Yard Bullies

Being bullied on a yard is so hard to deal with. How do you stand up for yourself without getting thrown off if the YO is involved ? I was terrified of having nowhere to go, but in the end, paying DOUBLE for a safe yard has been the best thing we ever did.

In my case, I have very little self esteem, and this bully knew that and homed in on it. I am sure he treats many people the same way, but I cannot understand or forgive the hangers-on of his who also treated me with such contempt. They didn't know me from adam. But on Knobber's say so, it was acceptable to treat me like ***** on their shoe. And totally ignore my horse because.....wait for it..........he was a COB !

My pony means the world to me - he is my reason to get up every day. He keeps me stable.

Knobbers of this world don't seem to have close relationships with their horses, rather they have close relationships with their "things". Cars, blingy saddles and posh gear. But forget the mucking out.
 
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I have come up against people who TRIED to bully me, didn't get too far. I also ended up having a ding-dong to support a friend who they targeted, they didn't get too far with that either!

I used to be get bullied as a kid because of my birthmark, as an adult, it ain't gonna happen now! I think the bullying as a kid made me stronger, I do recall thinking that 'when I grow up, this won't happen'....

Move away from them if you can't tolerate it, life is too short!

We are lucky to have our own place now, so we can only fall out with ourselves!
 
Antonia I can't believe what I'm reading, I'm shocked at the way you and your horse have been treated. And for the YO to treat you that way too is disgusting. It must have been a nightmare for you and i'm glad you have now moved yards. Delete these idiots off Facebook and let's hope karma comes and bites them back. What vile people.
 
AntxGeorgiax said:
That's not even half of it! I sound so spoilt for saying it, but my horse was my christmas present, we got her on the 1st october last year, my mum has had cancer and is pretty ill so she said she wanted to give me something to last if she dies, I was 14 at the time. I work every week poo-picking peoples fields to pay my rent and buy my horse stuff, and with her rugs etc I saved and got masta/rhino /premier equine- the better brands instead of cheap stuff thatt doesn't last, and they were jjealous. I don't want to name them because they might find this, I'm 15 now, leaving the yard was my birthday present on the 15th feb! We all learn from our mistakes.. I just feel sorry for my horse for having to have gone through that. Add/message me on facebook (Antonia Dcruz) and I can show you the things they say. I don't update much now, just use it to talk to my family in australia, I'm all for twitter!
Things aren't brilliant with my mare at the moment, but life isn't easy. She's 100X happier now than before, and I hope no one is ever put through that situation again!!
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These people are vile and evil bitches, thank god you got out. I want to go to that yard and punch them in the face for you.....PLEASE don't tell me you still have these people on FB??

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.........................
 
It's absolutely unreal what some of us will put up with on a yard! I've had my share of yard bullying issues and in some cases it's taken my hubby pointing out to me that actually I'm spending a heck of a lot of money to take this abuse before I've wised up and either said "no more" or moved on. So many of us struggle to afford our horses and it's crazy to put up with this kind of treatment for our enjoyable hobby.

I've found the best way to be smile sweetly at everyone, nod in the right places and carry on doing your own thing!

It's horrible whilst it's happening though, can be utterly soul destroying. I have to wonder what these bullies are lacking in their lives that they need to behave this way. Rise above it and move if you need to, life is definitely too short! :)
 
i keep 2 of my ponies on land i rent and my other 2 are on my fathers farm, it can be quite lonely at times and often wish i was on a yard , that is until i read some of these posts , i know horsey people can be a nasty bunch but my god some of these people take the biscuit :(
 
Antonia, you poor thing, I am so sorry to hear these awful things. You must have some internal strength to have been able to stay there that long, I'm sure there were lots of tears shed in that time. What a truly awful experience. I am glad it didn't put you off horses though, and am really happy to hear you moved and are now on a nice yard.

