WWYD regarding sharers.

Mince Pie

Mince Pie

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I am moving to Cornwall in 2 weeks, so last week when the deposit was put down on the flat I let my sharers know I was leaving and therefore would have to end the share. My sharer is an 11 year old girl with her mum, mum said that they would like to end the share immediately which I was happy with. The share ended on one of their days (Friday), they normally have Friday and Saturday and pay £10 for 1 day or £15 for both, I didn't ask for any money for last week and had no intention of bringing it up. They asked me the other day if they could have one last day but they didn't want to pay, as sharer is 11 and very upset at the share ending I agreed. They now want another 2 days (next Fri and Sat) but again don't want to pay, and I must admit that I'm finding it a bit of a cheeky request. I have no problem with them coming up and saying goodbye but would I be wrong in asking to pay - at the very least for last Friday and today? I get on well with both mum and daughter but a couple of snippy messages on Facebook have left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. I understand that seeing your child upset is very hard but when I started the share I had intended it to be long term, however my own personal circumstances have changed, hence the move. Unfortunately I'm moving from Surrey so it won't really be feasible for them to come and visit although I have offered them somewhere to stay if they ever want to come to Cornwall.

WWYD?
 
I'd say no, you're really sorry, they'd indicated they wanted to stop straightaway, and that although you'd be happy for them to come up on one more occasion to say goodbye, you think it would be better if you didn't do any more share days.

If possible I'd have the goodbye on a day that isn't one of their normal days, and keep it pretty short - no riding or anything like that - so no confusion can creep in.

I can understand they're finding it hard, but yes, they are being a bit cheeky - and on top of snippy messages I wouldn't be inclined to do them any favours.
 
In two weeks you will be gone, you will probably never see them again, and the young sharer will never see the pony again. Unless the money is that important, I would let them have a last go. You paved the way somewhat by not asking for money last week. What agreement did you have for notice either side? If you have fallen short on the notice period it is understandable they may be a little upset. I would just let it go.
 
I was intending for the share to end on the weekend that he was going, so 3 weeks notice (called on the 6th, share to end on the 21st). She's now text me back and said that she would like as many days as possible, I appreciate that it's not a huge amount of money, but moving house is expensive so the £30/£45 would actually come in very handy!
 
While I do think the Mum is being massively cheeky and in other circumstances I would tell her where to go, in this case I agree with vickyb. It's two days and will be lovely for the little girl so I would grit my teeth and bear it.

Just seen your latest post - must have cross posted. Christ she is a cheeky piece of work isn't she! Stick to the two days, three if you can bear it. Try to be as civil as possible and focus your thoughts on karma :p
 
I can understand how you feel completely but I reckon it won't be worth the hassle, it's probably easier just to let them have the days!
 
Thanks all, I'm a little stressed at the moment (funny that!) so wasn't sure if I was being over sensitive or not. I will let them know they can have 2 more days this week but as I won't get to see him for 10 - 14 days after that they can't have all week.
 
The mum sounds like she's taking the p*ss and she knows it.

However there's a very upset 11 year old girl stuck in the middle who's going to miss the pony a lot. I'd let her have the pony for the few days, for her sake, even if I was annoyed at the mum.

Some people just have such a brass neck but sometimes you just have to be the better person - at least you won't have to deal with her again once you move.
 
To me it would also depend on the financial situation of the parents, is it a lot of money for them?
I don't see why they could pay before and can't pay now but I would be understanding if for example a single mom with low income.
 
Wow just let the young girl come up and ride - and suck it up- you are moving on and ended share. Look upon it as doing a lovely favour for an 11 year old girl, who will always remember you with fondness, and give yourself a pat on the back for being human.
 
I would say of course they can and it will be X amount. They chose to end the share abruptly - they can't have it both ways.
 
Agree with chestnut horse, what does it matter, she cant help the fact you are moving, it doesnt cost you anymore her seeing the pony, yes she is taking the mick so suck it up or suggest she gives you £30 and call it quits and she can see pony up until it goes.

they may have ended it abruptly thinking it would be better for the child, then realised it wasnt a good idea. Oh wow, life is so short, what happened to just being nice, or am i just a softy thats why i get so upset.
 
Thanks Striker, just looking at an interview with Cerys Matthews after receiving an MBE and saying with so much war and hate going on in the world it's lovely to do something nice for someone, no matter how small. I know when I was 11 how much I would have appreciated this gesture, and someone did something similar 30 years ago............ but I still remember how kind she was and try and pass it on.
 
Yes chestnut horse thanks, i do find i spend my whole life trying to be helpful and make others happy and i dont actually care if i dont make anything out of it because what i did get out of it was making someone happy, sadly they do seem to forget that very quickly too, but thats life. I know the big man upstairs sees what i do and thats what matters
 
I'd actually say no. Not because of the money or the cheek but because it will just be a drawn out, unhappy time for the girl. Rather her mother terminates the loan, it's all over quickly and they can start looking for a new pony.

I remember being devastated to lose my loan pony at that age but I really think that quickly and kindly is best. Extra drama benifits no one.
 
I can see both sides of the argument for that LG. The girl is quite shy and quiet and has really come out of her shell in the last 4 months since she's been sharing my pony, apparently she's now very withdrawn to the point where her teachers are a little worried about her (and part of the snippy comments that have felt like the mum is trying to guilt trip me a little, although again I think she was just lashing out as she and the girl were both very upset at the news). I have said they can have Monday and Saturday, normally I wouldn't even hesitate at saying yes but the comments on FB were a little hurtful as I have bent over backwards for them - changing days at short notice, giving free lessons, letting her friends come and have a ride, giving extra days when work was busy etc. - this just felt like a little bit too much. However, as I said we normally get on very well and I think mum was just lashing out a little as she was upset at the share ending, and her daughter being so upset.
 
If they have been sharing for a while, weathered that horrible winter and never let you down then I would let them have all the days they wanted for free

Many of us have probably had wonderful ponies to ride as kids and had it end suddenly by someone moving away or an arguement etc and they are things that stay with kids for a long time

If they have been rubbish sharers, not turning up, leaving things dirty and the child's attitude stinks to high heaven then tell them to shove it!
 
Oh shame, where abouts are they, if in yorkshire she came come and play with my ponies when ever she wants for free, bless her, yes i can see mum lashing out, we all do it when we see one of ours hurting. You dont need to give lessons or let friends ride, just the little girl bless her. I want to cry for her.

i am serious if in yorkshire pm me her number
 
We're in Surrey! Thanks anyway though :) To be fair they have been wonderful sharers and I cannot fault them at all, and I seriously do consider them both good friends. I am just being a bit over sensitive I think :) I'll wind my neck back in now lol!
 
Sounds like mum is scared, and as you're the one moving easiest to blame you. Goo on you for letting them have couple of days. Reckon mum thought sudden end would be easier, but hadn't reckoned on very unhappy kid. You've given them chance to say their goodbyes, can't say fairer than that. Look forward to joining us on the other side of the Tamar, it's wonderful weather here at the mo. Sunny, warm but not uncomfortable, lovely sea breezes.
 
Happy days, lets hope mum finds another share pony for her daughter soon. We can never begin to imagine what another person is feeling inside
 
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