WWYD - should I loan/sell/do something else

[quaver]

Hi all

Long time lurker (and long ago poster but my last username is lost in the depths of my memory never to be retrieved).

I am currently considering giving up horses quite seriously but would like input on options. I have spoken to friends but they are either completely horsey and don't take it seriously or don't like horses and think it's the best idea since sliced bread.

To give a bit of background I have 3 horses:
1. A retired horse I have had for 8 years. Due to various health issues (including a broken leg from a kick) I was never able to ride him consistently for even a year long period. He is not the easiest to keep as he is a very good doer with arthritis and a foot which collapses. This means I can't just stick him out in a field but he does need active management. I am a bit uncomfortable with where he is at the moment as they don't seem to be watching the foot at all and it has collapsed again.
2. A gelding who was intended to replace my retired horse and has been with me for a year. He passed a 5* vetting but 5 months ago got diagnosed with chronic suspensory damage (it is suspected that he damaged it for 2+years). He also has sarcoids which weren't picked up at the vetting nor mentioned by the vendor. The suspensory was injected with steroids but last week it was confirmed he was lame again. We are now stepping up the treatment with osphos and another steroid injection but he seems uncomfortable with that leg, kicking out with it when I pick it up and he was scratching it in particular when he lies down to roll). The vet will be called again for advice on Monday and I'm not really looking for vetinary advice just showing what point we are at.
3. A "rescue" mare who came in very poor condition in February. TBH when I bought her I expected her to be pts because a horse of her quality shouldn't have been near the price she was advertised at. I know quite a lot of her background but she has massive trust issues. It can take up to an hour to catch her if she puts her mind to it although this is improving. She is now in a good condition and following a lot of ground work she is now riding away but is very green so I have had help from more experienced riders (she worries and I am not experienced with horses that rush so I didn't want to set her up for failure) but a part of me is starting to resent the amount of time and money she is eating up.

Because of the lameness issues and various issues with the old yard I moved the gelding and mare to a new yard this week. I'm fortunately that they get on but following the move they are now so pair bonded I can't do anything with them for fear of trashing the quarantine paddock they are in and the gelding doing worse damage to his leg. This is ignoring the really irritating calling. They will be split next week and put in separate herds but I don't think they will immediately settle when split so that is yet another thing to manage. There is an experienced rider there but I am also finding I am putting off organising anything for the mare because I can't face starting on the whole rigmarole of trying to find a bit/bridle she likes or even think about getting on myself as my fuse is so short.

In short I have 3 horses who require a lot of tlc, no real riding, and I worry about them all the time.

On top of that I have a stressful job, my dad is currently being treated for cancer, my relationship is currently breaking down, probably terminally, and to top it off I am having some investigations done myself (although the doctors are confident this is a false alarm).

I can just about hold it together in company but I am exhausted and most of the time I am at home I am either in tears or on the verge of it.

I am currently thinking that the best thing would be to put the mare and gelding on loan for at least a year maybe permanently. The mare probably immediately and the gelding when he's rehabbed enough or maybe just turn him away.

My question is (apart from the big vent) does anyone think that someone would take on the mare? She's only 15hh, sensitive, quite sharp and definitely still a project but I reckon with work would be fully up and running by the end of the winter and could provide someone with a lot of fun over the summer. I just don't think that I have anything left in me to put that work in.

Does anyone have any low key suggestions for what to do with the gelding? I obviously can't sell him in his current condition and I suspect no-one would take him on as a loan currently.

Any suggestions gratefully received.

P.S. to anyone who recognises me irl life, no I don't want to discuss it irl.

 

[FfionWinnie]

Well you’ve got a lot on your plate. What are you keeping the 8yr old one for? 20 years plus of livery bills for a horse that needs loads of management and can’t ever be ridden. Seems like there’s an “easy” answer to that one!

Someone will always take everything on, its whether they are good enough to achieve anything with them. What breed is the mare. There’s an excellent HHOer looking for a new project at the moment so why not describe her fully...

