WWYD; Teenagercausing unrest on the yard

[muff747]

Need to know what everyone else thinks about this; Blueberry muffins and hot chocolate if you get to the end!
We are on a small DIY yard where there is no manager so me being the oldest and recently retired seems to have been delegated to lead some of the actions we need to take.
The owner is a widowed lady maybe a couple of years away from pension age but meanwhile works full time. Her late husband built the stables, despite both of them being totally non horsey but they saw renting out the yard as an income. She is a very nice, unassuming maybe a little timid lady who lets us do as we want so long as everyone is happy - that's all she wants.
Over the last few months we have lost four liveries and no one suitable was coming forward to take up the empty stables. We decided to help her out as she was losing a lot of income and we want to keep her happy so she'll stay on in that big house alone. Her only stipulation was no kids so she asked us to vet the prospective liveries as we would be the ones who would need to get along with new people.
Sorry.... trying to give you a clear picture.
The fourteen year old was brought in early this year to share a horse, owner is a man and has ended up giving nearly all the decision making to her because she is getting a little bit over confident and throwing her weight about, backed up by one of the original liveries. She has decided that the only place left to rent out, (which is in her paddock) is not going to happen, and she was challenging me the other day about this but I tried to fend her off by saying it wasn't my decision.
I had reminded her when she decided to swap into an empty paddock that it always was a two horse section and again when we had recently rented out three of the other empty spaces, but now the two of them have convinced the owner that they do not want anyone else on the yard. So she has said she doesn't want any falling out so has allowed her to have her own way.
She will be losing quite a lot of monthly income and if it was me, I wouldn't feel comfortable depriving her of this money, just because I didn't want anyone in the same paddock as me.
Please, someone help me come to terms with this or am I right to be angry?
Congratulations if you got to here!!

 

[FestiveFuzz]

I think ultimately if the YO is happy with the loss of income there's very little you can do, though I do understand why you'd be annoyed at the teenagers attitude.

 

[Adopter]

It seems that you are the one who is thinking of the owner, not the ones who are currently having the loudest voices, I would be angry and disappointed on her behalf as well.

Hope with time things improve, otherwise can you get owner to nominate you as her yard manager able to make decisions.

 

[muff747]

Thank you both. I realise I can't do anything but it annoys me so much that tey have taken advantage of her good nature. She will be able to retire in a couple of years and may need all the income she can get to supplement that to run the place. The last thing anyone wants is for her to leave, who knows who might take over the yard and what changes they will want to make.
Adopter, tbh I really don't want to be the manager, I have raised five teenagers and now retired and don't want to have to manage one that isn't mine.
Before she came we all got along very well and were responsible enough to not tread on each others toes and respected each other but this has all changed. I did have to contact her mum after she tittle tattled and caused a very embarrasing situation for me. Her mum has agreed she is too young to take on so much responsibility and is going to talk to the man owner. I do wish the non horsey mum would be around more.

 

[Anniecarer]

Being the mum of a very sensible 16 year old, I would think that 14 is far too young to take on that responsibility. She probably thinks she knows all there is to know about everything, but wont have learnt the skills needed to be able to compromise the way that is needed. I would stick with involving the mother. If she is sensible she will not want her daughter upsetting people like this. Many mums dont realise what their daughters are like when they are not there. She is also the person who has the ability to put a stop to the share if the child doesn't behave herself.
Good luck.

 

[YorksG]

With my work hat on I would also question why an adult man is allowing a 14 year old girls so much power via his horse. While it may well be totally innocent, I think a quiet word with him about how this might look would be in order.

 

[SusieT]

To be honest- it's not your yard. The clue is in the name -DIY so do your own, manage your own area and leave it up to the owner. If they ask you to manage the yard on a formal basis that is different. Enjoy your own horse. If I liked my own space and thought I could keep it that way by approaching YO to ask for it to be left like that I would go ahead and ask-and not expect another livery to have an opinion on it.
Being an 'original' livery has no bearing on it. Being retired probably does as you may have too much time on your hands!
'poor elderly YO' is running a business and can quite if she so desires-it's her decisions, not yours. If it makes you unhappy, vote with your feet.
Just another perspective.

 

[SusieT]

's toes and respected each other but this has all changed. I did have to contact her mum after she tittle tattled and caused a very embarrasing situation for me. ' How can she have caused an embarrassing situation for you? What were you doing to be embarrassed about?
What trouble does she cause you and your horse? Is there anything specific that I'm missing in your post other than that you don't want her to have more influence than you over YO?

