Advice needed: Getting people to shut up when you're there to see your horses?

Andiamo said:
I'm good with setting boundaries with horses, but definitely not so good at it with people. I'll start applying some of my horse training skills to this situation, and see how that works, thanks :)
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For your own sanity make it into a ‘game’ as you would a horse - devise a strategy and if it isn’t effective after a period make the message clearer ... and then see how you can refine it to get the message to a whisper.

Oh who remembers ‘The Naked Ape’ any ‘herd animals, including humans are essentially the same!!
 
Im afraid i would be no help. I had one at last yard. She had Bipolar and other issues and whilst she was always lovely and nice i just did not get along with her, but she did not pick up that cue. She would be at the yard "ALL" the time, no matter when i went she was there, so changing my times to avoid her was impossible. I tried saying nicely i was busy etc and just saying hello and walking on etc but she would follow me and ask why i was not speaking to her. If i had not had a full conversation with her she would message me later and say why did i not chat today etc. My horse even started to act like a prat around her (i know she never did anything to my horse, but he is very sensitive to my emotions and he won't play nice with people i don't like) i had to whack a twitch on him for the farrier once and he was like WTF has that woman done to your horse is she battering him lol

I was at the time considering moving yards anyway...but honestly that woman was a massive pro to move. She made having a horse intolerable.
 
Andiamo said:
Anyone have any tips on how to get people to shut up, when you are there to spend quality time with your horses? I (and all of us) invest a lot of time and energy into our horses, and we make many sacrifices to have them. I find when I am at the yard, selfish OCD nonstop talkers continually get in my face to talk nonstop about their 12 lame horses, without giving one toss about my horses, or me. They are simply mouthpieces that will go on for hours - to the polite person who doesn't have balls to tell them to go away. Yesterday, after being in hospital for some days, I arrived at the yard to spend time with my horses, and one person talked non-stop for 1.5 hours about her 12 rescue horses who are all lame or buck her off. She's about 22 stone, which might have something to do with the lameness and bucking, and all the horses are below 15hh. I only wanted to spend time with my horses, I did not want to listen to her self indulgent, whining as she followed me around everywhere I went, not stopping her incessant talking for one moment.

At no point, did she ask anything about me, and she did not even acknowledge my horses' existence. She doesn't know their names, or their ages, or anything about them, she had no interest in them whatsoever, and only wanted someone to whinge to and tell her life story to. It ruined my day at the yard, it was a day I had looked forward to, after being in hospital, I looked forward to seeing my horses again, but it was ruined by this person. I am polite, so it does not come naturally how to deal with this selfish OCD talking. How can I stop it before it starts, and get people to back off? I am there for my horses, not to listen to endless hours of nonstop drivel by people who do not give one toss about me or my horses.
Advice appreciated.
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The yard I’m currently at a lot of the people are chatty, I just say “sorry I can’t stay and chat but (insert any excuse with a time frame) and I have my jobs to do and then get away from them.
 
I doubt it is actually OCD. That can be a seriously debilitating condition which controls people's lives and causes severe anxiety. It isn't something to be taken lightly and thrown around when you want to say that someone is egotistical and only wants to talk about themselves and their horses.

I would just say "sorry, I'm in a rush today" and walk away.
 
alexomahony said:
I'd be wary of going down the 'just being mean' route - she may very well have a condition that means she misunderstands social cues, but you can be blunt without being rude. You also never know what's going on in someone's personal life - so you should always be kind.

Why do you care whether or not she knows about your horses? Their yours, not hers, and if you don't have time to talk about them then she'll never know about them. She approached you to talk about her horses, not the other way round. If you don't have time to talk, then don't... but sometimes it's important to listen... even pretend you're listening. You can get on with your jobs whilst she's talking and concentrate on your horses. If you don't have time, then simply explain that you're in a real rush today and apologize that you don't have time to chat - she might not take the hint, but at least you've told her so then if she chooses to follow you around, you don't have to respond.
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This is also what I think. This post made me feel a bit sad. I know it is awkward to tell people to leave you alone but I think she obviously sounds very oblivious to social cues, doesn't realise she's being rude and probably just thinks you're interested in what she has to say. People like that are annoying but I think pages of people suggesting ways to get rid of her and comments about how her horses are lame because of her weight are just a bit far. Having said that I appreciate people like her are very annoying but I personally would rather someone just told me than posted something like that about me on a forum.
 
I am very lucky in that I have the yard all to myself, I take care of the two other ladies horses so its just me 99% of the time.
I did however walk out of the yard yesterday and got collared by someone from the yard next door who chewed my ear off for half an hour while my car was literally running, sat on the road because I was leaving after having locked up.

Sometimes I like the idea of having someone to talk to and feel a bit lonely. The feeling passes after about twelve seconds though!
 
