A bit of fun - How would you advertise your horse?

colliyers calypso

beautiful( and he knows it\!) 11.3hh 10yr old welsh section a gelding with top bloodlines and doing well showing inhand at county level.
perfectly behaved at shows- apparently sceptic tanks at shows are fine, but cyclists at home are definatly not. lovely markings- 4 white socks and blaze, set off to perfection by flat ears.
has arthritus so unable to be ridden, needs several expensive supplements a month as well as vet visits, during which he makes his dislike of vets clear.
spirited and lively- loves to jog down roads and leap sideways at leaves. a real character- enjoys biting people, horses, being moody and gazing at his own reflection.
good to catch- when he feels like it....... loads and travels very well :)
headturner wherever he goes. any sensible offer accepted!

hes a bit special, but he is my baby and despite him causing me to pull my hair out at time, i wouldnt be without him.
 
Tont - A 13hh *ahem* chuncky little cob :D
Needs a headcollar on to be caught, and has had the most terrible past so has trust issues, but since i've worked with him he can be messed with by most.
As good as gold to ride, tends to want a little graze on the verge, but snaffle mouthed and perfect in traffic.
He has breathing difficulties from his past, is a little s**t with the farrier, and gets fat on fresh air.
Tont as the most gorgeous and unusual markings, and is so gentle (you can hold a mint between your two fingers and he will not touch you with his teeth) and really does have a heart of gold :)

Priceless - I love him too much :D
 
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5 year old Dumblood masquerading as a Spotty Arsed Circus horse.

Butterfly mind "ohhh look at the birdies" "oh leg yield ok" "ooooooo what is my paddock pal doing" "back up ok" "Wow tractor"

Can be goldfish minded "arrrgh scary fence" "oh not dead la la la" "Arrrgh Scary fence"

Has mortal fear of small ponies,

Think he might be gay as far too fond of his paddock pal for his own good and totally confused by the mares,

Propensity when schooling to react with "i canna do it I canna It is not possible waaaaaaa" promptly followed by 2 minutes later "ohhh I can do this look at me" followed by showing off and exaggerated paces.

Mortal fear of puddles in the school but will drink, roll and wallow in them in his paddock, convinced he was a Hippo in a previous existence.

Has the ability to look stunningly beautiful one minute and like a cut and shunt the next.

Capable of turning 1 kilo of food into 10 kilo's of pooh

Seems to have a bladder the size of a swimming pool judging by the mahoosive wet spots

Will do an enormous pooh then use it as a pillow all night

Free to anyone with the patience;-))
 
12 year old 13.3 welsh mare, absolute thug. very sweet on her good days but grumpy as fudge otherwise.
enjoys bucking, jumping, destroying fences and mugging people. and the oppurtunity to kick the odd dog.
dislikes: being made to hack alone or being told 'no'.
you will be required to move should she charge you in the field, although most of the time stands and sleeps. very lazy although will fizz without warning or no apparent reason :)
great at showjumping; very polite. will canter into the fence then turn and let you do it yourself
dressage is an excuse to do the opposite of what she is being told. :)

open to offers!!
 
Stunning Dapple Grey 17hh warmblood, self harmer who has more lame days than sound due to a run of bad luck. Closeness of the spines (although found an old owner who said she had kissing spine diagnosed but my findings and the way he is indicate otherwise - doesnt excuse dealer for selling to me for a lot of money in the full knowledge that he has KS!!) but otherwise every other bit of the body has been scanned or x-rayed so you will know there is nothing else physically wrong. Has a very powerful hind end which is ocasionally used as a way to evade work but comes in handy when jumping. Stunning paces and an incredibly straight moving horse when sound! Sometimes bites, pulls a lot of faces, destroys everything left within his reach but no vices. Worth more to me than any offer and good home essential (only needed if I died or could no longer care for him and then it would be a loan)!!