Not sure about the other gelding, but if you got the other two away you’d probably find you have so much less stress sorting him out wouldn’t be a chore.

Hope your Dad and everything else works out ok. Don’t beat yourself up. We can only do what we can do!

 

[Dancing_Diva]

It sounds like to me the reason your thinking of giving up is your finding no fun or enjoyment with your current horses you own.

I’m your shoes I’d have a serious think about putting horse 1. to sleep. He could have another 20+ years as he is. Horse 3. I would advertise honestly as what she is with a LWVTB and sell. Keep horse 2. and get him right and in the mean time try and find yourself something that’s fit, healthy and you can get on go for a ride and make you happy and start enjoying horses again.

I 100% understand your feelings and what I’ve said above won’t feel easy for you! Of someone who has found herself owning seven ponies, all of the bigger ones for varied reasons being useless to me to ride (my fault one I have no confidence to get on, one isn’t suitable at all, the other I’ve got too heavy for and the forth isn’t backed!) the Shetlands however are great fun, but I got to a stage about a month ago I’d had enough and wanted to give up, since then two of my “useless to me” ponies have gone out on full loan, which leaves me with just five who I enjoy altho I cannot ride any of them. I no longer want to give up, I’ve started doing some in hand agility with two of them and enjoying it again.

One of the ones out on loan I considered having put to sleep. Only reason I didn’t go ahead was funds, fate seemed to happen though and she’s now out on loan to a lovely lady.

 

[Theocat]

What a rotten situation.

You are completely overwhelmed and things only have a chance of improving if you can remove a few of the sources of worry.

I agree with Dancing Diva - I would call it a day with your retired horse, sell the mare, and depending on your vet's advice either turn your other gelding away or put him on full livery for the winter to give you some head space. You can reevaluate in the spring, and either pick him up again or consider loaning or selling if you're still feeling the same.

 

[Red-1]

I agree, you have a lot on your plate. The first thing is to be kind to yourself, and I think you have realised you need to thin out your obligations. This means emotional obligations, not just time and money.

In your position I too would consider PTS the 1st horse. You have had 8 years of retirement in effect, but still he is in pain, and not able to even keep a reasonable state of health in retirement.

For horse no 2, that one is more difficult, but TBH as it is suspected he has chronic Suspensory damage for more than 2 years, and has had probably 3/4/5 sets of treatment, I would say his prognosis is guarded too. That one is down to how you feel, but if it were me I may consider setting a definite date on getting him sound and in at least hacking work, say, September 1st. That way you could nurse him through this winter, turn him away for summer and pick up walk work while he is out at grass. On the other hand, you say he is still lame after treatment, and uncomfortable with his leg, so I may be having a conversation with the vet about his quality of life too on Monday when he visits.

Horse no 3 sounds a lot easier. She sounds like she is a quality horse, and that you have nursed her back to health, and started her education sensitively. If she had the right home, LVTB or simply sale at a reduced cost to account for her greenness and history then I think she could find a good home. In an advert I would always offer straight sale, as personally I prefer a straight sale to a loan if I am buying, less messy.

For the future it would depend on horse no 2. If he was PTS then I would consider getting a fun cob to bounce round on as a stress relief. If horse no 2 is having the winter at livery I would stick with just him for now as you have so much else going on. You still have him to go up to see, groom, muck out etc.

I do hope your situation improves, horses are meant to be a pleasure, and it is awful if you now feel trapped into a miserable cycle with them.

Sending hugs (((()))))

 

[ozpoz]

I agree with Red-1 here. if you can put quality of life first, including your own,then this hard step is what I would do in your shoes.Keep strong, there are rough phases in life and they will pass. Wishing you brighter times ahead! x

 

[Ambers Echo]

I agree with everyone else. You sound completely overwhelmed and you urgently need to reduce the pressure on yourself. All your horses are high maintenance and stressful. I personally would not keep going with a horse who could not happily retire field sound without endless ongoing management and pain. I think the mare sounds perfectly sellable - plenty of people like projects with potential and it sounds like she has real quality. I would not loan as you are more likely to attract inappropriate people who want a free horse but don;t have the right level of skill. Sorry you are struggling so much. Hope things settle soon.

