You ‘For Sale’ Advert?

[Flicker]

So, following on from ycbm’s hilarious ‘what would you fail on’ thread, what would you advert say? Mine would be:

Tall, middleweight allrounder for sale through no fault of her own, for general low level activities. Has competed low level but lacks competitive temperament and prone to anxiety. Confidence giver at home. Dressage and hacking preferred. German bloodlines but little in the way of breed history. Good doer, prefers to live in. Generally compliant but is known to be possessive over food and needs regular feeding or is prone to ‘hanger’. Excellent for farrier, loves shoes! Seldom sick or sorry, but when she is you will know all about it. Comes with extensive wardrobe, including some items that have never been worn. Some lumps and bumps but generally sound, open to vetting.

 

[buddylove]

Hmm, don't think anyone would buy an overweight, middle aged, native mare.
Needs to live on restricted grazing, can be very hormonal, limited athletic capability, but enjoys long hacks, very social and doesn't bite or kick ?
I think I would end up being Nanny mare to a load of unruly youngsters that need putting in their place!

 

[Griffin]

Small but overweight native mare. Very good doer! Good for farrier, vet and clipping. Fine to load. Suited to hacking and gymkhana games. Sociable with good stable manners but mareish!

 

[Red-1]

Middle age, middle weight mare, high mileage and a bit creaky. Used to be stoic and strong, now a bit stressy in new situations. Has downgraded to have fun at lower levels, with moderate success. No vices, kind, easy to do in all ways.

 

[Gloi]

Fat elderly mare. Available for feeding to zoo animals in these difficult times.

 

[thefarsideofthefield]

Ex competion mare currently wasted in the field ( took to the drink ). Bomb proof ( deaf and blind ) . Eye catching ( appalling fashion sense ) , comes with full wardrobe ( Ikea , dodgy handle and the hinge needs fixing ) .
Travels well ( business class ) , well schooled ( A levels ) but needs to further education ( didn't go to uni ).
100% home produced ( got banned from the gym ) . Has previously hunted ( now married ) , seen the farrier { nice ! ) . Suit nervous novice ( control freak ) .
Will go all the way ( after a couple of large gins ) and will definitely go to HOYS ( for the shopping ) . 5 star home only ( expensive tastes and high maintenance ) .

 

[smolmaus]

Miniature mare, needs brought back into work after a long break. Will require restricted grazing and specialist feed due to allergies (expensive) and gets rude and bargy at feeding time. Can be anxious and spooky, will nap and bolt for home when hacking. Does not travel well. Needs to be heavily sedated for both dentist and vet.

No competition experience. Not suitable for children. 50p price negotiable.

 

[fiwen30]

Small, hardy native type, low-level school mistress, knows her job and takes care of her rider. Good to hack alone or in company. Fussy eater, but good do-er. Enjoys routine, doesn’t travel well. Would suit riding school or trail string.

 

[Lintel]

Free to good home.

 

[Surbie]

Tall, European good doer who needs restricted grazing. If exercise is maintained looks great towards the end of winter & scrubs up well for a show, but for most of the year just looks 'sturdy'. Flashy paces though can lack stamina. Not the youngest in the herd. Has some SI issues which are maintained through physio. Good manners on the ground but can be nervy and spook unexpectedly. Does not like rain or dentist. Loves hacking.

 

[Ish2020]

Small Young mare who knows her jobs but will buck you off if you annoy her. She can be very stubborn but she is very friendly .

 

[scotlass]

Middleweight show cob mare. Hasn't enjoyed recent box rest. Opinionated and dislikes children. Chronic knee problems means only capable of light hacking, however, would be ideal for a visit to the local stallion

 

[jumbyjack]

Mini Shetland mare, 22 years old, very odd shape and I blue eye, many health problems! Hysterical and hyperventilates. Her 10 year daughter with dangerous behavioural problems, poor sight and dodgy hips.
20k each!

 

[Identityincrisis]

Lightweight, middle aged mare. Sporty type although slowing down, showing signs of wear and tear! Can be very temperamental and knows her own mind! NOT suitable as a brood mare!! With kind but firm handling is an absolute gem.

 

[splashgirl45]

companion home only, overweight,arthritic, gets on with most but not keen on youngsters or dominant males, must stay on pain relief....

 

[tiahatti]

Very good doer, sadly lacking in any talent or ability of any kind but cheap and easy to keep.
Prefers company, will hack alone ( but prefers doing nothing).