16hh Bay cripple. Has severe athritis in both knees so hack only and needs a bute a day, bolts inhand when not led in chiffney, spooky, stupid, likes to take off in open spaces, Is the grumpiest horse you would have ever handled due to being terrified of life or any kind of change and so will bite and threaten to kick, cant worm or do anything he doesnt want to! However once trust is earned a horse which you can truly have that "bond" with and you work so hard for it you never want to loose it, will then stop biting you and sometimes let you catch him! Cribs, boxwalks, windsucks, cant catch when he doesnt want to come in, pain in the bum to turn out etc. Open to offers ;)
 
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14.2 ex racing pony but still thinks when ever he goes out somewhere he has to go like he's in a race.
If you don't like your RI take him xc schooling with them watching, they will have heart failure whilst he goes into the fences at 100mph and takes off a stride early.

He still doesn't understand the concept that dressage doesn't involve jumping but for fun he'll jump anyway. Shadows, boards and even flower pots.

Would make a super eventer for someone tall enough to dig their heels into the ground to slow down. Has ulcers as well so you can have great fun trying to pick up his runny poos which stinks out the trailer. The farrier doesn't much like it either when it's almost on his head,

One of his favourite past times is pushing your buttons. For the YO this is walking out to the field at 100mph, of course when you hit grass that means gallop. For the rider that is refusing to jump any warm up fences but jump a lovely round once in the arena.

This horse costs a bomb to keep as normal cheap stuff isn't good enough. For example; normal overreach boots rub him so he needs £40 ones, he has ulcers and the supplement is £93 a pot, normal numnahs rub him so you have to fork out for £90 ones.

At least he isn't grey, although he could be as I haven't bathed him yet.

I'll pay you to take him off my hands. ;)



I joke I do love my Andy pandy. :D
 
What a brilliant thread!

17hh IDxHann, GSOH, spotted, bit lame when the mood takes him, will sit, stay, fetch and lie down, shake a paw, give kisses and hugs, loves his jumping, completely unreliable when hunt is around, an absolute gent and an angel in all respects for his special chosen human, otherwise a complete git to lead, load or ride, has special powers of teleportation and launching himself into orbit, not for sale though, his unfortunate chosen human has a horse for life.
 
not mine but one we have (and if she was bigger and i had the money i would have her!):

14.2hh. 7yr old leopard spot appaloosa mare. Stunning - and she knows it. good to catch after half an hour of chasing her around the field but will come in if its raining, cold, or if she wants to. rolls over and over and over as soon as she gets in a stable but will stay in quietly once she's had enough and has her duvet on.
Doesnt like any noises such as raspberries, kisses, the sound of velcro etc etc..
great to ride if you like a bucking bronco - very comfortable bronc i might add. she can go lovely when she wants to but prefers to politely ask for canter and then go full speed around the school (until she's bored, then she's a kick along canter). but god forbid if you ask for trot after a canter! Its walk or canter, not trot!
and if you want to jump, she can jump but there is no way you are going to tell her how to jump, its her way or no way.
amazing hack if you are on your own, goes past anything, ride by the buckle and just lovely. If you hack in company then she has to lead or else you will be hanging on for dear life but she will still go past anything - she's more focused on where she's going next than spooking at anything.
BUT she is an angel on the ground once you've caught her. She can be groomed and pulled around and tacked up by anyone and great for the farrier or vet and loads and travels brilliantly, will stand quietly at shows as well.
and amazingly, even though she is a pain, she hasnt gotten anyone off, nor does she try to get you off.
:D
 
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3 legged veteran TB (4th leg broken last year - nearly better!) May be able to be brought back into work this summer, if not will make an absolutely fantastic, loving lawnmower. No vices. Awful with any farrier except mine, won't load (even when sedated by the vet - but that won't be a problem as you won't be taking a 3 legged donkey out to competitions).

In good health (apart from broken leg) but does have locking stifles - so may fall over at random or smack you in the face with his hoof when you are trying to pick his back foot up and it suddenly 'unlocks'. Loves Classic Fm, uncle jimmy's hanging balls and his nut ball.

Absolute dream to handle - only rears after 5 months of box rest, and even though he may hit you on the head with his front hooves, it is not malicious!

Price on Application. :)
 
Hehe these have made me giggle!

