Advice on new horse please

[Waxwing]

A few months ago I bought a 15.2 a s a mother/ daughter share for myself and my daughter As the horse was a younger than we planned to get we have put her on full/ schooling livery with friends of ours who are qualified instructors and have experience with young horses; she will spend a least a year there and potentially be on livery there on a permanent basis. The plan being that they will school her/ hack her out three times a week and we will have lessons with them and gradually over time, as she matures, we will do more and they will do a bit less. In her previous home she had hacked out in company , been to a couple of shows and done a few pony club events. When we tried her we rode her in their school, my daughter jumped her and I hacked her out (off road). We both felt she was a horse we could handle; while recognising that she would need further schooling and we would need help to do that. My daughter has a pony on part loan at present and the plan is that she will do Pony Club etc on the loan pony this summer and potentially progress to our new horse next year. My hope is that in a years time I am hacking her out a few times a few week, considering a few pleasure rides and maybe aiming for my first dressage test. She is a bit babyish at times, and still learning a few manners, but is a generally a "nice person" and will stand by you in field for a scratch and cuddle and will let you scratch her if she lying down in the stable. We had reached the point where we were able to ride in the school for half an hour and then go a walk on own around a ten minute woodland track on the stable grounds. The last time we did this she was a rather spooky as they had put some jumps out but after a bit of backing up we went past and I repeated the loop and she was fine. I then felt confident enough to let my daughter go round. The people who run the stables know me and my daughter well; they taught my daughter to ride and the owner and I have been friends for over twenty years; I trust that if they thought the horse wasn't appropriate they would say so. However despite all the positives, and while I really like the horse (personality wise) I find that overall I am not enjoying owning her and feel anxious all the time and then feel very guilty for feeling like this as I finally have a horse! Every time the feedback is that she has been a bit fresh or baby ish my main desire is to sell her or put her out on loan to someone who can actually appreciate her. She has been quite fresh this week so the yard owners (knowing that I am lacking a bit of confidence) at present have suggested I don't ride her unless someone is there so I feel like we are going backwards rather than forwards. My non horsey husband is being very supportive (he is currently fixing the horsebox we have bought) and says give it six to nine months and then see how everything is going. Intellectually I know he is right but emotionally I am concerned that if I carry on feeling like this I am not going to be confident enough to enjoy her and I'm not being fair to the horse, my husband or daughter. Sorry for the essay but its got the point where I am in tears at times, which is not great and not how I envisaged horse owning to be. I thought it my be helpful to get some viewpoints from people who don't know me.

 

[shortstuff99]

Has she been difficult for you to ride or just what the trainer has been saying?

 

[tallyho!]

Sorry to hear you’re feeling anxious… we all get that from time to time no matter what sport.

You didn’t say how old the mare was… young mares can be spooky I put it down to hormones. Plus it’s the height of spring and all ours are wonderfully forward and giving it full throttle (which I love) which is perfectly natural and will wear off.
To me it sounds as if you’ve almost made your mind up, reading between the lines.

 

[Northern Hare]

I’m really sorry to hear that your owning your first horse is proving to be so stressful, that’s a real shame. To me anyway, it sounds like you’re doing lots right - having her on livery at a knowledgeable yard, and taking things slowly. You don’t say how old she is, but it sounds like she has been out an about with her previous owners, so presumably not freshly broken in. As you say, it’s not always ideal to have a young and inexperienced horse as your first horse, but with assistance and taking it one step at a time, it can work out fine. It may be simply that she is still settling into her new home. Otherwise if she is being over-fresh, is this because she is getting a lot of lush grass, or has her feed changed?

My suggestion would be to concentrate on her being just your horse for the moment, especially as your daughter has a pony to ride for the summer. Have plenty of lessons on her yourself - and also include learning how to lunge her. This will really help you get your confidence with her (and enjoy her), and you will then be able to lunge her before you ride her to settle her. Go slowly, and when you feel more confident, introduce some short and quiet hacks out with sensible company.

Good luck, I’m sure if you stick with her that in six months you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come ?

 

[AmyMay]

Just sell her. The market is red hot, she’s getting an education so will be worth probably more than you bought her for now. And then go out and buy the horse you need.

