yard bullies.. need advice plz help

Pearlsasinger said:
The best way to deal with bullies is to ignore them. Do not shout at them to move away from your door (this will only wind your yearling up anyway). Do not argue back at anything they say.
They are only doing this because they get a reaction. If they are threatening you by text this is a criminal offence, so report it to the police but do not discuss it with them.
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I totally agree with this the moment you fight with them they win never answer them back.
TBH I would be tempted to go to the nice posh yard but if you want to have a go a staying I would speak to YO calmly say you are being harassed by these girls show the YO the texts you may find she will ask them to leave the thing is with these nasty types when you go they will move on to someone else if I were the YO I would have them out of there pronto.
 
No help on yard bullies, but my daughters school has a home bully that trickles down to the playground!!!! Makes me sad, that grown women have nothing better to do in their life , than drop off an pick up their children..... And they still have have a need to bully!!!

Luckily I am a dinner lady there and wornt stand for it , even from my own !!!

Some parents need tO grow up and put them selfs back in the playground, makes me soo sad when, and I know this happened ' don't play with x anymore ' !!!

5 years old !!!!!'
 
What as awful situation - as you said at least you know it isn't personal...they obviously do this a lot. I have witnessed this form of bullying a number of times...it didn't happen to me but the yard I'm thinking of did nothing about it either.

I think you should move...but try not to be too hasty...I know its hard and your horses are not happy but just make sure you have considered everything about the yard you like (I'm sure you have!)

Also - just picking up on what you said about your mare box walking, does she do better living out? would you consider then both living out...its great for youngsters.
 
Parker79 said:
What as awful situation - as you said at least you know it isn't personal...they obviously do this a lot. I have witnessed this form of bullying a number of times...it didn't happen to me but the yard I'm thinking of did nothing about it either.

I think you should move...but try not to be too hasty...I know its hard and your horses are not happy but just make sure you have considered everything about the yard you like (I'm sure you have!)

Also - just picking up on what you said about your mare box walking, does she do better living out? would you consider then both living out...its great for youngsters.
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she doesnt box walk any other time its just when the arguments are happening the loud noises upset her because shes a baby and doesnt fully understand yet :) shes as good as gold with perfect stable manners the rest of the time but shes stabled in a tin barn with my other one so its echos something awful ..
 
GoodysMummy said:
she doesnt box walk any other time its just when the arguments are happening the loud noises upset her because shes a baby and doesnt fully understand yet :) shes as good as gold with perfect stable manners the rest of the time but shes stabled in a tin barn with my other one so its echos something awful ..
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That must be stressing you both out...my girl didn't get on well when we were in barn stabling, it was noisy at times. Like yours she was ok when all was peaceful, but if 'anything' happened she would get stressed.

I hope you manage to move quickly and start enjoying your horses again. Do not feel that they 'win' if you leave. You will 'win' once you feel happier and your horses are happier again. Good luck
 
Parker79 said:
That must be stressing you both out...my girl didn't get on well when we were in barn stabling, it was noisy at times. Like yours she was ok when all was peaceful, but if 'anything' happened she would get stressed.

I hope you manage to move quickly and start enjoying your horses again. Do not feel that they 'win' if you leave. You will 'win' once you feel happier and your horses are happier again. Good luck
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thankyou(: she will be living out over summer and they go out next weekend over night so hopefully it will give her time to do some growing and filling out :) shes going to be a chunky girl shes an IDX :D
 
I sympathise with you and also know how you are feeling, having been in your shoes before.
I have owned my horse for seventeen years and have moved around a lot. Most of the time, the reason has been to get away from bullies and gossip which made my life a misery. Unfortunately, my horse suffers each time, he hates moving.
I moved to what I thought was a lovely yard and I have always bent over backwards to try to fit in with other yard liveries, not done anything wrong, kept my head down not got involved with anything "iffy" and looked after my horse and paid my rent on time.
But there's always a big dissadvantage or minus for any yard I've been to, every yard ends up being a pain for one reason or another so I wouldn't move unless your horses are suffering. That's the only reason I would move now, I would manage to get by, spend as little time when others are there as possible so you can enjoy your horses by yourself. Keep them out in the field if you can, where they will be contented and not stressed while the yard is busy and come back when it''s quiet.
JMHO, good luck, I feel for you
xx
 
