WWYD - Opinions needed

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Tilly&Tess

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Hello All,

This is my first time posting so please be gentle. I am having a bit of a dilemma and receiving conflicting opinions from people irl so thought I'd try posting here and see if I can resolve my problem with some anonymous help.

I have two amazing horses, owned both since they were unbacked three yr olds. One is a 16.2 warmblood, very sensitive mare. The other is a 14.2 traditional cob. The cob is six years old, since backing her we have done a bit of everything, she is forward going but safe as houses, she loves to jump and can produce a decent test. I adore her. I love riding her and we are such good friends.

My warmblood is tricky to ride, she needs someone with extremely soft hands and likes a good buck when something scares her. She scares very easily. She hates work, she is not affectionate in the slightest, she turns away if she sees me coming with her headcollar (fine once caught) and I know she would be more than happy to be a lawnmower.

Both are in good health, are regularly checked by physio, saddle fitter, dentist, etc. There are no physical problems with either.

Until last summer I was having lessons once a week on my warmblood and attending regular clinics which helped a lot with both my confidence & with her and her attitude. However I have had to take a break from lessons and getting out and about due to finances (I am self-employed and had less work this winter than anticipated). My other half has suggested I put my cob out on loan so I will have the money to start having the lessons etc again on my warmblood, which I know makes sense. The problem is I really don't want to. I adore my little mare, love riding her and can't imagine not seeing her face everyday and someone else riding her/building the bond I have with her. I have a friend of a friend who is looking for a small horse to hunt for the rest of the season and then do some trials and xc with and she is very interested in my mare. I am torn. Do I put my little mare out on loan and focus on my big mare, who I do not really enjoy riding - I feel a sense of accomplishment when we have a hack/schooling session that doesn't end badly but I don't look forwards to riding her like I do with my other one - or do I continue as I am, battling on and losing confidence without the regular support of an instructor but continue to love the time I have with my little mare?

Please don't suggest putting the warmblood out on loan/selling her, it is not an option.

Merry Christnas and massive thanks for reading all of the above.
 
Why is it not an option? From your description it's clear the little one gives you much more pleasure! I assume you ride for enjoyment...Alternatively just stop working the big one, you've admitted she won't miss it so why are you forcing yourself?
 
Don't change anything!

You love and enjoy your cob so it's a no brainer that she stays.

Your quirky horse doesn't like the work anyway so who cares if she's gets a back seat while finances are tight?! She certainly doesn't!
 
rara007 said:
Why is it not an option? From your description it's clear the little one gives you much more pleasure! I assume you ride for enjoyment...Alternatively just stop working the big one, you've admitted she won't miss it so why are you forcing yourself?
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Ditto. I absolutely would not put the little mare on loan if you get so much enjoyment out of her.
 
I'd hold onto your little cob, horses are supposed to be fun and it's clear from what you've written that this is what your little mare provides! I can't help but feel that if you send her away to a friend or put her on loan, you will become "stuck" with your tricky WB and find riding / schooling her more of a chore than a hobby. I know where you're coming from with the tricky ones and it can be soul destroying when you think you've made a small progression and suddenly find yourself taking several steps back from where you were before - you need to keep the fun element in your life! If your current finances prevent you from getting your bigger mare out and about and therefore improving her and keeping your confidence up, I would personally rest your WB / put her in the field for a while to chill out and focus on your smaller mare for the time being until things pick up. It will give you some time to enjoy your little mare and if your WB doesn't enjoy her work then she won't mind missing out on it for a while.
 
Thank you all for your replies. In my heart I absolutely agree, however I will have to get over the fact that I am paying a lot out to keep my wb to lounge about like a lady of leisure. The thing is I do really enjoy riding her and when we do progress I feel amazing but the down side is that she is super tricky and I've had a number of nasty falls from her and without support And encouragement I find excuses not to ride her and think if I didn't have the option of my cob I would have to just get on with it and exericse her.

Lots to think about....
 
Although I can see what you mean by achievement when you have a Successful ride with your Wb, it mostly sounds like no fun :( it it meant to be fun! Yes some horses need effort to start with- my mare who I've had for 6 years, was very tricky and sensitive at first (got her at 7, she was back at 5 but then 2 years off) but within a year had improved leaps and bounds. Now- got back on her after 7 months off and she was perfect. But your Wb mine one who never chills.

Could you put her on grass livery?
 
