WWYD - Opinions needed

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Tilly&Tess

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Hello All,

This is my first attempt at posting so please be kind. I am having a bit of a dilemma and receiving conflicting opinions from people irl so thought I'd try posting here and see if I can resolve my problem with some anonymous help.

I have two amazing horses, owned both since they were unbacked three yr olds. One is a 16.2 warmblood, very sensitive mare. The other is a 14.2 traditional cob. The cob is six years old, since backing her we have done a bit of everything, she is forward going but safe as houses, she loves to jump and can produce a decent test. I adore her. I love riding her and we are such good friends.

My warmblood is tricky to ride, she needs someone with extremely soft hands and likes a good buck when something scares her. She scares very easily. She hates work, she is not affectionate in the slightest, she turns away if she sees me coming with her headcollar (fine once caught) and I know she would be more than happy to be a lawnmower.

Both are in good health, are regularly checked by physio, saddle fitter, dentist, etc. There are no physical problems with either.

Until last summer I was having lessons once a week on my warmblood and attending regular clinics which helped a lot with both my confidence & with her and her attitude. However I have had to take a break from lessons and getting out and about due to finances (I am self-employed and had less work this winter than anticipated). My other half has suggested I put my cob out on loan so I will have the money to start having the lessons etc again on my warmblood, which I know makes sense. The problem is I really don't want to. I adore my little mare, love riding her and can't imagine not seeing her face everyday and someone else riding her/building the bond I have with her. I have a friend of a friend who is looking for a small horse to hunt for the rest of the season and then do some trials and xc with and she is very interested in my mare. I am torn. Do I put my little mare out on loan and focus on my big mare, who I do not really enjoy riding - I feel a sense of accomplishment when we have a hack/schooling session that doesn't end badly but I don't look forwards to riding her like I do with my other one - or do I continue as I am, battling on and losing confidence without the regular support of an instructor but continue to love the time I have with my little mare?

Please don't suggest putting the warmblood out on loan/selling her, it is not an option.

Merry Christmas and many thanks for reading all of the above.
 
Don't change anything!

You love and enjoy your cob so it's a no brainer that she stays.

Your quirky horse doesn't like the work anyway so who cares if she's gets a back seat while finances are tight?! She certainly doesn't!
 
If you don't want to loan or sell the warmblood, how about finding a sharer for her?
It sounds as though you have two horses that you love...but one isn't really giving you much back and is knocking your confidence to boot. She may be different with another rider that isn't emotionally invested in her or has a different style of riding.
You don't sound ready to loan out your little mare...that would leave you with little enjoyment despite owning two horses.
 
why wouldn't selling her be an option? If you read back your post objectively, its very clear that you enjoy your cob and don't enjoy the other horse. From what you say and the circumstances with work/finances the warmblood doesn't sound like a good fit for you. You have had it a long time, and if you don't enjoy riding it by now you probably never will. The point of having a horse isn't to battle on with it, its to get on it and feel joy, pleasure and progress. not relief because nothing bad happened. I've had tricky rescue horses in, and some have been challenging and difficult, but at the base level there was an enjoyment of the progress and the journey, and even the worst of them i always enjoyed riding them and there was always a joy there. I never got up on any not wanting to be there. I don't think thats a fair attitude to sit on a horse with, but if thats the feeling you are getting then i'd change horse.

To make any progress on a horse i genuinely think you need to love and connect with it and find the joy in riding it, and making it want to work for you.

I personally think you would be crazy to loan out a horse you love riding. what is it got injured out hunting, or pulled a tendon? Why would you stop riding a horse that you really love and enjoy? What's the worst that can happen if you sell the warmblood. It could go to a good home that it might click better with. And you can focus on your cob or else get another horses that fits you better.
 
This sounds like my life! 1 very easy horse, 1 talented but difficult horse. Couldn't sell either.
Keep or part loan the cob, you need to keep riding that one so you want to keep riding!

Iv'e put my difficult one on equifeast, expensive starter pack but it worked wonders for me, I've made so much progress in 6 weeks, bucks almost stopped ! Or let your difficult horse be a horse for a bit, a rest may refresh her. Instead of work just spend quality time with her, it's easy to make them spur with just work.
 
I agree, think seriously about moving the warmblood on and enjoy your riding. There are plenty of people who have the skills and interest in warmbloods to find it a good home. Go for lessons on the cob when finances allow. Also remember that that it isn't just you and the horses, your partner is involved in this picking up the pieces when things go wrong. A friend of my had a warmblood that almost put her off riding altogether. She got on my little welsh mare, remembered what it was about riding she loved and sold the warmblood who she loved bought a similar one to me and hasn't looked back.
 
Keep the one you love riding, life is meant to be fun. Don't do something that might ultimately make you unhappy or that you will regret.

Is it really a problem if the warmblood becomes a lawnmower? If loaning /selling that one isn't a possibility?

Life is too short to force yourself to try and enjoy something. Take the pressure off yourself- enjoy the mare and take a step back from the warmblood riding wise. It doesn't sound like either of you are gaining much from it.
 
Lifes to short if your not enjoying her i'd sell or get a sharer. its supposed to be fun at the end of the day if the little cob makes you happy then id throw all my time and energy into her.
 
Just to add, I also put my mare on a top spec calmer and moody mare herb supplement which really helped, she didn't need too much hard feed so kept that to the barest minimum and when I had to move livery yards I only had a field to rent so for the first time in 8 years she had to be turned out 24/7 (she'd always been stabled at night even in summer) being out all the time she improved and her behaviour changed quite dramatically and I found it much easier to manage her. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do, if you can manage the quirks and work round them you will get so much satisfaction. If finances are tight just spend time chilling and hacking and maybe a little schooling after you've hacked out when she more relaxed. Good luck
 
ceva said:
Just to add, I also put my mare on a top spec calmer and moody mare herb supplement which really helped, she didn't need too much hard feed so kept that to the barest minimum and when I had to move livery yards I only had a field to rent so for the first time in 8 years she had to be turned out 24/7 (she'd always been stabled at night even in summer) being out all the time she improved and her behaviour changed quite dramatically and I found it much easier to manage her. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do, if you can manage the quirks and work round them you will get so much satisfaction. If finances are tight just spend time chilling and hacking and maybe a little schooling after you've hacked out when she more relaxed. Good luck
Click to expand...

Thank you. After a long chat with OH today, after reading all the considered responses on here I worked up the courage to approach the conversation with him again, and it's been agreed that money will be found for weekly lessons for the next few months whilst weather is so bad and we will have another chat once days get lighter and easier. I am going to put word out that I am looking for a sharer for my little mare and see if the right person comes along.

I'm hoping that part of my feelings are caught up in the bad weather and that everything will feel easier when we have longer mornings and evenings and riding becomes more pleasurable all round. I do think I can get to a stage with the wb where things are easier, it'll just take time (hopefully).
 
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