 

[muff747]

What were you doing to be embarrassed about?
What trouble does she cause you and your horse? Is there anything specific that I'm missing in your post other than that you don't want her to have more influence than you over YO?

there is quite a lot missing but couldn't put everything in! Another livery is takin up four storage spaces in one feed room and we need to make room for newcomers so I was going to approach said livery when time was right (she is bit prickly too) but after the mornings confrontation, teenager went and told her what was being planned. This subject had been raised by teenagers ally and we all told her she must not mention it under any circumstances as it was not her business. The male owner is sitting on the fence, much to mum's concern and she is going to try to talk to him. She is also very concerned about her daughter having all this power am on here cos I am wondering if I should leave it but I know her mum would be very concerned if she knew the owner was depriving herself of this money just to keep the peace. I am not thinkin of moving as my horse is 25 and retired and very settled - and it's just at the bottom of my road.

 

[WelshD]

I would be mighty annoyed too but being very honest it would be because my nose had been put out of joint being the person who usually had the ear of the owner and also i would be unhappy and quite possibly jealous of the girls 'special treatment' and that she didnt have to share paddocks like everyone else etc - not saying you feel this way but maybe have a think about whether the whole situation has become more of a consuming issue than the sum of the individual problems

I would very gently recommend that you have a word with the mum to say that you personally feel its unfair that the last livery place shouldnt be filled so the place can bring in more money but beyond that i think i would leave things be - these things always sort themselves out - the owner is holding down a job so she cant be too old and frail to pull the situation up if needed

 

[1abs]

OP I know you mention about the lady who owns the yard being timid etc and not wanting to get involved. But the fact this situation is causing friction amongst everyone else hence people not getting along.... Perhaps have a word with the yard owner and explain what is going on, and maybe suggest a yard meeting where you can all sit down together to try and resolve the issues? Sounds like some ground rules need applying.

 

[siennamum]

Can you try and find a nice additional livery and present teenager with a done deal. I would simply tell the brat to butt out and not comment on or get involved with yard affairs, she is after all a child and you are all adults. Tell her she will be banned from the yard if she doesn't stop, no one will contest that - the 'man' is being told what to do by a child, he will probably enjoy you getting him off the hook.
Sounds like someone needs to just take charge till things are on an even keel again.

 

[WelshD]

Another thought - renting out that last space will bring an additional person in to the equation which may bring its own problems. If storage space is tight maybe two or three existing liveries would pay a little extra to rent the stable as storage space? Not for as much as a livery perhaps but would mean a quieter life

Then perhaps the teen's paddock could be seen as a source of spare emergency grazing

 

[cptrayes]

Can you arrange for the teenager to meet some attractively dangerous boys? She'll be out of your hair soon enough then

Seriously, terribly irritating situation that you probably can't do anything about.

 

[poops]

I wonder if this girl is a "flash in the pan". Maybe she will get bored & leave anyway. I would let things lie & see what happens. Could you speak to the Horses owner about her. She is very young to be throwing her weight around like this. Does a parent come down with her?

 

[MiniMilton]

Seriously she's 14. She's a child. She needs to be reminded of this and put in her place. What a little brat. And remind her that YO requested no children on the yard so really she should be on her best behaviour to avoid being kicked off.

I sympathise with the YO and thankfully the OP is thinking about them. Some people are just not able for confrontation. I know my mother would be the same as YO and get walked all over.

 

[muff747]

Thank you all for your suggestions/support. This is why I have posted here, I wonder if it is me as some other owners support me and some think I'm picking on her. I try to stay out of it but then I know the owner will get the complaints and she would rather poke her eyes Out (or lose money)than lay laws down. Her husband died young suddenly and saw the yard as an income/pension. I worry she will leave and then all things could change for the worse, that's what I and the others fear most.

 

[muff747]

Ha ha thanks cptrayes, I wish!

 

[AmyMay]

It's not your yard or your money. So it's a non discussion really.

 

[JulesRules]

I can see why this would annoy you. I'm a big one for fairness and get irritated by things like this for so many reasons.

The elderly yo is being put upon, the man owner is burying his head in the sand, the teenager is too selfish/immature to realise the impact of her actions and all you other liveries are being treated less favourably which sets a precedent. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

I would do one of the following:
Approach the child's mother and explain the lost income to the yo to her. Explain that the yo is too nice to rock the boat but that the lost income really will impact her. Hopefully the mum will be mortified and take the teen in hand.
Or
Approach the man owner and tell him that as his horse needs special treatment he should pay extra to make up for the lost income. Hopefully the hit in his pocket will make him take charge of the teen and he will insist she accepts a field mate.

