A bit of fun - How would you advertise your horse?

'Henry' - A well bred Welsh Section D, 14.3hh (depending on how hes feeling that day), 15yo (again depends on the daily mood swings, could be hourly), black in the winter, gingery/brown/dapples in summer, white star on forehead, white right back hoof. Very well mannered gelding on days WITHOUT a Y in them. Does jump, when he wants to. Brilliant to hack, alone -if your bloody brave, in company - if you dont hit the green stuff. Schooling is coming along well, but that'll change soon no doubt. Enters shows and does really well in Mountain and Mooreland classes, if he stands still and doesnt try and rear, also does well in fun showing classes like 'Handsomest Gelding' - I believe he only wins because they pity him. Sometimes refuses to be caught if life seems hard at the time. Refuses to box until HE gets bored and then just goes in, he is not scared of it he simply just cant be arsed! 0% Clip, 50% catch, 40% load, 100% shoe BUT will annoy the farrier and stand in and on his tool box. Not great in traffic, hates tractors, push bikes, motorbikes, tricycles, lorries, buses, vans, landrovers, yup so will just only tolerate cars! Can and WILL DESTROY HUNDREDS of pounds worth of rugs each year. Priceless to me, and probably you actually...

In fact, the way I've always said I would try and sell him is to paint '4 SALE' on him in white paint, take him to a horse show, and the first gutsie person that comes up and says how much gets him. Failing that i'll paint A SALE on him and leave him in a layby like they do with cars around here.
 
17.2hh ISH thug, 9years old, nice pop on him proven when jumping 5ft electric fencing with clearance, very opinionated in the stable, climbs doors and is an escape artist in the stable, excellent hack will go past everything (except the big scary dog that lives at the pub) any other dog is fine lol. doesnt load and decides when he wishes to co-operate when ridden, has a massive buck but is easy to sit to, would make a lovely showjumper if current rider wasnt such a whimp when it comes to jumping, can be strong so is ridden in pelham.

£6000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 :)
 
Strange possible hoover type invention gone horribly wrong. Motherboard has partially failed resulting in a complete lack of information exchange with extension accessories. Not good with having parts changed, causes power cuts, or worse power jumps resulting in inexplicable sideways leaps of said appliance. Cannot leave anything near it because it will disappear into the centre of appliance, eventually to be discharged in a runny heap, invariably on your feet. Appliance will also stalk you from behind and hoover out contents of your pockets with no warning. When taking appliance from housing, please be wary of any inanimate or animate object which may or may not rustle, causing electrical charges resulting in appliance jumping or moving speed in whichever direction you think it's not going to go!

I would highly recommend children are not allowed near the appliance which has no sense of size/weight/distance/speed/manners.

Said appliance is very attractive looking and will complement most homes when handled correctly. Will only exchange for appliance decorated with many, many real whole carat diamonds.

Many thanks.

**I am not convinced I own a horse. Should have gone to Specsavers!**
 
Frankie 15.1 12YR old traditional coloured cob gelding. Great in traffic, not scared of anything (except large groups of ramblers) soft as they come, loves people, lives on fresh air, will live in our out, barefoot at moment and fine with that, extremley talanted and would make a great show horse but as CAN NOT canter or gallop in a group this is never going to be an option. Problems you may encounter are won't hack alone, not to be trusted in open spaces or on grass surface, scared of other horses, has more feather, mane and tail than you can cope with, takes 20 mins to load him in trailer or lorry but does travel ok once you persuade him to go in. Needs nose net in summer or will drive you nuts and may need to invest in bulk buy amounts of flyspray as gets very upset by flys. Good with farrier but scared of clippers although can be persuaded to alow it if fed constantly. Has no independence what so ever so freaks when left alone in field or when schooling (yes even though he is scared of other horses) Currently on box rest recovering (fingers crossed) from damaging the cartalidge in his stifle so anyone who wants him, the vets bill is payed but please collect before I have to think about getting back on it.......

Harvey 16.1 10 yr old ISH, honest, genuine, uncomplicated ride, perfect for complete novice or competitive rider, SJ, XC, Dresage, all of the above but as grumpy as hell, thinks all humans are below him. Jumps logs when competing but scared of twigs and leaves, jumps water no problem but won't go in a puddle for anything when hacking, perfect in open spaces but not great with traffic, puts weight on by looking at food. Loads himself in lorry or trailer and great with farrier and vet but not children or dogs. This one is not for sale for any amount :D

If you managed to read both of these you might have noticed that put together they make the perfect horse!
 
Not one I currently own but a blast from the past from many years ago:

Perfect child’s first pony and mother’s dream – assuming you don’t like the child very much and the mother has been eating a LOT of cheese before bedtime.

11.2hh grey gelding of indeterminate age and breeding. Very well schooled – has been seen to perform “airs above the ground” with even the tiniest and most novice of jockeys. Cracking jump, very fast against the clock and can turn on a sixpence, again completely unbidden and whether you are ready for it or not. Ideal for teaching “stickability” and showing a small child the ropes – generally the ropes that surround the arena as said pony makes a dive for the exit.

Friendly and loves cuddles and will even try to hug you back if you annoy him, just to show there’s no hard feelings. Good doer, lives on fresh air and unwary fingers
 
Current horse:
15.2hh stress bag PBA (but 16.2hh on a windy day) lacks confidence but when calm will be a perfect saint. Can't thing of anything funny to say about him cos he's one in a million. Oh and he's pretty and a bit speshul x
 
Aged TB gelding. Raced heavily over fences and a a result has a myriad of injuries, lumps and bumps. Bombproof in traffic, but scared of everything else. Won't stay out on his own and won't stay in on his own. Will collapse on the floor if front legs are brushed. Loves to load, but hates the actual travelling. Bites with the front end and kicks with the back end. Comes sound and ready to compete - free to any home that can tolerate him.
 
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