A delicate issue re family bereavement

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MyBoyChe

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Totally in shock and really not thinking straight but would appreciate some input. My Mum died today, suddenly, although she was elderly and not in the best of health. Mum has a little rescue dog, about 10 years old of uncertain parentage although def some collie/lab in there. He has been devoted to my Mum for their 8 years together and I owe him a great deal for the love he has shown Mum. Now the problem, my brother and his wife have been living with Mum but are away until Saturday, a neighbour is looking after Sammie until they return. I cant have him because he really needs to be an only dog in a quiet household. He also has severe separation issues (barks if left alone) so he cant really continue to live with my bro and sil as they both work all day. The neighbour who has him is very fond of him but cant take him permanently as they have a disabled adult son and a young grandchild with them a lot and we know Sammie really needs a quiet, adults only home, he is still quite a nervous dog around people he doesnt know or who behave slightly differently. Although he is fit and well I am wondering if it would be better to have him humanely PTS rather than risk a bad rehoming where he wont settle and ends up being passed around, Mum was his 3rd home before he was 2. Any thoughts from you lot would be appreiated as I dont want to jump to the wrong decision too quickly but need to do something soon for his sake. I should add that I feel very guilty as I know Mum would want us to look after him but he just isnt the sort of dog who will settle either left alone or left with other dogs.
 
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. From what you say I think pts may be best, he sounds like a little dog with a few problems, he has had a wonderful life with your mum and any change would probably make him unhappy. My mum used to have a GSD who was her absolute shadow, didn't get on with other dogs and would have been miserable away from mum. She told me that she wanted to have Ria pts if anything should happen to her, in fact Ria was pts while mum was still alive.
If you do make this decision try not to feel guilty, I am sure your mum would appreciate that you only wanted what was best for Sammie.
Sending you hugs.
 
so sorry for your loss.

rather than pts why not contact the oldies club? http://www.oldies.org.uk/

if he has been such a support to your mum couldn't an arrangement be made between your brother and the neighbour so he isn't alone at least until a new home can be found for him?? There are a couple of other rescues that are dedicated to older dogs whose owners are either in hospital or have passed away I'll try and find the links
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss today, a sad time for you all.
FWIW I thoroughly agree with MM; I think the poor dog has had enough upset and worry in his life to be rehomed again and that's if the right home should turn up quickly.
Another thing to think about is would the neighbour offer to have him even although they're not a really suitable home for him if they knew the alternative would be PTS; would it be better to not tell them if that's the case? Sorry to give you something else to think about.
 
Thank you all, I appreciate the reasoned thoughts, mine aren't at the moment!! Obvs I wont make a decision until my bro gets home cos he will still be living at home for a while, although he isnt really a doggy person, he will take good care of him but through choice, wouldnt have a dog himself. M, I wouldnt let the neighbour keep him, knowing their family circumstance, it would be a risk too far, they are a doggy family, when their own children were younger they had one or two lovely little mongrels but they had them from pups and grew up with the children, they will understand any decision I make is best for all.
HL, I had no idea there were rescues dedicated to this type of thing, a link would be good, I will certainly look at this as a choice because with the right person, he will be a very loyal companion, but I do need to be absolutely sure the home is the right one, how can you ever be sure. MM, you are right, Sam had a rotten start to life, 8 months in a flat and then 18 months with a guy who wanted to turn him into a gundog, he just isnt! Mum took him on when she lost the last old lab she and Dad had and was devoted to him, she couldnt abide cruelty to animals and set out to make Sam happy. They made each other happy, which is why this is such a hard thing to try and work out. Its causing me more upset than all the other stuff Ive got to sort. CT, thanks for your thoughts, dont worry about having no advice, I wouldnt have either!
 
Firstly sorry to hear about your mum:(.

10 isnt that old he could go on another 6 years. Would you consider Dog Trust or another animal charity like the one listed above?? I am sure your mum would have wanted her loving pet to try start again.

Happens to cats as well brought into the charity 10 years old they are not PTS. They take a while to settle but they will find the right home in the end.:)
 
You know the dog better than anyone else now so put yourself in the mind of that dog

Now you have done that is there any circumstance in which you (as the dog) would be happy for the next X amount of years?