Worth a try? Let us know how you get on.

 

[Patterdale]

She's a child, so if you think there's really a problem then tell her mother.
But be prepared to be very unpopular with her for it.

 

[muff747]

I'm not worried about her falling out with me, I'm more worried about what impression she is getting and where she will stop if she gets away with this as well.

 

[MiniMilton]

I'm not worried about her falling out with me, I'm more worried about what impression she is getting and where she will stop if she gets away with this as well.

Agreed. It's not right that a child should be calling the shots. Stopping this behaviour will do her a favour in the long run.

 

[Wundahorse]

What a difficult dilemma for you.It seems to me that the teenager has neither the maturity or experience to be making decisions that are not her responsibility to make.The girl also appears quite selfish and inconsiderate.It's a shame the YO has stepped back,but perhaps she should appoint someone to take the lead and make decisions on their behalf.It is hard when their is no leadership,which i guess has led to this problem.Perhaps see if you can discuss the running of the yard with the owners and see what you can negotiate to suit everyone.

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

OP I can see your point of view and that you have the YOs welfare in mind. But you also admit to having your own welfare in mind too! You mention one of your main concerns being that the YO may decide the yard isn't making enough money and decide to sell up, rather than have any kind of confrontation with anyone or lay down any laws. So basically your main worry is that you would have to move your horse to another yard - and you don't want to because its at the end of your road, your horse is old and you all got on fine before the teenager came.

Fair enough. Except its not just the teenager who has a problem with you, is it. Some other liveries think you are picking on her, the teenager has a definite ally in one other livery and the man whose horse she loans is "on the fence" according to you. Or perhaps he's totally happy with things as they are now, but doesn't want to discuss it with you and remains non-committal when you moan about it?

I've been on a few yards now with no formal management from the YO or YM, where somebody has appointed themselves unofficial YM and tried to get everyone to do what they want. That's basically what you're doing here and IMO that person is often a major PITA.

If the teenager wants her own field, that's between her and the YO, its nothing to do with you. Likewise if another livery wants four storage spaces, that's between her and the YO too. Its not your place to 'have a word' with her, so yes I can see why you were embarassed, but it wouldn't happen if you didn't stick your nose into others business. New liveries will have to squeeze in where they can and if they're not happy with their storage space will have to approach the YO.

It's not your job to organize things. You even admit you don't want the YM role officially! I know you see yourself as helpful but that's not how it will come across to the livery concerned. After all, you dont like being dictated to by another livery (the teenager) do you?!

 

[SusieT]

're is quite a lot missing but couldn't put everything in! Another livery is takin up four storage spaces in one feed room and we need to make room for newcomers so I was going to approach said livery when time was right (she is bit prickly too) but after the mornings confrontation, teenager went and told her what was being planned. so you were talking about the prickly livery with the teenager behind her back?
Sorry and you have a problem with the teenager? Who said you could organise other liveries space? (even the newcomers space is not yours to organise-and there is no need to be space until the new livery arrives-and it isn't really your business to notice it...)

 

[SusieT]

ps-remember we are only getting one side of the story-why is 14yr old a brat because another livery's nose is out of joint ( and remember how much we all hate the self appointed 'yard manager' who decides they get to run the yard because the owner is 'too frail/absent/old/under their sway'-how do we know yo is not avoiding op!)

 

[smellsofhorse]

Maybe you need to speak to the yard owner and ask if she is happy with the det up of would she ideally like the extra money.

Also explain without being bitchy that the teenager is throwing her weight around.

It's her yard so she makes the decisions, but she might like someone to take charge if she is a bit timid.
Or she may be happy with the way things are.

 

[dogatemysalad]

How does this affect you or your horse ?
You say you don't want the responsibility of running the yard, which is fine.
The owner isn't complaining about the income from the rent, or the young girl or the woman who is using extra storage space, so where's the problem ?

 

[Holly Hocks]

( and remember how much we all hate the self appointed 'yard manager' who decides they get to run the yard because the owner is 'too frail/absent/old/under their sway'-how do we know yo is not avoiding op!)

I rarely agree with SusieT but this did make me laugh! (I've been on a yard like this!)

OP - YO doesn't need to be confrontational. All she needs to do is say to man/girl "I've heard you don't want another horse in your horse's field. It's not a problem at all, but as I won't have the money from another livery coming in, you will need to make up that money, ok?" Leave it at that. If they can't afford the shortfall, then they should find somewhere else.