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0310Star

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I lost my horse of a lifetime in June of this year, and to begin with the extra time and money was nice and I thought id have a couple years break. Fast forward to now and I have come to realise I am utterly miserable without my downtime of horse ownership, not just the riding but everything that goes with it!
We have recently bought our first house so money is a bit of an issue, we could afford another BUT it would be tight and I feel as if it should go towards saving and getting ourselves better off financially. This was always the plan, to give it 2 years and then think about another but OH says he is noticing how down I am not having that time to just chill out and socialise at the yard so he thinks we should seriously consider getting another. I do suffer from anxiety which I can generally manage myself but recently I feel I am just stuck in a hole and getting deeper as he also works nights so I spend a lot of time on my own.

I have started looking into shares/part loans/riding other peoples, but my confidence isn't fantastic and to be honest the thought of riding other peoples horses feels very odd having had my own for so long! And you also hear a lot of horror stories.

I guess my question is, what is your opinion on shares and part loans? Would I be better just opting for riding lessons for a while to avoid any stressful situations in case anything goes wrong?

This whole situation is pretty alien to me, but I really need to do something before I find myself in an even deeper hole than I already am in!
 
Why don't you just try it, you're not under any obligation to continue if it doesn't suit. I've been on both sides several times, and never had a "horror" story so pick and choose and find the right one. You're better of with word of mouth IME, so put the word around your local horsey friends - most people would jump at the chance at someone decent helping them out for a couple of days a week (I would!).
 
I'm not sure sharing or lessons fills that horse therapy hole (and I get where you are coming from).

Rather than buying maybe look for a full loan?
 
Sharing will be cheaper than either buying or loaning or RS lessons which, at the moment, sounds like an important thing for you. And as a former horse owner you will be a sought after sharer so should have no trouble finding something suitable (particularly at this time of year). I say go for it... if you have horsey friends still you may well find something by word of mouth.
 
I think its a good idea to start with lessons to see how it feels to be back in the saddle then see where you want to take it. Don't rush or put pressure on yourself to make a decision.

Can you volunteer with a local RDA branch?

This might be a terrible idea (happy to be corrected) but what about considering taking on a bit of part time work at a local stables? It would give you more horsey time and help towards the savings, potentially also offer cheaper options for livery if you did eventually decide to take on a loan or a share
 
No advice on which way forward but seriously loving your OH who is putting your happiness and health before anything else, which is as it should be of course x
 
On the Hoof said:
No advice on which way forward but seriously loving your OH who is putting your happiness and health before anything else, which is as it should be of course x
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He's a good'un bless him. His exact words were 'id rather be a bit skint that you be miserable!'.... in his defence I am a nightmare to live with if I am not in the best of moods lol!

Thanks everyone. I guess it just feels a bit weird riding other peoples when I am used to having my own and making my own decisions and not having to ask permission for things etc... I also feel a bit of pressure to be the 'right' choice for them also. I found the perfect horse a few months back to share and knew the horse and owner as had previously been at the same yard but since I have moved house it became apparent the horse was just too far away! Gutted!
 
I had a nasty riding accident last January and wasnt allowed to do anything that could put me at risk for 3 mths and basically gave up horses, found her a good home, sold the wagon, gave my stable up. It was very strange at first but I soon got used to having a lie in, had a couple of cheapy holidays, the house was spotless lol and I certainly didnt miss the worries that come with horses! I did start to get a bit twitchy at the 3 mth post horse stage though and found myself looking through loan ads, and sneakily looking at horses for sale. I then seen a beautiful 3 yr old that wasnt expensive, went to see her and bought her. Im now back to worrying, early mornings and no holidays ha ha but I feel Im a better more content person for it. My hubby and a good friend have both since said that I was becoming ratty, stressy and am so much better with a horse.
I think part shares/loans can work, theres a couple who do it on the yard Im on, maybe its worth asking at local yards to see if anyone wants any help? You can only try and if for whatever reason it doesnt work out, it may give you the bug again to maybe get your own again or even a full loan?
 
Louby said:
I had a nasty riding accident last January and wasnt allowed to do anything that could put me at risk for 3 mths and basically gave up horses, found her a good home, sold the wagon, gave my stable up. It was very strange at first but I soon got used to having a lie in, had a couple of cheapy holidays, the house was spotless lol and I certainly didnt miss the worries that come with horses! I did start to get a bit twitchy at the 3 mth post horse stage though and found myself looking through loan ads, and sneakily looking at horses for sale. I then seen a beautiful 3 yr old that wasnt expensive, went to see her and bought her. Im now back to worrying, early mornings and no holidays ha ha but I feel Im a better more content person for it. My hubby and a good friend have both since said that I was becoming ratty, stressy and am so much better with a horse.
I think part shares/loans can work, theres a couple who do it on the yard Im on, maybe its worth asking at local yards to see if anyone wants any help? You can only try and if for whatever reason it doesnt work out, it may give you the bug again to maybe get your own again or even a full loan?
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Thank you Louby, that's exactly how I am now - started off enjoying it but now I am really starting to realise how much easier I found life in general with that down time between work and home! Its like a totally separate life at the yard, different friends and responsibilities, and its nice having 2 totally separate lives! Although my timing couldn't be worse, missing it at the beginning of winter lol!

