Advice needed for a rubbish rider made worse by nerves

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WeeBrown

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I will readily admit to being rubbish - especially in canter - as I grip with my knees in times of trouble (and times in between too :s)! I feel pretty rubbish most of the time and find it hard to feel positive about my riding, even though I came second twice, scoring 76% and 67% this week in dressage. I am even worse if I think people are watching, commenting or looking at me odd. I know at the time I'm being silly but I can't seem to help it.
I am viewing a new horse tomorrow but I am dreading the bit where I have to ride. I have been putting off viewing anything despite looking since last November. This is due to
a) Me thinking they won't bring me on which is what I'm looking for in a new horse
but mainly
b) I'm scared of riding in front of the prospective seller.
How can I get more self-esteem and not end up looking like a total twonk? I'm worried no one will sell me their horse!
 
For starters, if a dressage judge is rating you that highly then a try out should be the least of your worries.

Sounds like the rest of your life (non horsey) has gone berserk and resulted in your having a period of extremely low self esteem. What's going on?

In the short term, think of it like this; if the worst happens, as you believe it will, and you go and try a horse and they literally pull you from it, you're that bad...then you will leave and never see them again.

So just go try it. And report back please, with pics if poss :D
 
You have to stop worrying about what others think - it will cripple you! Also, when you are riding at a show get it out of your head that every person there is going to stop, look at you and comment. Of course they are not, mostly they are there to ride themselves or to support a friend or family member - not stand there and comment on your grippy knees (which cannot be that bad given your dressage marks ;))! Also when you go to try horses mostly the vendor will be standing there hoping that their horse behaves for you and that you will like it enough to buy it. Stop worrying so much and get on and enjoy it!
 
I recommend a book all about NLP in riding called simple steps to riding success. It will help you overcome some of your worries and give you techniques to deal with them. I have found NLP hugely helpful.
 
I've just had a quick look at that book on amazon and I think that might help, thanks. I took part in a coaching seminar thing about positive thinking which really helped but I didn't keep up with the techniques.
The dressage tests were just a W&T and a Prelim 4 but I don't do many. The judges scores were high, worst I think was a 52%.
I'll try to keep positive tomorrow....I really hate this horse buying malarky.
 
I know exactly how you feel... When competing in stressage, trying out horses etc I get so nervous. I even get nervous when having a lesson or if someone is watching me (even more so when I ended up jumping a 1* event horse that I'd ridden a grand total of one times... in front of two mega-good riders... was just thinking *don't **** up, don't **** up* all the time :o) There's no reason for it - I don't tend to fall off, nearly always do okayish but just can't help but worry that everyone will thing I'm rubbish :o

Tried rescue remedy for the first time the other day for some stressage and it helped a lot. The little panicky voice was still faintly there but it was like my head could just go 'shut up panicky voice - you can do this!' instead of just bottling it. Not sure how much of it was just a placebo effect, but it's not expensive and it could be worth a try? :) I found that none of the mind-training-positive-thinking ever helped me.
 
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Ah I hate trying horses out the pressure is so intense! I tried my current boy in front of his owner and pro rider and I couldn't even make him canter lol they were both shouting instructions but it just wasn't happening! Didn't put me off though, and we eventually got it, just pressing the wrong buttons :D

My mum's advice to me was always that it's the horse on trial, not you. If you're looking for something genuine, get on with a long rein and a soft seat, don't ask for anything at all, and see what happens! A nice horse will relax and stroll round in a happy forward walk, and if you pick the contact up and the horse softens that's all you need to know :) When it comes to jumping, mum always had me do a cross pole, come in at trot with a very light contact, and again see what happens!