I have also experienced some terrible bullying. It was really awful. I dreaded going to the yard, and dreaded seeing these jealous back-stabbing b*tches.
The worst bit was that they were nice to my face, and actually pretended to be my friends for several months, but they were slagging me off terribly behind my back. Things came to a nasty head a couple of months ago, and I just arrived early one day, picked up all my stuff, loaded my horse and left without speaking to anyone.
Yes, I've also had to pay double the monthly fees at my new place - but it is a small private place, friendly and supportive, and there is no bullying at all. It is so mega-expensive that I'm struggling with paying these high rates, but I really fear that if I move to another yard that I will get bullied again. Jealousy is alive and kicking in a lot of yards...unfortunately. It's so sad to hear of it happening to someone so young though, and especially when you have had the stress of your Mum being ill. I hope she's ok.

If it comes to a choice between:
a) staying at a place with bullies or
b) moving your horse somewhere new...

I would definitely choose b) - even if it meant moving 6 times in a year!!!
 
Can I just say thankyou to everyone who has messaged me or added me on facebook. I didn't post that to gain attention or use it as a sob story, its to help you guys understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel!
One day, my mum was there and she saw the other girl whipping and chasing my horse, but we'd only been there a matter of weeks, the girls have been there years so it would be our word against theirs, so we left it and just frantically looked for other yards. Its amazing what people will do just to be horrible!
What I have posted isn't even the half of it.. Nor the worst things either.
Just remember- horse riding and the world of horses is a VERY bitchy sport, don't let it upset you or let those petty little people put you down. Ride because you love it! Not because your pony is better than someone elses!
 
AntxGeorgiax Did you keep the texts\ messages etc!! Definately a police matter!! Evil people like that need to be dealt with, and know they can't get away with that sort of unforgivable behaviour!!!! I hate bullies with a passion, lowest form of life!!!! >:(
 
I really hate hearing about how much nastiness people have to put up with at yards. This is supposed to be an enjoyable hobby, and an expensive one at that, not something to be endured because morons decide to make other people's lives a misery.

Bullying is pretty high up on my list of pet hates and I quite enjoy ripping nasty people news ones (verbally...of course ;)) - I'm more than happy to be hired out to deal with bullies, replete with my extensive repertoire of scathing come-backs :D

In all seriousness, move if possible. Life simply isn't worth that amount of unnecessary unpleasantness :)
 
It would be very easy to say just ignore them but that is hard i just remind myself that they probably have either the most lavish life and that wen reality hits them they r screwed our thar they have had a tough life and they se it as a defence mechanism and if they r people like you you should pity them and of they comment on your confidence they have probably never ben through that
 
We were at a yard for a year that was perfect for our horses, but was completely spoilt by one unpleasant woman who would be nice to your face but spend her time bitching about us the rest of the time. It wasn't bullying as such as she didn't have the guts to say anything to us direct, but it was months of nasty looks, off hand comments, obviously turning the owner against us etc (as one day we were all friendly, having coffee together etc, the next we were left out of any social aspects at the yard etc)

It became unpleasant to spend time at the yard as the others there were just not nice to be around anymore and we always had to put up with the looks when riding, comments etc. Another girl who had been there 20 years left as they were really horrible to her too - also in an underhand way.

We have now got out our little yard and just look back on this woman as having no life and having nothing better to do with her time than talk about us and be unpleasant. It did spoil our enjoyment of our horses by the end which made us decide to move. My pony was also really unsettled there and it has crossed my mind on more than one occasion that she might have done something to cause him to be stressed. We're so happy where we are now
 
Some people's behaviour is absolutely vile towards others - I can't imagine what they get out of it, it just seems ingrained in them to target people who they perceive have a 'weakness' about them.

We had a particularly nasty man (aged about 60) at our yard - he bullied some of the younger girls to the point he had them in tears. He was caught on CCTV and was asked to leave immediately! Obviously there was no sound but the body language spoke volumes!

Slightly different to bullying I know, but we seem to get a few people who come new to the yard and say they've been bullied at their last yard, some even say they've been bullied on every yard they've been to.... after time it becomes obvious that they haven't been bullied at all - they're simply awful people to have around and the perceived 'bullying' is simply a normal/natural response by people to someone who is an absolute pain in the bum, who's behaviour is unacceptable and who can't mind their own business! They usually leave, only to tell their tale of woe to the next yard, and so on.... Usually these people have been on just about every yard in the area!
 