Peter7917 said:
I am very lucky in that I have the yard all to myself, I take care of the two other ladies horses so its just me 99% of the time.
I did however walk out of the yard yesterday and got collared by someone from the yard next door who chewed my ear off for half an hour while my car was literally running, sat on the road because I was leaving after having locked up.

Sometimes I like the idea of having someone to talk to and feel a bit lonely. The feeling passes after about twelve seconds though!
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What on earth is wrong with saying 'sorry I've got to go'?
 
Why not just have a conversation with her? Just explain to her nicely but firmly that your young horses require your complete attention and that you cannot chat to her.

I have a youngster, he’s only a yearling and I have to say I know I can take my eyes off him without him putting feet over doors or through things, I can even tie him up with a haynet in the communal tie up area and he will stand, little fidgety at times but he eats eventually.

So I can and do talk to people when they talk to me. However I will say when I’m done and just say ‘ok away to work with Faran I’ll talk to you later’ and walk away.

No need to be rude it’s a simple conversation and if she takes it wrong then that’s not your issue, be polite but firm and then you have done all you can.
 
Black Beastie said:
Why not just have a conversation with her? Just explain to her nicely but firmly that your young horses require your complete attention and that you cannot chat to her.

I have a youngster, he’s only a yearling and I have to say I know I can take my eyes off him without him putting feet over doors or through things, I can even tie him up with a haynet in the communal tie up area and he will stand, little fidgety at times but he eats eventually.

So I can and do talk to people when they talk to me. However I will say when I’m done and just say ‘ok away to work with Faran I’ll talk to you later’ and walk away.

No need to be rude it’s a simple conversation and if she takes it wrong then that’s not your issue, be polite but firm and then you have done all you can.
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I think OP has done this though or at least attempted to do it & to be fair, I've done this myself to people in the past and been upfront and kinda explaining that I have a job where I talk all day & have to be 'on' so when I get to my horses, the last thing I want to do is talk... some people dont understand that and continue then to ramble on about themselves and their problems, honestly they dont even want you to say anything, they just like the sound of their own voice. Being firm and polite is obviously the first repsonse to a situation like this but when that doesn't work sometimes you have to take the next steps.

No one wants any on to get upset or hurt but you have to protect your own personal space aswell, most of us have horses for me time & something that keeps us sane! Its not completely unrealistic to want to keep a bit of ourselves just for time with them.
 
There is a big difference from doing it or attempting. Saying you are off to do something and walking away is perfectly polite and firm and has worked for me many times.

I have social anxiety and other anxiety disorders and I don’t find that approach stressful of impolite, it’s simple fact.

OP I hope you get it resolved. I have done the earbuds in and music on in the past also but a firm conversation has worked better in the long run.
 
This is one reason we rent a field on our own, with just our horses and ponies we have no one nagging:)
Those poor ponies sound like they need rescuing from her. If she really is as heavy as you said, there is no way she should be riding, as someone else said, this is a welfare issueo_O
 
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Andiamo said:
yes, she does it to others. I am in a completely different part of the yard to the rest, and no one has any reason to come into the bit where I keep my horses. But I have to go past the other bit for dumping out wheelbarrows onto the muck heap etc. She stands in her stable mucking out, and talking endlessly at whoever is on the other side of her stable - without seeing facial expressions, or if anyone is listening, she just goes on and one and on. She came into the part where I keep my youngsters, and blocked the exit door, and stood there for 1.5 hours nonstop talking about herself and all her lame horses (and what an expert she is on everything). My youngsters are babies, are not backed, they are very unpredictable, jumpy and will strike out and leap in the air without warning. Therefore I need to give 100% of my attention to them, to keep myself safe. With her standing in the door, blocking it, it was difficult to know how to get rid of her. Good point about the horse training, and being stronger and consistent with her. I'm good with setting boundaries with horses, but definitely not so good at it with people. I'll start applying some of my horse training skills to this situation, and see how that works, thanks :)
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sharped pitch fork springs to mind when dealing with door blockers !
 
Its irritating when time is short and someone always follows you around to chat, but my YOs are my inspiration there.
It's 60 horse yard run to a very high level and yet, both of them seem to have endless time and patience to listen to everyone. Everyday, the old, lonely farmer from down the lane, pops in to chat for 15 minutes or so and he is greeted with such respect and kindness. The fact that my YOs can work so efficiently and yet seem to have all the time in the world for lonely (or irritating) people, is a life skill that I'm still working on.
 
