Your honest opinion, am I a bad owner? Sorry, long

emmanash

emmanash

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My mare is a gorgeous girl but really hard work. She won't give you anything easily, probably down to me maybe being too soft with her and she has gotten used to knowing how little she can get away with doing.
We've been at our livery yard nearly 3 years now and when we first moved there, there were a couple of pigs down the bottom of the sandschool. This caused problems because my mare is really scared of pigs (shakes and snorts) so I couldn't ride down there. The pigs went probably 2 yrs ago and since then i've been able to get her down there and had some nice work out of her. But it's usually the same old story first off, where she'll go down there and is I feel that she's looking for any excuse to get out of work. She'll look up the field where people exercise their dogs and spook at anything and nothing. My Y.O has ridden her for me a few times now and agrees that she's not an easy horse to ride and doesn't listen to you at first. Y.O is much more experienced than I am so has been schooling her and says it takes about 10 mins of transitions etc before she'll switch on and focus.
Once she's listening she doesn't spook or worry about anything else so I'm pretty certain, as is Y.O, that she's trying it on.
Anyway, I've been advised to try lungeing her to help improve her balance so I took her down school last night. Get in there and try to start her off and she kept turning into the circle. Started again and again and she carried on turning in. I've lunged her in the paddock and she's set off lovely straight away. The 2 times i've tried in the school she's turned in. I tried to stay calm but inside I was getting quite frustrated because I know she can do it.
Now this is when I think I made a big boo boo because she once again turned in and out of frustration I cracked the whip on the ground to her side. This sent her flying off around the circle the way i'd been trying for 20mins to get her to go. She looked startled by the noise of the whip. (It didn't touch her) She continued to canter fast around the circle and I kept after her by cracking the whip a couple of times. After this she went around in both directions a couple of times and I praised her for doing so and without me getting at her.
I then got on her a she felt switched on and we rode a couple of nice circles on both reins before calling it a day and cooling her off.
I feel ashamed for loosing my temper. I spoke to the Y.O and she said that she needs me to be more in control and to start taking me seriously. I just don't like the way I felt inside. I felt so mad with her at the time! I'm worried that i've confused her and upset her and lost her trust now. I stroked her all over with the whip afterwards too, just to see if she was frightened of it, and she didn't bat an eyelid.
What are your opinions on the situation?
Thanks for reading
 
I don't think you're bad, she obviously still has some issues with doing work in the school, and maybe this time you might have cracked it. I don't think she'll be traumatised by it, sometimes they just need a sterner telling, if she hadn't listened to previous instructions (and you know she understands the task).

Maybe next time in the school she'll be better after this?
 
You might not like what you did but it does sound as though you had the right affect. I'm sure you haven't lost her trust and hopefully you now have her respect too. Horses are herd animals and look to their leader for guidance. When you are working with your horse you have to be the leader.
 
I dont think that your a bad owner at all- I mean, if you aren't assertive horses are dangerous and I think that after you cracked the whip, she knew exactly what she was meant to do. I would have probably done the same thing in your situation :)
 
i think your over thinking it. if everytime i tried to lunge my horse i didnt crack the whip i think i would end up with him in my face constantly, everyone looses their temper and i think sometimes horses push us to see when they cant get away with anymore. like my horse and dragging me to grass it was fine the first couple of times i just pulled his head up but the last time he did it i did loose my temper as he was being bloody rude and he got a smack with the leadrope - he isnt scared of me or the leadrope he just knows its not acceptable to drag me around to where he wants

she will have realised that it wasnt acceptable not because you wanted to scare her and she will probably behave next time you lunge her

stop over thinking and enjoy your evening and your horse behaving :)
 
ahhh don't feel bad, she knows how to lunge and pushed you to your limit, you didn't beat her with the whip but you let her know that you meant business and she took notice;) she doesn't sound like it traumatised her at all! Lunge her again in the school tomorrow and I'll bet she'll be fine:)
 
Seeing as she wasn't terrified of the whip afterwards she may not of really associated the noise with the whip. We have all done things in anger and sometimes it works for the best and others for the worst
 
Sounds like you did the right thing to me! I am far too soft on my lad and I know I need to be firmer with him to get better results. I'm all for not losing your temper and I have been known to stop a schooling session abruptly and put the horse away to avoid me losing my temper completely! However, sometimes you do have to be firm - my lad went through a phase of messing about on the lunge, one day I got mad at him and when he shot off and nearly pulled my arms out I sent him on, then I kept him trotting round and round, everytime he slowed down I sent him on and I kept doing it (my instructor had recommended this) - when we had finished he was tired and sweaty, and I felt aweful - but the next time there was such a massive improvement on the lunge and he has been so much better ever since.
 