Oriel said:
Some people's behaviour is absolutely vile towards others - I can't imagine what they get out of it, it just seems ingrained in them to target people who they perceive have a 'weakness' about them.

We had a particularly nasty man (aged about 60) at our yard - he bullied some of the younger girls to the point he had them in tears. He was caught on CCTV and was asked to leave immediately! Obviously there was no sound but the body language spoke volumes!

Slightly different to bullying I know, but we seem to get a few people who come new to the yard and say they've been bullied at their last yard, some even say they've been bullied on every yard they've been to.... after time it becomes obvious that they haven't been bullied at all - they're simply awful people to have around and the perceived 'bullying' is simply a normal/natural response by people to someone who is an absolute pain in the bum, who's behaviour is unacceptable and who can't mind their own business! They usually leave, only to tell their tale of woe to the next yard, and so on.... Usually these people have been on just about every yard in the area!
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Yes, seen this too a few times. Sometimes it isn't even that they're awful or mean just really high maintenance in one form or another and they expect everyone to give way all the time. You see YO after YO going out of their way to accommodate them and then when a compromise has to be made on their side the toys are out the pram, the horse in the trailer and they're off to the next yard!
 
Yes, its odd that after doing the rounds on so many yards and experiencing the same response from other folk, they never, ever think to themselves 'could it be something I say/do that creates bad feeling?' - Its always other people's fault!! :rolleyes:
 
yup it's horrible. Even worse when it's a family member that's bullying you!

I spent many years as a youngster hating yards. I wasn't getting bullied by other liverys as such , but I never felt included. I always had to do as mum said, did, etc, even when I knew it wasn't in the horses best interest etc...

I had been offered a job for 6 months (initially) at a top American SJ yard, I was old enough to go make the decision on my own - yet I was prevented from doing it due to bullying...

I'm not going to go into details as it wasn't just with the horses, but I didn't have many horsey friends as they all kept their distance.... I always thought it was because of me.

Things came to a head (horsey wise) December 2010 in the end I just had to walk away and leave everything behind, accepting a pittence for my horse due to the effect it was having on my health, both physical and mental. And the other stuff came to a head last July/August. I've finally - at 32, learned how to stand up for myself.

I took a break from horses till April this year when I got My Bo on loan, I am able to completely enjoy horses for the first time in my life. I have made lots of horsey friends, and met with others from my past - who have all informed me that they wanted to be friends/stay intouch but because of my mum it wasn't possible...

Bullying is terrible, and I hope to god I don't encounter any more, but if I do, I now know I can stand up for myself, and I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!