I think I might be that annoying person sometimes eek! I'm not very good at reading social cues, but reading this thread has been helpful. Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone, but sometimes I do get horrendous verbal diarrhoea and can talk 'at' people, and it usually takes me a little while before I realise what I'm doing :oops:
 
tankgirl1 said:
I think I might be that annoying person sometimes eek! I'm not very good at reading social cues, but reading this thread has been helpful. Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone, but sometimes I do get horrendous verbal diarrhoea and can talk 'at' people, and it usually takes me a little while before I realise what I'm doing :oops:
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I'm not 22 stone with loads of rescue ponies though lol
 
tankgirl1 said:
I think I might be that annoying person sometimes eek! I'm not very good at reading social cues, but reading this thread has been helpful. Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone, but sometimes I do get horrendous verbal diarrhoea and can talk 'at' people, and it usually takes me a little while before I realise what I'm doing :oops:
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Lois Lame said:
I've thought the same as you, tankgirl, and so yesterday when I went up to see my horse I gave the others a bit of a break.
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If it makes you both feel any better, I love people who chatter away constantly. My OH witters away pretty much non stop from the moment he wakes up to the moment he returns to the land of nod, and it's one of the things I love about him. My mum does it too. I actively encourage people who like to chat away while I'm doing stuff on the yard, and I would be genuinely bereft if someone usually chatty suddenly stopped.
 
DabDab said:
If it makes you both feel any better, I love people who chatter away constantly. My OH witters away pretty much non stop from the moment he wakes up to the moment he returns to the land of nod, and it's one of the things I love about him. My mum does it too. I actively encourage people who like to chat away while I'm doing stuff on the yard, and I would be genuinely bereft if someone usually chatty suddenly stopped.
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Since I retired the stables are often the only place I see other people and certainly the only time I get to witter on about horses. Fortunately I'm quite quiet so I don't tend to witter on for all that long.
 
Gloi said:
Since I retired the stables are often the only place I see other people and certainly the only time I get to witter on about horses. Fortunately I'm quite quiet so I don't tend to witter on for all that long.
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Yeah, I'm not much of a talker except on particular (generally fairly niche) subjects, so I like people who do most of the talking 😁
 
tankgirl1 said:
I'm not 22 stone with loads of rescue ponies though lol
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Her weight would not matter, if she did not ride, I would not even let her ride my hubbys much bigger shire cross. She is either ignorant or just does not care about the welfare of her ponies, I would be contacting BHS or WHW who are quite happy to give advice, riding these ponies when you are that big is wrong, and she needs stopping.
 
Cinnamontoast said:
I would stop whatever I was doing, look at her very earnestly and say 'I'm spending time with my horse, will you excuse me?' Wait for her to hear what you've said, don't speak, wait for her to walk away. You haven't been rude, you've just told her that you'd rather spend time with your horse.
As the chatty person but not half as bad as my mum this one made me laugh, I wouldn't have a clue what I were excusing you for if you said that to me!
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Gloi said:
However the person saying she is 22 stone is the OP who obviously does not like her so she could well be nothing like that.
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Yes this is what I thought.

If the OP was genuinely worried about the welfare of the ponies, that would have been the point of the post. Instead she wanted advice on how to make the woman stop talking. The underhand comment about her weight and lame ponies seems like it's there to further make this poor woman sound like an idiot. Also she said 'about 22 stone' which makes me think she probably weighs a lot less than this.

If it is a welfare issue then by all means crack on and call BHS, but the OP sounds a lot more concerned that the woman doesn't know her horse's names than she does about the welfare of the ponies.
 
greenbean10 said:
Yes this is what I thought.

If the OP was genuinely worried about the welfare of the ponies, that would have been the point of the post. Instead she wanted advice on how to make the woman stop talking. The underhand comment about her weight and lame ponies seems like it's there to further make this poor woman sound like an idiot. Also she said 'about 22 stone' which makes me think she probably weighs a lot less than this.

If it is a welfare issue then by all means crack on and call BHS, but the OP sounds a lot more concerned that the woman doesn't know her horse's names than she does about the welfare of the ponies.
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A bit harsh IMHO, OP did say she had been in hospital for some days and just wanted time with her horses. Given that information the OP may well have posted while not feeling resilient having been ill. We all have our grumpy days and sometimes need to vent...........
 
Velcrobum said:
A bit harsh IMHO, OP did say she had been in hospital for some days and just wanted time with her horses. Given that information the OP may well have posted while not feeling resilient having been ill. We all have our grumpy days and sometimes need to vent...........
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Maybe I'm currently having one of those days! Yes to be fair that was possibly a bit harsh I just feel so sorry for this poor woman!
 
You could try the send away technique. Keep asking her to fetch things for you, even if you don't want anything. I suspect it won't be long before she is fed up with being your "slave" or it will at least give you a few minutes peace. Just make sure everything you want is far away😉
 
Or when you’re mucking out and she’s in the doorway “accidentally” miss the barrow when flipping a fork full of droppings.
 
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