Youngster - my nerves - horse too good- HELP!!

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Spotsrock

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I know I will get a load of abuse for not planning ahead so before we start; when I bought youngster she was 8 months, I was moving on after a serious assault and the likelihood of marriage, babies etc looked slim to nil.

She is now nearly 5. Backed (by me) and moving really lovely, jumping small fences very honestly and an absolute pleasure to ride most of the time. However I have got my life back together, finally, met a lovely chap and he is keen to start a family. I am getting used to the idea.

Youngster is a real handful on the ground and there is no way I would handle her pregnant in any but her mellowest mood. Though she is loving and sweet by nature. We recently moved yards with her and it was a nightmare from start to finish. I will never get her out to shows as she explodes in strange situations and needs someone capable but more importantly confident to help her get used to the idea. My tattered confidence is not sufficient but I don't have anyone brave and capable to help me sort her out.

She has come on so much since I bought her as a really unpleasant baby that I have obviously done something right but we've hit a wall with her maturing. I think she just is highly strung and spooky. I am not frightened of her hurting me so much as that she will get away from me or hurt herself and I can't stop her.

I don't hack her out as the only time I came off her was out and she did one, right across the field toward a railway line. Only stopped by a huge irrigation ditch and my friend had to go and collect her. I am worried that the flight instinct is stronger than her instinct to stay with the herd again making her unsafe if I come off.

I know I worry too much and I love her to absolute bits, watched her grow up and she is my baby but I am just not doing her any good at the minute, I think I have come to the end of the road with her. She is worth quite a bit with her breeding and paces etc and I will never get another of her quality but I am just not finding her fun. I get a lot of pleasure from watching her move and the little successes when she learns something but I am so worried a lot of the time that it is affecting my confidence with my other horse who is such a star she deserves me to be my old brave self.

I think baby has just lived in my other horse's shadow for too long and deserves someone who is better equiped to deal with her so she can have a career, she is a bright alert little thing and once she got used to going out and about she'd love it.

I really need to sell her but I can't bear to. Am I giving up on her or doing the best by my horse if I sell her to a competative capable home?

Sorry so long, coffee and crumpets if you got this far, please don't be too harsh, I'm in bits!
 
If she has good breeding and paces perhaps sell her as a broodmare? A few years of mummyhood might calm her down?
You are not giving up on her, you have done your best by this mare and sometimes we have to admit when we are getting out of out depth.
 
You've done your best to give her a good start in life, she couldn't have asked for more than that. She's ready for the next phase to her life, so are you. Personally I'd do my best to sell her to a suitable home (accepting there are no certanties but that's life), by doing that you've continued to try your best by her. She can go have some fun, you can have your family. Once you're ready, you can come back to horses, maybe looking for something you can have fun on.

You've done nothing wrong, time has just moved on for both of you. Go with the flow, don't be harsh on yourself for being caring. Selling her wont mean you care about her any less, but you care enough that you give her the chance to have the fun that you're not in a position to give her, for whatever reason. Make sure you care about yourself too & don't get left out of the equation, you deserve the chance to achieve your ambitions, be it family or riding.
 
If she has scope, and breeding, someone with the confidence to teach her how to behave will buy her, although you may not get as much as you hope.

She is obviously not the horse for you, and has scared you so much that you will not even hack her out- she will pick up on your vibes, can not be pleasant for either of you.
 
From reading this, it sounds like your having a bit of a mini melt down (we all have them at times :)) thing is your horse is young, there will be testing times in the next year or so and of course there is always an element of danger and confidence knock backs but you have to expect this.

Question - if she wasn't like this, would you still want to sell her?

Now if you are planning a family then of course you don't need this in your life, your no good to anyone injured or having lost your confidence in riding etc but try to explore a few options first as you may regret selling her in the long run, sometimes it just takes time, work and a bit more time but if you don't have that then you could find someone else that does.

Your mare could be everthing you ever wanted in a horse, it's just a case of bad timing on your part and your mares (due to her age), so perhaps think about sharing her or putting her out on loan to a experianced rider who enjoys working with youngsters and likes a challange or just simply turn her away for 6 months and let someone bring her back into work for you.

All I'm saying is, your obviously feeling quite down about it all at the moment and you have something else that you feel is more a priority (starting a family) but it doesn't mean it has to be one or the other, if you can see what options you have, they maybe something that will suit both you and your mare and best of all you will be able to enjoy her again one day when she's grown up a bit and been out and about with someone else.
 
pip6 said:
You've done your best to give her a good start in life, she couldn't have asked for more than that. She's ready for the next phase to her life, so are you. Personally I'd do my best to sell her to a suitable home (accepting there are no certanties but that's life), by doing that you've continued to try your best by her. She can go have some fun, you can have your family. Once you're ready, you can come back to horses, maybe looking for something you can have fun on.

You've done nothing wrong, time has just moved on for both of you. Go with the flow, don't be harsh on yourself for being caring. Selling her wont mean you care about her any less, but you care enough that you give her the chance to have the fun that you're not in a position to give her, for whatever reason. Make sure you care about yourself too & don't get left out of the equation, you deserve the chance to achieve your ambitions, be it family or riding.
Click to expand...

I also have the most amazing little jumping cob that I would trust with my life and a very old mare who loves grooming, cuddles, kisses and very light hacks, so will not be out of horses! I am just getting old and nervous, cannot imagine trying to deal with flightly behaviour while pregnant!
 
Kenzo said:
From reading this,

Question - if she wasn't like this, would you still want to sell her?

.
Click to expand...


No, she was always intended to be my horse for life like the little cob, I wanted a pair to be together and with me, I have a fall back plan for starting family re help with day to day care exercise etc hence the move to have them nearer my friend who will take them on.

It's not that I am scared OF her so much as I am scared FOR her. I know I will regret selling her but I will also regret much more not selling her if she or the baby ever get hurt.
 
Well done for getting this far, I had a similar thing with my previous gelding, he now has a fabulous competitive jumping career and enjoying it, whereas I just wanted to do showing and dressage and he was just so bored!

Please do not sell her as a broodmare, there are far too many horses out there, to even think about breeding from a mare like her. She may well have fantastic bloodlines but would you want another mini me from her so someone else would have to go through all this again? Having foals rarely calm mares down.

What about putting her on long term loan with someone ambitious? You then get to still own her and stay in touch and someone and the horse can enjoy life. There are plenty of fantastic people out there that cannot afford to purchase a horse of her calibre but would be brilliant for her. I loaned a gorgeous 17.2 Trakehner gelding out last year to a girl on here, he was just to big and strong for me - he grew upwards 6 inches from when I got him and filled out. I wanted to have a say in his future and for him to get out and have fun. She was perfect, couldn't afford to 'buy' something like him but she has her own yard and is more than capable of paying for his keep and he has a home for life. I was so happy with their bond that I gave him to her, but I know if she ever had any problems she would come back to me. I receive loads of updates and pics and they are both happy. So that might also be an option for you.
 
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