Financially it would be a bit tight, and I don't want to be in that situations so I wouldn't buy another just yet. Although lessons probably end up costing not much less than owning now!
 
How about volunteering at a riding school, still get your horsey time and you'll probably get a lesson included. If it doesn't work then you can just not go back OR you might rally enjoy it.
 
claireandnadia said:
How about volunteering at a riding school, still get your horsey time and you'll probably get a lesson included. If it doesn't work then you can just not go back OR you might rally enjoy it.
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Tbh with working full time that would be a problem. I wouldn't just be able to go up for an early few hours on a weekend or ride for an hour of an evening after work as it would end up with having to wait around all day for my free ride, id feel as though I would be a bit tied in to that too and have to commit a whole day
 
I would definitely try to find a share. I have been on both sides (as sharer to other people's horses while at uni (and not allowed to take my boy with me!), and as horse owner with sharer/s) and experienced both good and bad. You're right that there are things that can be frustrating with a shared horse - particularly when they're not being looked after the way you would like, etc etc. This has happened to me (one owner left her 6 horses in stables 24/7 for weeks without being ridden, with hardly any straw. I felt awful every time I visited and would muck out all six, refill beds to be big thick and comfy, and return a week later to the same situation. It was awful but the horses were wonderful and I wanted to help them). I built up an incredibly strong bond with the horse I rode there, he was amazing - I wouldn't have stayed if not! But the thing about a share is that you can walk away if you need to, or if the situation doesn't suit. There will be plenty more options.

Another share I had at uni would involve me taking on her three horses for the days I was there. They were basically mine for those days (including allowing my friends to ride them). I helped her bring on her youngster, and had a fab time. And she was happy for me to suggest changes to feeding or routine, etc.

My boy has now got arthritis and I'm looking for a sharer so see things from the other side. I'd love someone like you who knows what they're doing and is capable. I'd be happy for a competent sharer to come to the yard and join in for as many days as they'd like, and to bond with the horses. But I wouldn't want someone to have as much freedom as I had for the above share (i.e. bringing friends along for rides) - I know I'm a hypocrite! :).

So in short, I think it's worth a try. You don't have anything to lose, as it's probably going to be free or v cheap. You'll likely have a few to choose from, so my advice would be to try a few and then decide which fits you best. The key is to find the right person to share with - as well as the right horse.

For the last share I found, I had multiple offers and tried three of them. The final one I tried was a true gentle giant of a horse, and I clicked with his owner. We had a fantastic year riding together before she fell pregnant and sadly had to re-home him (she had two others and couldn't keep them all going). His owner is now one of my closest friends, and since then we have kept our horses together for nearly five years.
 
I just wanted to say I totally empathize with your situation, I had to retire my horse of lifetime about 6 months ago & I was just utterly miserable without all the horsey day to day stuff. OH said the exact same - he hated seeing me so miserable, not only was I lost without my buddy but he has a complicated retirement situation so there is money going on that aswell & then I felt it would be impossible to get another. So I felt hopeless & useless.

I did start riding other peoples horses & getting lessons but I'm not gonna lie - it actually made me worse, it made me miss the connection I had with my horse so much & miss the planning & goal setting & all that goes with it. I persevered for a while but I was just miserable. I was persuaded to start looking at horses & I was floored when my ideal horse came along which I really wasnt expecting but I literally had to beg borrow & steal to buy him & I'm on the best diet in the world now - the poverty diet in order to be able to keep him but I dont think I've stopped smiling since!

I dont think that helps you in any way but just to let you know, I understand how you feel. Sometimes nothing fills that hole :(
 
i lost my horse in september last year and thought i would give up completely as i am old and have dodgy hips and back and also very short of money.....i lasted just over 2 weeks and started to look for a loan horse as i didnt think i would be happy with a share...i got my loan horse at the end of october and had been to ride her a couple of times to make sure we were all happy as i wasnt as confident as i used to be. i am loving having a horse again although physically it is a challenge....mine came to me from a friend of my YO so its worth putting the word out if you are looking for a loan or share....
 
Thank everyone. In all honesty I dread the idea of riding someone else's, its just not the same!! I'd love nothing more than to have my own again and I am hoping after xmas I can make it a reality!
OH is going to try and start working days again which would also help as I wouldn't need to rush home after work to see him for an hour before he sets off to work so hopefully everything will sort out!
 
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