1 year old Shetland, loverly boy, comes to anybody in the field.. Will make a brilliant childs pony one day as long as you don't mind explaining to your kid why said pony has his willy out pretty much 24/7!;)
 
mine would read:
jorvey p, chestnut kwpn, 20 years young. loves to jump - Bsja registered A grade although currently competing at discovery after a break.
will jump anything but spooks at thin air and bunnies and refuses to get his feet wet.
easy to load, catch and shoe but wets himself in the presence of any vet.
likes to play chicken and catch :p
very loving boy, would make a good schoolmaster.

catch me when he's being a pain and I'll sell him to you for £1. any other day, he's priceless :p
 
Tazhazzamoose said:
12 year old 13.3 welsh mare, absolute thug. very sweet on her good days but grumpy as fudge otherwise.
enjoys bucking, jumping, destroying fences and mugging people. and the oppurtunity to kick the odd dog.
dislikes: being made to hack alone or being told 'no'.
you will be required to move should she charge you in the field, although most of the time stands and sleeps. very lazy although will fizz without warning or no apparent reason :)
great at showjumping; very polite. will canter into the fence then turn and let you do it yourself
dressage is an excuse to do the opposite of what she is being told. :)

open to offers!!
Click to expand...

you forgot to add let's herself out of the stable and proceeds to let everything else out as well and pretends to be lame when she doesn't want to be ridden
 
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If only all advertisers were this honest! At least you'd know what you were getting into when you bought your new horse! ;-)
 
I have 3!

16.1hh TB Mare, was advertised for novice rider and ladies hunter, if you are mad, take her hunting, really be my guest if you have a death wish.
Sweetie on one day, maniac again in a couple, she has two pairs of eyes, sweet and racehorse/maniac.
Goes round lovely in a contact, take her in a dressage test, she'll bomb off when she anticipates the canter.
She's lovely really, please have her! ;)
Very good Bloodlines, Sire Runyon, Dam Pelargonium, Grandsires's Sadler's Well's and Danehill.
Anybody want? :)

14.2 Haflinger, Cheeky but the most intelligent git I've ever known in my life, teach him anything, he'll put his hoof to it, once you have his trust, otherwise he'll pretend he doesn't even know what lunging is (I've seen photo's of you working lovely idiot!)
Once he know's and love's you is really a joy to have.
Problem's with catching!? This pony you only have to walk up to and say 'Come on' and he'll walk with you to the gate (Then your allowed to put the head collar on) :D
As he was described, "Like a overgrown labrador!"

15hh conni cross, sometimes wont be caught and walks like a freight train, but we love her so far (only had her 2 weeks so can't really write an advert) And she is very well behaved in every other way! :D
 
16.2 hands of absolute softie. In fact hes so precious that he has to hold his legs up because it hurts even when brushed with a face brush!!! Likes dressage... loves jumping the bigger the better but only as he thinks that means faster. Not good to shoe box clip... as in to clip the vet injected so much sedative he was virtually under GA and still kicked and bit. Likes people,
so much so he scream and scream and scream if you leave him. Of course he understands you sometimes forget he was a racehorse so on the downs feels he has to remind you how fast he can run


if you are still reading you can have him for free!
 
rising 3 filly, paces to die for and an absolute gem.....totally unfased by anything, will make fantistic event prospect.....

micheal flattely wannabe 15hh dales who thinks dance run jump shy, although has a fantastic jump in him.

16.2hh sensitive ish typical chestnut mare...handle with care

its a good job im keeping these 3 haha
 
Hacking pony 14.1hh skewbald cob.

Loves hacking, and so will you! Perfect in all traffic and not phased in the slightest by anything else either. Has a lot of road sense herself. A joy to hack (although walk, trot and gallop are the only options, so maybe not for the faint hearted) Has a tendency to "pre emptively" go into gallop in places she has galloped before, no matter if you have walked it 500x since. Difficult to stop once galloping however will ALWAYS slow down before the end of the track.

Terrible in the school, refuses to work unless on her terms: head in the air, stiff, no bend and very fast or ultra slow depending on how she feels.

Loves to jump, although needs an incredibly brave rider as she employs the "tank in, duck out" technique due to an eclectic history in this area. If you have the guts, she wins chase me charlie every time as 5ft from a standstill is plausible.

Loves to hunt, and will all day, just make sure you can stop her hacking first, if not... god help you ;)

Drives amazingly but hasn't now for about 4 years.

Amazing with children in any situation. Does handy pony and all gymkhana games with ease and a cheeky grin.

Very pretty and has bred a lovely foal. Lives in or out. Very hardy, and a good doer.

