Young rider woes

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JJones

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A few months ago I was asked if I wanted a young (15yrs) rider to help exercise horses.
I have 4 ridden ones. Over the past 3-4 months it's been more hassle than it's worth really. She's not a bad rider and it's only hacking out. But it feels like I have to give her instruction on everything.
She doesn't seem to have any interest in spending time with horses, other than riding and then messaging people. . Doesn't offer to do any jobs to help me out, as in sweep a dirty stable up. Wash horses properly down after exercise, clean the tack.
Goes in house and helps her self to drinks without even thinking to offer me one, if I'm not there she wil go in and watch to til I get there instead of doing something horsey. Today she turns up and it was like pulling teeth to get conversation.
She's nice enough in herself but I'm not sure if I can be bothered to be honest with the effort of getting a horse exercised.
This sounds like one whinge but there's so many little things that annoy me.
I guess I'm asking how I can politely stop this now without upsetting anyone.
 
Your first paragraph says you were offered someone to help with exercise. The rest of your post is about the groom duties she isn't doing. Sounds like there may be some confusion about expectations? If you want more help, be clear but if you want to let her go, do. If you do want to get the best out of her, (I'm not sure you could offer pay due to her age but) maybe you could offer work experience and a good reference if she steps up?
 
It was a friend of mine who said she knew of a girl looking for horse to ride and asked me if I'd consider allowing her to come. Nothing was ever mentioned about duties, I'm not looking for a groom just someone keen to look after the horse they are riding properly.
I can't think of one reason to keep having her here. I ride and lead so her coming is of no real benefit, it was just me doing a kind thing to start with.
I definitely want to go back to my life how it was before but just need to word it without causing her upset.
 
Fair enough. I had jobs with horses from twelve and always did take care of whoever I rode (and whatever else needed doing around the yard) - but my parents were grooms and instructors, so I knew the ropes and expectations. When a job ended, there was never any hard feeling. Maybe just use the winter weather to let her down gently?
 
I've recently wound up doing more voluntary work at a few places and what you're describing is basically - teenager. At least from my observations there's a difference in how they often mentally approach situations like this and they don't fully realise that they are "on show" the moment they turn up to the moment they leave thus they tend to default to a more lazy stance than you might get from an older or more "mature" person who will generally be more receptive to the situation and what is expected of them.


What might help this situation is to improve the formality of the relationship between you and them. Sometimes the biggest worry for someone giving their own free time to work is that they wind up working the whole time and learning very little (even if in actuality they are learning as they go little by little).


Another thought, and one I can easily relate to, is that standing around doing nothing very much can be a sign of insecurity. This might be with the site, new horses new place and all; or could even be relate to horses themselves. Ergo they've got experience riding and "know" that so its a safe area; but the rest might be something they've done very little of and thus tend to default to waiting to be told (so that they do it right) instead of being more proactive. Even if they've been into horses for a while if they've always turned up at lessons with a tacked up horse and left it for someone else to deal with there could be huge gaps in their understanding.


Couple the two of those together and yes taking on a person like this is going to require you to teach whilst they also learn. I think if you build in a more formal time structure so that they know when their duty time and learning times are you might get more out of them. Set them duty times to do duties within a time slot that you and they are confident that they can do - then set aside time for teaching them.

If you leave it a little "free winging" you run the risk that they finish tasks early and then have no idea what to do next and thus end up wandering/dithering till you come to fetch them.
You might also assign specific responsibilities to them outside of the formal structure. That way if they do get down-time there are a few things that they can do to fill in and be helpful.


Do you part and structure it and if they don't play ball you know to drop them and move onto someone else.
 
Thanks for all that info but I actually don't want to tutor anyone or move on to anyone else. . I'm not even a fan of kids! Sorry to be blunt but that's how it is.
I prefer my own company. Knew I should have stuck to my gut feeling and said no to start with.
Reading that back it makes me sound awful but I've gone out of my way to make her feel welcome and at home. Taking her on great rides off in trailer etc. But it's all one way and I don't want to do it any more.
 
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JJones said:
Thanks for all that info but I actually don't want to tutor anyone or move on to anyone else. . I'm not even a fan of kids! Sorry to be blunt but that's how it is.
I prefer my own company. Knew I should have stuck to my gut feeling and said no to start with.
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Sounds like you know the choice which has to be made :)
No shame in that at all and yes certainly taking someone on to tutor is a responsibility and requires input and work from you. Sounds like you need to simply say that this person is not confident nor experienced enough to work at your site in the capacity which you require and that, unfortunately, it would be best for them to find another site to better get what they need (if you know of anywhere local to just suggest that helps in dulling the blow too).
 
If you aren't intending on getting a replacement for her just say you now have more time on your hands and will be riding your horses again. Simple.
 
I find it annoying when I see people who only want to ride and not look after the horse so I couldn't put up with her. Just tell her you no longer need help with exercising. Don't need to feel bad about it I wouldn't.
 
My friend always had problems when she got teenagers to ride some of her ponies. They were always more trouble that they were worth but now she has a woman in her 40s who had ponies in her youth and has had kids and is glad for the break from her family a couple of times a week and couldn't be more helpful.
 
Thanks for replies. She knows I'm having shoes off on 3 of them for winter so I'll tell her that I'm not needing a rider. Did think whether honesty was best policy but I think that would upset her and every time I've been honest people get very upset.
 
Have you asked her to do bits and bobs to help? I have a 17 year old, who is lovely, but completely oblivious to mess/disorder/stuff that needs doing. If I ask him to do something, he'll do it without question, but if I don't ask, I don't get.
 
Auslander said:
Have you asked her to do bits and bobs to help? I have a 17 year old, who is lovely, but completely oblivious to mess/disorder/stuff that needs doing. If I ask him to do something, he'll do it without question, but if I don't ask, I don't get.
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This can be the same with inexperienced adults - different places do things differently and a simple job can be a pain if you don't know where the tools are to perform it - what to do with what you've done - and even if you should start incase its a low-priority job where there are other more important ones that they are just about to be asked to do.

That's why jobs often have new employees shadow a regular or the other way around. It helps speed up the "getting used to new things" period. It's important for experienced as well as inexperienced - the difference being that experienced just need to get settled whilst inexperienced need that plus training/instruction.
 
I'd upset her - it MIGHT do her good! I currently have a 15 year old - who does a Thursday for 'work experience' as part of her training course and works Sunday (for money.) She is great - hard working, polite, will do ANYTHING she's asked by the older girls. I had to my foot down on THAT for a responsible safety policy - they actually told her to turn out our one 'monster' horse! (She managed it well but was scared and should NOT have been expected to do it!)

We give her lessons, she hacks out AND mucks out, sweeps, turns out - literally anything the older girls do although with limitations on the horses she's asked to ride. I do a bit of paper work for her college - that's easy enough - and once she's through that, she'll no doubt be offered a 'proper' job - or be given an excellent reference.
 
JJones said:
Thanks for replies. She knows I'm having shoes off on 3 of them for winter so I'll tell her that I'm not needing a rider. Did think whether honesty was best policy but I think that would upset her and every time I've been honest people get very upset.
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I tend towards 'saying it as it is' and have the same problem! Diplomacy is my new mantra.

I think that unless she's been given guidance (and ignored it) or specifically asked to do certain jobs (and failed), it would be a bit tough on her to blame her. Your idea is a good one.

I've got a teen coming to help me soon, in exchange for experience, so this thread has been a timely reminder to me in regard to clarifying each of our needs and expectations from the outset.
 
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