens its not your fault!

also tell the girl that she needs to improve her riding and give her as many pointers as you can, if she doesnt listen tell her she cant come with you anymore becuase its dangerous
 
Hmmm maybe have a word with the actual owner of the fjord? If a young girl was loaning my horse and having these problems I would be very concerned. she clearly needs lessons on this horse-perhaps the owner could teach her as part of the loan? At 17 you shouldn't be responsible and I doubt any one would hold you responsible if something were to happen but does sound like it's taking the fun out of hacking for you. Perhaps even speak to the 13 year old in a really nice way and say lessons would be really good for her and the fjord? Perhaps you could all have a group lesson together!
 
Do your parents go to the yard? Do you get on well with the YO? If yes to either of those then I would ask one of them to have a word with the girls mother, telling (yes telling) her that her daughter is not welcome to ride out with you any longer. Mother will not like it, but should get the message. If getting an adult to speak on your behalf is not an option, then tell the mother yourself. If you want to offer an explanaition, then do, otherwise don't bother but make sure you get your message across as politely as possible. If she then subesequently asks if the child can ride with you, say no, and tell her that you thought you had sorted this out previously. Good luck, nothing worse than riding out with a know it all novice who puts others at risk. I am so picky these days about who I will ride out with, I don't mind nannying anyone. but will not put up with bad manners from horses or people. (I know it is sometimes unavoidable, like the day my mare tried to shove my friends gelding under a van :eek:)
 
I think you are going to have to speak to the mother, to be honest. If she asks you to take her out again, tell her that you don't want to do this as her daughter is not safe on the roads on her pony/you will be cantering and she cannot do this safely in company. I would probably also recommend that the mother walks alongside the child on her pony to make sure that she is safe and in control. It sounds as though the Mum is not horsey and probably doesn't realise what is going on?

If your riding buddies are older than you this may be better coming from them. They may also wish to recommend that this young girl gets a decent instructor and/or joins the local pony club. Certainly Mum needs to be made aware that her daughter is at risk of being horribly killed if she is unable to control her pony on the road.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but honestly I despair at some parents. Do they not realise that horses are not toys and roads are not playgrounds? They would not let her out on a bicycle on the road if she couldn't steer it!
 
Sherbet- thanks, honestly didnt think of getting my mum to talk to her mum, good idea. I think that coming from an adult advice and concern is always taken more notice of. Thanks :) x
 
You need to explain to mother and YO exactly what you have just explained to us. You were clear and focused on safety, this can't continue for everyone's sake.
 
I would say to her mum that you are a bit uncomfortable with the responsibility. Or as you are only 17 yourself, ask your mum to speak to her. i wouldn't like my daughter to be doing this, it is quite unfair to put you in this position.
 
I have been in a situation like this before :( maybe a sutble word with her mum? Explain the dangers etc, i know you feel awful but its for the girls safety in the long run
Best of luck
 
The problem with riding with a novice is that you cannot do what you want to do !!!! I could not trot more that 20 paces, canter was a full gear up operation (never downhill :eek:), riding on roads was fraught with danger I didn't know about...

i think it is worse when a novice thinks they CAN ride tbh. How would you feel if something did happen ? Would you forgive yourself ?

Sorry to sound harsh, but novice riders need to be taken out by qualified Instructors - i.e. PAY to be looked after.
 
Thank you all for great help and advice. Knew I could rely on you all to help me out. Worried about posting this originally as thought that a lot of people would just see me as being patronising of the child, but I am genuinly concerned for the safety of myself, the young girl and her pony. Thanks for sharing your advice and experiences xx
 
I'd second getting your Mum to talk to her Mum, it is really hard for you at your age to confront an adult and have to explain this sort of thing and age gives you slightly thicker skin!

Good luck, I know only too well the horrors of riding with people who lack the relevant experience and although we all appreciate that everyone has to start somewhere in this day and age no one is keen to get mixed up in the responsibility as you just don't know what might happen.
 
I really feel for you - it took me a long time to get up the courage to put my foot down ! Yes, there is bad feeling, but I really tried to help, and just wasn't happy - so I did it.

Let us know how you get on, and ((((hugs)))) :)
 
Thank you.
Twinkle Shy- Im going to work out what to say and then sort this out when I go to the yard on Saturday. Will definatley post an update after Ive bitten the bullet and done it.
 
Just politely say to both mother and girl that until she's had some more lessons so she's more in control you don't feel comfortable her coming out as you are concerned for her safety and the impact of that on you and the other riders, give a few examples and suggest some instructors that can not only improve her riding in the arena but while out hacking too, don't feel bad you're doing the mature and sensible thing, nobody wants to witness an accident.
 
Ok either say No and explain why. Can she take another well behaved horse out until she gets a bit better and more experienced. I personally would not want to get my own horse barged or kicked by another horse etc and also myself hurt. Plus a child to be responsible for is very unfair of the mother(perhaps speak to her alone and explain rather than upset the kid).

If it was me I would say yes she can come out but on a different horse and NOT all the time or not at all. It is sad but you are not a riding school teacher etc and clearly want to enjoy your own horse. Perhaps she can find someone of her own age to go out with etc or pay someone else to go out with her and teach her and the horse etc.

What a shame and you sound too nice(without being horrible as I was probably that annoying horse loving 14 year old once)!
 
Definatly a good idea to get your mum to have a word with her, if other mum is unlikely to listen to you.
 
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