Brilliant to catch, clip, shoe, worm, box, bathe, easy to lead. Has separation anxiety if left on her own and is entirely capable of screaming the yard down in this situation, easily solved if you talk to her as you do your jobs though. No vices.

But has a home for life!
 
i have 2

Otto
16.1hh 13yr old ex-army irish x tb gelding. Needs VERY experienced and confident rider with a sticky seat. He is cold backed and therefore broncs as soon as you put your foot in the stirrup and proceeds across the yard/field broncing! Eventually settles down once back is warmed up.
Will also try it on big time to see what he can get away with, can be very strong but has a very soft mouth.
Amazing jumper, jumped upto 1.10m BSJA and 1.40m at home. Loves cross country, jumped upto 1.05m, very fast and bold, however has a very big dislike of water and skinny fences and often trys to roll in the water jump.
Has competed in ODE's, brilliant in the SJ and XC but doesn't do dressage!
hacks alone or in company, brilliant to shoe etc
Also LOVES to play in the field, just don't play with his back end as he will get very excited and end up catching you in the face with his back legs!
massive dope on a rope, not a nasty bone in his body, loves attention during the summer however come winter does not want to know - becomes the biggest grump known!
Now has arthritis and part retired.

Carson
16.2hh 8yr old beglian warmblood. Very inmature and can be quite spooky. does hack on his own but HATES parked cars and will rear, spin, bronc, runaway from them! but is fine with moving cars/vans/lorries and is an absolute superstar hacking with other horses :)
extremely good jumper - likes jumping out of the field a lot
jumped upto 1.10m BSJA and 1.40m at home
Hates being schooled, becomes very lazy and often puts in some bucks to avoid schooling.
has to be ridden regularly otherwise will throw you off everytime you ride due to excess energy!
has problems with pollen so will head shake during summer unless on cro-mag health, also has a sensitive stomach and can only have certain foods otherwise he will chew all your wooden stables and fences!
will climb through wheelborrows to escape to the field!
 
16.3 6yo bay mare.

Has body dysmorphia, she thinks she's as wide as a house so sometimes narrow gates can take some persuasion. Other than narrow gates she is a superb hack. Good in traffic and does not hot up in open spaces.

A typical mare. Once she knows you and trusts you she is loving and very loyal. If she's not that fussed on you beware, she pulls some disgusting faces.

Can do dressage but can't be arsed. Dressage is boring and for horses that can't jump. She would happily go hunting all day everyday.

Nice and forward when ridden but the laziest creature ever in her field or stable. She spends most of her time led down.

Will happily turn out first and stay out last. If there's food and somewhere to lie down she's happy.

As for things such as loading show her a trailer and she will load herself.

She's a fantastic horse but stubborn and bloody hard work to get her going properly on the flat.
 
Jeff - lame old croc, needs 4 more months of box rest. Bites, threatens, knocks his water bucket over every 15mins. Doesn't like being shod on his near fore. Won't be caught in the field if he doesn't want to be, won't load if he is of a mind not to. To rie he is a gem to school, push button ride so long as you don't do your girth up any tighter than swinging 4ins under him. Out hacking he is bombproof in traffic, he just needs protection from the blades of grass that move in the breeze. Doesn't do small spaces so would never even comemplate a trailer. Has a dust allergy so shavings and wet hay for him. Wouldn't swop him for the world though!

Kyle - grumpy, lame, piss taking wee munchkin! Bad in traffic, stubborn, doesn't do schooling, bucks, naps, bites, kicks, hates having his mane pulled, needs doped and blinkered to clip. Hates men. Does stand to have his feet done though! And he is a very stunning grey! The reason for lameness - he slipped the tendon off of his hock when racing a few years ago so is technically unlevel. LOVES going out to shows - so much so that he dances and prances and neighs the whole time. Doesn't do standing still either unless there is a camera around for him to pose for. Again - wouldn't swop him for the world - I would be done for murder!

Freebs - When going he is fantastically well schooled, jumps like a stag, a 5yo could ride him. When not going well he is a bronco pony to the highest degree. Won't load, hates having his feet done - can only trim, shoes are out of the question. He does like being brushed and pampered and clipped. A child could lead him around the place at home. Good to bath. At shows he is a pain in the backside to put it nicely, doesn't do hanging around, nips, stands on your feet. Does do very well in the ring though as he is incredibly pretty. Again, would be charged for murder if I ever sold him!