Sounds ok to me, they have to get use to being lunged , I knew my boy had been lunged to death as he would just go off without being asked round and round...I never been so dizzy...goodness knows what he feels like!(Esepcially as we hacked in straight lines mostly!.Could someone ride on a lunge for you sometimes or you ride forward and then lunge?
 
I don't know why you think that you might be a bad owner. Your horse has not responded when you've asked her to do something which is within her capability, and which she understands, and you've told her to damn well get on with it - and she has. And she hasn't resented you or the whip - no problem. I'd be inclined to lunge her again the next day adn go in with the same strong attitude - hopefully she'll do as you ask straight away, and start to work for you, good luck!
 
Of course you are not - far better that you gave her a clear message, she responded by going forward, you did a short amount of ridden work and then finished, thereby rewarding her x
 
Have we really, honestly, reached a situation where someone feels they need to apologise for being a "bad owner" for cracking a whip ON THE GROUND?

Heaven help all you more novice horse owners out there, your horses must be walking all over you.

OP plenty of more experienced owners than you would have cracked the horse, not the floor. Toughen up, your mare is taking you for a mug.
 
Thanks for your replies, I feel better about the situation now. I do worry about wether i'm doing the right thing and am constantly over thinking things!! I'm going to lunge her again tomorrow. I just want to do what's right by my girl and I think possibly it's the way I felt inside at the time (could have throtled her) that made me look at the situation in a negative way.
Will let you know how it goes
Thanks again
 
IMO, you have been a less than effective owner in the past and your mare has got used to taking no notice of you, if that's how she's feeling.

Today you took charge and she did as you wanted, that makes you a more effective owner.

If you had hit her with the whip in your frustration, that would have made you a bad owner but you didn't!

Take charge more often and I bet you'll find that she becomes easier to deal with.
Next time there is something that makes her shake and snort, if you know that it can't harm her, quietly insist that she goes near it and passes it. If you keep on insisting she will realise that there is no need to shake and snort, because it is quite safe. She will learn to trust you and she will be quite right to do so.
 
God I had to get off my horse yesterday cos she made me literally roar with anger she was being such a witch so I think I am much closer to being a bad owner than you are. However neither of us beat our horse and we both (I got back on after I'd calmed down) got the desired result so I really wouldn't beat yourself up sometimes they just know how to press out buttons, unfortunately my mare and I are as pig headed as each other although this was the first time I have really lost my temper in 2 years!
 
You sound like a great owner!! I believe that if your horse doesn't respect you then they will also never trust you fully. Now you have taken charge I bet she will behave better and you will get far more out of your relationship :)
 
cptrayes said:
Have we really, honestly, reached a situation where someone feels they need to apologise for being a "bad owner" for cracking a whip ON THE GROUND?

Heaven help all you more novice horse owners out there, your horses must be walking all over you.

OP plenty of more experienced owners than you would have cracked the horse, not the floor. Toughen up, your mare is taking you for a mug.
Click to expand...

More novice owner here and nope horse doesn't walk all over me, she would if given half a chance though ;)

OP if you are a bad owner for that, I should be locked up for 10 years.

Mine got a slap on the backside today for swinging it in my face because she wasn't getting her own way. I wanted to brush her tail, she wanted me to scratch her scratchy spots - I won. She still nuzzled me 10 mins later.

She'd also had a right good ole rollocking for attempting to be a prat bringing her in.

It was one of 'those' days today, not happening that often now, but I've been working away so it's the first time in 3 days I'd seen her and she was trying it on and being bloody rude.

When lunging, I have to crack the whip a couple of times to get her to listen sometimes. That's getting less often too.

But she still nuzzles my shoulder if I'm leaning on her stable door talking, or rests her chin on my shoulder. She still comes to call when getting her from the field.

Take control of your horse, she won't hold it against you and she won't love you less for it ;)
 
I sort of understand how you might feel bad for losing your temper but no one is perfect and it does sound like you have been a little weak in the past. Not sure if you have kids but if you have has there ever been a time when you have pretended to be angry to show there behaviour is not acceptable while inside actually being very rational and calm? That is what i have learnt to do with our very stubborn and rude haflinger who really needs firm leadership. Turning in was his trick when i was lunging him and his previous owners thought it was cute! Obviously no decent person wants to inflict physical harm and fear onto an animal but herd animals need a leader so dont feel bad for showing her who is boss...just try not to lose your temper next time.
 
It is not ideal that you lost your temper, but that feeling of asertiveness that you discovered is essential when working with horses. We often tip toe around our horses too much, and then do not get the result we are looking for. Horses do not tip toe around each other. If you can tap into this and keep a cool head you may find that you do a lot better with her. No you are not a bad owner.
 
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