 

[ester]

It doesn't say that horse one is 8yo? But that the OP has had him 8 years.

OP what you do with horse one depends how you feel as to whether it would be better or worse for you to not have him around. You don't really say how comfortable he is just that he requires some management.

Horse 2, if you want to carry on a bit longer would this be one you could chuck in a field with minimal management/on retirement livery and see if it improves?

The mare, TBH I think you would be lucky to find the right person at this time of year. That isn't saying it is impossible just that it might not be easy to do, they would have to be happy that you aren't going to take her back at the end of the winter, and obviously you have the risk that they might send her back regardless. I am not sure how much better loaning her out would be for your stress levels, but it does obviously secure her future compared to selling which having rescued her once is understandable. If you could sort the other two do you think you would enjoy doing more with her yourself or not?

 

[Bubblewrap]

Goodness me, what a lot you are having to deal with, bless you. Nothing to add except I think you have some great advice above.

 

[Rosiejazzandpia]

So sorry to hear about your predicament OP.
In your shoes I would be making the call to put horse number one to sleep. It's a horrible decision to make but if he is not improving then things can only really get worse and you don't want to be too late making the call. I wouldn't be putting a struggling horse through winter.

Horse number two I would be chucking out on grass livery over winter. Let him fluff up and be a part of a nice herd and see how he is when spring comes with soundness issues etc.

The third horse should be easily sellable to the right home. I'm actually looking to a project exactly as you described her so if you'd like to PM me myself and my friend are both looking for winter projects after losing my mare last week.

Seems like you need to give yourself some space from the financial and mental cost of horses to breathe and sort out any family and personal issues that you have right now. If you did all of above you could look for a loan or something to ride at weekend so you're not completely horseless while horse number two is turned away to heal himself and come sound.

Sending you a big hug, life gets very overwhelming sometimes xx

 

[asmp]

Good advice above from everyone. Just wanted to add that owning a horse is supposed to be fun - it's too expensive a hobby not to be. I had a break from owning a horse for a while and it's good sometimes to take a step back, so if you decide in the long run to drop down to one, two or no horses everyone would understand (although it's no ones business apart from yours)

 

[Frumpoon]

Not much to add that others haven't already said except that I have a young horse retired through injury who lives at grass at a very experienced stud in a managed herd of geldings, they check him for me daily and the herd gets additional hay in the winter, it costs naf all really and something like that might be a sort of solution for at least 1 of the horses over the winter to get some breathing space

 

[webble]

I’m your shoes I’d have a serious think about putting horse 1. to sleep. He could have another 20+ years as he is. Horse 3. I would advertise honestly as what she is with a LWVTB and sell. Keep horse 2. and get him right and in the mean time try and find yourself something that’s fit, healthy and you can get on go for a ride and make you happy.

^^ this

 

[quaver]

Dear all

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Certainly gives me some food for thought.

Re horse 1 he's not in pain, just needs someone to look at his feet properly a couple of times a week and call the farrier early if needs be. He isn't getting this where he is now. I wish he wasn't happy/was in pain as that would make everything so much easier. He's also 19 so if he makes it 20 more years I'll be amazed! It might be he can go to a friend's place though which would certainly help.

I'll have a serious think about the other two.

Thank you for being so understanding. For some reason it really helps knowing that there are ways out and that I wouldn't necessarily be judged for just walking away.

Life truly blows sometimes.

 

[Fjord]

I've got nothing useful to add but I just wanted to say I hope everything improves. You have a lot to deal with x

 

[TheOldTrout]

Could you find horse 1 a place as a companion? Agree that you could look for someone to take the mare as a project. It sounds like you've done really well with her so far.
You sound like you have more than enough on your plate at the moment. Are you getting support at all? Macmillan, or a local carers organisation, for example, could help with looking after your dad.