Some may shoot me down for this! But ... If the wb is well bred would a stud be interested in having heron loan as a broodmare for a year or two? Sometimes having a foal or two settles them down. She would still be owned by you, being useful to someone without you paying the bills and you can enjoy your cob. Not the best time of year for looking into such things but towards the end of January some will start looking ahead.
 
Keep the cob. Owning Horses is supposed to be fun and if your WB is making you lose your confidence then I'd definitely rather have one I felt safe with and had fun with. Why is letting the WB go not an option?
 
I'd possibly suggest getting the cob on loan if the lady is interested. At least you only have one horse to pay for and concentrate on. Not ideal, but put time/effort/money into selling the entire
 
The wb wont go on loan as tricky and I wouldn't put a tricky horse on loan, too much risk that a, she could hurt someone and b, I could end up with a much worse problem in the future. Despite what I have said I do love her, we have been through a lot and she trusts me more than anyone. She is very, very nervous around people she doesn't know.

Cob is friends with everyone, settles immediately into any/every environment and would have a great time out hunting.

I know my confidence on wb would improve if I was having regular lessons and we were getting out and doing rather than sat being bored at home all the time.

I know the right thing is to put cob out on loan for a yr and get the wb going nicely with the time I would have to dedicate to her but I can't bring myself to make the final decision.

Thank you all for your replies
 
How about a sharer for your cob for 3 days a week? Use that money to pay for your lessons. You'd still get to ride your cob the other days too.
 
I echo the others with a sharer.
I understand how you feel as I have two similar. One would be easy to rehome and would generally do well anywhere whereas the other is nervous and I would worry that she'd go from pillar to post so I had always said (and it came close) that the easy one would have to go because although she is my horse in a million, I would worry too much about my other beastie.
 
The sharer idea is actually really interesting and something I hadn't considered. Thank you to those who suggested it. I will perhpas put some feelers out and see if there is any interest.
 
Hi, many years ago I was in a similar situation i had backed and was bringing on a very quirky mare I had her from a foal and she was brilliant on the ground but a bit Marish and not very ' loving' I also had an older gelding to ride and he was so lovely a joy to own so I always rode him 1st then had an hour on the tricky mare she would plant herself had a good Buck and often would only turn right, very strange mare I can tell you. The only thing that helped me persevere was to get a friend to ride the gelding with me to babysit mare which gave her much more confidence, I also took her hunting and she was really good loved being in a 'herd' and that was the making of her, when she was good she was very very good but when she was bad she was horrid because I had her from a foal I really persevered with her and she lived with me till she was 20 yrs old when she suddenly died. She taught me to sit tight and how to ride by asking for her to do something and not demanding it. I'm glad I kept her as she would have gone from pillar to post otherwise as so quirky. Lots of people suggested I had her shot when they saw her being naughty but that would never be an option. I grew to love her and even trust her. Can you find someone to ride your cob with the wb so then you are more relaxed with her. Then ride the cob when you want to relax more out riding.
 
ceva said:
Hi, many years ago I was in a similar situation i had backed and was bringing on a very quirky mare I had her from a foal and she was brilliant on the ground but a bit Marish and not very ' loving' I also had an older gelding to ride and he was so lovely a joy to own so I always rode him 1st then had an hour on the tricky mare she would plant herself had a good Buck and often would only turn right, very strange mare I can tell you. The only thing that helped me persevere was to get a friend to ride the gelding with me to babysit mare which gave her much more confidence, I also took her hunting and she was really good loved being in a 'herd' and that was the making of her, when she was good she was very very good but when she was bad she was horrid because I had her from a foal I really persevered with her and she lived with me till she was 20 yrs old when she suddenly died. She taught me to sit tight and how to ride by asking for her to do something and not demanding it. I'm glad I kept her as she would have gone from pillar to post otherwise as so quirky. Lots of people suggested I had her shot when they saw her being naughty but that would never be an option. I grew to love her and even trust her. Can you find someone to ride your cob with the wb so then you are more relaxed with her. Then ride the cob when you want to relax more out riding.
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Thank you for this, it sounds like my wb is very similar to your mare was. The whole "when she's good she's very, very good and when she is bad she is horrid" really hit the nail on the head. She is so sensitive and yes, quirky, but I do adore her. My farrier said recently she is one of the most tightly wound horses he has ever encounterd. The slightest thing sends her shooting to the stars. I have a good friend who does hack out with me, she rides my cob and I take the wb, sometimes she (wb) is a saint, others we return both needing a shot of valium hehe.
 
I don't see that you couldn't find a suitable loan or sale home for the warmblood, especially is you don't have to rush it so can be choosey, plenty of good people out there especially if she has some talent.
 
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