Best of luck to you x
 
AntxGeorgiax said:
When I bought my mare ( five year old Dutch warmblood but a very petite one) I got really badly bullied. She is my first horse and I am a new owner, I have loaned and been riding for years so I'm not an idiot, but this was my first real horse.
She has a few issues and will not go in a stable, she will be okay but left alone she gets upset and in a state, it was summer and I had no intentions of stabling anyway.
On the first day, the two other livery's ( 16 years and 14 year old girls) told me I wasn't allowed to bring my horse there until after five pm so that they could see her. I politely said she will get here when she comes and they will have ample opportunity to meet her
The next day I was invited on a hack. Everything was okay until we got into the woods,
To help you understand, I am not one of those teeny tiny skinny riders, I have big thighs and to be honest a bit fat. I get sweaty when it's really hot when I ride
Anyway, we were hacking and I was behind and they were side by side, I could hear them laughing. Then they asked me to lead and as I did, I could hear them saying eugh look at that fat b*tch the stupid fat cow can't ride!
Time goes on...
The bitchinness continues. I buy my horse a twenty kilo sack of food, she has one scoop a day. My feed lasted 3 days.
For my birthday my mum bought me a galvanised steel feed bin that is vermin proof and lockable. They told me I wasn't allowed it as it meant if they needed to get Georgia they couldn't access my food (bizarre because she was on complete DIY livery and in a different field)
One day I go to yard, for my birthday my dad bought me a borstik grooming kit with natural wooden brushes, and it hadnt been used. My horse is bay, and it was full of white hairs and hidden away so it looked like it hadnt been used.
I was told I wasn't allowed to give my horse a bath or bring her into the yard to groom because it disturbed the owner. So I would carry my tack and grooming stuff half a mile to her field to ride. After realising I was doing this, I was told I wasn't allowed to take my stuff there because it upset the other horses. Essentially I wasn't allowed to ride.
One day one of the girls said you can't use the ménage tomorrow morning because I am riding with a friend, which is a fair comment. I got there at 3pm to ride and as I got on they walked out the arena, with her horse doing a massive poo on the outside track. I was NOT going to pick it up, I got a call at 8:30pm from the yard owner saying if I didn't pick my sh*it up I'd be kicked off. I tried to explain it wasn't me but she told me not to lie and dig myself a deeper hole.
So I walked there and picked it up.
So after two weeks of owning a horse I've had my food stolen, been accused of lying, had my stuff used.
Next week: monday, go for a hack, one of the girls says get up close behind my horse so we don't get separated ( it's a main road) so I come relatively close, she makes her horse stop and Georgia almost crash into her, then her horse kicks Georgia in her shoulder.
Georgia now lame. Get the vet out, vet says she's bruised the bone and to rest her.
The girls invited me on a hack on the Sunday after. Just for a light stroll to get out, I say ok what time? They say they don't know as they are walking their dogs, will be a good few hours.
I go and walk my dogs and get homework done, I get a call and she shouts saying we are waiting, where are you ? I said oh, you didn't give me a time so I'm busy at the moment, I won't be able to come, sorry.
Five mins later, I get s text saying because of me her mum won't ride anymore because I have let them down and upset them loads, why am I a liar and why did I deliberately set them up?
I drive down there with my mum and she asks why are you sending nasty texts? Girl says, it wasn't nasty, antonia has been horrible to us.

Next day......
I get down the yard to feed my horse, I was confronted by the girls mother who was waiting for me in my stable, and said if I was horrible to her Beth again she would make sure I was sorry, the yard owner has asked her to warn me and my mother and that she is debating whether to kick me off the yard because I've been a bully.
Everything is now hostile .. My food is going missing, I'm scared to bring my horse on the yard or ride her because I'll be shouted at, and I wishes I never got her.
Few weeks of tension and not speaking go by,
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this is absolutely disgraceful behaviour, why are you putting up with it? i would have been gone in the first week , but i dont undertstand why you went hacking with them time and time again after the rude nasty comments on the first hack and then after one of their horses kicked yours?????
 
Phew, certain benefits of being a male at the yard...I don't get bullied (and I also don't put up with it by others). When I was an instructor I told my students, "You bully or snark at the other girls, you're out of the lesson---no excuses"

A story: A woman is visiting with her friend..her friend says, "My husband gave me a new Mercedes or Christmas, it's very expensive". The lady says, "Well, aren't you special". The friend then brags, "And he gave me this beautiful tennis bracelet, it's very expensive!" Once again, the lady says, "Well, aren't you special!" Finally, the friend says, "And we're going on a month's vacation to the Bahamas, it's very expensive!" The lady says, "Well, aren't you special." The friend finally says, "What did your husband get you lately?" The lady says, "I was sent to class and manners lessons where I learned to say Well aren't you special instead of Eff you Bitch!" Well, I thought it was funny.

I don't put up with bullies and will say something if I see it. I can be amazingly nasty when someone picks on someone...and so many names and profanities can be woven into a tapestry of insults when necessary.
 
The only chance I had to ride was on those hacks with them. It was more to just do something/anything with my horse. Believe me I tried to find yards, but they would have to be within cycling distance. I asked at 5 or 6 yards, and all were full. I couldn't afford to have my horse on full livery somewhere far away& my mum kept saying to just ignore it and they'll realise its not working and stop. Just in this case, they didn't .
 
:eek: some dreadful stories on this thread.

I try to keep myself to myself and not get involed with anything. I had one incident on the last yard I was on though.

