WWYD - Sell / Give Up / Carry on

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Champers and Co

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I'm really not sure what to do next so was hoping for some help :

On the ground my horse is the easiest donkey ever to handle and he doesn't have a bad bone in him..
Ridden he is slightly lazy but responsive, could probably go out and win at elementary, finds walk to canter, counter canter and all sorts of movement extremely easy. BUT not with me - I can barely ride him in a 20m circle as I am now almost petrified to ride him. I used to do all these things on him and more but he takes his confidence from the rider so we are now in a downward spiral.

He has a slightly lock-y stifle and every now and again this unbalances him - I'm a novice rider and I've only been at it just over 2 years - when this happens because I am trying to re-balance myself I cannot give him the support he needs and he shoots off with me often turning into a wall of death scenario. With my sharer and my instructor when the same thing happens they just don't tip forward, keep a hold of him and the whole thing is over in 2 strides. I am now basically not riding at all and my riding is getting far far worse due to lack of practice. I have now started from the begging and built my confidence slowly with him again a few times but every time I start to enjoy it again I find myself back in the same place.

The problem is he is such an amazing horse otherwise - He is not spooky, so sensible and really loving in the ground.

The mare I rode before could be spooky but I didn't ride around waiting for it.. and I always felt safe. I am starting to think that perhaps I should sell him, but I'm worried I will end up with something far worse as really mine is a gent. Are there horses out there that are suitable for first time owners?

I cant bear the thought of not riding but maybe I'm just not cut out for it? Everyone finds my horse so fun and easy but me.

Big thanks to everyone who made it this far!
 
Keep getting lessons.
Perhaps get some extra lessons on someone else's horse?
Bareback lessons get you core muscle improved and your balance!!

Don't give up get building:)
 
I had a horse like this who left me too petrified to ride. The issue was that he would shoot off for no apparent reason under saddle. He was a lovely horse to handle on the ground and beautifully talented but only when not being ridden by me (which made me feel so bad). I tried my best over a number of years but ended up part exchanging him for my current horse. By the time I did this unfortunately I was a quivering ball of nerves and unable to ride any horse. It took a huge amount of courage (and my friend encouraging & bullying me) just to try out my current horse. It then took a year to get in the saddle and stay there without panicking. If you've tried your best and its still not working out for you you should consider selling him as life is too short. Riding should be fun and something to enjoy and look forward to. You can only do this with the right horse.
 
If you are truly this afraid then you should sell the horse and go looking for something that is more suitable for you. I'm sure you frighten him too, so let another rider enjoy him while you work on your basic position and effectiveness.
 
As someone else has said riding should be fun!!

It does not matter how great a horse is for someone else , if said horse does not go for you then whats the point. He sounds a great sort of horse, stifle issues quite common , will not bother a lot of people , so he should sell quite easily and to a good home. I had an unsuitable pony, I tried and tried to make it work, because in most cases he was great. When I made the decision it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. He now has his very own teenager and they love each other and are doing great and I m happy with Kevin.

Set yourself an end date, yes try and work through it but given yourself a time limit on how long you will keep going. Just because you love a horse does not make that animal suitable to ride, it could be you find a horse that rebuild your confidence , just like Kevin has done for me.
 
Awww Champers I really feel for you. I'm a big believer that owning and riding horses is too damn expensive to not enjoy it. So if you're dreading riding him, even with the help of your instructor I would say it does sound like you and your boy might not be suited to one another...and there's absolutely no shame in that. I sold the horse I had before Pops and M for a similar reason as although I was more than capable of riding him, I just didn't enjoy it and lost my love for riding for a while. He's now with someone who loves the very bones of him and enjoys him for what he is, and I've since had two amazing horses who are much better suited to me and suddenly the love is back...as I type I'm counting down the hours until I can head down to the yard and ride! My riding has also improved ten-fold and for the first time in over 20 years of riding, I'm finally reaching a point where I'm happy with where I'm at with it...although we've spent an awful long time unpicking all the bad habits I gained from my old horse along the way.

It sounds like you need to find something a little more sympathetic so that you can focus on your riding without fear of ending up in a wall of death scenario. I suspect you're tensing in anticipation of this behaviour which will only exacerbate you tipping forward and both feeling unbalanced. Does your instructor have a schoolmaster type that you could perhaps ride for a bit to help with your confidence a little?
 
Thanks for the reply's everyone - Total Madgeness I feel like this sounds very similar to my situation. I think you and Sukistokes2 have given me hope that I can be comfortable on a horse again!

FestiveFuzz - Unfortunately not I don't really know anywhere where I can do something like that, of course there are the local riding schools but it is extortionately expensive to have a few lessons and I'm still paying livery etc ...

I think really my main concern has been that I wont find anything as good as my current horse.. but I suppose if I cant even ride him there is nothing to loose from me selling him and trying something else?
 
I completely sympathise - as a fellow sufferer of confidence issues, with a horse who is basically safe and sensible (albeit a bit of a diva on occasion) I had the same feelings for a long time and got as far as the 'do I sell' question. An embarrassing number of times I found myself leaping off mid lesson!