Plus when you find the right horse, you don't care if you can't get it to go beautifully first time, because you have that feeling like the two of you are gonna be a team and you'll figure it out together :)
 
I've used a book called 'It's Not Just About the Ribbons'. I found it to be very helpful :)

Can you take a supportive friend? I got very nervous about trying out my boy at first, but my younger sister was there to help. My instructor who knew my riding was also good at explaining to the vendor about how nervous I was in those sorts of scenarios - though the vendor was good friends with my instructor so that probably helped in that situation.
 
WeeBrown I have exactly the same problem, when it comes to riding in front of people I fall apart, I really, really hate it and it is definitely holding me back :(
 
Sounds to me like you have been really beating yourself up over stressing. You obvously are a good rider to manage those high scores youe getting in dressage.
Have you considered trying some rescue remedy before you ride? It proberly sounds strange, but I give it to my nervous daughter before she completes and she normally goes out and comes home with a ribbon. We swear by it and had many wins with its help.

Good luck
 
Weebrown - no real constructive advice but just thanks so much for posting this. I feel exactly the same, sometimes I think its just our own minds standing in our way - not anyone else!!
 
That's exactly what my old instructor said - he's moved countries now so I don't have him here to give me words of wisdom (or more likely tell me to get my arse in gear!). I kept putting off doing my first ever dressage test on my mare until I was 'good enough'. He said "You'll never be good enough because there is always something that you'll want to do better so just get on with it and have some fun". I loved that man and miss him heaps! I think my lack of confidence comes from other events, I generally have low self-esteem.
 
It's hard as you think everyone is watching you whereas in reality they are concentrating on themselves and not you!
I try to go with the "Someone else's opinion of me is their opinion not mine" which works well most of the time unless I'm at a low moment when really nothing helps if I'm honest :(
Try to look at your glass of life being half full rather than half empty and take each step slowly and concentrate on the good things you've done. Trust me it will get easier but am going to have a mooch for that book too :D
 
Honestly, at shows people are there to ride or to help out a friend/family member. Often they watch other rounds/tests but they aren't doing it to comment on you (or your knees), it's just to pass the time!

As for trying out horses, if you're trying it out because it sounds like a suitable horse for your level of riding and confidence, then I'm sure a person/rider like you is what the owner is expecting. :) Don't be put off by it at all.

Having said this, I rode a fantastic ex-international eventer at a yard once, in front of two pros. All was going well (ish). I was riding like a bit of an idiot, but not toooo badly. Until we got to a course and I had a horrific stride to an upright, resulted in me hanging off horse's neck and pro saying 'I think if you two (other girls) go with him, I'll just help 'JustMe22' by herself for a while.' Cringe.

Also. Try rescue remedy :)
 
I totally know how you feel, and like everyone else has said, don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you are a competent rider, just lacking in confidence, that's all.
1) Getting a new horse that you've never sat on is nerve-wracking for everyone, even pros can feel nervous before getting on a new horse they haven't ridden before. You just never know how they'll behave.

2) It takes time to get into the new horse's rhythym and movement, it doesn't happen on the first time you sit on them. Even very strong riders can look a bit wobbly / out-of-sync on a new horse with a different movement to what they're used to

3) A seller won't care how you ride. I've sold two competition horses, and am not at all bothered if someone comes who has very little experience or technique (but you are certainly both experienced and u have technique). My thoughts as a seller are "they'll learn together"; "they need to get used to each other". I care more about - "do they get on with each other?", "will he/she treat the horse well?"

4) There are not enough pro riders out there with enough money to buy all the nice horses for sale. I don't think any seller is expecting only pros to turn up, unless it is a difficult / nightmare horse!!

5) Try Rescue Remedy - I keep a bottle in the car just in case

6) Try Jo Cooper, Equestrian Confidence - to try to get to the bottom of your fears, she does NLP, is reasonably priced, and has a genuine interest in helping people get over their fears. www.equestrianconfidence.com - I used her after I had a bad accident that left me completely devoid of any shred of confidence. She's brilliant.

7) Think positive, be kind to yourself, and good luck finding "the one"!!

Big comforting hugs :)
 
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