My horse was stabled next to two teenage girls' stables, they were sisters. The older one of the two (about 17 I think) was just one of those people you know not to trust. The younger one was the opposite, completely harmless and obviously dotes on her horses and was friendly to talk to. One day when I was at the yard, two of my grooming brushes had gone missing from the ledge outside my stable. They are oldish ones, and of no value, but I do use them every day. As most people have gone home by the time I get to the yard I left a note on the pin board asking for my brushes to be put back. One of them was back on the ledge the next day, and my note had been taken off the board. I had a feeling that the older one had taken the brushes, so I checked in a bucket outside her stable, and surprise, surprise I found the brush. I stopped keeping my brushes outside after that. I don't mind people borrowing things on occasion if they've forgotten theirs or whatever, but not without asking.

Anyway, over the next few months the older one just kept ignoring me all the time and glaring at me, whilst the younger one would quite merrily tell me all about what she'd been doing with her horses, none the wiser.

My mum and I eventually decided to move yards due to turnout issues. We gave a months notice to the yard, and two weeks before we were set to move, we went to the yard to find that the girls were with their mum and had tied one of their horses up outside my stable with a big net of haylage. My horse was in his stable, reaching over the door tucking into the haylage, which I wasn't too thrilled about as he's a chubby good doer and I was restrictring the amount of hay he was on. I asked them to move said horse so I could tie mine up outside to muck him out. They said that they'd be about 20 minutes then I could have my stable back. I wasn't too amused with this, so asked them politely, but firmly to move their horse back to their own stable as I was in a rush. (I wasn't but they didn't need to know that!) After a lot of Kevin and Perry style huffing, sighing mumbling from the mother, they moved their horse. I said thank you, to them, ignored the further comments they were making and carried on mucking out etc.

A little bit later I went into the tack room, and the mother followed me in and started saying to me that my attitude stinks and I should have respect for other people etc. Although I feel I had nothing to apologise for, I had no desire for a slanging match so said I was sorry if I caused any offense, but at the end of the day it was my stable their horse was tied up outside. I thought this would be the end of it, but she physically pushed me a few times and barracaded me in and continued to shout at me. As I said earlier on in my post, I don't get involved with anything, and remain pleasant to everybody. People often think that I'm a bit of a push over, but to be honest, I am a ticking timebomb :D I told the woman a few home truths about her darling daughter, and I must admit, I did shout and swear at her. She was quite taken aback, and I managed to push past her and went and told my mum about what had happened. The woman then also came over and told my mum that I attacked her! They had a few words with each other as well.

At our current yard, there are only 6 horses, which is lovely and peaceful, however, one of the girls seems to think that I 'hate' her. I have no idea why she thinks this to be honest - we've been at the yard since the beginning of May and as she works shifts I've only actually seen her probably 6 or 7 times. I must have done something or said something to offend her but no idea what. I think I will have to speak to her about it and resolve it so there isn't any hositility :rolleyes:.
 
Woman used to be on my yard is now trying to find new yard after leaving ours, been on 3 others since in well under a year. Never her fault it doesn't work out obviously
 
AntxGeorgiax said:
That's not even half of it! I sound so spoilt for saying it, but my horse was my christmas present, we got her on the 1st october last year, my mum has had cancer and is pretty ill so she said she wanted to give me something to last if she dies, I was 14 at the time. I work every week poo-picking peoples fields to pay my rent and buy my horse stuff, and with her rugs etc I saved and got masta/rhino /premier equine- the better brands instead of cheap stuff thatt doesn't last, and they were jjealous. I don't want to name them because they might find this, I'm 15 now, leaving the yard was my birthday present on the 15th feb! We all learn from our mistakes.. I just feel sorry for my horse for having to have gone through that. Add/message me on facebook (Antonia Dcruz) and I can show you the things they say. I don't update much now, just use it to talk to my family in australia, I'm all for twitter!
Things aren't brilliant with my mare at the moment, but life isn't easy. She's 100X happier now than before, and I hope no one is ever put through that situation again!!
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HOLLYHOCKS! i wholeheartedly agree with you...ANTXGEORGIAX just remove and block them. Report them to facebook too. I would stay away from facebook unless talking to family. Name and shame them. DISGUSTING BEHAVIOUR! if i was closer I would personally go see the mother, the father,the YO and the unsavoury said girls that have bothered you.