 

[Flame_]

IIWY I'd crack on and ride the horse yourself. If you get along well, keep her. If she's a pita sell her. Have a word with yourself about the anxiety - are you probably endangering yourself riding this horse? If yes, just sell her. If no, stop worrying and over-thinking, get on with stuff and see if she's enjoyable or not. I'd decrease the input from the yard staff and figure out how it was working for myself, IIWY.

 

[MissTyc]

Either the situation or the horse is making you feel this way. Both are changeable! Either take over your horse, ride her every day with the trainer doing a schooling session here or there as needed, or sell the horse and buy one that makes you feel safe. For most riders, life is too short to be planning the rides you maybe want to do to in a year - if bringing the horse to that point isn't really your thing there is no shame in getting a more suitable one. Now is the perfect time of year to sell and it's a strong market.

 

[Cutgrass]

Sell her and buy the right horse for you now. Horse ownership is too emotionally and financially expensive to do it while not enjoying it.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you for the responses; she hasn't been particularly difficult for me or my daughter to ride; other than the odd spook and baby buck (nothing either of us cannot handle in the confines of the school; it would probably be rather a different story if we took her further afield at present. She is a little unbalanced in canter on the left rein but nothing ongoing schooling won't address, and we are being supported with this . We had a joint lesson on her last weekend and my daughter did a couple of jumps with no issues. However the feedback is that she has been more difficult to ride this week; she is now out all the time and has moved to a larger field with some other mares and plenty of spring grass so this may have had an impact on her behaviour. The issue is that even when things are going well I have some fairly strong doubts, so when issues arise my anxiety rises very steeply. Although this is my first full time horse as an adult I have previously had a couple of shares and didn't experience these feelings, but although I was very fond of both and during the time I was with them looked after them as well as possible they weren't "mine." When I am with my daughter and her loan pony I am confident that in the pony misbehaves, on the yard or at pony club I can support her with this. I need to have the same feeling with ours. I am going to have a conversation with the yard owner next week and have a think about what to do. Thank you again; I have not been wanting to let my daughter or her previous owners "down" but ultimately she is my horse. She is also young, well bred and has a lot of jumping ability so if I do choose to sell finding her a good home wouldn't be difficult. Thank you again.

 

[shortstuff99]

This sounds like the trainers are making you scared rather then the actual horse. Might be worth having a lesson from someone not associated with this yard to see what they say.

The cynic in me wonders if they are doing it so you pay them for more training/riding.

 

[atropa]

The issue is that even when things are going well I have some fairly strong doubts, so when issues arise my anxiety rises very steeply.

This part concerns me, can you pinpoint what these strong doubts are and where they are coming from? It actually sounds from your post like things are going nicely so far.

 

[paddy555]

From what you have written she is doing nothing for your confidence. She won't have to do much to erode it further. I would sell,, find a nice horse that you can just turn up, stick the tack on and ride off quite happily for an hour on your own without even thinking if you are worried or not. Get your confidence levels up. Get some fun.

Alternatively if you really like her and can afford it keep her on schooling livery and loan (or buy and later sell) a calm older horse that you can ride for the next few months then make a decision. You will either love your calm older horse and be very happy or you will have grown out of it and both you and your daughter will be ready for your mare.

Confidence takes a very long time to build and minutes to lose. This doesn't sound like a first full time horse for you. It sounds more like a second and you need the first one.

 

[FireCracker238]

Would you mind me asking what else you do with her beyond riding?

 

[rextherobber]

I spent the first 6 months with a young mare determined to sell her ( she was quite challenging and nasty in the stable) I was advised by a fellow livery to "give her 12 months". They were absolutely right, 15 years later she is my horse of a lifetime, we've done so much together...The short time you've had your horse for is nothing, you've barely begun to get to know each other...Give yourselves a chance!