It's sad but true that where ever there are horses and girls/women together there will always be bullies. I was beaten with schooling whips when I was a kid, hated going to the yard but loved the pony I looked after so kept going anyway - in the end my parents got it out of me and the yard owner put a stop to it. I really think your YO needs to be more proactive and help. There are bullies every where, even on here - those superior beings who 'quote' others just to contradict what they say - I would keep smiling, rise above it and keep on at your YO. Good luck.
 
could you change the time you go up to your horses and just avoid them?

Im on a fantastic yard but even i sometimes deliberately go up when i know nobody is going to be around if i want to be on my own or get things done. Other days i will set out to go up when i know others will be around to catch up and chat ect. It is easier for me as both of mine are out 24/7 and are not fed so it doesnt really bother them when i go up.
 
happyhacking:) said:
could you change the time you go up to your horses and just avoid them?

Im on a fantastic yard but even i sometimes deliberately go up when i know nobody is going to be around if i want to be on my own or get things done. Other days i will set out to go up when i know others will be around to catch up and chat ect. It is easier for me as both of mine are out 24/7 and are not fed so it doesnt really bother them when i go up.
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i tried that the other day..i brought the filly and the gelding in at 4 before the problem people arrived normally at about quarterpast 4 after they have picked the kids up from school and picked up this girl who relies on lifts to get her to and from the yard. i thought i was gna get away before they arrived to avoid trouble but i noticed my gelding had been kicked in the field and had a bad cut on his shoulder so that had to be cleaned and by the time id bathed it and fed both of them the girls where down and thats when it kicked off so was no luck there :/ plus the YO doesnt like it when the horses are brought in to early because some stress whereas mine are calm except for the yearling when people are arguing :(
 
GoodysMummy said:
i tried that the other day..i brought the filly and the gelding in at 4 before the problem people arrived normally at about quarterpast 4 after they have picked the kids up from school and picked up this girl who relies on lifts to get her to and from the yard. i thought i was gna get away before they arrived to avoid trouble but i noticed my gelding had been kicked in the field and had a bad cut on his shoulder so that had to be cleaned and by the time id bathed it and fed both of them the girls where down and thats when it kicked off so was no luck there :/ plus the YO doesnt like it when the horses are brought in to early because some stress whereas mine are calm except for the yearling when people are arguing :(
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could you go up later? if they have got young kids they wont be up really late will they? Or do the horses have to be in by a certain time?
 
I find your YO attitude stunning, she clearly knows there is an issue, and will do nothing about it. I would be moving, as I can't stand stupid jealous people, which is what this sort of behaviour boils down to.
In the meantime, headphones are great, then if they persist in trying to attract your attention something along the lines of 'Oh sorry didn't hear you, do you need something?' If they start screaming just smile sweetly say you haven't got time for games, and walk away, all the time thinking of moving yards.
The comp yard does sound rather nice, although it wouldn't suit me.
 
muff747 said:
I sympathise with you and also know how you are feeling, having been in your shoes before.
I have owned my horse for seventeen years and have moved around a lot. Most of the time, the reason has been to get away from bullies and gossip which made my life a misery. Unfortunately, my horse suffers each time, he hates moving.
I moved to what I thought was a lovely yard and I have always bent over backwards to try to fit in with other yard liveries, not done anything wrong, kept my head down not got involved with anything "iffy" and looked after my horse and paid my rent on time.
But there's always a big dissadvantage or minus for any yard I've been to, every yard ends up being a pain for one reason or another so I wouldn't move unless your horses are suffering. That's the only reason I would move now, I would manage to get by, spend as little time when others are there as possible so you can enjoy your horses by yourself. Keep them out in the field if you can, where they will be contented and not stressed while the yard is busy and come back when it''s quiet.
JMHO, good luck, I feel for you
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This resonates with me as I too have experienced the yard bulllies and it seems that they exist on every yard however large or small. Someone always wants to be top dog and will seek out someone to dominate.