Bullies are horrendous, and have ugly souls.

Bless you sweetness. Stay strong. Keep a record of all the abusive messages etc and report the to the police. I would send a strongly worded lawyer's letter!

HUGS!

Elizabeth

xxxxx
 
Agree too re the other side of the coin, the yard hoppers who are 'bullied' everywhere. Ime they generally tend to be the borrowers, thieves, don't look after their horses types who cry wolf on bullying when someone pulls them up on it.
 
The only sad thing I see from all of this, is you end up moving. Where the girls were horrible to me, the grazing was brilliant, I had a stable, (a big one) and grazing for £20 a week. I'm a 15 year old girl and have to pay my livery myself... So this was perfect from me and only a 5-10 min bike ride. Now I moved because of the girls, my livery is £30 a week, I have a stable that is moderate, but I can't use it because they have a stallion on the yard and want to 'rest' the field. It Does have a beautiful heated tack room and is family run. It's a 20-30 min bike ride and to ride there i have to ride on a pretty dangerous main road.
It's a shame because my old yard was perfect in the sense that it was quiet, big roomy stables (even though I wasn't allowed on the yard) and had lovely grazing, and it was very cheap. It's just a shame the occupants /other liveries were so horrible. I tried to long it out and see if they would change - I pretended to be unaware of their sarcastic comments and pretend I thought the damage to my tack and everything was merely an accident or unfortunate or my fault. But it didn't change and they were still horrible. They wanted me off of the yard and they succeeded. It just really is a shame.
I am glad I've moved though, my horse is happier now and that's all that matters. But I do feel sorry for all the loyal liveries that have a new person come along and ruin it!
I guess these things happen for s reason... Keep your heads up guys! Xx
 
littlelegs said:
Agree too re the other side of the coin, the yard hoppers who are 'bullied' everywhere. Ime they generally tend to be the borrowers, thieves, don't look after their horses types who cry wolf on bullying when someone pulls them up on it.
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I agree! One of the girls sent me nasty text messages about how her mum will never ride again because of me.. because I didn't go on a hack with them.

Then told her mother I sent them, so then her mum started threatening me!
Simply because, poor Bethy is so skinny and small, shes simply not capable pf sending nasty malicious texts, and such a fat big tall girl like myself can't be the victim! Therefore I am the bully. When I have PROOF of the nasty statuses on Facebook, the messages I lost because I have a new phone, but my mum and everyone I know thinks it's ridiculous! But like I said, because I'm taller and fatter than her, I can't be bullied by her because she's so small and skinny and sweet... Looks can be deceiving!!!
 
DipseyDeb said:
AntxGeorgiax Did you keep the texts\ messages etc!! Definately a police matter!! Evil people like that need to be dealt with, and know they can't get away with that sort of unforgivable behaviour!!!! I hate bullies with a passion, lowest form of life!!!! >:(
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I have no proof... I was the only other working livery, but in every nasty Facebook status my name has never been mentioned.. So if questioned they can say its someone else... They've been very careful about it and covered themselves. Its not worth it though, one day we will be at a show all together, and my horse will take the red rosette and they won't be placed!!!
 
Really.. I just think TeamNewLounge needs to kick into full force and show AntxGeorgiax 's bullies who's boss :rolleyes:

I was never bullied at yards really as a child, but there was this one yard I was at where there were a group of girls one or two years older then me. They'd always ignore me but then the next day include me in something and give me the impression that we're friends but then the following few days ignore me. They'd also just try to make me constantly feel that they're superior to me just because they're better riders or have money. I didn't realise how miserable I was riding there until left a few years later and couldn't be any happier!
 
I moved my two from a livery yard that was two minutes from my house to a yard that was miles away! There was a clique of people that if the YO had an issue with you, they then joined in. Their horses were in nice safe groups in the field but if you were out of favour , your horse had to go out with the kickers, biters etc. The YO hadn't a clue - so I moved, as not willing to put horses at risk and hated the atmosphere. I now have horses at a knowledgable, small private yard. No gossiping , no nastiness and horses are very happy and settled.
Life is too short to put up with small-minded cr*p.
 
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