I just wanted to say that you can do it, if you want to. The less you ride the less you'll want to ride and sometimes the answer is just that you have to make yourself do it - grit your teeth and get on with it. You might be surprised that once you've stuck it out (wall of death and all) a couple of times you'll find it easier and easier to deal with every time - not only will you be more confident but your reactions will become quicker and you'll be able to keep your balance better. It sounds like you have a lovely horse, I wouldn't give up in your shoes.

That said, there's no harm in riding something else to see how confident you feel on another horse.
 
I won't bore you with all the details but had a bit of a bad time confidence wise.
Met a lady looking to rehome a horse she had rescued, she had a bombproof cob, I was so bad I sat on her cob in tears pleading that she doesn't let the horse move, fast forward a few weeks and even though the cob was tanking off and I really struggled to hold her we were cantering across a massive field and I was having a wonderful time.
Last autumn I bought my own cob who was described as bombproof and really easy, a couple of hiccups as I was used to handling horses that knew me and are soooo easy but I hacked her out again yesterday with the lady with the bombproof cob and once on board I would happily hack alone, I'm still struggling with the thought of doing things rather than the actual doing.
Not every horse suits every person and visa versa, don't put any pressure on yourself just be honest, do you want to ride? If you do, try and get some lessons on a bit of a plod to allow your confidence to grow.
Good luck.
 
I think there is a fine balance between working through isdues and drawing a line and saying this is supposed to be fun.

I went through a phase of not enjoying my mare as she likes to avoid work and one of her tricks is finding everything spooky to try to make you get off and I really lost my confidence . I always knew I would never sell her as she is the type that is tricky and quirky and eould get passed around (I bought her at 7 and know of at least 4 previous homes including the breeder).

I managed to work through my isues and she is going better than ever at the moment but there were a lot of days I wondered how I had ended up with her.

Have you thought about having some lessons on the lunge on your horse? I think that might be a way of learning how to deal when he does the wall of death thing., whilst having back up.

Like others, I would try to work through and put a time limit on things. As you have already said, maybe better the devil you know!
 
I don't think for one minute that you're not cut out for riding. I'm sure you are a perfectly capable rider. It does sound though that maybe you and he aren't a perfect match. I'm going to be a bit blunt here. I'm all for working through problems normally but his problem with the stifle isn't going to go away and it doesn't sound like you are coping with that. Unless you can learn to deal with it (and you won't while you're nervous about riding him) you're not going to be able to enjoy him and he's not going to be happy either. He could be the nicest horse in the world on the ground but ultimately, you bought him and spend a fortune on keeping him so that you can ride. As difficult as it is, I think I'd sell him and buy something a bit more suitable for you. That's not giving up or failing, it's just admitting that you're not the best match and you could both be happier with others.

Good luck .
 
Buy something else!

I was where you are about 20 years ago with a lunatic TB, scared to ride him, dreaded going to the yard every day, so relieved to be on the way home still alive... I was going to give up, but in a last ditch effort sold him & got a super steady ID mare. It took me ages to stop grabbing the reins every time we came across something that would have spooked my other horse, but then I really started enjoying my riding again, & sold her 2 years later as I was ready to move up a gear again.

It's such a relief to be on the right horse.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

T x
 
I'm in a similar position but I've owned and ridden for 30 odd years! I haven't ridden in four years because of injury but now the thought of it makes me feel sick. I want to feel confident. My cob is laid back but for the odd dramatic spook and that's where my issues lie. I can't predict them and I've fallen a couple of times (in the last 6 years so not really a lot).other than that he's fantastically safe. He can be lazy though and I just end up thinking what's the point if neither of us are enjoying it. I'm going to try the method of getting on him every day for a month, even if I just sit there. I find it too easy to make excuses not to and I know that the more I do it the less scarey it will be. I have used Rescue Remedy before so that will help too.

I feel the same that if I give up on him, I won't find anything as good and it really is my problem not his.
 
I used to be a good workman rider, I am not now, but then I would get on most things and persevere. I had an obstinate mare who had learned a few tricks which I worked through, then we moved and although she had not really changed the area where I rode it was just not safe for her to have a wobbly, more to other people than to me, so with much regret and tears I sold her.
Well it was the best thing I ever did. I bought a NF. I had forgotten how lovely it was to ride something although green didn't have a hidden agenda, and that you taught something and it would stick. She became my pony of a lifetime, and was ridden by both my daughters.
For what ever reason the horse is not right for you and its too expensive a hobby in time and money not to get a little joy from it. You are keeping a horse for you to enjoy and not for some one else to ride.
There are some lovely animals out there, they usually seem to come in rather scruffy packages, without perfect confirmation and you may not end up with the smartest animal, but you will feel safe and have fun. Remember handsome is as handsome does, go find your prince(ss)
 
We buy a horse to ride him first and foremost.

I would sell this horse and buy yourself one who will give you confidence and forgive your mistakes.

Sometimes we have to kiss a few not so perfect nags before we find our perfect steed.
 
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