If you cannot find one in which you would be happy then perhaps a nice long sleep would be preferrable

I wonder how many of us wish we could have this option as humans.....
 
Leviathan, do you know how many old dogs are in the Dogs Trust waiting for homes, dogs that in many cases have gone from being much loved pets with almost constant companionship to being shut in kennels, with minimum of human contact (with the best will in the world the staff have limited time). This happened to a neighbours dog, the person who cared for its elderly owner wanted to have the dog pts as she felt that is what the owner would have wanted, but the family over ruled her (despite the fact they never bothered to visit their relative). That dog spent 2 years in DT before she was pts .:mad:
If you do decide to try to rehome him OP, if it is possible please do it yourself, don't condemn him to a time in kennels wondering what has happened. I do believe from your post that you wouldn't do this as you have Sammie's best interests at heart.
I hope you are coping okay today. x
 
Im sorry for your sad loss.

All I would say is give yourself a little time before you decide what to do. When you have just suffered a major loss you dont always make the best choices. You dont want to regret a desision you make while you may not be thinking straight.
Another thought might be to ring a vets, sometimes they may know of a older person who has lost a dog and does not want to take on a younger one, but would like a older quieter dog. Maybe worth a try?
 
So sorry for your sudden loss, MrBoyChe.

I was also going to suggest contacting The Oldies Club - they use foster homes not kennels for the dogs in their care.

Also the Cinnamon Trust (www.cinnamon.org.uk) provides long term fostering and rehoming for the pets of elderly people who have died or are unable to care for their animals themselves.

My thoughts are with you at this very sad time.
 
Sorry to hear about your mum. Am I right in saying this dog is healthy?
If so I have to say I think you owe it to the dog to give him a chance to find a new home, contact the oldies club, try dogpages rescue forum. He may be going to be a nuisance but I know if I died and someone thought my old dog was a bit too much of a nuisance to make an effort to continue a happy life for I'd be annoyed. In6 months time you may also feel very differently and guilty so give him a chance.
 
Just to second that there are suitable homes out there. I know of an elderly lady who has had dogs all her life and was devastated when one died, she didn't think she could cope with a puppy and didn't like the prospect of outliving a young dog. She also couldn't cope with a rescue from kennels that might need a lot of work, most rescues wouldn't have rehomed to her anyway due to her limited mobility etc but when an older dog came up privately she was overjoyed to be able to give the dog a new start and it really kept her going.
 
I second the Cinnamon Trust, who are there to deal with this exact situation. They will find him a suitable home.
 
So sorry to hear about your mum. I second what others have said about trying to rehome. Could you also ask friends & neighbours of your Mums if they know anyone? I know quite a few older people who can't commit to a lifetime of care or the exercise demands of a young dog who have taken on older dogs when friends have passed away, or gone deliberately to charities to look for them.
 
Susie where has the op ever said she considers the dog to be a nuisance, it seems to me she is trying to do what is best for the dog at a very difficult time for herself. I agree with those who say give yourself time before making a decision. Itbwould be great if there was someone who would take him on where he would be happy but ine homes for oldies are few and far between. Unless they have changed their criteria I think cinnamon trust will only help if the dogs owner is already a member.
 
The cinnamon trust are excellent they do all sorts of animals not just dogs and are very experienced at settling older dogs http://www.cinnamon.org.uk/home.php There are some lovely people out there that would love to have some company you could also ask at your local community centre or through your priest if there is maybe someone in your community that maybe suitable.
 
On that link it does say "provided previous arrangements have been made with us we will take on life time care of a bereaved pet", which was what they said when I tried to get help for someone through them.:(
 
What a shock to lose your mum like that. I'm so sorry.

I hope you find a suitable home, it is so difficult to think straight at a time like this. Did your mum have any dog walking friends? Perhaps they may have some suggestions as they know the dog or could put the word round locally.
 
I am really sorry for your loss, you must be going through a horrid time :(
With regards to the dog, if he is in good health then I think it would be a real shame to have to have him PTS as 10 isn't especially old. Of course you know the dog well and I think sometimes because we know a dog we can have a tendency to over-think how they wil cope. I think it would be good to give him a chance. What are the reasons you can't have him? Is it because you say he needs a quiet home? Does he not socialise well with other dogs?