Of the rest you have one that roles every time he is on a surfice - rider on or not, one that simply will not be caught in the field and has to be herded into a stable, 3 have sweet itch, 2 are prone to lami, one is a colt who to be fair is a gem, one I haven't learnt overly much about yet as he is new, and 2 that need to go on diets as of this week! I have kept the dodgy ones at home it appears and my good ones are out on loan!
 
Baby yearling 1
HI , I'm a handsome gelding with a glossy black coat. I like to chew lead reins and eat things. I help my friend throw grooming brushes around the stables. I like to eat the hedge and graze all day. I especially like to lie flat out several times a day and sun bathe. I like kicking the stable door
baby yearling 2 . I like to help my friend wreck the place as much as possible. I like to play and chase my friend. I like to steal the cap off my owners head and throw it over the stable door. We both prefer 5 star treatment including a daily body massage and rub down with a soft cloth. we also enjoy going walkies to see whats going on. we like our field shelter and lie down in there on the deep straw bed.
 
Buffy.

16.2 KWPN registered imported Ditch Warmblood. Thinks shes 18hh.
Good to hack.. aslong as you don't make her stand still, you don't touch the reins, or use your legs at all.

Same applies in the school. Lateral work is a no go. That must be done.. at speed..

Good to load into anything. Even your van if needs be.

Good to shoe, if the farrier feeds her.

Good to clip.. apart from her stomach, armpits, bit of skin by the top of her back leg.. and withers. If you twitch her she is good to have her face done ..

Can only be ridden by me as she goes into panic mode.

However is good to catch :D
 
No wonder I cant find a safe Lead Rein / First Ridden!. Most of the ones I have enquired about have every vice listed above (and a few more) (or are a million pounds)
 
16.2hh Friesian X Labrador.

Falls over in the presence of pheasants and is morbidly afraid of spoons. Completely bombproof in traffic although must stop and investigate the contents of the bin lorry every time it goes past.

Comes complete with loading dock for mounting and periscope fitted as standard. Hacks out in company but afraid of horse-eating tigers alone. (also see pheasants)

Good to catch but impossible to get rid of. Cannot jump but very good at climbing over things that happen to be in his way - eg - stone walls, fences and other horses.


POA

Also 16hh mare with hormonal problems. Bucks regularly but is fitted with a warning device which squeals approximately 0.5 seconds before lift off. Impeccable manners as comes back and waits for you after you have been bucked off.

NOT FOR SALE!!
 
Not by any stretch of the imagination for sale...but...!

Kel - Hello, I'm a 17 year old Welsh D X (but I can behave like a 5 year old, so also suitable if you are looking for a youngster) mare (and by God, don't I make sure people know it!) ;) I am 14.2hh but I can ride like a 16.2hh if preferred. Very pretty - everyone on my yard says how beautiful I am! :p
Definite project horse as I have been out of work for 15 months now due to Cushings. But I am getting better! I will need to be taught what corners are again and probably need to be reintroduced to that funny big leather thing in my cupboard - which incidentally, I like to empty so please make sure your boxes lock :D
If you want to walk me, you might need a few helpers as I do get excited and forget you people can't walk as fast as us horses! (And did you REALLY think a leadrope would stop me?) Gloves essential!!
I am clever (too clever, my mum says!) and if you leave treats in a bag, I will empty the bag myself - self feeding, so lots of lie ins for you!
I don't like other horses (except for my 'big sister') not even my daughter, so lots of red ribbons are a necessity. I enjoy winding up the next door neighbours by sticking my nose over the wall.
However, when being ridden, I keep rides fun and interesting - I don't like sports cars OR Fiat 500s (:confused:) (they give me the heebie jeebies), or fence panels being painted, but I am good with helicopters and herds of cows (one I can't deal with; it is obviously plotting something!) :eek:
I don't do schooling, not for me thanks, so be prepared for a roll and a quick skip out of the gate back home again! I LOVE hacking and I will go for hours!! :D
As you can see, I am VERY vocal and will talk to you for hours on end...I am VERY loving, nothing much scares me (though I will pretend) and I am very good with children and dogs, but I will chase pheasants.
 
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