I seem to have been bullied in one way or another for my entire life (at least that`s how it feels). The latest episode caused me to reflect upon what it is about my character or personality that seems to attract this sort of behaviour towards me. I am naturally quiet and generally described as gentle, probably too soft. I can be strong and assertive when dealing with others` situations but when it comes to me personally, I`m not so good. I think there are certain types who pick on the quieter folk because they see them as an easy target. Then if that target reacts, they react out of all proportion and reason towards them making life even more miserable.

This may only be true in my case from what I have observed/experienced but I would agree with those who advise that you speak to the yo again and then just keep your head down; don`t fuel their intent by reacting. Take your time to look for another place that may be more suitable and don`t be pushed into moving too soon as you may jump from the frying pan into the fire. Hard though it is, do consider your part in the overall situation and see how/if you can change things to make it better for you and your horses.

I would also suggest keeping a log of all incidents because this will very quickly form tangible evidence on your part of what is happening. Try and keep other liveries on side - I doubt that they find the situation pleasant even as bystanders.

Keep strong and keep the yo informed.
 
sula said:
This resonates with me as I too have experienced the yard bulllies and it seems that they exist on every yard however large or small. Someone always wants to be top dog and will seek out someone to dominate.

I seem to have been bullied in one way or another for my entire life (at least that`s how it feels). The latest episode caused me to reflect upon what it is about my character or personality that seems to attract this sort of behaviour towards me. I am naturally quiet and generally described as gentle, probably too soft. I can be strong and assertive when dealing with others` situations but when it comes to me personally, I`m not so good. I think there are certain types who pick on the quieter folk because they see them as an easy target. Then if that target reacts, they react out of all proportion and reason towards them making life even more miserable.
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This is soo true, i too have wondered what it is about me that attracts them?? Have I got "loser" tattoed on my forehead??:rolleyes:
It also saddens me because I am very sociable person and get along with most people. I like to chat, but I feel like withdrawing and not speaking to anyone, just in case it causes more fuel - but then you get labelled as unsociable and that gives them more talk to about behind your back.:(
 
Having horses is expensive enough without having the pleasure of disfunctional idiots which needlessly nake you and your horses unhappy. Block those numbers from your phone and report them if they're of a physical violence type nature.

setup a secret video camera & record (citing you were recording how your yearling behaves in the box and why she's a stressy) them being nasty and show it to the YO. If she doesn't do anything you need to leave. Go and find somewhere nice to keep your horses and boast about it as you walk out! :D
 
mulledwhine said:
No help on yard bullies, but my daughters school has a home bully that trickles down to the playground!!!! Makes me sad, that grown women have nothing better to do in their life , than drop off an pick up their children..... And they still have have a need to bully!!!
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Sorry didn't understand this!! Do you mean there is a grown woman bullying kids?
 
I had the same problem on my yard. Whispering and spreading rumours is all I heard when I went to see my horses. I had horrible things spread about me which were not true and when I think back I wonder how they even start some of the rumours.... All they ever did was sit in the barn and talk... They are not there to enjoy horses.... Only to say they have one. There only jealous of you so best thing to do is move. That's exactly what I did and to be honest since the day I packed up my stuff and walked off that yard with my horses I have never looked back. And to see there faces when I did it was worth it! I missed so much time with my horses because I avoided going up and didn't enjoy it. I regret that now and moving is the best thing. Enjoy ur horse whist he's still here. Let those no gooders be of the past xx
 
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