Yard politics and bitchiness - how do you deal with it ??

J

JLD

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I moved to a new yard about a year ago, and for my horse it is great - he gets fantastic turnout, knowledgable care and there is stuff like clinics and shows on the yard which as I dont have transport is perfect. Everyone seemed lovely and really friendly but I'm really dreading going up now as I moved there with a good friend and a few people at the yard keep saying shes been really undermining me and talking me down. I keep telling myself it's just people being bitchy but some of it rings very true. I've tried to bring it up but am worried I'll get back what they have said about me and I'm not in a place to deal with that right now. I dont get up there that much due to work commitments but am feeling sick even thinking about it and dont want to ride at all now as worried what people are saying behind my back - I've had real confidence issues that I'm working on and have been upfront about and it seems to be coming back to bite me. I've never been anywhere like this before and dont know how to handle it. Sounds really pathetic but it's really upsetting me.
 
Just distance yourself from everyone except your horse - face it - if it wasnt for the long faced critter would you even associate with these people? Thought not.

Kick yourself up your butt - you and your horse only have one life - get stuck in - have some fun - just do whatever you want when you want and dont even give a second thought to anyone else - at the end of the day if they were important to you - you would be spending loads of time away from the yard with them too
 
stay out of politics at all possible costs!! keep yourself to yourself in my opinion! iv never been on a livery yard but like to think id keep my head down and do what i was there to do !! youl never get the truth from ur friend even if she has been bitching, put it down to experience and forget about it :)
 
thanks gingerwitch you are right !!. my boy is happy and we are doing ok between us. I'm just really unsure if my friend who I would spend time is causing problems for me to look good or if other people just like to set a few fireworks off for fun and are twisting stuff she has said. Guess I need to stop worrying about it as you say though
 
Its horrible when this happens iam on a yard of my own now and would never want to go back to another yard. Pluss my horses dont get kicked as ther are only mine out
 
Are these people important to you, if not why should what they say be important.
Stay away from them ignore as much as possible only saying hello to be polite and be the bigger person, if they start to talk say sorry you are so busy with work right now that your bit of spare time you really want to have as bonding time with your horse.
That way you are still being polite but not getting involved with the yard crap
 
Awwww :( how horrid for you!

I think many of us can admit to driving home in tears at sometime or other in our horsey lives so you are not alone.

Just try to rise above it if you can. Easier said than done I know! I have been in a similar situation and for a few weeks after I just kept my attentions to my horse and my chores. If they started to make conversation in a direction I didn't like I just made my excuses and walked away. They soon realised that I didn't want to join in with gossip and everything calmed down.

Take your friend out for a beer. You'll be laughing about it all in a couple of weeks xxx
 
Bit confused, are you upset because of the yard people saying things or because they are telling you the friend you moved with has been bitchy behind your back?
If it's the first I'd agree with others, just alter the way you percieve the yard people, you can be friendly without being their friend and just go down and enjoy your horse. If it's the second I can understand why you're upset if you think a friend has been slagging you off behind your back. You said the comments are ringing true I'd suggest you trust your instincts. Either way I'm sure you have plenty of true friends you don't need these people and they are bringing you down during your lesuire time. Remember why you are there, just get on with what you want to do and leave them to it - clearly all a bunch of prats with nothing better to do
 
The proof is in the pudding. Don't worry about what people say, and don't feel you have to justify yourself. It's called paranoia, don't let it win.
Continue to be yourself, conduct yourself pleasantly and respectfully, be a good horse owner, and any mud she's been slinging behind your back won't stick. It will blow over if you keep your head down. Everyone will see for themselves you're not what she says you are.
 
hmmmmm, I have put a few threads on about this in the past :(.

What I've learned is this - that you will never stop them, but if you change the way it affects you, you will be able to deal with them.

Think of it like this - that they they are "sad, selfish, up their own arses, sad gits, who actually know NOTHING, but like to think they do. So they pick on you to make you feel big - they may even have personalities disorders that make them behave so anti-socially ".

Then, when I was in, or about to be in "their halo-ed presence", I would think about something very naughty :eek: and smile to myself, that inner smile thing. Head in the air, secret smile, full on "hello" and walk away. That's it - and it has worked for me. Something totally private that THEY will never ever know about. Poor B******. The thought has to be one you can conjur up immediately, and probably the naughtier the better. They'll soon realise that they can't beat that thought !!! :D
 
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Thank you. Wish you lot were on my yard ! What is it about horses that makes everyone act about 4 !
 
Well I would say Gingerwitch and Shysmum has it to a tee. If your boy is happy where he is and you are happy with the general set up, sod what they say. Do like the rest of us on here do your own thing.:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
 
Ooh this is so awful, horrible feeling to dread going up to see your own horse, coupled with the guilt from not wanting to spend tons of time with him

I was on a yard with one person talking about people behind their backs and also to their faces, rude, unreasonable, snobby yard manager and the people who join in as the only other option is to be in the firing line

I tried just ignoring it and carrying on with my own horse, but as I had to rely on them due to work it was just impossible, so made the decision, I found the perfect yard to move to and can enjoy my horse again, and also rely on the yard when I can't get up there
 
I have a good old whine to my parents and carry on smiling and being polite to everyone!!
I moved to my current yard because of bullying and I really do regret not doing it sooner because I wasn't happy and consequently my horse wasn't happy.
 
Bitchy yard is a nasty place. But you need to be brave and and either not listen OR if you agree - stand up to said pal - you just need to be brave and talk to pal - she will either be gutted and take on board what you say - or be a prat and its confirmed - not worth bothering with.

My current yard is 25 strong and most are right enough - its only bitchy if you get sucked into it - I find it easy to make pleasantries with who I like and make it clear to those I don't like that I have no inclination to stand and bitch - it's all about making clear boundaries - some people see me as being a bit scary but they all know I'm not one to stand and snitch - and know from this that I never bitch and therefor haven't seem to have it done to me. I am so sorry that you are not loving your yard - but before doing anything just have a honest chat with yourself first - could you be overeacting or even contributing? If no then its time to talk ! Best wishes
 
Just keep your head down, keep out of it and get on with enjoying your horse :)

I'm lucky as for the most part, I'm on a nice yard - their is the odd silly person (or person who believes they are better qualified, a know it all or whatever), but there are silly people I work with or silly people in all walks of life! The yard politics occasionally rear its head, but I just keep well out of it.

My general rule is 'be polite and smile/say hello to everyone'. Of course there are people I'm closer to or get on better with, but by not actively being drawn into any nastiness it is much easier to be polite and friendly with everyone ...besides, people soon get bored of trying to gossip or b**** who only ever smiles half heartedly or gives a non-committal answer whilst continuing to do whatever is was I was doing, before they tried to interrupt me with the lastest gossip! :D
 
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