 

[Waxwing]

Hi thank you for your further posts. The yard she is on is run by one of my very close friends and they have been doing their very best to boost my confidence; my riding is better than my confidence in my riding ability (if that makes sense)and any caution in their part is about riding her unsupervised is about me not undermining the progress we have made, not because they want to spend more time training her. I have been going up to see her several times a week; just spending time with her in the field; when we are up riding we obviously bring her in from the field groom her etc etc. Another friend suggested having some groundwork sessions with her to build our bond. I think the majority of anxieties are in my head, thinking about what may happen, but equally I'm aware confidence in, and enjoying riding a horse can be a very subjective thing. Until recently I had lessons with a friend who has a very similar level of riding ability to me and there were three different horses we tended to be put on; one we both loved riding but one of other two I loved and she actively disliked and the opposite was true for the third horse. Its been really helpful to have some view points from people who don't know me if that makes sense! Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you again for everyone who took the time to reply previously; I had a good lesson on her at the weekend; she is becoming more balanced in canter and starting to soften and listen when working in the school, paying more attention on me and less on what is going on outside the school. I rode her this evening on my own in the indoor and then outdoor schools; all was fine until some geese flew overh

 

[millikins]

Thank you again for everyone who took the time to reply previously; I had a good lesson on her at the weekend; she is becoming more balanced in canter and starting to soften and listen when working in the school, paying more attention on me and less on what is going on outside the school. I rode her this evening on my own in the indoor and then outdoor schools; all was fine until some geese flew overh

I'm pleased for you, I hope things continue to go well. I think you should persevere, reading your earlier posts makes me wonder if you'd do yourself down even if you sold this mare and bought a slower model. It really does all sound o.k. and any glitches you are dealing with.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

I echo pp, the trainer is making you anxious! I would ask them to stop telling you about any fresh behaviour if you are finding her fine to ride. Be explicit and tell them that their comments are making you feel anxious and when you ride her, you feel fine. Honestly, it’s the trainer, not the horse!

 

[meleeka]

You haven’t mentioned what your daughter thinks?

 

[Waxwing]

I actually hit post to soon for the above message; I felt very positive today until some geese few overhead, literally a few feet above her head which lead to several bucks, leaps and a cavort around the school. I stayed on, I spent a lot of my teenage years on a Connemara that had a good buck and I decided I preferred staying on to falling off, and I certainly don't blame a young horse for being scared by this but I then had a major confidence crisis and got off in tears. She was subsequently a royal pain to turn out; mu feelings honestly haven't got anything to do with the instructor, I was on my own this evening, and they have been working very hard with me to build my confidence up. At the weekend the instructor lunged her before I rode her and suggested I have learn to lunge (initially with something a little older and steadier) so that I can lunge her myself if she is fresh. I am genuinely unsure if she is the right horse for me; my husband and daughter want to give it time; my husband isn't horsy but takes the view that she is young and still learning and he is concerned that I will regret it if I make a hasty decision. He would like me to give it six to nine months, ie keep her until the Spring as long as nothing is happening that is unsafe for myself or my daughter and then if I genuinely feel she is not the right horse for us then sell her. My daughter accepts that she is to green for her to take to Pony Club this year but envisages being able to do so next year. I have been trying to drill down what is worrying me; apart from the spooks and a bit of silliness (I'm not going to blame for being upset about geese flying at her) she hasn't been particularly difficult to ride; she settles into her work when you are schooling and does try to do whatever is asked of her; she is snaffle mouthed and doesn't rush, she isn't bothered by the schooling whip; ie doesn't get upset if a tap is required to remind her to respond to a squeeze from the leg. I think I am mainly concerned that is quite a spooky horse, accepting that she is only just five and consequently in the longer term may not be a horse I enjoy hacking. Sorry if this is a bit of the ramble; I have been trying to use this post to organise my thoughts; they are very up and down about my horse at present. Thank you reading if you have made it to the end of this ramble!

 

[brighteyes]

I have had my lad 2 years now and I feel I know him inside out. I'm experienced and accept it's 12 months before you are anything like a partnership - at least one of each season, if you will. It helps if you like the horse in the meantime! I loved mine the moment I met him and was determined to find something he was happy to share with me.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you I do like her; if I didn't it would be an easier decision to make ; she is a madam at times and is still learning some manners but if she is lying down in the stable is happy for you to go and be with her and loves a good scratch on a certain part of her neck. She has a lot of character which was of the things I liked about when we met her .