I think to be honest you can find that dogs actually adapt much better than we think when it comes to change and he may surprise you. It's very early days yet but I would discuss with your brother and then maybe through word of mouth, ads at a vet etc, try and find him somewhere if you are certain he would not be suited to yours or your mum's neighbour's lifestyle.

I certainly think if the dog was not in good health or required ongoing, and maybe expensive medication then PTS could be the best option but it doesn't sound like that's the case. Maybe contact some of the charities/organisations mentioned and see if they can advise or give help.
 
Thank you everyone. Just to summarise for those of you in any doubt, I dont see Sammie as a nuisance, anything but, but I do have to do what is right for him and everyone else. Spoken to my bro today, he has already decided he wont be staying on at Mums house, moving back to his own home straight away as Mums will have to be sold and as already stated, bro & sil work full time. Have spoken to Cinammon and Oldies org, both were very helpful but unable to help, Cinammon, you do have to be registered with them prior to death of the owner, so if anyone else is thinking they might need this service, speak up now. Oldiesorg wouldnt be able to take him as no foster homes suitable and she did thank me for being honest about Sammie and said that she thought the chances of rehoming him would be very low. He wouldnt show himself off well in a kennel environment, he would skulk at the back and retreat into himself, so a normal rehoming centre is out of the question. He is scared of my dogs and in fairness they are a bit too boisterous for him, I wouldnt be able to leave them together safely and dont have enough rooms to start segregating safely. Apart from which, I dont think it would be a very happy life for him. The neighbour would love him but I would never forgive myself if their grandchild or disabled son were bitten so not an option either, they are realistic about this, as am I. Sam is just not used to this environment and as a nervous little dog he panics and is likely to snap, perfect example, yesterday he snapped at my OH who he knows well, but Sammie knew something was wrong at home and wouldnt move from his position on the stairs, when we tried to persuade him, he snapped and ran back upstairs, pure fear! So, the upshot is that I will be taking him to my vet on Monday morning (who I have spoken to and he agrees with my decision) to be PTS with dignity and my thanks for his devotion to Mum. The best way I can cope is by knowing that he had 8 fantastic years with Mum after a bad start, a lot of dogs dont even get that do they!
 
I think you have made a very brave decision albeit a hard one, if he was to be rehomed via a rescue you would never know what had happened to him. He had a wonderful life with your mum and hang on to that thought. Im very sorry for the loss of your mum. x
 
As you have probably gathered from my posts I think you have made the right decision for Sammie. You have put him first and I am sure your mum would agree with your decision. Such a horrible time for you x
 
MurphysMinder said:
Leviathan, do you know how many old dogs are in the Dogs Trust waiting for homes, dogs that in many cases have gone from being much loved pets with almost constant companionship to being shut in kennels, with minimum of human contact (with the best will in the world the staff have limited time).
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Umm yes I do since I have adopted two dogs in my time from charity.
Many older dogs get re homed with older people, and I would guess older people wont be allowed to home younger dogs for fear of them having to be re homed when the person dies. This happens also with cats old people (70+) can't adopt young cats / kittens.

As I said many cats also go from much loved pets to being put in the pens. They all find new homes albeit sometimes a while to find it no cat is PTS with the CPL unless severely ill.

So its prob the same with dogs.
 
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Firstly i am so sorry about your mum. What a difficult decision to have to be making at such a difficult and emotional time. By the sounds of things, the wee dog would be really tricky to home, he is obviously very unsettled already by not being with your mum. I think you have made the best decision for him. I don't think it would be fair to try and find somewhere else for him. Give him his fave treats on Monday and let him go peacefully. Him and your mum will be together, as they should be. please take someone with you though because it is awfully soon to be going through something like that. xxx
 
I feel so sorry for you right now. I lost my mum suddenly when I was in my early twenties and I couldn't think straight so well done on thinking this through and thinking from the dog's point of view. I think you may have made the best decision for the dog's sake and I know that there must have been a temptation to hang on to him (even though he wouldn't be happy in your pack). He will not have to go through any more confusion and you will not have the worry of wondering what had happened to him. So hard for you but I think from what you have said correct for the dog.
 
I am very sorry for the loss of your mum and I am sure you will be so sad at the loss of the little chap - but for what it's worth I think you have made a really brave and good decision for him. He will not fear the future and will be at peace. What a horrible time for you and your family.
 
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