a wwyd re: fellow livery issue

O

one off

Member
Joined
29 April 2014
Messages
10
Visit site
Hi long term member under an alias just in case.
Moved to a new yard a few months ago and both myself and my horse are very happy there.
I get on with all the other liveries but one seems to have a bee in her bonnet about me and its started to grate.
She's a fan of natural horsemanship and barefoot trimming, I have no issue with either and believe as long as horses are healthy then each to their own.
However after she told me how horses "should" be looked after and I politely explained I will look after my horse as I choose to, she's making rather a lot of comments both to my face and to others, in the last week alone:

Horse lost a shoe and had a swelling on her girth area (possibly from shoe hitting her on the way off?) Apparently I was pathetic to cancel my weekly lesson
Horse has suffered from lami this year, I was stupid to shoe in heart bars as horses don't need to be shod in the wild
Horse was on box rest until next pre-booked shoeing 3 days later, very prone to abcesses so didnt want to take the risk of walking it down the gravely path to the paddocks, horse was happy being in, was classed as over protective and if horse gets abcess it should just deal with it
Various comments on my riding ability and the fact we've only reached trot since being there, am taking it slowly as horse was off work due to lami (fit and sound for the last 4 months) and I've not been able to ride as often as I'd like due to my own health issues
Have kept my cool so far but am struggling, have resorted to wandering around the yard with my earphones in listening to music if its just me and her there
My question is how would you deal with this?
Left over Turkey and baileys to everyone who made it through!
 
You obviously need to be very adult and mature about this, keep very calm, take a big breath...........then kick her straight in the Foof, with a "plenty of more where that came from" comment added just at the right moment, timing is everything, you could mention that "in the wild", that's how horses would sort out their differences, being into Natural Horse Methods, she will appreciate the lesson, it's very doubtful she will bother you again.
 
Im not a fan on confrontation as I like the easy life, but id probably force myself into saying something to her, as sooner of later you're likely to get so frustrated that you'll blow! You should be enjoying your time there, not feeling like you're always on guard.

Have you made an friends at the new yard, or anyone that you feel like you could talk this through with? YO/YM?
 
Pedantic said:
You obviously need to be very adult and mature about this, keep very calm, take a big breath...........then kick her straight in the Foof, with a "plenty of more where that came from" comment added just at the right moment, timing is everything, you could mention that "in the wild", that's how horses would sort out their differences, being into Natural Horse Methods, she will appreciate the lesson, it's very doubtful she will bother you again.
Click to expand...


Ha haha ...or there's this option......!
 
Pedantic said:
You obviously need to be very adult and mature about this, keep very calm, take a big breath...........then kick her straight in the Foof, with a "plenty of more where that came from" comment added just at the right moment, timing is everything, you could mention that "in the wild", that's how horses would sort out their differences, being into Natural Horse Methods, she will appreciate the lesson, it's very doubtful she will bother you again.
Click to expand...

LOL @ Kick in the Foof. Then dump in trough?
 
Pedantic said:
You obviously need to be very adult and mature about this, keep very calm, take a big breath...........then kick her straight in the Foof, with a "plenty of more where that came from" comment added just at the right moment, timing is everything, you could mention that "in the wild", that's how horses would sort out their differences, being into Natural Horse Methods, she will appreciate the lesson, it's very doubtful she will bother you again.
Click to expand...

Rofl, do this ^ ! :D

I'd have killed her by now OP and buried the body in the muck heap, so no useful advice from me. I actually had to move yards to get away from an interfering livery before I snapped.
 
one off said:
Horse lost a shoe and had a swelling on her girth area (possibly from shoe hitting her on the way off?) Apparently I was pathetic to cancel my weekly lesson
Horse has suffered from lami this year, I was stupid to shoe in heart bars as horses don't need to be shod in the wild
Horse was on box rest until next pre-booked shoeing 3 days later, very prone to abcesses so didnt want to take the risk of walking it down the gravely path to the paddocks, horse was happy being in, was classed as over protective and if horse gets abcess it should just deal with it
Various comments on my riding ability and the fact we've only reached trot since being there, am taking it slowly as horse was off work due to lami (fit and sound for the last 4 months) and I've not been able to ride as often as I'd like due to my own health issues
Have kept my cool so far but am struggling, have resorted to wandering around the yard with my earphones in listening to music if its just me and her there
My question is how would you deal with this?
Click to expand...
I'd start by making sure that she wasn't involved with me and my horse at all. I'd restrict myself to the bare minimum of polite interaction eg hello, great weather etc. You've already made a start with the headphones. I wouldn't be wandering about the yard - I'd be completely focussed on my business with my horse. She seems to know too much about you and your horse eg how does she know horse has heart bars? how does she know horse is very prone to abscesses? how does she know you've only reached trot? I wouldn't give her any opportunity too know anything about me or my horse.
 