 

[tallyho!]

It does sound as if she is a spooky type and perhaps needs someone who does have confidence for her sakes too. Spooky types generally do not change, they may improve but if that's the personality, only people with a penchant for trouble would put up with it.

For the right person, she might just turn out to be a smashing little soul. I would sell - I'd buy a 5yo for sure that's done a bit of work and can be a bit "fresh". I think what you and your daughter actually need is a nice dependable been there/done it type. One you can point and shoot at any obstacle. Believe me - they exist!

 

[VRIN]

I don't know how old your daughter is but as she seems confident to ride her then maybe taking the new one to pony club may be a good experience and give you more confidence. If you explain the situation to the instructors/DC at pony club I am sure they will be very supportive and ensure that your chlld isn't over aced by anything.

 

[Midlifecrisis]

A note of caution regarding the lunging to remove freshness…a friend was advised to do this with a 5 year old she bought and she was very nervous about riding him. It transpired that she raised his fitness level s to such a degree that she could ve lunged for an age and he was still up for fun and high jinks whilst ridden….

 

[eahotson]

What about your daughters pony? Could you ride that instead and let daughter have the horse? Just a thought.

 

[Fluffypiglet]

Whilst it is early days with your horse, it doesn't sound like she's probably the right horse for you. I'm quite experienced but getting on a bit and mine is spooky. I can manage it and it doesn't unnerve me but would I buy another high maintenance snorting idiot horse? No. I love mine but it's not a restful ride. I'm always aware of what might happen. If this mare is making you anxious this frequently (it sound like you can manage her but aren't comfortable doing so) then it might be best to get something else. It maybe worth giving yourself a timescale of say 2- 3mths and if you still feel the same you have your answer. Don't ignore your gut feeling, you are likely aware she isn't for you and you should be enjoying yourself. No shame in saying she's not a good fit and she sounds like a nice horse who would suit someone else with no problem.

 

[Slightlyconfused]

Find a good ground work instructor.

Working with young horses isn't just about the riding, it's about preparing them on the ground as well and I dont mean leading etc.

If she is a spooky horses she needs to learn how to deal with it in a better manner, a good ground work instructor will help with this.
Have a look at the trt method.

One of mine can be sensitive but with regular ground work and working with spooky objects, plastic bag on the end of a whip etc. He learnt how to process stuff he is scared about.


Though nothing will stop an unexpected scarey monster in the hedge line it will help with other stuff.

 

[Trouper]

I can't quite get a sense of what it is that is making you nervous with this horse. You cite various incidents but then qualify them by saying you have experience of this with other horses, or she is just young and will improve with schooling, or it was just a one-off incident and that on the ground she is good to handle.

Things are still very new - for you and for her. In addition, in her case, she is very young still - trying to fit in, learning what you want of her and still growing! What she is faced with is someone who is giving off "anxious vibes" when it comes to the riding and that will be unsettling her. Young as she may be, horses can pick up every emotion we are feeling - good and bad.

I don't know what to suggest to help you overcome this but giving it some more time will help - promise!! At least after a few more months you will truly know in your heart if she can be right for you and, if not, sell her with a clear conscience. In the meantime, try looking on her as a young child who needs your guidance and help - putting yourself in the "instructor" position often dampens down the nerves as you are so concentrating on what is right at that moment for her.

Good luck - and I do hope things improve.

 

[southerncomfort]

Haven't read all the replies but I can really relate to and sympathise with your situation.

I think you've done exactly what I did when I purchased a "mother/daughter" share, in that I didn't spend enough time thinking about what I needed from the horse.

We bought one that was absolutely perfect for my daughter but I didn't like riding her at all. She was a bit unpredictable to hack out, which is what I mainly wanted to do, and I ended up riding her less and less until I gave up completely and she just became my daughter's pony.

I think you've maybe done the same I.e got caught up in your daughter's excitement and tried to ignore your own misgivings.

At the end of the day this is supposed to be fun, and if you're feeling really anxious and not enjoying riding her then their is no shame in selling the horse on and finding something both of you can have fun with and enjoy now.