yard bullies.. need advice plz help

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GoodysMummy

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im currently dealing with yard bullies and its making my horse owning life hell..i hate going down the yard because these girls are never happy unless there is some form of drama going on and ofcorse its ALWAYS my fault :( they march over to my stable door whilst im grooming my horse and argue with me over nothing and spread malicious rumours. the YO is aware but hasnt done anything to stop it, i get threatening txts msgs off one of these girls whilst im in work telling me iv said something (when i havent) and how no1 likes me on the yard and if i dont stay out of her way 6 shades of s*** are gna fly out of me..

i want to go back to when i enjoyed going to see my horse and could stand in his stable for hours with him and not have an argument happen..has anyone got any stories to tell and solutions for how i can sort this whole mess out without running away and moving off the yard? :(

plz help!:confused:
 
Smile and ignore.

easier said than done yes.

But trust me, it works.

at the moment the whole lane (8 separate yards) is spreading whispers about me being asked to leave, kicked off etc.

Until now I've been smiling and nodding. The rumours quietened down.

My yo was asked about the reasoning for me being kicked off today, she flipped and explained that I'm not allowed to leave the yard, I'm a good bloke and a great help, her words not mine.

This gave the bullies/gossips something to talk about, fulfilling they're desire for gossip.

Seriously, just keep mouth closed, smile alot and act confused. Kill them with kindness.
 
To be honest i would just move if my yo knew and didnt do anything about it, thats why we left one of our yards as they were also the grooms and picked on and made accusations about my brother......we wanted to enjoy life with horses not keep looking over our shoulders all the time. We are now on a perfect yard and everyone is so nice and friendly.

Xx
 
And moving will give them satisfaction and no doubt, they'll spin it to you were kicked off.

Been there done that. Try finding another yard after the CAD (thanks pedantic:D) clique have had they're way.
 
Tell the yard owner you want something doing & if you feel threatened & have proof in the form of texts threatening violence, go to the police. Tell yo your intent too. I'm a gobby cow & would tell them to **** off. And if I was on a yard where it happened to someone else I'd interfere if yo didn't. Not very nice but only solution is to tell yo how serious it is & demand actions taken.
 
who cares if it gives them satisfaction :confused:

What is the point of cutting your own nose off to spite your face and hanging in at a place where you cant stand to be, its causing you upset, and ruining your time with your horse, which is meant to be an enjoyable hobby.

Better off just moving and being happy.
 
I am sorry to hear this, there is no way of trying to understand a bully, and usually the only way to get on their side is to be in their group and look up to them and praise them - which they do not need because then you just become one of them.

If you are innocent and have not been saying these things they are saying you have, not even to someone whom you might have confided in, then I would start looking for another yard and the next time they hang over your door give them what for and I mean what for - inform them in your strongest voice without shouting that you pay the YO to keep your horse at the livery yard and not them and that they can just ***** off before you get across that door and sort them out yourself, 9/10 times this actually makes them back off.

If you are guilty then just explain why you have said what you have said but again don't back down and keep a strong voice and tell them that you however still pay the YO to keep your horse at the livery and not them and leave it at that, smile as another poster said and ignore. Keep looking for somewhere else but use the advice given as a learning curve for future.

Good luck
 
whats quite funny is that a girl whos been in trouble with welfare over a poorly looked after horse is the girl whos the main trouble causer..im biting my tounge so hard at the moment not to rip into her about it because then im as bad as them. at the moment i just tell them to gtf away from my stable because its upsetting my yearling whos neighbours with my 15 year old (she doesnt like all the shouting and she box walks and trots around until it stops)

i went and saw a GORGEOUS competition yard today actually after last nights argument was terrible i thought my yearling was gna kill herself it was that bad..its run by louise lyons whos an international showjumper and iv never seen a more stunning yard in my whole life theres an indoor which is perfect for my 15 year old as hes a dressage horse and an outdoor perfect for my yearling when shes older as shes bred for jumping :)
 
There is no better satisfaction than facing upto a smug old git.

I was 15, long story short, HER dad, assaulted me I gave him the head back.

After that I smiles and waved every day. Still do now. I left that yard as I was moving away. I'm back in the area and surprise surprise, my Previous stated gossip who approached yard owner, you guessed it, it's him again.

It's killing him the fact that he isn't bothering me, so goes onto yard owner.

Me on the other hand, I'm laughing my tits off at his feeble trouble making.