 

[ycbm]

Lightweight 17 hand aged mare who's been around the block a few times. Won't jump over poles or through hoops. Can still pull her weight for a good cause. Free to a good home.

.

 

[blitznbobs]

Compact mare, known to be Marish but good with children, not keen on adults. Hates being groomed but needs rugging up well in the winter.hard worker but happy to have time off too. self Loads as not keen on walking anywhere, expensive to shoe, needs sedating to clip. hacks short distances alone or in company .

 

[MrsMozart]

Cranky aged mare. Get her onside and she'll defend you to the death. Various ailments (contact seller for exhaustive list), but does okay if kept on supplements. Not much of a jumper these days though happy to hack for hours. Steady and careful but still has a spark.

 

[Rumtytum]

Small Welsh X, 100% bombproof and very friendly, good with vet/dentist but hates fussing/grooming. Wants a quiet life hacking and possibly some low level dressage for interest. Not a good doer and not hardy so September to June needs a cosy stable and at least 3 rugs.

 

[windand rain]

Fat ginger mare with short fat hairy legs, not much use as would need to be retired or shot, might work as a youngster minder but as they grow up can be a stickler for good behaviour. Almost perfect manners and very kind. Not good to clip or travel

 

[oldie48]

Bay or grey mare (currently) looking for a semi retirement/companion home , aged, not sound in walk but will still hack out happily if following a dog, will do the odd fence or two if absolutely necessary but lacks technique as stiff behind. Requires good shoeing. Good doer but likes variety and plenty to drink (not been tested for cushings) Generally well mannered but has been known to bite back if pushed. Some vices but never been seen to weave or knit. POA

 

[ycbm]

Some vices but never been seen to weave or knit.

?

 

[Chinchilla]

17.3 mareish chestnut mare with four white socks. Spooky, neurotic, definitely requires experienced rider. Good work ethic on the two days of the year you can catch her, and will go all day but probably not in the direction you had in mind.

 

[Bellaboo18]

15.3 mare. Recently been out of work due to Coronavirus so has a couple of fat pads. Will pull a few grumpy faces when asked to come back in to work but nothing more. Loves going for a plod and is looking for a nice steady pace of life.
No competition homes please.

 

[cobgoblin]

15.1 light/ middleweight mare, getting on a bit. Used to be dark brown but now grey at the front and brown at the rear end.
Long legs, short back and huge feet that require expensive shoes to avoid corns. Nightmare to fit a saddle to. Not a weight carrier.
Well schooled, excellent in heavy traffic but may kick out at cyclists.
Not a good do-er, will become a hat rack in a couple of days if injured.
Will boxwalk if bored, then naps when a solution is offered. Will not move in hot weather.

 

[ElizabethAngela]

17hh Irish TB mare, former semi decent jumps horse, had a few placings in p2p. Career cut short due to injury but after extensive rehab and firing she is sound enough to hack. Would do a decent dressage test on the right day. Not worth putting into foal as she never seems interested in that sort of baby carry on. Fussy eater, won't eat if stressed. Might pull out of the stable a bit lame in winter, but jog her up the road or give her some Bute and kick on!

 

[Archangel]

Free to any home.
Needs lots of extra feed during the winter, spring, summer and autumn.
Sleeps a lot.
Surprisingly quick for size, especially when in attack mode.
Endlessly patient with small children and animals but very bad tempered around adult males.
Will deliver free of charge any distance just to get rid of the witch.

 

[caileag]

Sold from field, kind but slightly nervous mare. Out of work due to dodgy back and hip. Great with dogs and bikes, suspicious with children . Doesn't travel well - unless she can sit up front. Can be a fussy eater but will drink almost anything.

 

[NLPM]

Chestnut mare.

And if anyone kept reading beyond that...

Small but excellent weight carrier (her own). Cheap to keep foodwise, but drinks a lot & needs a daily supply of white chocolate buttons. Thrives on routine and busy environments, will attempt any obstacle for a good leader but in the wrong hands has been known to ignore commands and pick her own course, so not suitable for novices. Very opinionated. Good at dressage as pays attention to detail. Very slow runner; always gets time faults. Can be extremely mareish following lack of sleep or sugar - see point about supplements. Would recommend continuing clicker training with chocolate as reward.

Free to good home but must be a forever home [no returns].