Havent said anything to YO at present as 1 as a newbie i dont want to be labelled a pain in the bottom and 2 i think two adults should be able to sort things I'm just unsure about how to do it, though a hoofing in the foof followed by a shove in a trough could be plan b lol
We share an instructer who has answered some of her questions about us, shes also asked fellow liveries, don't blame them as they didn't know why they were being asked
Don't "wander" aimlessly around the yard lol, just wandering about doing what I need to do
Will say hello then carry on doing my own thing
 
Last edited:
one off said:
We share an instructer who has answered some of her questions about us, shes also asked fellow liveries, don't blame them as they didn't know why they were being asked
Don't "wander" aimlessly around the yard lol, just wandering about doing what I need to do
Click to expand...
I expect client confidentiality so I wouldn't want my instructor answering anyone's questions about me or my horse.
 
Pedantic said:
You obviously need to be very adult and mature about this, keep very calm, take a big breath...........then kick her straight in the Foof, with a "plenty of more where that came from" comment added just at the right moment, timing is everything, you could mention that "in the wild", that's how horses would sort out their
differences, being into Natural Horse Methods, she will appreciate the lesson, it's very doubtful she will bother you again.
Click to expand...


Hahaha... love this response, although I hate confrontation but there comes a point where idiots have to be corrected and learn about boundaries.
I would suggest that this individual focuses on her own horse and keeps opinions to herself.
 
She's behaving like a bully. Approach her and start with the whole " I am sure you don't intend this, but your constant commentary on all I do with my horse is beginning to feel like an over zealous interest in me and is starting to annoy me. I fully appreciate this is most probably not your intention but this is how it is coming across. Therefore, please keep your advice/thoughts and opinions to yourself" there is no co me back from her..she can hardly disagree with how her actions make you feel,
And tell your instructor not to share your information with her and don't share with the other liveries.
 
I think you have a good plan with the ear phones. If she speaks to you pretend you did not hear and ignore her. I would not even say hello, since she is rude I would be too and would blank her, it is less encouragement for her to talk to you. If she asked why I would tell her the truth that she makes rude comments and you have no interest in speaking with her, then put earphones in and ignore her response! If you like the other liveries you could hack with them and drop into conversation comments about for example your ponys new diet and why you have changed it. Then others know there is a reason for what you do and will see her poison remarks for what they are.

Two things I did when I had nuisance liveries was I changed my times to see my horse to avoid the problem people and if they were still there when I arrived I quickly tacked up and went hacking to avoid speaking to them.
 
Luci07 said:
She's behaving like a bully. Approach her and start with the whole " I am sure you don't intend this, but your constant commentary on all I do with my horse is beginning to feel like an over zealous interest in me and is starting to annoy me. I fully appreciate this is most probably not your intention but this is how it is coming across. Therefore, please keep your advice/thoughts and opinions to yourself" there is no co me back from her..she can hardly disagree with how her actions make you feel,
And tell your instructor not to share your information with her and don't share with the other liveries.
Click to expand...

Exactly this!
 
Sounds like a yard I used to be on! I would just smile and carry on with what you are doing. you know your horse and know what is right and wrong for him. :) Being happy and unconcerned would grate her more than throwing your toys out. I would politely just reply with things like, oh thats interesting or thank you for your opinion. I bet she will soon get bored of you!
 
Last edited:
I agree with this, I would smile and say gosh how interesting etc etc and then carry on doing your own thing. She will eventually realise she is being patronised. This might work better than confronting her-though I can see why you would. People should mind their own business.
 
SunSeeker said:
Hahaha... love this response, although I hate confrontation but there comes a point where idiots have to be corrected and learn about boundaries.
I would suggest that this individual focuses on her own horse and keeps opinions to herself.
Click to expand...

This, just tell her firmly that you don't advise her on her horse care, so she should return the favour, if it was me, I would wait till they were with other liveries, then ask what she meant by her comments and watch her squirm, but that's me
 
Agree with last 2 posts-just laugh/smile & ignore. She sounds pretty childish so treat her like that-if you take her seriously she'll think she's got something valid to say!
 
Time with your horse should be something which brightens any day, not to have that feeling of worry in the back of your mind! How dare she put a dampener on that.

You are not at high school, you pay money for a service/facilities to keep your horse, and should never feel afraid to "rock the boat" if someone is causing you problems.

What you have told us is not just a clash of personalities, she is being down right rude and intruding in your business. You should speak with the YO. It will only take 5 mins, to explain that you are now in a situation where you are having to avoid this women, and she is making your time at the yard unpleasant. That you are hoping that if maybe someone ( in power) could have a quiet word with her before it escalates into a potential blow out!

The YO should appreciate you coming to them so that they can try to resolve the situation before either you leave, or you deck her!
 
Nosey said:
Agree with last 2 posts-just laugh/smile & ignore. She sounds pretty childish so treat her like that-if you take her seriously she'll think she's got something valid to say!
Click to expand...

This, if you don't respect her opinion, ignore it, treat it like the ticking of a clock you never hear, it ticks away and you've tuned it out.

Failing that, changing the times you go up if you are able could make all the difference, for various reasons I go up to my horses later than I used to, I rarely see many folk these days. I have no idea normally what everyone else is up to and I'm sure there are a few who may think I never even see my horses now.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top