If your having physical threats with proof, go to police. If yo knows when the police eventually serve.a restraining order she should be the one looking for new stables. If you are asked to leaving rather than her what have you lost? She has her actions criminally recorded, you end up moving as you originally intended. Win win.

Don't know where you are, but any type of livery down my way at the moment is dire. it seems from threads on here of late that it's the same story everywhere. I'd try my best to stay put and face your problem head on.
 
I haven't read the entire thread so I expect nothing I say will be new.

Horrid this isn't it? The situation needs sorting pronto, I think you have three options:

1) Inform the YO that unless they step in and do something about it then you will be moving your horse (although it may be wise to look around for somewhere else just in case said YO says "Off you toddle then!")

2) How brave are you? Take a friend, and face up to the nasty creeps, loudly, and with an audience present, ask "Just what IS your problem?" It isn't an easy thing to do (I was bullied at school, and when I snapped I did it very publicly, they left me alone after that)
Have you any idea why this all started? Threats of violence are just that, if she lays a finger on you, or your horse, report her (keep those texts) the police may not do anything but the threat of it may shut this bully up.

3) Move and be well rid of the lot of them, useless YO included.

If I had bullies on my yard they'd get a verbal warning, a written warning and then they'd get their notice to quit - and I would tell every other yard owner I knew exactly why they were being kicked off. I won't tolerate human bullies anymore than I tolerate horses that disrupt the peace.

Life is too short to be stressing about visiting your horse which should be a pleasure.
 
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What started it all off in the first place, was there a particular incident / misunderstanding? What have you tried so far to stop them picking on you?

I think if you could get a clear understanding of what has started this it might help you to decide whether it is resolveable or whether it would just be better to move on.....
 
mountainview22 said:
There is no better satisfaction than facing upto a smug old git.

I was 15, long story short, HER dad, assaulted me I gave him the head back.

After that I smiles and waved every day. Still do now. I left that yard as I was moving away. I'm back in the area and surprise surprise, my Previous stated gossip who approached yard owner, you guessed it, it's him again.

It's killing him the fact that he isn't bothering me, so goes onto yard owner.

Me on the other hand, I'm laughing my tits off at his feeble trouble making.

If your having physical threats with proof, go to police. If yo knows when the police eventually serve.a restraining order she should be the one looking for new stables. If you are asked to leaving rather than her what have you lost? She has her actions criminally recorded, you end up moving as you originally intended. Win win.

Don't know where you are, but any type of livery down my way at the moment is dire. it seems from threads on here of late that it's the same story everywhere. I'd try my best to stay put and face your problem head on.
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im wirral area in merseyside :) about 20 mins from liverpool.
 
Depending on your personality (fight or flight?) And available yards nearby, go with instinct, can you grin and beat them, or will it just be too Much hassle.
 
i knew there was going to be trouble when these girls who have been kicked off nearlly every other yard on the wirral for causing trouble moved on. jealousy started it after everyone knew what they where like and refused to be associated with them from day 1 (including me cos i hate trouble) then there was talk of this girl getting another horse one that she wanted to bring up from a baby and do sj with it..when i got my yearling thats when all the rumours kicked off..i was talking to everyone about how i excited i was that id found another perfect horse that i can do sj/xc with (SJ is in her bloodlines) and they took it as me being spiteful and talk started i am innocent in this one as i havent spoken out of term about them..i just refuse to be associated with trouble makers..
 
1) Find a new yard. Do not inform anyone.
2) Inform your YO of your intention to leave in writing, and pay your notice then and there.
3) Load up your horses and gear.
4) Turn the hose on the offending humans. (Optional, but fun to imagine...)
5) Drive off to a new and better life:)

It's not worth stressing your horses, especially when one is a youngster.
 
Arizahn said:
1) Find a new yard. Do not inform anyone.
2) Inform your YO of your intention to leave in writing, and pay your notice then and there.
3) Load up your horses and gear.
4) Turn the hose on the offending humans. (Optional, but fun to imagine...)
5) Drive off to a new and better life:)

It's not worth stressing your horses, especially when one is a youngster.
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LOL@ 4! well everyones certainly cheered me up..i think im gna get looking for another yard..maybe a nice posh one to treat my ponies to
 
I'd speak to other folk on the yard and see if you can all have a chat with yard owner... If she doesn't chuck them of or sort it I'd move. I have no time for people like that! You will be miserable otherwise, and so will your horse by te sound of it!
 
Capriole said:
who cares if it gives them satisfaction :confused:

What is the point of cutting your own nose off to spite your face and hanging in at a place where you cant stand to be, its causing you upset, and ruining your time with your horse, which is meant to be an enjoyable hobby.

Better off just moving and being happy.
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^^^^ Spot on .... life's too short.
 
If they have a reputation as troublemakers at least you know its nothing personal so easier to deal with really.

Next time they come over to make trouble for you, I would walk confidently towards them, keeping good strong eye contact and chin up :D and tell them that you want no more hassle off anyone, you come to the yard to enjoy your horse and from now on that is what you are going to do. Tell them that if any of them have a problem with anything you have said you'd be happy to explain because you think they have misinterpreted your excitement of getting your youngster with trying to wind them up. I certainly wouldn't be chased off a yard by this lot, unless I was thinking of moving away anyway.....I would stand up to them and if necessary follow them round the yard asking loads of irrelevant questions until they got completely fed up of me :D :D
 
i wouldnt mind as much if it wasnt for my yearling..i can take most of it on the chin but when i catch her out the corner of my eye stressing in her box i shout at them and tell them to step away from my stable door before i move them away. they do move because they can see how bad the filly is aswell but it doesnt stop them the argument just floods out the barn and onto the yard where i then walk away and ignore them (probably because my thoroughbred is looking very sorry for himself at the gate to the field and wants to come in for dinner) but that doesnt stop them so im really at my wits end mainly because theres a youngster involved that could hurt herself in the stable if she walks around to much and iv only just got her so if she is injured as a result they will be paying the vet fees and they no damn well they will be because iv told them :rolleyes:
 
Is it practical for you to move? or is there anyone who could stand with your yearling while you're at the yard? It does sound a complete nightmare for you and not what having horses should be about. Bullies tend to pick on people they are interested in for some reason, with you it sounds as though its your nice youngster. If you need to stay at that yard, somehow you need to find a way of becoming more dull so that they get bored of you and move on.....definitely reacting to them as little as possible will help and keep just saying the same words over and over again so they get tired of testing your reaction. They would be less likely to act so infant-like if there was someone else with you but I guess that isn't always too practical either. Hope you get it sorted out soon and manage to find some time to enjoy your horses.
 
when you are up the yard stick head phones in listen to music,if they start saying stuff just pretend you cant hear them they get bored just face the other way and groom your horse and ride and everything... if you dont speak to anyone what have they got to bitch about? and if you can hear it doesnt matter anyway if not take a friend with you and get them to help with your horse no one will come over then or go at a different time to them :) good luck PM me if you want a chat :)
 
WandaMare said:
Is it practical for you to move? or is there anyone who could stand with your yearling while you're at the yard? It does sound a complete nightmare for you and not what having horses should be about. Bullies tend to pick on people they are interested in for some reason, with you it sounds as though its your nice youngster. If you need to stay at that yard, somehow you need to find a way of becoming more dull so that they get bored of you and move on.....definitely reacting to them as little as possible will help and keep just saying the same words over and over again so they get tired of testing your reaction. They would be less likely to act so infant-like if there was someone else with you but I guess that isn't always too practical either. Hope you get it sorted out soon and manage to find some time to enjoy your horses.
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im just waiting for the day that they have slagged off everyone on that yard then people begin to see right through them, then i'll be the one sat there laughing so damn hard..i dont like the idea of shifting the baby around from yard to yard so id need to find somewhere that would be permanent until shes grown atleast but i have found a gorgeous competition yard so might be moving there this weekend :D
 
StormyMoments said:
when you are up the yard stick head phones in listen to music,if they start saying stuff just pretend you cant hear them they get bored just face the other way and groom your horse and ride and everything... if you dont speak to anyone what have they got to bitch about? and if you can hear it doesnt matter anyway if not take a friend with you and get them to help with your horse no one will come over then or go at a different time to them :) good luck PM me if you want a chat :)
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thankyouu (: i might take ur head phone advice as my boyfriend is scared of horses and all my friends who are into horses are busy with their own haha vicious circle really! x
 
The best way to deal with bullies is to ignore them. Do not shout at them to move away from your door (this will only wind your yearling up anyway). Do not argue back at anything they say.
They are only doing this because they get a reaction. If they are threatening you by text this is a criminal offence, so report it to the police but do not discuss it with them.
 
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